₦airaland Forum

Martinez39s:
See this clown who wants to make the op a clown to his wife.

lol aswear if the op does that bullshit he will only magnify his problems raised to the power 10!

The strength of a man is in his ability to control his own life.

Libido cannot be high enough to blind a sensible man and make him use his own hand to defeat himself.

If he cheats and they attempt to divorce, she will have a card to play before a court. The man should be wise. The man, OP, should get legal advice and focus on himself. If and when he feels ready and desirable (fit, happy, with hobbies/interests); he should seek a divorce and flee far away from his toxic marriage.

Perhaps they should have never gotten married in the first place, (how did he not know his wife before marrying her?) he still has control of his life.

superlightning:
sex libido is not a one-size-fits-all for men. It varies. So be fair and considerate in addressing the issue of his sex life. For a high libido man like me, your advice have not addressed my problem if I'm in his shoes.

Like I have stated before, unless she is ill or going through some birth drama (as diagnosed by a clinician), she has no excuse whatsoever to deny her man sex. I personally think she is cheating on him. Ask me how....

There are 5 love languages as we know it. physical touch is only one out of the five. His wife may not be having sex outside marriage, but she might be getting the one or more of the other four outside....and for a lot of women , that's just okay. So it's not surprising to see a woman hasnt had sex for years.

@GLYCOLYSISS

What's the point of hitting the gym? The wife already sees him as a pathetic and emotional beta who she has ran over. There is no sexual attraction that can be negotiated or spurred in his case; in fact, sexual attraction can't be negotiated and a man who has show himself to be a pathetic beta and doormat to a woman can't be desirable to her again, hardly.

How can a beta to a woman play alpha moves in the other room on that woman? It's impossible. When a beta plays alpha moves, it's irritating, insulting and repulsive to a woman because her mindset will be "who dash monkey banana", her ego can't allow it. Even if the man (the beta) is no longer a beta and has taken the red pill in all its fullness, the same applies as she will still see him as beta trying to play alpha. But a man she had known to be alpha from the onset can make her wet and get away with alpha moves.

That's why you hear core redpillers say "a woman cannot see you as alpha if see has seen you as a beta." Even Ubunja once made a similar statement and advised to start afresh with a new relationship if one is in such position. The highest the OP can do is to stand his ground and make the rules, but the woman will resist strongly. She will only submit and give up the pùssy if she is completely dependent on the man financially and has no where to go, she will do them as a chore devoid of genuine desire and frustration will accumulate over the years. Even at that, if there is a business or inheritance that the woman can take after the death of the husband and that inheritance will settle her for life, the husband will be in danger of being poisoned and somehow killed by the wife.

collinsuchendu:
Lol.. Thanks for the mention bro. Trust you're good.

Although I didn't read the story but to be sincere, words alone can't do justice to my anger right now. Like WTF did I just read.. Are you sure the goat behind the moniker is not a pained broke ass feminist lady? Cos I can't imagine my fellow guy in this con3 typing such jargons.

Ok. Back to the topic, if you think that the so called overrated sex is not a weapon to lady, then why is she denying you your gaddamn right? Obviously because your brain is full of harmattan dust that's why you can no longer reason as a man woman.


To the op, my advise to you is to never ever give her back that car again even if she presents to you her pussy cos that's all she has to offer.


Be wise bro, it hurts me when I see my fellow men been used by all these heartless Nigerian girls.

A word is enough..

I believe you the real niggar.


The tougher the man around woman, the weaker she becomes, the weaker the man around woman, the tougher she becomes.

Martinez39s:
@GLYCOLYSISS

What's the point of hitting the gym? The wife already sees him as a pathetic and emotional beta who she has ran over. There is no sexual attraction that can be negotiated or spurred in his case; in fact, sexual attraction can't be negotiated and a man who has show himself to be a pathetic beta and doormat to a woman can't be desirable to her again, hardly.

How can a beta to a woman play alpha moves in the other room on that woman? It's impossible. When a beta plays alpha moves, it's irritating, insulting and repulsive to a woman because her mindset will be "who dash monkey banana", her ego can't allow it. Even if the man (the beta) is no longer a beta and has taken the red pill in all its fullness, the same applies as she will still see him as beta trying to play alpha. But a man she had known to be alpha from the onset can make her wet and get away with alpha moves.

That's why you hear core redpillers say "a woman cannot see you as alpha if see has seen you as a beta." Even Ubunja once made a similar statement and advised to start afresh with a new relationship if one is in such position. The highest the OP can do is to stand and ground and make the rules, but the woman will resist strongly. She will only submit and give up the pùssy if she is completely dependent on the man financially and has no where to go, she will do them as a chore devoid of genuine desire and frustration will accumulate over the years. Even at that, if there is a business or inheritance that the woman can take after the death of the husband and that inheritance will settle her for life, the husband will be in danger of being poisoned and somehow killed by the wife.

Many of the things you pointed out were also pointed by Rollo Tomassi in his book. "The Rational Male; Positive Masculinity"

Once a woman sees a man as a beta male, it is going to be almost impossible for her to see him as an alpha male, even when he starts carrying himself as one.
Like you said, in her mind, his new found alpha maleness would be like, who dash monkey banana?

The best solution is to start over with another woman.

angelfallz:
Many of the things you pointed out were also pointed by Rollo Tomassi in his book. "The Rational Male; Positive Masculinity"

Once a woman sees a man as a beta male, it is going to be almost impossible for her to see him as an alpha male, even when he starts carrying himself as one.
Like you said, in her mind, his new found alpha maleness would be like, who dash monkey banana?

The best solution is to start over with another woman.

Funny enough, I have never read the rational male. I learnt this from Coachgregadams and Ubunja, and I figured it out when I thought deeply about it.

some50686:
Hi Everyone, i got married in 2018, We are both working class.. I am in my 34 while my wife is in her late 28. My wife has been denying me sex, we rarely have sex. sometimes we can go for over a month without sex. Whenever i ask for sex, she just complains she is tired and that is it. Sometimes i would plead and try yet she wont accept. What pains me the most is the way she react when i try to approach her. She would yell and begin to shout what nonsense is this, who is this now? To the point i only could initiate sex, sat morning and even with that she still refuses. Before we got married I sat her down and told her about this issue, that i hear about it from my married friends and dont want to experience such, she assured me and said our wont be like that but our is now worse. I am not sure we had sex more than 12 times the whole of last year.

The first time i sat her down, i asked her why she is doing all this to me, she complained i dont show her enough love, that she wants me to do more house chores, and also take her to eat outside and watch movies. I told her i will try. Although i knw am not the most romantic guy around, but i try the little ways I can, we sometimes go to see the movies. I do laundry on sat, help with ironing all the clothes she would wear during the week and cook a very few time. I ensured we got a maid so she wont be pressure by house chores. I also gave her my only car so she doesnt need to enter public transport, buy food from great eateries and even icecreams, almost every other week. But she has not changed, the last major fight we had was about 3months ago and it was about sex cause she denied me for no reason. Sex has always been the source of our quarrel. She was even telling me to go meet the maid since i am always so nice to the maid one time i tried to have sex. I really feel pained, like she is taking me for a ride because of my cool and easy going attitude. I have never raised my hand on my wife or even used abusive words. I even try to ask her how work is and gist with her to increase our bonding, yet all to no avail. I am someone who doesnt like going out to share and i believe the issue can only be fixed by the both of us, but this one is begining to drag for too long and from the look of things i am the one at the loosing end. I will go to my inlaws place and smile, nobody know how mean their daughter is to me, i too feel very ashamed raising the matter with my father inlaw. Last week i tried to initiate sex the same rejection, she is tired. I felt very frustrated and am now seriously considering cheating even though i am a Christian. Cheating is not right, cause it is expensive and emotionally draining, exposes one to STDs and it is against my Christian faith but what can i do? Sometime i have had to masturbate to suppress my sexual urge, but for how long can one continue to do this? I feel very ashamed coming to nairaland but what can i do. But dont get me wrong o, my wife has her good sides but this sex issue is really beginning to hurt and it does nt look like she would change anytime soon from the way she has been behaving.

Even if she doesnt find me attractive, should that be enough reason to continue to deny me sex after 3 months. Right now we are not speaking at the moment, cause i am mad with her. The next day after all she did, she come to greet me in the morning and acts like nothing happen. This is how she does and most time i always over look it, but the one from last week really hurt the most. I feel I have made a mistake marrying her. She also doesn't really care about my eating, most time she is only bothered about what our son and the maid will eat. I always have to go to the kitchen and look for what to eat, sometimes i get food outside. Even though i always drop food money. since we started quarrelling she has stopped cooking for me. Just very frustrated.

To the experienced married men in the house, what can i do the address this issue. I am considering collecting my car, not that it would be of any use to me , just to frustrate her

Go through this link you’ll get your answer

https://twitter.com/shadaya_knight_/status/1329696380164640768?s=21

Lordswazz:
When i tell people that, on the average, single guys that are actively dating have more sex and enjoy their relationships better than married couples, they always think it's a lie.

Dear OP, it's not that your wife is wicked; it's just impulses that even she doesn't fully grasp.

You said it yourself that your married friends told you the same thing before you got married, proving to you that there is a pattern.

As a married man, if your marriage with your wife is going hitch-free, especially in terms of sex and how organic it happens, and you both enjoy it and are satisfied, then you are the exception, not the rule.

Most times, there's just something about being in a comfortable and secure arrangement that sexually turns women off. Even they do not understand why it happens.

So sorry about your predicament, and if your account of events is true, it means you've done almost everything you ought to do. You can try the reporting-to-her-parents route, but if I were you, I wouldn't bother. Coercing her to give in to sex against her wish through her parents plea will make you hate the sex.

I don't sugarcoat things! You're gainfully employed and a young man, the solution is pretty easy.

A word is enough for the wise.

Martinez39s:
OP thinks his marriage is a do-or-die and divorce is unthinkable, extreme, and irresponsible, just like most Nigerian men. No matter how much you try to preach to conditioned sheeples like the OP that you can't singlehandedly save a sinking titanic (irredeemable marriage/bad wife), they will ignore and look for "solutions" and try to "fix things." In line with OP's desire, simps and fools are dishing out comments to advice him. They are giving him the shovels to widen his bottomless pit.

.
If all else fails, divorce doesn't!!!

How old is your son?

Anyway start by eliminating any medical reason that could cause this problem like post- partum depression. Its really common than we Africans want to admit. It can make someone loath her loved ones.

Since its her first pregnancy, its most likely she is going through post- partum depression.

Try and make her communicate how she feels after the delivery of your son. Then help her work through it.
She may not even know she is suffering from it and all the may know is that there are a lot of emotions going through her mind that make her act out and maybe reflect it in object she may thought is the cause.

Meanwhile, as this problem is being tackled, if you are out of shape lately, its time to hit that gym.

All the best in your marriage.
Shalom!

@some50686, You already seem so emasculated that I dunno if you're even gonna take good ol' manly advice I'd love to give you here. Plus, you said your friends warned you about this from their experience, so I take that even your circle of friends will still give you lousy advice that hasn't solved their problem and won't solve yours and you're more likely to end up with what they tell you no matter what we say since they're more available than we are.

Again, I've not seen your response to any comment so it's not impossible you're not even reading them or not considering them if you are. Your response to this will determine if I'll proceed to give you the advice that always works.

Ps If you take advice from people like @moneyshop, be prepared for things to get even worse. That's definitely a female hiding behind that moniker. They usually have the best of intentions but will lead you to doom in issues like this.

#Purely mental from your philosophical specimen#

Uzomacharles:
Looks like she have someone outside.....

why dis kind of wicked reply. Na so Una dey break marriages with silly comments like this. #child

JONSYN7154:
I disagree with what you said that he should informed the both families. The only thing to be done is to tell her parents. if his parents are involved believe you me she'll loose her respect and they will see her less. No family will want their son to be treated bad.

You're intelligent.. The man's family will feel bad

IDERAWOLE:
I feel like dropping some lines of advice for you, but a bit sleepy now.

From your story, your idea of a great sex is all about penetration of the organs like most men think.

Most men think the way you do. Reason for most sexual frustrations in marriages.

The starting point for great sexual experience is the holding of hands during the day when there's no sex on the agenda. Next is looking into her eyes, all the home chores you've been doing but painfully, they may not be her love languages. Find out her love languages, touching, words of affirmation, helping hands, buying of gifts etc. Some speak all of these languages, some one or two.

Sex doesn't make sense with a lady who is not asking you to make love to her. And how do you make a lady beg you for it? By those things I mentioned above.

That wife of yours will like to gist and talk and you are direct opposite of her from the way you spoke.

Forget about thrusting matter now and get to know your wife. Even lower animals love all those pre-sex fantasies, that most women want. Start practicing it, before you know it, you'll begin to run from too much sex.

seriously are u for real? guy tone down on the way u consume zee world movies.zee world is not real life
ABANGWABOI come see matter

cjeriia:
why dis kind of wicked reply. Na so Una dey break marriages with silly comments like this. #child

Many answers and decisions were introduced but a wise man will pick the one that suits him...

Op asked for advice or suggestion and I gave him what I have,the only thing left for him is to take his own decision....

Please and please respect the way you talk to people...

If we are to judge,who do you think they will call a CHILD?....

luminouz:
You guys are funny sha...
How is a man supposed to report this kinda issue to people? Does it even sound manly to tell your father/mother in-law to tell their daughter to fuq you well?

A marriage of just 2 years and na sex matter u go dey report for her parents or pastor or whoever. Thats downright demeaning.

He should man up and deal with her like other posters said...reporting to her people makes it much worse

i tire oo..report issue .ppl will just laugh at him and reporting to pastor will worsen issue and make him look pathetic .he should off the marriage jor and tell her i no do again.the wife obviously has another dude on the side servicing her .and this also is also a reason a man should be sexually familiar with a lady before he marries her.very important the woman u getting married to finds u sexually attractive.

Uzomacharles:
Looks like she have someone outside.....

You don't know the damage comments like this do to marriages. It's childish

cjeriia:
You don't know the damage comments like this do to marriages. It's childish

That's why God gave him to choose btw right and wrong....

And you don't also know that those actions portrayed by the woman can cause damage in that family at large?

Uzomacharles:
Many answers and decisions were introduced but a wise man will pick the one that suits him...

Op asked for advice or suggestion and I gave him what I have,the only thing left for him is to take his own decision....

Please and please respect the way you talk to people...

If we are to judge,who do you think they will call a CHILD?....

You of course for ur tot process

cooooooks:
This guy does not sound like any kind of heart breaker.

He probably married the most 'christian' available.

from the way he described his marriage its like the marriage was arranged by their church
no dating
no woeing
just a pastor having a vision that this woman is ur wife and u must marry her
when u marry a lady just cos someone told u that God told him in a vision that the woman is ur wife why wont there be problem in ur marriage
una no date to be able to sort out if u both are compactable

cjeriia:
You of course for ur tot process

U mean?

LOL. I won't be surprised.

Notwithstanding such a genesis of their union, the current alleged display of cruelty is not the pastor/church's fault.

They are not compatible and the gamble is not paying off.

lefulefu:
from the way he described his marriage its like the marriage was arranged by their church
no dating
no woeing
just a pastor having a vision that this woman is ur wife and u must marry her
when u marry a lady just cos someone told u that God told him in a vision that the woman is ur wife why wont there be problem in ur marriage
una no date to be able to sort out if u both are compactable

cooooooks:
LOL. I won't be surprised.

Notwithstanding such a genesis of their union, the current alleged display of cruelty is not the pastor/church's fault.

They are not compatible and the gamble is not paying off.

guys should be bold enough to tell their pastors they are not interested if a pastor brings a lady to u and propositions her to u as a wife citing visions.Dont know why some guys get scared telling their pastors their mind.He"s just a man like you

Starz825:
this your experience dey make me think Esther go wan deny me sex if I eventually marry her

My Gf already denying me sex for 2months now and I do everything just to make her smile but we don quarrel and I've had 2good pussies last week...

tobechi74:
What role do you play in her life?
If financial, withdraw from it. Tell her you need money to service Ashewo.
Come back late, tell her you are coming from a prostitute place

Flirt with girls in her presence,

Do not ask her for sex again.

If she dresses with some part of her body exposed, tell her she is too far or black etc.
You do not find her attractive again.

Intentionally,buy a packet of condom and remove one and place it where she will see it

Place a bigger bra in your bedroom.


https://tobechispeaks./2020/11/04/a-little-fragrance-of-divorce/

Mind WAR.....
He should record this plan first o...video with date and time ...so he can use it to defend himself later

lefulefu:
i tire oo..report issue .ppl will just laugh at him and reporting to pastor will worsen issue and make him look pathetic .he should off the marriage jor and tell her i no do again.the wife obviously has another dude on the side servicing her .and this also is also a reason a man should be sexually familiar with a lady before he marries her.very important the woman u getting married to finds u sexually attractive.

You get it bro

some50686:
Hi Everyone, i got married in 2018, We are both working class.. I am in my 34 while my wife is in her late 28. My wife has been denying me sex, we rarely have sex. sometimes we can go for over a month without sex. Whenever i ask for sex, she just complains she is tired and that is it. Sometimes i would plead and try yet she wont accept. What pains me the most is the way she react when i try to approach her. She would yell and begin to shout what nonsense is this, who is this now? To the point i only could initiate sex, sat morning and even with that she still refuses. Before we got married I sat her down and told her about this issue, that i hear about it from my married friends and dont want to experience such, she assured me and said our wont be like that but our is now worse. I am not sure we had sex more than 12 times the whole of last year.

The first time i sat her down, i asked her why she is doing all this to me, she complained i dont show her enough love, that she wants me to do more house chores, and also take her to eat outside and watch movies. I told her i will try. Although i knw am not the most romantic guy around, but i try the little ways I can, we sometimes go to see the movies. I do laundry on sat, help with ironing all the clothes she would wear during the week and cook a very few time. I ensured we got a maid so she wont be pressure by house chores. I also gave her my only car so she doesnt need to enter public transport, buy food from great eateries and even icecreams, almost every other week. But she has not changed, the last major fight we had was about 3months ago and it was about sex cause she denied me for no reason. Sex has always been the source of our quarrel. She was even telling me to go meet the maid since i am always so nice to the maid one time i tried to have sex. I really feel pained, like she is taking me for a ride because of my cool and easy going attitude. I have never raised my hand on my wife or even used abusive words. I even try to ask her how work is and gist with her to increase our bonding, yet all to no avail. I am someone who doesnt like going out to share and i believe the issue can only be fixed by the both of us, but this one is begining to drag for too long and from the look of things i am the one at the loosing end. I will go to my inlaws place and smile, nobody know how mean their daughter is to me, i too feel very ashamed raising the matter with my father inlaw. Last week i tried to initiate sex the same rejection, she is tired. I felt very frustrated and am now seriously considering cheating even though i am a Christian. Cheating is not right, cause it is expensive and emotionally draining, exposes one to STDs and it is against my Christian faith but what can i do? Sometime i have had to masturbate to suppress my sexual urge, but for how long can one continue to do this? I feel very ashamed coming to nairaland but what can i do. But dont get me wrong o, my wife has her good sides but this sex issue is really beginning to hurt and it does nt look like she would change anytime soon from the way she has been behaving.

Even if she doesnt find me attractive, should that be enough reason to continue to deny me sex after 3 months. Right now we are not speaking at the moment, cause i am mad with her. The next day after all she did, she come to greet me in the morning and acts like nothing happen. This is how she does and most time i always over look it, but the one from last week really hurt the most. I feel I have made a mistake marrying her. She also doesn't really care about my eating, most time she is only bothered about what our son and the maid will eat. I always have to go to the kitchen and look for what to eat, sometimes i get food outside. Even though i always drop food money. since we started quarrelling she has stopped cooking for me. Just very frustrated.

To the experienced married men in the house, what can i do the address this issue. I am considering collecting my car, not that it would be of any use to me , just to frustrate her

Talk to your father in-laws. He is a man like and He is the only one that can understand you. He will talk to is daughter or he will ask his wife to talk to his daughter.

[quote author=some50686 post=96221147]Welcome to the club its very common in most marriages. I have been married for 14 years and it gets worse over the years. Mine is once in 3 months i've even gone 3 years without sex.

At some point you will start to look outside especially if you have a second child your sex life is gone totally. I wish you the best

[quote author=Godoverevery post=96222270]she has no right to deny him sex..... your phase EXPLANATION is no justification.
He should keep treating her right while she treating him like trash....his wife isn't even cooking for him again !!! telling him to control is urge

He should wait till she change herself..... Really

what is bad Is bad......no good woman deny her husband sex[/quote]


Exactly
Most times men marry women that have no iota of emotional connection or likeness for them

Most especially Christian men fall into this issues
Many women use Christianity to hide a lot of wickedness

Unmarried ones shine your eyes well well

DukeJoe17:
I believe you the real niggar.


The tougher the man around woman, the weaker she becomes, the weaker the man around woman, the tougher she becomes.

Exactly. God bless you bro.

Ezi1993:
Anyway,,I don't feel pity for any guy that complains of one issue or the other that he may be having with his wife..becos you must have broken a very good Ex's heart and decided to settle for this one....Please enjoy what you paid for...Thank you.

What a stupid analogy to make. You don't even know him yet you assume he must have broken some girls heart. Someone just poured his heart rather than read and comprehend you just want look for an excuse to blame the man

Sit her down, ask her what's her problem, after that, tell her you are planning on getting another wife, and see her reaction.

Leave the house for her maybe a week, go to work from there.

For Bleep sake why will your wife not cook, like you go to the kitchen to look for something, jeez

You need to deal with this urself, don't tell the parents.