I think the reason why marriage is so messed up nowadays is because of our reasons for doing it. Marriage at its core is a partnership not a fairy tale or a constant booty call. You both come together to combine resources to build something bigger than either of you. If you love each other, no wahala but love is not a requirement. Like any other partnership though, you must be friends or at least tolerate one another well enough. You set the rules for your marriage based on what you can both deal with not what society dictates.

The trick is finding someone whose broken pieces fit your own. We dread fucking one pussy as if sex is food or "keeping my man" as if sex is currency.

To the OP, I won't tell you to ignore the naysayers here because they all have a point despite being misogynistic blokes. Read the positive and negative comments and then focus on the person you're with. Observe carefully and objectively every part of her. The good and the bad. Women can be absolutely crazy but they can also be incredibly divine. You'll find both ends of the spectrum in one woman and your readiness for marriage depends on how you can handle both sides of her. Once you're sure you can deal with all her aspects, it's time for your own examination. Do you want marriage for sex, a status symbol, a daycare institution or a housekeeper arrangement? Are you being honest about your bad sides too? Can you marry yourself if you have to?

Once you have resolved all this, then hold on to your realisations in the years to come when she gains weight in the wrong places or when you lose your job. When you're tired of the sex or when the silences get longer. These are the things that will keep your partnership going.

Above all, don't ever forget to pray all the time.

Good luck.

boyjo:

Preetti is actually write.
I noticed that too in NL.
When it comes to women, these boys suddenly put on their aloha ego to talk down and disrespectfully of ALL women.
But mention "Providing" "Protecting" "Professing", you go find this alpha ego tire!

Does alphamaleism mean to disrespect women? I don talk say I go ask the President of the Alpha Male Association of Naitskand but I never get chance.

See Alpha male association members all over Nairaland looking for Sugar Mummy upandan.

Make una give una life to CHRIST JESUS, na the only thing wey go fit give una meaning to life be that o.

In all honesty , I believe women started the disrespect by using "feminism" as an excuse to broke-shame, insult and belittle men.
Its unfair to dictate to men how to react to the toxicity that has been thrown their way for years now by uncouth, bitter and miserable misandrists

banmee:


There is none. Trust me. It's just like saying there is a perfect best friend. Which your spouse is by the way. As much as i love my spouse we still go through ups and down.

marriage is beyond just "loving" a person.
There are certain attitudes i cant live with regardless of how much i "love" a person.


Remove ego and selfishness and see how many marriages would start working.
A person who is understanding, selfless, caring, genuinely loving and God fearing can hardly do any wrong.

EgunMogaji2:


With all the data on the ground I can’t understand why anyone will get married anymore.

Guys should just face their studies, careers and money.

Get a baby mama, raise your kids.

No need to get married again.

/
I think a man should live his life to the fullest.
And when he has nothing else to live for...
then get married. If it turns out well, good.
If it turns out bad, no regrets because already he has nothing else to live for.

But then...why gamble with one's well-being?

/

Aileexa1:
Marriage is scary, I won't lie.

The thought of having one person around you is tiring.

But from what I understand, marriage should be two imperfect people coming under God to create a perfect union

You're right but its beyond one's reasoning especially been with the wrong person. I'm still baffled why would lovers suddenly detest theirselves after years of courtship.

FuckThaMod:

So you mean everyone that got married are serious and responsible.
Clap for yourself, marriage counselor

. Yes. I'm nt here to argue blindly with you. Marriage is a beautiful thing that can happen to sane individuals.

as a seasoned veteran the truth of the matter is that many african women will make marriage a nightmare because they dont have other passions in ther life. if a woman does not have a passion do not marry her because she will be waiting on you all the time to bring joy into her life and you are not capable of that.. and if she has no passion she will spend her time with vanity such as wasting money on clothes nails and hair. Look for a woman who has a strong passion be it Yoga, reading novels, exercising, coding, sewing, painting, making arts and crafts etc etc. women like this will leave you with enough space to breath and you will enjoy each others company as you both indulge in your own seperate passions. THE MAN MUST HAVE A PASSION TOO. because truth be told LIVING ALONE CAN GET OLD AND BORING ESPECIALLY AS YOU START GETTING TO 50. YOU DONT WANT TO BE THE 50 YEAR OLD GUY IN THE CLUB LOOKING FOR TEENAGERS WHILE ALL THE YOUNG BOYS ARE LAUGING AT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK

Also part of both of your passion should involve some kind of spirituality and some kind of body improvement regime like exercise

icebird25 [s:
post=96778455]Every married men here is regretting on venturing into the scam called marriage ..they wont tell you is a scam because they want you to be a victim too ....just take a look at the Duncan mighty's marriage ...if to born dey hungry you just look for one woman and impregnate her and make her your baby mama ...even women prefer baby mama status this days, than being married. and every woman has the potential to cheat ..you were never his spec but just an option. if she sees that man, that's her everyday crush ..she wouldn't mind to offer her pussy to him .. that's to show what women can do.. marriage is a scam, baby mama all the way ...all men was born equal and free. If you later go and marry you are on your own
I know some people won't like this.. the truth is always bitter though ..[/s]

I've never regretted getting married, I hope not to ever regret getting married.

Your census is a fallacy.

Jodha:
Just marry the right woman...and yhull be happy for the rest of yhur life.... although life is not a bed of roses...but yhull scale through...

But if yhu marry the wrong woman....yhull be miserable...

There's no such thing as wrong man or wrong woman. It's mostly a lame excuse to blame ones partner for his/her marital failures.

anochuko01:


marriage is beyond just "loving" a person.
There are certain attitudes i cant live with regardless of how much i "love" a person.


Remove ego and selfishness and see how many marriages would start working.
A person who is understanding, selfless, caring, genuinely loving and God fearing can hardly do any wrong.

That's my point. When you go into marriage with expectations get ready to be disappointed. What you care about may not necessarily be what your spouse cares about. For example, i care about all the expectations you listed except the bolded. I don't believe in god but my wife does. Never stepped in a church in 20 years but one time and that was when we got married. I only did that because of her. See? Compromise. She wasn't dumb enough to throw me away because i did not meet one of her expectations. Couples need to understand that they will always be flawed in each others eyes.

Just to clarify, should he, we, expect to be cheated on in marriage?

AuntRose:

You can't handle being cheated on? So you completely rule out the possibility of you cheating on your wife. You won't be taken serious one bit if this stereotype you have towards women persists. Change it first.


You're saying trash... Why the hatred towards women by NL guys? It's so annoying and disgusting

How does he find out who is the 'right' woman.

I think that is the crux of his post.

Jodha:
Just marry the right woman...and yhull be happy for the rest of yhur life.... although life is not a bed of roses...but yhull scale through...

But if yhu marry the wrong woman....yhull be miserable...

No perfect marriage, erase that from your cerebral but there is perfect home which comes with endurance, focus, sacrifices n prayers.

I need another wife now.

hashtagged:


There is no right woman, I would advise all men to remain single and adopt a child.

If all men remain single, where are you going to get the adopted child?

Well if the guy uses the aggregate marriage data, about 50% of marriages end in divorce. In the US, 70% of those divorces are initiated by the wives. So what should he take out of that?

The divorce stats are very low in Nigeria, 0.2 % but that is because most people do not go through the cost of legally getting unmarried. https://www.vanguardngr.com/2020/10/the-rate-of-divorce-in-nigeria-latest-statistics/#:~:text=In%20one%20of%20their%20materials,the%20National%20Bureau%20of%20Statistics.

KossyKiss97:
Icebird.... either isnt very smart, or is smart but just chose to be myopic. I say this because its rather unfortunate that he wants to debate on a very wide topic such as marriage, but limited it to just Duncan mighty's marriage. Is he the only married person in the entire universe?

There are SO MANY PEOPLE out there who are having wonderful marriages. Why dont you also observe such people, instead of channeling your energy and efforts on those who haven't really succeeded in the institution.

Its important to understand that marriage involves both parties putting in effort to make it work; afterall, nothing good comes easy. It's not entirely up to the woman to make the marriage work as your write up makes it seem. You need to remove these sentiments from your mind before you get married, else, your marriage won't be different from the example you gave above.

None of these are 'facts'. Perhaps if all the men you encounter are unfaithful, you should check your space.

when2:






For you to come to nairaland to seek advise from women haters shows that you are not ready to settle down. Besides its a well known fact that men are unfaithful in marriage than women. Besides i don't think you are a saint.

helinues:
That's why one needs to take his time before deciding on whom to marry cos it's a life time thing

People like you should get married so at least you can stop being an asslicker on NAIRALAND.

emkz:
I regretted mine, not necessarily for what she did but for my inability to follow my instincts about her which could have prevented the calamity. We were not married but things had been done towards that like introduction and trad before kasala burst. I was happy kasala burst before we went farther.

For anyone who wants to get married, by all means do so...but marry for the right reasons. You first need to understand yourself and your own limitations. If your aim is to have children, perhaps a contractual arrangement suffices. Unfortunately, many marriages today are not different from service contracts: I will provide shelter, food and security while you provide pussy when I want it and how I want it, and you must not provide it to someone else. Or I am marrying you because society expects and would respect me to be married as it shows I am responsible.

The Dutch Prime Minister is single.

Or I'd marry you only because I love you. These are wrong reasons to be married. For a potential spouse, look at compatibility, companionship, communication, character and charisma. Exude these qualities yourself and you shall find it in your potential partner. Love will fade, the butterflies in your stomach shall die, your partner shall irritate you, what then would hold your marriage?

The stories of wayward men and women are told everyday on this forum. Don't let them deter you. There are very good men and women from very good homes who are responsible to be wifed or husbanded. I know this because all my sisters have been married for years and no one has come to report that they have issues with them.

Don't go looking for a wife. Develop yourself and have the values of someone husbandable, creation will link you to your spouse.

In closing, my question to you is:

Why exactly do you want to get married? Are you truly convinced of the answer you give yourself?

You were making sense until you said Love will fade. If it fades then you were never in love. Even the bible said among Love, Faith and Hope, the greatest is love and love never ends. If you're a Christian, pay more attention to God.

Ghostmode2two:
There is no perfect marriage and you shouldn't be scared of going into marriage. Just put it in your heart that nobody is perfect and anything can happen so you won't be disappointed and heart broken should the worst scenario happen. I have been married for over 17 years now, just this year my wife exhibited something tilting towards cheating, I called and told her that I didn't say she should not have sex outside but she should not do it under my roof, that if she finds a man she love more than me and she is ready to marry such a man, she should tell me and I will divorce her so she can marry whoever she want. Later she called me, saying she have a confession to make, I told her I am not interested in her confession because I am not God. If she has done something bad that warrants confession, she should confess to her God as she seems a Christian. Till date she is afraid me of me, she told me she explained everything to someone outside and the person told her that I have very strong policies. I also told her that I don't trust her anymore also told her that whenever I get her caught in any funny situation as regards cheating, I will not be surprise at all!

Damn, you are strong

I don't know what I'll do if my husband cheat on me, I really dont

fireprince14:
I think the reason why marriage is so messed up nowadays is because of our reasons for doing it. Marriage at its core is a partnership not a fairy tale or a constant booty call. You both come together to combine resources to build something bigger than either of you. If you love each other, no wahala but love is not a requirement. Like any other partnership though, you must be friends or at least tolerate one another well enough. You set the rules for your marriage based on what you can both deal with not what society dictates.

The trick is finding someone whose broken pieces fit your own. We dread fucking one pussy as if sex is food or "keeping my man" as if sex is currency.

To the OP, I won't tell you to ignore the naysayers here because they all have a point despite being misogynistic blokes. Read the positive and negative comments and then focus on the person you're with. Observe carefully and objectively every part of her. The good and the bad. Women can be absolutely crazy but they can also be incredibly divine. You'll find both ends of the spectrum in one woman and your readiness for marriage depends on how you can handle both sides of her. Once you're sure you can deal with all her aspects, it's time for your own examination. Do you want marriage for sex, a status symbol, a daycare institution or a housekeeper arrangement? Are you being honest about your bad sides too? Can you marry yourself if you have to?

Once you have resolved all this, then hold on to your realisations in the years to come when she gains weight in the wrong places or when you lose your job. When you're tired of the sex or when the silences get longer. These are the things that will keep your partnership going.

Above all, don't ever forget to pray all the time.

Good luck.

One of the few mature comments on this thread.

Marriage seems to be under attack here. Yet the same people who attack it will shout 'family is everything' so allow me to modify the bold and say that two people come together to start and build a family of their own.

Those who propagate baby-mamaism, would you have liked to grow up with your parents separated? Answer the question sincerely and do not put your kids through what you do not want for yourself.

kapelvej:
You said it all. You are blessed. The part I liked best is "I regretted mine, not necessarily for what she did but for my inability to follow my instincts about her which could have prevented the calamity".
When reading what you wrote it felt like I sent you to help me write my experience. I thought I was the one writting.

Bless you too bros!!

iamDrRhymes:



Waiter!

Add this man's bills to mine.

Thanks bros

Let's be holy here and fear God....


if u want peace of mind in ur life, just find one beautiful lady put dick in her pussy and let her born ur babies for u...

get her a nice apartment outside make she dey enjoy her life, while u are also enjoying the sweetness of life.


that's how u can have everlasting peace of mind away from a woman's headache.


no be everybody this go work for, but perfectly my own fate.




let's be holy, pls.

thanx.

emkz:
... Don't go looking for a wife. Develop yourself and have the values of someone husbandable, creation will link you to your spouse.

Exactly! We are what we attract.

People hate to accept that what we see in others is nothing but our own reflection; once we realized this, self development becomes easier.

Looking for something means we don't have it. The same applies to looking for certain qualities in a separate entity; it's definitely a search for what we lack.

Become what you want first and save yourself the effort of blind searching. It is true that man see what he is in others and at the same time search for what he lacks in them; organic or inorganic.

Pretence attracts Pretence just as genuiness attracts genuiness.

May we be guided.

khingTony:
There is no perfect marriage, I'm not married, but I know at a point in time, one of them(especially the man) will regret getting married to the other, Marriage in this generation is a failed institution.


Know this and know peace


Peace

god will bless u

banmee:


That's my point. When you go into marriage with expectations get ready to be disappointed. What you care about may not necessarily be what your spouse cares about. For example, i care about all the expectations you listed except the bolded. I don't believe in god but my wife does. Never stepped in a church in 20 years but one time and that was when we got married. I only did that because of her. See? Compromise. She wasn't dumb enough to throw me away because i did not meet one of her expectations. Couples need to understand that they will always be flawed in each others eyes.

God fearing has very little to do with how frequent you are in church, but more about the level of your moral standards.
And your wife is cool with you because she was "understanding" enough to compromise (meaning she wasnt selfish).

lemme tell you my recent experience.
i was dating a girl coz i saw that she was clearly the type that wouldn't cheat. But this same girl throughout the 6months i was without a job coz of the pandemic never deemed it fit to spare me 200 naira (she's an essential worker who was getting paid all through the while). I loved her and she knew it, but nothing would make me settle with such a selfish person.

humilitypays:
a man don't need to be born again to behave well.



For instance, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't club cos the music will give me headache cos I grew up a nerd. All my friends, some super rich already at young age don't drink, some drink socially, most if not all don't club, but womanize they do with confirm chicks lol..


And we are are sinners not born again Christians.


My father don't drink, don't smoke, don't womanize, treated my mother like a queen while growing up and still treat her like one even now they are old and living alone...but my dad is not a born again Christian, he is just a moralist, my mother is the born again, she doesn't play with Godly things and uprightness.


I have one of my friends who happens to be the only bad friend I have who drinks wild, smokes, did drugs back in school days, but today is happily married to more than a virtuous lady for 6 years now. He is rich, handsome and now a wonderful man. But his wife made him the rich guy he is today, yes I can say that. But still the lady is so down to earth and we his friends dare not see him maltreat that wonderful lady he married, he cant even try it anyway.


Women hold the key to a great marriage. Women make the marriage. Marrying a virtuous lady who makes great impact in the life of the man is key to a successful marriage.


What ladies should look after when picking a partner is to look for a kind hearted man, a man that have conscience and empathy..even if he is an armed robber, the lady is in better hands.


So a man doesn't need to be a born again to be a wonderful husband

So you don't want to be a born again. ..
what happens if the robber is caught?
and killed and she becomes a widow...

The main aim to being born is again is to follow the truth and be free from sin....

You said the guy is rich...money will not grant you heaven. ...and protection of God.
God want a situation where we want him not money because the earth will pass and we will pay for ever sin we commit on earth...

So at redemption your sin will diminish and soon you will find God leading you and talking to you as a friend. ..

What your friend has nothing compared to what God has for him...its a total package of free health. .he wont visit hospital ever again...to treat any health challenges. .he will have heaven securing him against attacks. ..
i know many president who got killed by assassination with all the body guards around

At redemption alot of things you dont know will be unveiled to you..

You will have define supply of your needs...
stress free wealth. .not all this struggling around..
the blessing of God comes with no stress.

You will drink poison and it wont affects you
You wont be afraid of robbers...,kidnappers

You will have spiritual power to heal the sick...

Thats God plan for the redeemed. ..

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you"--this is the LORD's declaration--"plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

He has plans to release his spirit into your life.
why because success true success
luke 16:7
So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?

True riches comes from God. .
The one your friends has according to the bible is world riches.

i will give you an example. .
I fasted last month and someone i that fought with me and blocked me on Facebook. .showed up and gave me 150 thousand... without any strees..that true riches...

It can be assessed by redemption

icebird25:
Every married men here is regretting on venturing into the scam called marriage ..they wont tell you is a scam because they want you to be a victim too ....just take a look at the Duncan mighty's marriage ...if to born dey hungry you just look for one woman and impregnate her and make her your baby mama ...even women prefer baby mama status this days, than being married. and every woman has the potential to cheat ..you were never his spec but just an option. if she sees that man, that's her everyday crush ..she wouldn't mind to offer her pussy to him .. that's to show what women can do.. marriage is a scam, baby mama all the way ...all men was born equal and free. If you later go and marry you are on your own
I know some people won't like this.. the truth is always bitter though ..

wow wow wow. I can't believe this

UndauntedYOCA:

I know her. I follow her on IG and we both have a group in common.shes not the only one who's suffered from abusive relationships. Abusive doesn't have to be physical, it could be emotional, verbal and mental.

I didn't say she is d only one. She is one of d very few here in our soil speaking up & campaigning against clusters b personality disorder & narcissism through her page on ig.

Nomorelove:

You were making sense until you said Love will fade. If it fades then you were never in love. Even the bible said among Love, Faith and Hope, the greatest is love and love never ends. If you're a Christian, pay more attention to God.

Look at your moniker and ask yourself if you are qualified to discuss matters of love. For your information, read my submission I made on another thread some months ago:

emkz:
OP, clarify what you understand "love" to mean.

Most times, it is a feeling we feel, more of passion but certainly not love. If you want to understand the meaning of love, watch how a chicken defends her chicks at the risk of its life. How many men do you know, who claim to love their wives, would instinctively give their lives for those they claim to love?

How many?

If you genuinely love your partner, you'd respect them and not cheat. Again, the dynamics of a cheat is not so complex to unravel other than plain stupidity and confusion.

PS: Love is not a feeling, love is not passion, love is not fickle, love is not a temptation, love is not greedy. When you truly love someone, that person would become the centerpiece of your existence. You'd put that person first even above yourself and your needs. You'd bother about how your actions may affect that person. You may look stupid, but you'd jump to take the bullet for that person. That love, provided it is genuine, may even push you to heroic deeds. The things I wrote about are impossible with many of us today. Many go into marriages with the intention of getting a partner to share the bills, many go into marriage for free sex, some to have their financial needs covered, even more do because others are getting married. How many people truly marry for genuine love? To further accentuate the meaning of genuine love, look at the Christ, the Love of God, the Word incarnate; despite all the atrocities we commit, the Lord Jesus Christ has never abandoned us. How many of us strive to be Christ-like in love?

How many can beat their chest in this regard and say "I do". To answer your question, genuine love and betrayal (cheating) are eternally parallel lines: they can never cross each other.

And please, don't tell me to pay attention to God. I find that insulting. If you are truly a Christian, you'd understand that every Christian's relationship with God is personal. My relationship with God is between me and Him and you must never mention it in your discussion because it is not your business.