SweetCunt97:
Are you stupid? Or you choose to be dumb? Oooooh because it's her mom not her dad? Don't you know your culture? You wanna visit, knock on door and yiu coming empty handed.

I can bet my last kobo say na yoruba boy go do that thing. Even if it's ordinary fruits

Do you also know it is culture for a man to be a patriarch and be polygamous?

I love this thread

Mariangeles:
How come nobody understands the principle of giving gifts and the honour that comes with it?
It is not about what you give, it is the thought that counts.
If the young man had brought something as simple as fruits and the woman complained, then she would've been wrong.

It has nothing to do with poverty. Only someone with poverty mentality would think expecting gift(s) from someone is out of place, and only someone with inferiority complex would think it is a thing of shame to except gift from a certain someone.

"A man's gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men"

Giving gifts will make way for you in the presence of Kings and great men.

Too much Nollywood is worrying you... According to the girl, her man has visited her mum before and got stuffs for her. So you want to say it's everytime he's going to visit her he should get something for her? Shey you dey whyne me ni? What sort of lifelong ritual is that?? Abeg take back seat pls, which nonsense honor are you talking about.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

My dear Tracey, listen carefully your mom only pointed out a red flag to you, it is either your fiance is stingy or foolish wether he is woke or still sleeping. Imagine if you visited his mum empty handed what would be the case?

BusinessCity:





God bless you. Another elder speaking. He's not even showing remorse.


The mother is telling her daughter if she marries him she will regret it, she's not understanding what the mum is saying.


Such a nuisance for a man seeking to Marry. Our society breeds nonsense these days. Thank you for this truth...

I think you are wrong. This was a casual and unplanned visit and not his first too which he came bearing gifts according to her.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

Your guy did badly and you did not do well also.
He should not have gone to your mum empty handed it is not proper. But must you hang up on him because of that? What if the same irresponsible blood that runs in the veins of those insulting you on this thread is what runs in him too.

What is the essence of being in courtship? Is it not to shape one another into what you both desire?

If I were you, I would defend him and give an excuse on his behalf. Telling a lie for him won't be too bad too.

You should have calmly corrected him afterwards. Tell him you wouldn't do that when going to his mum.

That is the essence of courtship.

You overreacted and you are wrong although he did not do well either.

Call him and make peace. Tell him you are sorry and then explain why it is wrong to him.

Checking the c0mments. . It shows and proves that NL consist of 98% kids and stupid adults. THIS IS NOT A MATTER OF RICH OR POOR. . this is a matter of common sense. How would u go visit ur in_law for the first time and go EMPTY HANDED? EVEN if ur inlaw is otedola and u go visit him empty handed. .IT SHOWS U LACK ALL RESPECT AND MANNER. . thats what it means in our land here in AFRICA. OP, ur guy needs to apologize to ur mum. . Thats if he loves u truly

Shokoloko:


Your response so far have been very mature. I had to go investigating and found the attached.
I agree with the person 95%. The 5% is for when you call people "fool" and "Ode"

Appraisal

Fiscus105:



Follow nairaland people at ur own peril, many of them are just " fault finders". No matter how good intentions of the posts, they will attack the posters, many of the guys (attackers) can't try to go empty handed to ordinary girlfriend place not talk of mother in law.

Even sister in law, I buy gifts not to talk a whole mother of ur wife or wife to be.

Yet they will be Lamenting girls are bad, marriage is a scam

Why won't be problems for them, when they refused to play the game according to dictate of the rules

Hope you read the part that she said the guy came with gifts the previous time he visited

Nchenches:


The man wasn’t serious ab initio. But it was not mandatory for him to visit your mum with a gift for the first time.
His reaction after you asked him why showed that he was not serious.

Forget him.

read her write up well

descarado:
@op, call and apologise to your man. Go and reprimand your mum else she will continue with this mentality.

A good mother in law to be will look for something to give him to take home with. That's how she will endear herself to this man and in turn make the man love and cherish you more.
Ladies use your sixth sense!

Is it everytime he visits that she'll give him gift? Won't he bring his own gift as well? Won't it get to a time that it would start looking somehow?

Trayceey:
must you be insulting? With the way you sound, u re not responsible and reasonable enough, so your opinion doesn't count

he just told d simple truth

Trayceey:
I'm not defending my mum. You know these mothers always have a hold on us

Lool...this hold is a bad one and if you don't put it in check, you'd have serious issues going forward.

Mariangeles:


We are Africans. Let us be honest with ourselves.

A man going alone to visit his would-be mother in-law empty handed is a red flag. Something to worry about.
What was the purpose of the visit?
Even as a female, it is still wrong to go visit the mother of the man you're going to marry empty handed.

This generation ehn, una matter de tire person. Everything is always a red flag for you people. Who made the law that it's a wrong thing for you to visit the mother of your spouse without buying them something? Yes I understand that out of courtesy, one should buy gifts and present them to your would be inlaw when visiting but it's not a must. Some people don't like the stress of buying things and carrying about and would rather give cash to the I laws... Please, let's pay attention to more important things and leave out all these mundane things that brings up unnecessary red flags. There are too many important things to look out for when marrying than getting angry over someone not bringing gifts especially when the person has visited before and brought gifts. It makes it look like they are hungry and broke.

britiko:


You don't av to agree but av an open mind to learn.

What does it mean when someone says your gift will make room for you?

Proverbs 18:16 is a powerful statement that reveals the answer: "A man's gift makes room for him" (NKJV). ... God has put a gift or talent in every person that the world will make room for. It is this gift that will enable you to fulfill your vision. It will make a way for you in life.

Peace!!!

The previous gift the young man gave the entitled woman what happened to it? It's no longer valid?

At10tion:
it's not entitlement mentality! It's courtesy, if you know what that means and courtesy demands he doesn't go empty-handed, hence the red-flag he triggers. This is not even about tradition, this is universal and resonates with the law of give and take, sow and reap! The Bible says "the gift of a man makes way for him". The woman may not even be thinking of the gift as anything now but the thought of will the supposed fiance be able to take care of her daughter may just continually fills her mind.

Everybody has different meaning for courtesy.
That same courtesy will make the mum give him something even if he came bearing gifts or not. Why didn't she do that? Cos she lacks courtesy!

U see, you have to remove the spec in your eyes before u see another's eyes properly

Sixfeetbelle:


It's not about being broke. It's about courtesy

Courtesy is about being polite not bringing gifts...one can still bring gifts and misbehave..so if ur bf brings bread and fruits and misbehaves and speaks rude to your mum, the goodies he brings covers up for everything. Bringing gifts doesnt mean you have courtesy...there are somethings you might expect but when it doesnt come, shame no suppose allow you complain about am...its courtesy to offer a visitor a cup of water or what you have(that's if you have) not for visitor to bring bread by force...even if you dont have your offer a visitor, he no suppose complain..learn this today

The guy self too stingy. 2bigi cola isn't too small na

Mariangeles:





Let me ask you this question as nwaafo Igbo; can you visit your in-laws empty handed?

Answer honestly...

I do it regularly. We live in same state, infact same area of the state. They are not hungry people at all. They are even too happy to set eyes on me once in two months sef. I just chose those special occasions e.g Xmas and make sure I take a worthy gift to them, as well as to my own parents. Both my parents and my in-laws are very comfortable. They don't need those petty show of love to feed well

Mariangeles:
Trayceey, delete the thread, otherwise, foolish people without home training will continue to insult your mother.

You are an hypocrite, do you know you are also insulting someone's mother or father that innocently gave advice and point out mistakes of the OP and her mother or you think everyone that has comment so far are teenagers ba

Sixfeetbelle:


Is it everytime he visits that she'll give him gift? Won't he bring his own gift as well? Won't it get to a time that it would start looking somehow?

Then you don't know how to get somebody by your side.
That woman can make him love her more than his own mum by her act of kindness.

You want him to bring gift everytime he come bit don't want to part with yours
I hear you

My dear, your mother is in her right to be vexed. Na your big head boy friend wey no sabi behave carry him problem go greet am.

Your boy-friend had no business going to visit your mum in her house in your absence. Next time don't alow people all in the name of boyfriend see your parent anyhow.

What was even the purpose of such visit You should know? Even common dinner wey them invite person, you must at least go with something, even a bottle of wine.

You boyfriend is not well cultured, and that is the reason your mother is vexed.

WILLuKPquiet:


Your guy did badly and you did not do well also.
He should not have gone to your mum empty handed it is not proper. But must you hang up on him because of that? What if the same irresponsible blood that runs in the veins of those insulting is what runs in him too What is the essence of being in courtship? Is it not to shape one another into what you both desire?

If I were you, I would defend him and give an excuse on his behalf. Telling a lie for him won't be too bad too.

You should have calmly corrected him afterwards. Tell him you wouldn't do that when going to his mum.

That is the essence of courtship.

You overreacted and you are wrong although he did not do well either.

Call him and make peace. Tell him you are sorry and then explain why it is wrong to him.

The bolded made me laugh.



@topic Iam amazed at some responses,lots of kids boys roaming about this forum, all they know is redpill and simp. They can't even handle the elderly with wisdom.

Lashist:

Courtesy is about being polite not bringing gifts...one can still bring gifts and misbehave..so if ur bf brings bread and fruits and misbehaves and speaks rude to your mum, the goodies he brings covers up for everything. Bringing gifts doesnt mean you have courtesy...there are somethings you might expect but when it doesnt come, shame no suppose allow you complain about am...its courtesy to offer a visitor a cup of water or what you have(that's if you have) not for visitor to bring bread by force...even if you dont have your offer a visitor, he no suppose complain..learn this today

I can decide to not give my visitor a cup of water based on my state of mind. It's still courtesy but I know how it would be perceived. Same is applicable to the visitor coming to my house.

LadySarah:


I think you are wrong. This was a casual and unplanned visit and not his first too which he came bearing gifts according to her.

It's a reflection of his character to some extent. It could be a onetime thing, it could also be his regular attitude. If he had shown remorse then the mum could be said to be wrong. Not showing remorse and claiming right and keeping malice aren't trait a man who wants to marry should have. If a couple or intended couple fight, they shouldn't be doing first to apologise is weak which is what he's doing.


If I were him and made the mistake and loved her truly. I'll call the mum directly and apologise saying it's an error. That's to show the relationship is worth fighting for. He's the man, he ought to do this. The remorse will then cover up all the flaws of all parties. He's expecting the mum to come beg him or the girl to kneel when there aren't particularly at fault


When we were kids, my dad worked as a manager at a bank and had his private company and we were wealthy. We had no lack but in laws brought things we didn't need but give out. They never for once came empty handed. It's wrong.

I have seen a lot of comments and i must say that a lot people are bitter

Mariangeles:





Let me ask you this question as nwaafo Igbo; can you visit your in-laws empty handed?

Answer honestly...

For the first time, No. But subsequently, it definitely won't be everytime i go visiting.... And the guy in question here is Vindicated because he has visited previously and with gifts.

NeoWanZaeed:
Checking the c0mments. . It shows and proves that NL consist of 98% kids and stupid adults. THIS IS NOT A MATTER OF RICH OR POOR. . this is a matter of common sense. How would u go visit ur in_law EMPTY HANDED? EVEN if ur inlaw is otedola and u go visit him empty handed. .IT SHOWS U LACK ALL RESPECT AND MANNER. . thats what it means in our land here in AFRICA. OP, ur guy needs to apologize to ur mum. . Thats if he loves u truly

You are one of the stupid adults...where did he become their in-law. When did it become a must to carry gifts when visiting your date's mum every single time. Then tell us where a parent like otedola got angry because his daughter's bf didnt bring him gifts

Trayceey:
leave those small children dear. The guy already called me last night apologising.

Of cause he will apologize but the way he will start seeing your mother and by extension your whole family has probably change owing to the fact that he was loved and welcome when he came with gift but he was treated like trash when he doesn't

Trust me the damage has been done, he may apologize because he sees no point flogging a dead horse

izzou:


The lady's problem is that she can't even think on her own

At first, she didn't see anything wrong. But because mama dey vex, she decided to see reason where there was none.

The mama was even annoyed that she entertained him without getting Ankara, or Bag in return

Chai

Na that in-law dey ask their children husbands to contribute money whenever they have a function in the family!! In fact, the amount will be specified. Wahala wa o.