Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

naturally when I see posts like urs, I try to check ur profile to see if I will find a profile picture. I need to remind myself that morons still exist, then I note their face and avoid them in future.

U are not yet ready to marry. When u get ready, we will know. Ur mama will even be the one to beg the guy to even come and visit. She fit dash am transport money sef.

Biglittlelois:



Since this isn't the first time, your mum shouldn't have complained, does she expect him to always bring something anytime he comes? That will cause unnecessary see finish na,

And you, you shouldn't have confronted him, you would have been matured about it and pacify your mum, then explain to her that it is not compulsory for him to bring something along every time he goes to see her.

don't mind those sissy guys them. Why visit your mother in law every now and then?,that is the result of see finish

Trayceey:
okay. Thanks. I won't. Sometimes I wonder if these people with horrible comments are humans

Shut up

You expect us to support your disgusting behavior right?
This is a free forum where people speak their mind

You better take correction now but I can bet my last dime you won’t

Mariangeles:


She said it's her fiance.

Would a boyfriend go see his girlfriend's mother without her being at home? Okwere omume?

So, what's the guy's offence now, going to see the girlfriend's mother without her being at home or not buying anything?

deltateam:


Too hungry?

Go and see your in-laws empty handed.

How will you like a girl you are dating to go and see your mother in your absence?

biggest fool ever..so every time i go and c my inlaw i must go with cash or gift..how many times have ur wife given money to ur dad or mum..see simps everywhere.na now i know una mumu botton

Acidosis:



The right thing to do was to reject her food/drink. The young man is greedy and a glutton!

Omo, how can you visit your mother in law for the first time without a gift, and sit down to eat her food and drink?

Let's be honest pls, the young man is greedy and shameless.

It was not the first visit.

GayPontiff:




This post and iberibe.

Now I see why Africans are tot to live on trees like monkeys.
The young man truly deserves better.
His good behavior and other characteristics a mother would want for her daughter should be overlooked and replaced with his inability to bring stuff she will shit out next morning abi?
They ain't married yet o?
I was even expecting to see her say she sided her bf on d matter but now it has turned to serious beef.
Aunty will loose a good man and you are blaming being Africa for this irrational behaviour?
She should go and apologize to him, the boy owes her mom nothing! Not at least till marriage is sure.
He is manly to have even visited the woman.
Wherever he is may good fortunes locate him.

Must the guy go when the lady was not around? What has he gone to do. Oh greet Mummy. And must he still take anything offered him?
It is obvious he went to go and eat. E got disappointed food was not offered. He was offered drink and he still drank it shamelessly.
May be the woman in his presence sent kids to go and buy him a bottle of Coke.

He still carry mouth drink am.

Shamelessness is what it's called.

Nonsense and idiocracy.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

The man wasn’t serious ab initio. But it was not mandatory for him to visit your mum with a gift for the first time.
His reaction after you asked him why showed that he was not serious.

Forget him.

At10tion:
Your Fiance is not an honorable person, he's not a man of Honour and doesn't honor you or your family. A person with honor will always leave good impression in the heart of people he met. Even with #500 he will have made himself worthy in the eyes of your mom.. It's not about the gift, it's just courtesy. A singer once sang a song, he said "we were looking for money but then we found honor, and so we went back home! Why..? Because if we find the money it is honor we'll use it to buy"

Nope, it's not done that way.

She knows the type of man she took home to her mum.
If the man didn't come with gift( nothing wrong with it, we usually visit people with gifts), it now behold on her mum to show him how it's done. Kill him with kindness.
Get some things, wrap in polyethene and give him to go home with. The mum can continue by calling him the next day to ask if he reached home safely, have eaten what I gave you etc, that way, u are drawing him close to you and at the same time changing his mindset.
Trust me, next time, he will go with truck loads of gifts.

My mum will never allow that man leave our house with nothing be it cooked food, foodstuff or fruits.

U are not doing that man a favour rather it's the opposite.
All these entitlement mentality.

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

You see!!! And ur mum is complaining now as if he hasn't be bringing things.

Why are we human beings like this.
This is why I love my parents/siblings. They don't count all these things. Infact, they will even pack things for him when he's leaving.

donbachi:
Dis is the problem,with many relationships in nigeria..ur mum was expecting him to come with big bread,milo and milk.ur mum acted wrongly.dis is just a boyfriend and not ur husband.

Yes like we watched in nollywood

D OP is @ fault here. You shouldnt have scolded your boyfriend about it. There is an adage in yoruba that says" ti a ba ron omo ni ise eru, a fi ti omo je) meaning if a child is sent on a deadly task, you apply wisdom. U Bleep up

TransAtlanticEx:
Are you sure you really wanna do this?
Cos I'm ready when you are.
Feed me and my family( a whole my family ooo) for ages yet your mama dey want kill herself say your fiance no buy bread for am?.
Why not use that money weh you want use am feed me and my generation buy your mama provisions keep for house na
And somehow its from this miserly,miserable existence that you wanna feed my family(really rich ) from?
My eldest sister got married in 2004,in 2003 when the man came for introduction,he wore shorts and was empty handed.
You know why?There was nothing he could bring that we don't have and he knew it
What you could have done sef to even cover your bf is send some money to your thirsty mom and claim your bf sent it,but instead you fought with him over it,maybe because you and your mama don plan as una go share the stipends weh the guy suppose bring,
Yet a bottom feeder like you wants to feed my generation?

She has a long way to go, ...a very long way!
Someone with her kind of mentality, despite reading posts that show she and her mum goofed, still has time telling you she can feed your family for ages, so unfortunate!

It's not by force na .. you can't give what you don't have .. this your belief is the reason igbos stay unmarried for a long while .. and when they are ready they are like evening newspaper .. bothered their male and female

Mariangeles:


OK. Fair then.

Where I come from, we're culturally raised to go bearing gifts whenever we visited places like your in-laws or your maternal home.

I remember my grandfather giving us fresh palm wine to give to his in-laws on his behalf(my mother's family).
It is an act of honour, and not of compulsion.

TransAtlanticEx:
Are you sure you really wanna do this?
Cos I'm ready when you are.
Feed me and my family( a whole my family ooo) for ages yet your mama dey want kill herself say your fiance no buy bread for am?.
Why not use that money weh you want use am feed me and my generation buy your mama provisions keep for house na
And somehow its from this miserly,miserable existence that you wanna feed my family(really rich ) from?
My eldest sister got married in 2004,in 2003 when the man came for introduction,he wore shorts and was empty handed.
You know why?There was nothing he could bring that we don't have and he knew it
What you could have done sef to even cover your bf is send some money to your thirsty mom and claim your bf sent it,but instead you fought with him over it,maybe because you and your mama don plan as una go share the stipends weh the guy suppose bring,
Yet a bottom feeder like you wants to feed my generation?

Well structured, well served!

Miarose:
you and your mother are too hungry. Respect and courtesy >> gift.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

. Your mom is an honest woman, she is not a hypocrite. To the best of my knowledge in my own culture as a Yoruba man I will rather stay at my house than to go to my mother in law house to be with empty hands. Honestly your parents cannot enjoy that guy as an inlaw. Even common 300naira bread he can't give your mom? That guy is a shameless person. To my own experience that guy does not love you because if he does he will do what is gonna make you happy. If he wanna go let him go.

I cant believe wat i am seeing..how did girls stoop so low.and relegate thier familys cuz of maybe 1000 naira..ur husband is not ur job..build urself una no go hear..which gift person wan buy for linda ikeji mama.wat a shame..no wonder they fall into the hands of yahoo guys who eventually use them for ritual..instead of ur parents to look at his prospect and aspirations them they fight for 100 naira bread.wat a shame..ma do ur parents live in the village or town..pls which state did this happen..it has to br imo or anambra

TransAtlanticEx:
Are you sure you really wanna do this?
Cos I'm ready when you are.
Feed me and my family( a whole my family ooo) for ages yet your mama dey want kill herself say your fiance no buy bread for am?.
Why not use that money weh you want use am feed me and my generation buy your mama provisions keep for house na
And somehow its from this miserly,miserable existence that you wanna feed my family(really rich ) from?
My eldest sister got married in 2004,in 2003 when the man came for introduction,he wore shorts and was empty handed.
You know why?There was nothing he could bring that we don't have and he knew it
What you could have done sef to even cover your bf is send some money to your thirsty mom and claim your bf sent it,but instead you fought with him over it,maybe because you and your mama don plan as una go share the stipends weh the guy suppose bring,
Yet a bottom feeder like you wants to feed my generation?

na she and who get stupid culture.. Hungry vulture..

Broke or no broke
Do for who do for you...
Gen no dey shout for my yard no mean say I no get inverter
No need to impress anyone were

@OP's fiancee
The sea is big and fishes plenty >:

Trayceey:
so many nairaland boys are broke and this is why they're so pained on this issue. You won't blame them though. This country is messed up

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

women will always be women.....u acted in ur litu limited mental capacity and understanding...... Is he your husband yet You have given that guy reason to start seeing ur family as would be in-law dependent. In fact, u shud have just waived it with ur mum and find a very sensible way to tell him, now he will even not respect u and ur mum as such.

You Mum work for tax Office? Abi she be Native doctor?

GayPontiff:



No offense o, but be offended all u want.
You and ur mama need deliverance .
Contact me for recommendations.

If the guy marries u, each visit to your mum will now cost him a cow and a new house shebi?
That he even went to greet her which is the highlight that deserves accolades suddenly gets swept under d carpet. U proceeded to hang up call on him.
Now ur seeking justification publicly.

If u want to enjoy ur marriage in d future when u don marry eh babes, no be everything momsi talk u go swallow.


(((According to her it wasn't even his first visit and he did take something along the very first time.
Una don see as person dey open door for wahala?)))

my mom doesn't go to her in-laws house without buying things for them, if she goes to the village and she doesn't have anything to give, she will just stay at her father's house, though people are different but it's weird just going to your woman's house without bearing gifts, especially if that woman is your SM, if it's normal LT sef we no go reason the matter serious serious but your main babe(fiance for that matter), haba na how you take reason am.

it's not about entitlement mentality cos I can see guys already yarning their normal yarn, according to the op's story, her boyfriend was the one who offered to go see her mom, nobody invited him, even when the girl said she wasn't at home, the nigga still did strong head, enter motor only to go and gist and laugh, nawa for am o, who does that abeg.

The whites that Nigerians love to copy so much(if you watch their movies), they don't visit their partner's parents empty handed, sometime they go with a bottle of wine or go with other stuff, it's simple courtesy for Christ's sake, is it that Nigerians only copy the bad stuff and leave the good ones. ayam not understanding

Afromentalist:

You people only like culture when it favours your materialistic tendencies. Now you are so attached to the culture of bringing gifts to the in laws,

If we now talk about polygamy and patriarchy , you will now curse culture and call it backwardness and woman exploitation.

Let's leave culture out of this discussion. Did the guy do anything that would warrant such foolish reaction ?

In fact if I be the man, I will never be back in such a relationship.

So apt.

TransAtlanticEx:
Are you sure you really wanna do this?
Cos I'm ready when you are.
Feed me and my family( a whole my family ooo) for ages yet your mama dey want kill herself say your fiance no buy bread for am?.
Why not use that money weh you want use am feed me and my generation buy your mama provisions keep for house na
And somehow its from this miserly,miserable existence that you wanna feed my family(really rich ) from?
My eldest sister got married in 2004,in 2003 when the man came for introduction,he wore shorts and was empty handed.
You know why?There was nothing he could bring that we don't have and he knew it
What you could have done sef to even cover your bf is send some money to your thirsty mom and claim your bf sent it,but instead you fought with him over it,maybe because you and your mama don plan as una go share the stipends weh the guy suppose bring,
Yet a bottom feeder like you wants to feed my generation?

Bros u wicked ooooo. Infact I am crying on her behalf. U really finish the mumu girl

Lashist:

Oh..you and your fiance were not raised the same way and you should not blame him if he doesnt have entitlement mentality...you are a lady with entitlement mentality...what you have failed to know is that bringing bread is good but not by force...a bad man will bring bread and the mum will be happy but he might be beating her in private...the mum should have been looking out for his composure and other good attributes to know if the guy is a good guy or not...expecting gifts from bf visits reeks of hunger and poverty mentality...ur bf doesnt owe ur family anything cus he is dating you...if you want to give his family gifts everyday, na ur cup of tea. I won't even want my gf to want to think its a must to bring gifts since im not broke to that extent

It's not about being broke. It's about courtesy

Mariangeles:
How come nobody understands the principle of giving gifts and the honour that comes with it?
It is not about what you give, it is the thought that counts.
If the young man had brought something as simple as fruits and the woman complained, then she would've been wrong.

It has nothing to do with poverty. Only someone with poverty mentality would think expecting gift(s) from someone is out of place, and only someone with inferiority complex would think it is a thing of shame to except gift from a certain someone.

"A man's gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men"

Giving gifts will make way for you in the presence of Kings and great men.

But, that's not the first time of going there according to her. And he has been giving something before. What if he was coming from somewhere and decided to branch there or maybe he wasn't bouyant at that particular time and he just decided to go and say hello to them.

If it's the lady's brother that went out or travel and didn't bring anything for her, is she going to disown him?

Sorry to say but that was foolish of you. Better call him to apologize. The fact that he came empty handed today doesn't mean he will come empty handed tomorrow or are you and your family that hungry and broke to always expect people coming to visit you to buy something and bring for you?

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

My Sister don't mind those people blabbing and calling you names... actually it is not normal for him to go empty handed to see your mum, haba no matter how small of a gift he should have brought. But my counsel for you is that just like a Yoruba proverb, the cure to an headache is not achieved when you cutoff the head.. Go and meet him and settle the issue maturely

GIANTPLUSHUB:


Traceey, we have passed that culture things. Now, everyone is trying to be careful and put somethings into test. You see, your man did nothing wrong at all.

How about he does not takes anything to your house but he gives you peace and comfort in marriage and always support if any situation arises in your own family side?

You need to think and go beg your man. So far he's a good guy to you. Somethings just need wisdom. Since he's into going to your house without buying something along. Next time, whenever he wants to go, try and meet him up and handover something to him to give them at home. Maybe as time goes on, he will get used to it. Do this with calm and good words, like you just want your family to see him as a more better good man.

All the very best.

she no tell us the whole story, she don fight dat man.. She's so rude

Hmmm!