woleabayo:
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO SIT YOUR WIFE DOWN AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO HER AND BEG HER TO FORGIVE YOU

Forgive him as how? What did he do? The guy wasn't married when that child was born. Moreover, she denied that the baby wasn't his back then.

op you are not saying anything about the biggest victim of this triangle abi na quadrilateral or pentagon or whatever it is.......the man that have been raising another mans child thinking the child is his own...
if we say do a DNA and take custody of ur child, that might have a deadly effect on the man that married ur devilish ex........if we say let it slide, even if u have the strength, it will be wicked to let a man raise a child that is not his(thinking the child is his own). ...... i fear who no fear women

Beg her to forgive what exactly?

woleabayo:
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO SIT YOUR WIFE DOWN AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO HER AND BEG HER TO FORGIVE YOU

Pierocash:
I read it.... That is the law. The legally married husband is the father of any child that was born out of wedlock, DNA or not.

stop saying what you have no idea of...the Nigerian paternity act recognized all biological related child to their biological parents and the child is entitled to whatever their parents have,wedlock or not...a parent can only be deprived of their child only on the basis of custody not what you're saying up there. Go and read the paternity act....

Seandisputed:
If her husband didn't lose his job, she wouldn't let you know the boy's yours. She's looking for an escape route using the boy as a medium.
The husband was established already as a man that was why she opted for him instead of you, thereby denying the paternity at the initial stage. She didn't think things will get this bad that was the reason she didn't bother you all these years. Would she have told you that boy's yours if they were still living fine?
Run a DNA test and take your child but cut ties with the woman.(it's gonna be difficult though, because of the presence of the other father).
No be my mouth you go hear say most women are opportunistic and don't really love us as we think they do.

You have the best comment so far...

The rest are just emotion laden drivel without any practical applications.

charles009:
Thanks folks, I discussed with her about the paternity test.
She agreed. Will be checking up a few hospitals in Lagos and pricing too.

Will tell wify much later. This has a potential of wrecking my home. I hope it doesn't.

Can I custody the child and atleast my wife wouldn't know, maybe give him to my mum or sister?

Are you all Igbo? If you are, you can't take that son from the man who legally and customarily married the mother. Ask questions first before you destroy yourself

Roseey0:
Option 1
People donating egg or sperm dont claim ownership of a child. Fatherhood goes beyond DNA.

Why is she telling you now?
Because things are not going well for her spouse.
She is mad.
Let her carry her cross. If she was a President's wife, will she remember to tell you?

See yourself as a sperm donor.Noting more.
The boy already has a father who has been going all out to take care of him not minding his current circumstance. I repeat, you are not his father. You only donated sperm. Focus on your family and the children who You father.

Please tell your wife the story first before she hear it outside. Cut that ex off totally.

Option 2
Blood is thicker than water.
If she is saying she can't take care of the child any longer, you can offer to bring him into your home and raise him completely.
No attachee or child support thingy.
Just hand over pikin to you and you raise him. If Not, make she carry her cross. Wash your hand comlt. You have done your part

From a woman? This is quite logical.

Nice one

remele2:



Yes.. But am not suggesting he talks to the wife about it now.... But definitely he wud tell her about it...

If he choose to keep it a secret, it will come back to hurt the wife bcus since the X is already planning a divorce and the guy wud in one way or the other try to see his child which means he wud be hiding to do so.

Give ur mom the hint now 1st, then after sometime u wud open up to ur wife

and the x husband will not suffer heart attack when he hears this belated news?
abi we are assuming that the husband is jet li in spirit?

tunapawizzy:
op you are not saying anything about the biggest victim of this triangle abi na quadrilateral or pentagon or whatever it is.......the man that have been raising another mans child thinking the child is his own

it is transnational multifaceted

baralatie:

it is transnational multifaceted

u no lie o

charles009:


Thank you

thanking her cos she said you just donated a sperm?...what you need is insult not advice. I guess you did leave the child on purpose...your statement of confronting her about the pregnancy before her marriage ,speaks a lot,you know why?,every person will go to any length to confirm what he thinks is rightfully his and you neglect that act until now which I guess its isn't true.
Deny the child and live your life peacefully as it was....

Imagine losing your job, your marriage and then you’re told your child doesn’t belong to you. May God help that man.

OP please conduct a DNA and claim your child if he belongs to you. It’s not fun to be your ex husband right now but it’s better he knows about the child now than later.

slimjohn2k5:
No one is thinking of the other guy that lost his job.
After losing your job, your wife tells you that probably your only child is not yours, that will be a terrible one ohhhh.
I don't have advice for this but consider the guy that lost his job, also both of u cannot hide it for too long. Uhh

Highly sensible view

Youngpo413:
how did you made her lose the lose the bf?

the crazy bea say i bin deceiv her with my Lamba..

No o. You cannot be the one to tell her o.

Get your parents and her parents involved so that everyone is given some regard and respect. Your wife will understand because of how seriously you handled the matter. Plus her people will continue to reassure her on your behalf too.

On the other hand, steer clear of the opportunist ex that is playing ping pong with pregnancy! You can take your child into custody; boarding school things are usually helpful and convenient for both parent visits etc

EUEA:
i will advise u tell her everytin~communicate wit her~nd u two wil think of wat next

charles009:
Thanks folks, I discussed with her about the paternity test.
She agreed. Will be checking up a few hospitals in Lagos and pricing too.

Will tell wify much later. This has a potential of wrecking my home. I hope it doesn't.

Can I custody the child and atleast my wife wouldn't know, maybe give him to my mum or sister?

no don't give ur mum it will cast one day

seankay:
Imagine losing your job, your marriage and then you’re told your child doesn’t belong to you. May God help that man.

OP please conduct a DNA and claim your child if he belongs to you. It’s not fun to be your ex husband right now but it’s better he knows about the child now than later.

and 99% of the comments on this tread no even send am!
Until they hear how unpredictably he can be

then all this comments go enter reverse

So sad.. Pls OP, treat it with caution
Your Ex is very wicked

charles009

I think it's wise you all seek closure now by coming out with the truth. All 4 parties need closure by the truth coming out. The 4 involved here are you, your ex, your wife and your ex present husband.

It's best you call a meeting of you 4, with your ex relations present, her in laws and your relations and in laws present. I would advise you to have some security on ground. It may be plain cloth strong guys.

You are to first publicly denounce your ex for lying to you about the paternity of the child years ago. That it was not only unfair to you, but most importantly, your ex present husband and most importantly, the child himself.

Apologize to her husband. Let him know you never wanted this and he should forgive you if he abhors any illwill towards you but it was never your fault. Please note that emotions will rule rather than reality, rather than the head. The 5 years of deceit by his wife, his wounded pride and his bitterness may truncate reason.

At this juncture, the interest of the child is paramount and that should take precedent. He might be attached to the child as he raised him though not biologically his. Anyway, for some, love can turn to hate upon finding out the child isn't his and may want to hurt the child. You need to be careful here. The best thing is for her husband to cut his losses now and move on with his life. I'm sure his relations would support that.

As for your present wife, this child brings along new challenges. Does the child come with her mum lurking behind? This child is now your first born and none of hers. Will the child be a threat to her, her marriage or her children? The child is a threat to her idea of the "perfect marriage".

What if the tables are turned and her brother was embroiled in such an issue? Would she advise him to deny her nephew especially if the boy is suffering? Never! You'd be surprised she might even request that the nephew come stay with her if the brother's wife isn't ready to entertain him.

Your wife's present behavior is therefore selfish, very inconsiderate and lacks love (1 Corinthians 13:4-

You therefore must find a way to embrace your child without harming him or your family. Also, the toxic mix of your ex who seems to be on the war path and may use the child as a weapon has to be factored in. You may need to go through her relations to ensure the welfare of the child.

You must also ensure all your kids know each other from infancy. I'm from a polygamous home of 3 wives and all the kids are close as my father ensured we all knew ourselves from infancy.

You have your work cut out for you. You must ensure your boy is well looked after. And please, after 3 children from your wife, I think it's wise to stop having more kids. Kids are like fire that can not ever say enough!

woleabayo:
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO SIT YOUR WIFE DOWN AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO HER AND BEG HER TO FORGIVE YOU

Nonsense advice. Forgive him on what ground? I presumed he has been in a relationship with the ex before meeting his wife. So did he cheated on her or what? U for talk say make she follow his wife reason the matter and find a way forward. Which one is forgive? That word is strong oo

Pierocash:
Forget about the child, focus on your family by law he isn't your child.

painful but true. I don't I will have the heart to forget my kid, especially, when not being properly looked after. But anything more than your advice will result in more problems.


way to go @Op

Kapilta:
What else you wan hear? Go do DNA na. And shebi the boy don dey before you marry ya wife so dat one na small thing. The only thing wey dey pain me like dis na that other poor man wey don already lose him job, how he no go take lose him life like dis after that useless gold digger carry pikin wey he don suffer raise go give another man and on top give am divorce paper join. I just dey pity d man and him family. Fear gold diggers.

This is enough for her to divorce him. He didn't tell her before she married him. Claiming ignorant is not tenable.

Make una just dee cause wahala everywhere. See as women dee cause problem up and down . God help us that are yet to marry .

cococandy:
If this story is true, The kid may not even be yours or the husband’s.

chai

Bth op & d ex are witches & wizards!So op culdnt use CD or abort d baby,OP & d woman's court case is nt going t end well

He may be your child but confirm to be doubly sure.

Plus do you think it would be fair on the father of child if you pop up now to claim the child with the pending divorce ?

Be sure your ex isn't on a mission to wreck your own marriage now.

Be sure to intimate your wife all the step of the way if you can.

Wisdom would key here to keep your wife happy. All the best

charles009:
Good people of nairaland,
Everything you are about to read is not fiction but certain reality.

At the heat of this DNA wahala, a married Ex called me on 6th of Jan to notify me that her son is mine and not her husbands. I remember vividly a certain Saturday in 2015, when we argued intensely over the paternity of the child during her pregnancy. She insisted it was her boyfriends, make una fear women. She swore she was single. Our calculations showed she was ovulating while we had some encounters. She proceeded to block me on all social media platforms and 2 months later, her friend informed me of her wedding.


The issue here is that I am married with two kids and expecting another, she told me her husband lost his job early 2018 and it has been a very rough patch for her family. she says she wants a divorce.

I asked for the boys pictures and it put instant tears to my eyes. Showed a few friends and the resemblance is striking so they said. The most painful of all, he looks not properly looked after.

I am doing fairly OK now, I wouldn't wanna to see my blood suffer, if you were in my shoes how would you handle this. My wife would not want to hear of another child...

Mature advise please...

grandstar:
charles009

I think it's wise you all seek closure now by coming out with the truth. All 4 parties need closure by the truth coming out. The 4 involved here are you, your ex, your wife and your ex present husband.

It's best you call a meeting of you 4, with your ex relations present, her in laws and your relations and in laws present. I would advise you to have some security on ground. It may be plain cloth strong guys.

You are to first publicly denounce your ex for lying to you about the paternity of the child years ago. That it was not only unfair to you, but most importantly, your ex present husband and most importantly, the child himself.

Apologize to her husband. Let him know you never wanted this and he should forgive you if he abhors any illwill towards you but it was never your fault. Please note that emotions will rule rather than reality, rather than the head. The 5 years of deceit by his wife, his wounded pride and his bitterness may truncate reason.

At this juncture, the interest of the child is paramount and that should take precedent. He might be attached to the child as he raised him though not biologically his. Anyway, for some, love can turn to hate upon finding out the child isn't his and may want to hurt the child. You need to be careful here. The best thing is for her husband to cut his losses now and move on with his life. I'm sure his relations would support that.

As for your present wife, this child brings along new challenges. Does the child come with her mum lurking behind? This child is now your first born and none of hers. Will the child be a threat to her, her marriage or her children? The child is a threat to her idea of the "perfect marriage".

What if the tables are turned and her brother was embroiled in such an issue? Would she advise him to deny her nephew especially if the boy is suffering? Never! You'd be surprised she might even request that the nephew come stay with her if the brother's wife isn't ready to entertain him.

Your wife's present behavior is therefore selfish, very inconsiderate and lacks love (1 Corinthians 13:4-

You therefore must find a way to embrace your child without harming him or your family. Also, the toxic mix of your ex who seems to be on the war path and may use the child as a weapon has to be factored in. You may need to go through her relations to ensure the welfare of the child.

You must also ensure all your kids know each other from infancy. I'm from a polygamous home of 3 wives and all the kids are close as my father ensured we all knew ourselves from infancy.

You have your work cut out for you. You must ensure your boy is well looked after. And please, after 3 children from your wife, I think it's wise to stop having more kids. Kids are like fire that can not ever say enough!

em!
bros how do you explain to a man
a: he lost his job
b:his wife now is planning divorce because of no money

for the past 5 years his only child of the marriage is not his it belongs to his wife's ex and they have been in contact

Op, this is a huge one. Legally the child may not be yours, but that's just some pieces of writings explained by supposedly learned folks. Blood is way more complex, I can already see the affection you have developed for the child by just seeing his picture alone. If they ask you to do a DNA test, well, if you feel it's necessary, go ahead. I don't need a DNA test to know my child!

Having said the above, you need to be empathetic, another man has been caring for this child as if he were his own. Is he even aware the boy is not his? Ask the lady. Depending on your finding, you may want to set up a virtual meeting with this man, virtual because you don't know his temperament and wisdom, the meeting is not for you to claim a child as he is actually not legally yours, but to discuss.

Meanwhile, from your discussion with the man, you may offer the man some help to support his son, your biological son, pending when things begin to look up for him. He is your brother who has been deceived by a woman, don't compound his woes by siding with the woman or claiming the child. However, if the man isn't understanding, set up a trust fund in the boy's name so that he can have access to it from a predetermined age. In the meantime, let him endure the pain, he won't die! But please, whatever you do, don't begin to send money to the lady in question, apart from the fact that it is not right, it will not end well, because it will lead to very terrible mistakes.

Finally, should you inform your wife? You know her better than anyone here, if you feel she can take it, then go ahead. If you feel there is a great chance she will misunderstand issues, just keep it away from her. Give her your undivided attention, endeavour to meet her needs and needs at the home front, make sure you don't cheat on her with the "not so great" great woman in question and have your peace.

For those who will come out and say, the wife has to know, well, somethings are better left unsaid because of peace. What if she hears from outside? Pray this doesn't happen, because you may be done for.

Summary
Be wise, empathetic and firm.

Seandisputed:
If her husband didn't lose his job, she wouldn't let you know the boy's yours. She's looking for an escape route using the boy as a medium.
The husband was established already as a man that was why she opted for him instead of you, thereby denying the paternity at the initial stage. She didn't think things will get this bad that was the reason she didn't bother you all these years. Would she have told you that boy's yours if they were still living fine?
Run a DNA test and take your child but cut ties with the woman.(it's gonna be difficult though, because of the presence of the other father).
No be my mouth you go hear say most women are opportunistic and don't really love us as we think they do.

SABI BOY

Inform your wife a s Lock up about the Whole issue, your Ex no dey alright psychologically, because her present Husband no dey capable again, she's now claiming the child is now yours when she already denied from the onset that the Boy is not yours...
Also considering the fact that present husband of the Ex is going to a kind of break down right now , you guys want to now add another breakdown to it again abi? Baba you don't want a woman like your Ex back in your Life, she's dangerous and volatile, avoid . She dey find hand wet get oil so.that she can lick... You can be the Fathe o, but don't try to fill the position of the Daddy when someone is already filling that position.


What happens if you are not again tomorrow, she will withdraw the child again to look for another Rich Investor abi?



Fear Woman.. they are deceitful and cunning.. it won't be well with all the Women reading this thread and you are cheating with your Spouses

Had a similar problem. My divorce lawyer just easily solved a problem. Found him on StateDivorce. You can check this site with divorce lawyers from different states. Because I think you shouldn't go to the court without a lawyer.