Floodgater:
Preternatura 1, you can delete your mail, i have seen it.

Okay.

netotse:

I did not say you need to keep calling her to say sorry, my point was if she feels you are posting her, your calling to say hi (or extending a hand of fellowship) will be like someone offending you and refusing to make amends, the hi's won't matter to her as long as she is still holding out for the visit. Like marvellousGod said, if the reason you can't visit is only due to work then you can try and give a period that will work, just saying you can't come is like telling that person you don't want to see hey, I'll definitely call you when next I come to lagos (which usually is never at least in my case ). If work is not the reason then you need to find a way to pass that across.

Think of it as an interview, she's definitely trying to size you up. You could ask your guy to be there the first night or so...but I'm a guy and I'll tell you for free, if you are able to win his mom despite the difference, you've won his respect in a hard to define way.


It's my bad if you feel I was accusing you of such. I was merely anticipating the people that would come and tell you "if he cannot support you on this, he wont support you when you guys get married". What else has she said besides you not taking her and the relationship serious? I don't see those two as her insulting you, I agree she is being stubborn and a teeenie bit insensitive though.

Let me try one more time:
She doesn't want her son to be there when she sees you so she can form her own opinion, she thinks you are dodging her so she has called you out plain and simple! I said it earlier, she wants to know if this lady her son wants to marry is fit-for-use , I don't think she has crossed any line yet. I get the impression you can look after yourself if she does cross any line so I'm left thinking your main worry is that you might not fit in.

As per the difference in social status, you need to face it, you and she grew up in different times, different societies and will see things differently, you both will need to find the middle ground. Much the same way you expect her to understand you're busy, she expects you to understand her point as well, her way of passing it across might not be polished but that shouldn't make it any less valid.

Her son believes you'll make a good impression on her hence him wanting you to go(or do you think he wont tell you the truth?), it would make him happy if you do, if you guys(you and his mum) don't get along, he would know you put in the effort and if there was ever a time when he had to pick, him knowing you'd be willing to do what it takes would be in your favour. Fact is, now is the only time his mom can form stubborn, when you two get married, he will still be her son, yes but also your husband.

In the end, if she sticks to her guns wrt the visit, you'll need to determine if the juice is worth the squeeze and then the barriers to entry will be higher.

Okay.

Floodgater:
I think i did instead. I didnt see your email.

Alright, to avoid any errors, you can email.

I really look forward to reading from you.

Thanks a whole lot.

breadplanets:
@Preternatura1 if i may chip in a little, i just dont understand why your mother in law wants you to come spend time with her for the very first time alone as in its the first time you would be seeing her right? When i wanted to go spend time with my fiance's mother for the first time i wanted to go on a thursday but my fiance refused and said i should come on a friday cos he didnt want me to be alone with her so soon after i came. Note his mother is not a difficult person at all so it wasnt like he was trying to protect me or anything just that he felt that he should be there that first time. So he spent saturday and sunday with us before going to work on monday so i just dont understand why your man would even consider your going alone for the very first time. Anyway stick to your guns of going with him the first time. These our mothers should take it easy on their prospective daugthers in law kwanu. It doesnt have to be so difficult. Or maybe its a tradition in their place? Like the babe that said her own wanted to bath with her? Hahaha the things i hear these days.....

Hello dear, thank you for your input

No, it's not the first time I will be seeing her but the first time I'm supposed to pass the night at her place.

Honestly? I just think he wants to make his ma happy, that's why he suggested I go as requested by her.

I don't know if it's a tradition, he didn't say.

netotse:
@preternatura1

let me add my two cents, please bear with me, I can be a bit thick in the head plus I am trying to looking at it from a different direction

You future MIL is asking you to come and spend time with her abi? to me it appears she is trying to get to know you, simple and short.
She wants to have a feel of your type of person outside of the usual situations, I suspect she might also be trying to develop a relationship with you independent of her son's influence. Not a bad thing. Her son loves you for a reason, she might just be looking for her own reason to love you independent of the reason(s) he's given her. You not going and forming I'm busy is a slight simple and short, depending on how you frame it, what she might be hearing is "I don't want to spend time with you" hence her telling you, you might not be the right one for my son. Face it, his mom is a gate/bridge you have to cross before you marry the fellow, you can use agidi to cross or you can use one of them many skills we men are forever being told you women have . Also, if someone slights you and keeps calling to say hi(not sorry o...hi) will you let it go that easy?

There's a post somewhere where the OP or someone said women should stop asking men to choose between them and his mother, it's a silly and unfair choice. Don't go down that road. She probably feels a bit intimidated by you, keep that in mind and go easy on her. All she wants is to know who is going to look after her son or did he tell you she has a preferred candidate somewhere else?

If your main fears are the language and chores bit, nobody's perfect plus her son has already decided so how much more of a difference will it make? have you considered the possibility that you and she just might hit it off despite the difference between you two? granted there are stories of bad MIL-DIL relationships but don't let that deter you from trying to make yours different, dont make her an enemy before the marriage. I think you should schedule a period (doesn't have to be as long as she would like it to be), use small words, try and understand the way she thinks, and let her teach you to cook something...lol. you'll survive it...trust me.

Your story is similar to my parents, my dad's mum was not educated(married young and lived in village all her life), my mum is very bookish and they are even from diff parts of the country so there was no common language. You don't have to be as thick as thieves with her, she just has to know that you can and will look after her son QED.

Hi, don't you think it's offensive to conclude I'm forming being busy to slight his mum, even when I have made it clear that I really am busy? Why would I want to insult her to start with? I apologized for not being able to make it at a time she wanted, why do I need to keep calling her to say sorry? I felt she understood the situation and calling her to say hi, is just me trying to extend a hand of fellowship.

I honestly don't understand what you are about, why would I ask him to choose between his mum and i? I wouldn't do that.

I will try to sort it out when I get back from my trip.

Floodgater:
Your last lines make me laugh, you still are a work in progress. Amongst other reasons, why i say you stick to your guns of him following you is you might not handle situations well when his mum display some innocent difficult acts as well as to start now in setting boundaries so that him and his mum cant just expect you to do anything she wants. Fixed a date dear, this will grease most of the stiffness you are facing. Trust me, his mum is a good person. Send a PM, if you will.

I'm not sure how the email thing on one's profile works,but I sent you one, I'm yet to get a reply.

babyosisi:


The thread can be funny
I told the girl the man's mother was unwise in her choice of words and about 9 people disagreed with me ( by thanking someone who said they didn't agree) and here about 9 agree with you for saying the same thing
Lol
You have hit the nail on the head
Gbai
I told her to be prepared for a tough MIL/ DIL relationship ahead
The handwriting is on the wall
A woman insisting on overnight visits and her son hasn't carried even one bottle of mineral to her father's place
I won't advise any woman I know to go his spend a night in any boyfriend's mothers house alone without the man she knows in that house
What for?
Why set yourself up in that manner

Like I told the Igbo wife asking on a thread who to kneel for in her husband's family
I said nne if this kneeling thing will be a problem please stand on your two feet from day one and greet them respectfully so everyone knows that's your style from the get go
No need kneeling and cursing them under your breathe

Honestly if a boyfriends mom told me that I wasn't right for her son because I couldn't come to spend Easter with her,I must really love that madly man and he would have convinced me beyond any reasonable doubts that his mom was in error for me to continue with him.

Hello babyosisi, you know, I didn't even understand most of what she said but the part on not being the one for her son really upset me, that's just insensitive but I'm supposed to believe she just was looking forward to seeing me.

Anyway, I'm just glad to know I haven't messed up so far, especially since I don't really know how this all works, I will do my best to be sure I don't make a mistake.

Madampinkolo:
Preternatura1,

Your mans behavior has shown he has no handle on his mom. You shouldn't have even been the one to explain much,he should have done that and his mom should have respected his explanation.. Any calls from you should have been to reaffirm what your guy said and reassure her,to tell her very soon you will come etc etc that she will even be the one tired of seeing you.It's good you placate her but at the same time don't go and over do just to please her and your man.At the same time,don't allow yourself to be insulted,you are not married to him yet!!

I wouldn't go to sleep over in any MIL house alone you are NOT married to him neither have your parents given their stamp of approval.Did they accept for you to go and spend time with her? Have they come to see your people?You can visit and go home the same day with your guy simple..all this over exposure is not necessary in my opinion. If you both got on at the first meeting,it would be a different thing as you would even be more willing.She has already been critical and insulting so how does she expect you to be eager to spend time with her.Respect and affection go both ways.

She has been very bold to tell you that she doesn't think you are right for her son,and even gone to the extent of saying you don't value the relationship all because you are too busy to visit at the moment.What will she say when you now truly offend her?
I put it to you that you may likely have it rough with her except you always bend to what she wants.
An excellent relationship takes understanding,communication and respect not force and threats.

While your parents were a bit horrified by his mannerism they didn't throw it in his face neither did they call him to lecture him.
Its all good to make excuses but I am married to someone who last year couldn't stand up to his mother when she was obviously wrong,you are sliding down the same slippery slope and you'd better wake up and sort this out before it snowballs.

You are busy,you have work to do,you will make out time to visit and go same day.She should be telling you she understands,Pele on all the work you are doing,ahh that you should come and spend time so she can pet you and help relieve the stress.That is a welcoming and reasonable MIL.


Its best you face facts and see the reality on ground no excuses.She may change she may not change.Taking the risk is up to you.All the signs are there for you to see,at least in her favour she's not pretending.
Believe me when I say a hostile MIL is enough to call off a relationship EXCEPT when the love is like do or die OR if you have a supportive and strong willed man who will check any excesses..anything less than this and you will be shortchanging yourself


You should never ever accept ultimatums from anyone,it is unnecessary at this stage.The problem doesn't just lie with her,It is your guy that's not alarmed at her hostility and rude words instead he's turning around and getting angry at you despite knowing that your hands are tied.You should let him know that he should be protecting you and politely explaining to her his stand..That he says no to her doesn't mean he doesn't love her.Alarm bells should be ringing in your head when already it's turning into you vs her.It's not necessary at all!! A wise man would see this danger and fix it now now!!

PS..I'm glad you got your house help back..I don't believe in punishing yourself with unnecessary chores when you can afford to pay someone to do it.No point starting what you can't finish.. No point over compromising on ur part and his,frustration may take over.

DO NOT push this under the rug and feel it's a one off,i will keep emphasizing that you STUDY THE FAMILY properly before committing yourself to him.She may be good,she may not be good.She may be traditional,still doesn't mean she has to be rude to make her point.Maybe this is a phase,i dunno.

I say this because if i had handled my SILs and their snide crude comments from the get go,i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have had issues at all.

Don't forget that being respectful and kind is key but don't accept insults!! If you do,it will never end!
GOOD LUCK!!
*Back to the shadows*

Thank you Ms, for you insightful contribution as always.

You know, the talk on compromise and difference in background is kind of making it hard, I was taken aback by her words but I was told she was only upset, yet I know that, even when one is upset, they don't have to be rude.

Anyways, I haven't even told my parents, I just thought it's best I'm sure I really can do it all before letting them know.

I just need to focus on work for now, maybe I'll really have a heart to heart with him on it, when I get back.

Thanks again.

MarvellousGod:
Preternatura1, So what's actually the problem here?
She( your potential MIL) insists you visit her alone?
You can't make out time to visit her because of your busy schedule hence haven't given her a date for the visit yet??
Your man doesn't want to go with you or what?

I ask these questions because I really don't seem to get what the prob is.. if you must visit her with your fiance as you wish, then make out time with him and visit. I think all she needs is just to spend some time with her future DIL, could be just a day or two, her request to be isn't absurd..

You really have to make out time to see her, your giving her excuses of busy schedule for over a month she's been asking to see you isn't fair, or while telling her you're busy, you fix the visit for a later date and not outrightly telling her you can't come and that's it... Fixing a future date atleast shows your interest and to a large extent, respect.

And about you being bothered about not doing much chores and stuffs, that one is her problem. . Just be yourself and try to be respectful. .. It's your fiance's to bother about that..

Remember you will be a MIL someday and I sure know you would like to see your DIL

All the best dear

Hi, thank you for your thoughtful contribution.

The problem is that, she is upset about my not being able to visit during easter and this is made her hostile to me, I call her to say hi ever since then and the only thing she wants to hear is when I'm coming, I say I can't find time yet and she starts saying things.

My man thinks it's best I go alone as that's what she wants but I've told him my stand on that, he's the one at loss on how to convince his mum as regards that.

I'm not giving excuses, I just don't have the time yet, I have a project at work and it's taking so much of my time, I wasn't in the country for easter and I haven't been around much since then, I'm also traveling to the US in a couple of days, so how am I going to spend the time she wants with her, moreso this period? I just only need her to listen first, not sounding angry and nagging me, before any other thing.

MzStunner:
Preternatura1 I believe each relationship should have compromises or at least a show of willingness to compromise. I do not think you should stand such a firm ground on this. Your future mother in law wants to spend sometime with you, what is the worst that could happen? ur man could drop you off on a Friday and pick u up on Sat/Sun,(like babyosisi suggested) I do not think that would be too bad an idea. Remember, if you marry this man, your MIL would be a whole lot involved in ur lives. it is not early to stand building a relationship with her. Let her son not be forced to take sides, if she wants a visit from you, then pay her a visit, if she wants u to spend 3 days, u can spend 2 instead, it shows u are willing to compromise, but still able to call some shots. You could use period to tell her to teach u a few things about ur mans people(tradition, food, etc) That will give u both something to talk about till u leave, visit her, buy her gifts. I do not think she is asking for too much, my opinion tho.

Hi, thanks for your input.

It's not just about going to spend some time with her, if you followed my posts, you'd notice, the timing of the visit is part of the problem, she wanted me to spend the easter holiday with her but I already had plans, this I have come to realize upset her and she is pushing that I come this month, which is highly unlikely, added to the fact that she's said not so nice things to me over the issue.

Another thing is, is that, I don't speak much igbo neither does she speak much English, I'm still getting used to the kind of regular food my man eats, I do little chores and even this, I'm really not good at, so I need my man there to help guide me, she may not understand all these at first, especially as she's already thinking me a snob.

I just don't want any unnecessary drama.

dapsy4u2:


It's simple if she doesn't want your guy (her son) to be present while you are with her....... it's just that she want to really know you are. Without her son making up for your short comings in terms of courtsey, cooking, manners and all what not. What I think or suggest is that ur man shld accompany you there on the first visit and then subsequent visits you can decide to go on your own or with him.
Seems to me you're getting urself worked up over the issue which should not be the case. U can keep in touch with the woman by sending greetings and well...... sometimes inspirational sms most of the time (if you wouldn't want to hear her complains) then once in a while u can do calls @ least till you see her, this will make her feel like "at least I hear from her".

All the best

Alright, thanks for your contribution, it's appreciated.

Floodgater:
I'm well, thanks. Stick to your guns but ensure you are nice never showing your displeasure for his mum. You have pushed the ball to his cut, let it remain there until he plays. Its either he goes with you or nothing. How he pulls this one will determine the future. I still feel you shouldnt be frustrated, resent or dislike his mum just yet because it will only take a matter of time before it shows perhaps without you knowing and then you would be the bad one as you would have proved her right. Still reserve a mum spot for her, she is acting base on preconcieved notions of girls in your class. Your first meeting with her doesnt speak of a woman who does not like you, her recent statements suggest areas of her reservations about you and kind of giving room for amendments howbeit she is not handling it well perhaps because she is not enlightened or because it is the method she knows. If she outrightly does not like you, she would have said you are not the one for her son not the "i think you are not the one for my son" she earlier used. Her statements are trying to point you to faults (from her viewpoint) for corrections. Grace in your project.

Alright, I will try my best not to resent her and I don't ever want to, I even feel a little pity for him, as I don't want them to fall out on account of me, I know how dear he holds her, I just sincerely hope we do the right thing in the end.

Thank you very much my dear friend, I appreciate you wholeheartedly.

Floodgater hello to you, thanks for looking out, hope you are well?

I'm so sorry for not responding in time, it's been really busy for me this period.

I don't like being stressed at all and quite frankly, his mum is trying to be a thorn in my flesh.

I did talk to him as advised, he seems to understand and be on my side, yet somehow he wants me to please his mum, I tried calling her again to placate her, still she's not satisfied, she's insisting I have to come spend sometime with her, I made it clear I can't manage that, especially not this period as I'm very busy(just got back to Nigeria 2 days ago) and she just keeps saying things like I don't value the relationship, I don't see her as important and many things I don't even understand, I'm becoming frustrated at this point, she just doesn't seem to get it.

He had to take the phone from me to talk to her but the way he hung up, said it all, he is even at a loss on what to do about the situation as I type. I'll be leaving for the US in a few days, he said he'll be going to see her as she said they have to talk, I'm just hoping he can really make her understand.

Btw, I think she doesn't want him to be there when I spend time with her, I'm not really letting it bother me now, I just want to focus on the project I have at hand.

babyosisi:


Just keep calm.she is offended you couldn't come but I don't blame you for not going to spend time with her without her son there.why would your man even ask you to go spend Easter with his mom when he won't be there.
The woman is unwise for saying those words .
This tells you that your journey with her if you eventually marry the son will not be easy initially
You have to find out exactly how your man feels about this
That is very crucial
If after your explanation,he is siding his mom and sees nothing valid in your reasons,red flags ought to go up in your head about future occurrences.
Watch and pray and watch again
This period of courtship is very crucial,do not overlook anything that goes on here
I knew at courtship I would have issues with my MIL
Not only did my hubby tell me his mom was a tough woman,I experienced some little things
The most important deciding factor for you is the man
Is he on your side and standing with you or at least being understanding
You need to make sure of that
You don't want to speak an entire married life trying to please his mother

I am upset at what she said but I'll be calm and talk to him about it, I'm just kind of confused as I thought she understood when I told her I already had plans, when I told him I couldn't go, he didn't push, though it was obvious he wasn't happy about it, still I expect him to understand.

Saturday is usually date night but I will ask him we do it tomorrow, so we can talk.

I'll keep you posted. Thank you for your help, it's highly appreciated.

How are you doing? Hope you had a fun easter?

Hello everyone.

Floodgater, how are you dear? Babyosisi, hello.

I think his mum doesn't like me and he's acting all cold since my return yesterday, I think he's not happy I didn't go to his mum's.

I called to say hi and she told me, she doesn't think I'm the one for her son, that I couldn't even bring down myself to honor her invite, what does this even mean?

I don't understand it, I mean I told her I couldn't make it.

I haven't really talked with him but I think his mum's told him she doesn't want me, how do I handle this please?

gleatz:
Pls do my dear.
Whatever "don't use big words meant" I can't seem to fathom that. Re schedule this meeting and its just the right thing to do. You need your guy as your shield, comfort, confidante, solace and partner in crime in this visist.

All the best!

Thank you. Lol @ partner in crime.

Floodgater:

I hurriedly typed earlier. You will know its not an issue of compromise when you feel disturbed within you, you will get there in time.

As for your mum give her time to come to terms. know i am never bored to hear from you, just ask how I am doing to get my attention. Lest I forget like the last time, you are a great and fast learner.

Okay, thank you for your kind words, we all can't be wrong on this.

gleatz:
Babe;
Personnaly I don't subscribe to visiting my guy's house when he is not there with especially when am not yet married to the house yet.

You ve made ur plans already and guy is out to Dubia, pls kindly and sofltly tell him you woulde love to visit the mum when he returns back. Is he gonna spend eternity in Dubia, No, I guess.

This is a woman that you that even understand the language she speaks, hiw would you communicate? You have your fears already, who would be there to correct you or put you in the know when u re about making some mistakes? Having him around would go a long way in making you free ursef and do stuffs well.
Funny enough, yoou are going to spend like 3 days with her, not just a night or day, pls let him be around then you would visit together.

You know I thought about the language thing and he said she will understand most of what I will say, only that I shouldn't use big words(whatever that means),anyways I'll call and apologize for not being able to make it.

babyosisi:


I don't advise you to spend a night in the house without your man there
Politely tell them you have already made plans with friends for the Easter and unable to cancel now
Make a promise to come as soon as your man returns.

Before marriage,I had visited my hubby and family one Christmas when his folks were home at their village
I spent most of the day with them at the various festivities and at night being that my MIL was a Jim Jim Christian woman that would not hear that I spent the night with her son,I slept on the same bed with my MIL.
You will feel a lot more comfortable with the man around so reschedule this for next time and be very very apologetic to her about the fact that you can't make it now.

Now let me tell you this
The MIL stories are real but don't let it disturb you,don't go into it expecting a mean MIL,don't go in with preconceived notions.
Your experience could be totally different so keep an open mind.
Even though I had heard all this horrid stories,my paternal grandma and my mom were very close so I went into marriage expecting to treat my MIL like my mom and be loved in return ,unfortunately we didn't start off well but it is well now.
I shared my story mainly to encourage someone that a bad MIL/DIL relationship can be turned around,not to talk ill of my MIL
I love my MIL now with all my heart and would do for her exactly what I will do for my mom,the story I recounted was over a decade ago.
She may have also come into it with a preconceived idea about me without knowing me so I don't hold it against her now at all.

I am genuinely happy for your relationship with her now, your story kinda gave me the creeps .

I'll tell him this, I just hope she understands it, I don't like difficult people and tend to ignore them, glad to read your post, you give thoughtful and practical advise, you do like to be blunt too., thanks.

Floodgater:
You are not doing bad at all, thumbs up. Never go to his mum until he is available to go with you, tell him his presence there is the most essential comfort you need atleast now. When you finally go, study her too but be free, nice and make allowance for actions that maybe due to her background. Your results from studying her without bias will determine how you will relate with her in the future.

Okay then, glad to know I wasn't just thinking it, it's becoming hard to be sure I was thinking the right thing, like I wasn't compromising, just felt really weird that sort of thing. Thank you.

Floodgater:
I am good, Its not weird at all seeing the feeling is obviously mutual. Spill dear, i am all ears.

Lol, I feel excited to have you confirm my suspicions.

Just did.

Hi everyone, how are you all? trust you've been well, had to take a break for sometime, it's been super busy, glad I could find time to be here today.


So I implemented what I was able to garner from here, I will be veracious, it's not been as easy as I anticipated, who knew chores could take so much time? I missed a flight because I was cleaning, I was so engrossed, I didn't realize how much time had gone by, I'm sorry if this is going to disappoint you but I'm sticking to a maid, I'm going to keep doing some ofcourse, but it's too much work, I had to give my maid a raise.

My man and I have been alright, we met my parents for dinner last Saturday eve, went well,but mother kept asking him questions, so many that I had to ask her to stop(I unofficially confided in her his intentions, though I've not told him I've decided I can marry him)guess she was just really curious, anyway, he kept asking why mother was asking so many questions, I had to tell him, he smiled and made a joke about it.

I have chatted with mother over the phone since then, but not once,did she bring him up and I'm wondering, why? I don't really want to ask her but if I know my mother like I think I do, she has reservations, or am I just over thinking it? I probably am.

Anyways the issue now, is that, he told to his mum, his thoughts towards me and she wants me to come spend the easter holiday with her, I already made plans to go on a trip with some friends as he is going to dubai, and I don't know that I can spend 3 days alone with her, being as it is that, she barely speaks the English language and I speak almost no Igbo, he says we'll be fine, he'll be very happy if I do this, he thinks it's also a good idea and she wants to get to know me. I don't know if this is a good idea, I also don't want to cancel on my friends, I ordinarily would have objected since I already made plans, but it's his mum, I don't also want to upset him, another thing is that I'm disquieted by this, there are many stories here on MILS and how scary they can be, what if we don't get along? What if she doesn't like me? What will I do about food?

What do you think I should do? Would it be a problem if I don't go?

Floodgater:
How are yous?

Hi ma'am.

I'm doing good, thank you, how are you? It's been awhile, is it weird that I missed reading from you? been a lot busy these past weeks, not so much today, so I decided to check in and I need to make an update. Please read and let me know your thoughts. Thanks a bunch.

Olivialight:
Oh my!!!, been silently following this thread from the word GO,great work you guys are doing here and I have learnt a lot from the thread too.
My heart goes out to MOCA, u really are one strong woman. May God continue to strengthen you and see you through AMEN.
@preternatura1 my dear you have been giving great advice already am pretty sure you now have good ideas how to go about the whole thing. you are going to do just fine,take it one step at a time. Remember the compromise is a gradual process,I bet you will do just fine. Good luck with it.
@babyosisi may God bless you for starting this thread.
@chaircover I have always admired you from afar,
God bless Everyone that has contributed positively to this thread you guys are doing tremendous work here. am happy to be following.

Hi there, thank you for your kinds words, wish you all the best.

moca:

Sweetheart,thank u (who ne this now? And she sabi my initials wella)
Yes o!
I don't joke with that mi lady at all.
She has only me now.
I bathe and clothed her,cleaned her shyte and tell her it is well. Anytime she set eyes on me,she will brighten up.
When I met this man wey steal my heart,i told him he is gonna marry 2 women.
Infact,as soon as we r done,my mum is moving in with us.
My academics suffered but I didn't know how God did it,our exam officer interacted with me. For like 3 times and decided to do the right thing.
I didn't bribe anybody. If any of u know orji of unn exams and records,u will know what I'm saying. At a time he started dashing me tfare.

One man saw how I dey hussle for school and put my name for the next list of workers name to abuja. I just don't want to stay there and I told him to remove it.
Uncountable number of elders blessed my huzzle.
From house to school to mkt to school again to house.

Do u know d stoopid sis said it si ashweo work that is giving me money?
Even when mumsy finally died,this useless woman conived with whomever that I will not be involved in her burial.
My mum kwa.
That was where I lost it.
I told hubby to go home let me deal with her and her cronies
I went to my mum's grave and wailed almost maked.
Fear catch them.
See turnaround.
Na so people carry d case for head.
I was outside the compd when the church people did their thing.
Infact,i wasn't even told d date. D nurse that handled her called me a day b4 d funeral to ask where I dey as she has not seen me and people r asking after me.
Na so I quickly enter motor and meet a canopy of people doing service of songs.
As I wan enter house,i was halted,that d umuada will go if I enter my papa compound.

I don't like telling this story but what I hv learnt in this world is that cow wey no get tail,na him God dey pursue flies for am.

What was d bone of contention?
I stopped begging her and her children for stippend. Stopped going to lick their nyash.

Every xmas,i go home to serve them. If I happen not to come early(maybe I was busy with my sick mum)news don begin fly.
D children wey dey outside don begin to call me demanding or instructing me to go and help in their house that is filled with battalion.
They won't even come to see my mum yet....,
Let me stop here.
Will gradually get it off my chest completely.


I tell this story so that young gals will know that they can pull tru despite all d tragedies and broken hearts.
I made it,till today,im still used as testimony a lot by those who know my history.
Don't sell urself cheap.
Be optimistic and aspire for d best.
Work hard and I tell u, u will be amazed how ur dreams will come true.
Mine did.

So long an epistle!
Make una no vex o!

I don't know what to say.

cococandy:
yea. And be careful too. Not every PM deserves a reply. So you might choose to ignore those you don't recognize their moniker.

Alright, thanks for the heads up.

urchbarbie:
Lolx! U sound like a new born child who is still getting used to life outside d womb. A typical ajebo. Lolx! Soon dear! Uld acclimatize with tinx d naija way soon. And for d hausa, its not a funny feeling being in d midst of ppl communicating in one language. I pick up some keywrds sometimes n on other occasions I just blank out.

Lol, you'll get there.

I read someone's reply to another's post, it was disastrous and could cause some serious trauma, the funny thing is that, the person it was addressed to didn't even seem to care , some people here are really weird.

moca:

This reminded me of one of my male cousin's visitor from d village.
In d morning,he was served tea(lipton),bread,fried egg,evaporated milk,sugar and hot water.

I served him sha.
So later I went to d dining to clear d table.
Guess what?
He poured water(hot)inside d tea cup,the opened the lipton tea and poured everything inside!
He added milk and sugar but couldn't drink d thing so he drank d remaining milk like that and ate his bread. He didn't eat d egg.

Till date,if I remember that man(an elderly man) I will burst out laughing.
I thank God nobody met him there cos we will end up apologizing to him

My cous later showed him how to do it sha

Village people r d best!

Omg! He could have just asked for help. , that's one funny man.

veave:



correct igbo woman. That's okay. So, its just his igbotic nature you aint comfortable with?
Like someone above advised you. If you feel you cant cope in future or fall back in love with him later on. There is no need stringing him along. Think about it thoroughly and be firm in your decisions. If you are leaving him, do it now there is still time else, you start wedding and marriage preparations. A 3 year old child is already in KG2.

Lol at "igbotic nature" Isn't that offensive?

Yea, I just didn't really understand some line of thought of his and some etiquette issues here/there, but I've been educated on that by some lovely persons here, I'm going to continue studying the relationship, work on myself too and maybe see him more often, we don't really see each other a lot, I think that would help.

Thank you dear.

Wow!

Well, promiscuity isn't a Nigerian thing, I know white girls who have more than one boyfriend, some their partners know of and some they don't.

It all zeros down to how a person chooses to lead his or her life, the problem with most of the girls in the video is that they do it for money and that's prostitution.

Orikinla:
I don't hate any ethnic tribe.

We don't choose our parents.
We don't choose our tribes.
We don't choose our races.
But we can choose our beliefs and we can choose our lifestyles.
Ignorance kills intelligence.
Ignorance is the cause of the intolerance destroying humankind.

Thank you.

Seriously this place gets scary sometimes, I'm appalled reading some of the comments here, many sound crazy.

veave:




I meant, the 'business' and 'work' he does, have you seen it with your eyes? When he says he's travelling to dubai and stuff, do you follow him to the airport? So that you and him will not be discussing businesses that don't exist. Or him claiming to be an oga on another man's property.
Because of stories that touch oooo


I will check others and let you know.

Oh! Yea, I've seen with my eyes, he is into lightings and the likes.

I've gone on a trip with him and a boy of his one time.

C'mon I have Igbo blood too you know .