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ProfessorD's Posts

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FamilyRe: My Son Is Making Me Wet....... by ProfessorD(op): 9:15pm On Jan 08, 2014
cynhamscakes: Proff put the reference now.

ok let me help you: www.lindaikeji.. com.

.............you are welcome.
tenx..... tho i saw it on facebook
FamilyMy Son Is Making Me Wet....... by ProfessorD(op): 9:04pm On Jan 08, 2014
This is strange, and she decided to open up about her situation because she needs help. Her cry below…

I am a nursing mother and wife. I get wet and sometime cum when I’m breastfeeding my 7 months old son who happens to be my first baby. When he suckles my breast… gosh! What is happening to me? Are there other mothers out there who have had similar feelings? What can I do to stop this? Am I developing unhealthy sexual feelings for my own son or what is this? Please I need help!

Nairaland GeneralNot Far In The Future!!!! by ProfessorD(op): 4:02pm On Jan 05, 2014
Operator : "Thank you for calling Jumia Food Hut."

Customer: "Yes, hello, may I please order.."

Operator : "I must have your multi purpose card number first, Sir"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold on....6102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Amadi, calling from 17 Amaechi Drive. Your home number is 555-494-2366, your office # is 555-745-2302 and your mobile is 084-266-2566. Would you like to have the delivery made to 17 Amaechi Drive?

Customer: "Yes, how did you get all my phone numbers?"

Operator : "We are 'connected to the system' Sir"

Costomer: "May I order your Goatmeat Pizza...?"

. Operator : "That's not a good idea, Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat wheat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular wheat Dishes" from the National Library last week, Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me two family sized ones then, how much will that cost?

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 5, Sir. The total is N. 4000.00

Customer: "I will be paying by credit card."

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is too close to the limit thereby marking you as a credit risk - and that's not including the late fees that were added to your electric bill for being one week late in your payment October of last year. By the way, did you know you are going to owe your bank N980.00 when you receive your statement next week - you obviously made a mathematical error in your check book last month when you deducted the payment made to Blockbuster Video for the rental of "The Genevieve", giant tub of popcorn and 2 Snickers bars,

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives" .

Operator : "You can't do that, Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today after your tire separated on Airport Rd on the way to pick up your son, James from his soccer match against Patience High School and you had to call Amadi Towing. We extend our congrats to your son on his win however!" .

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?" .

Operator : "About 45 minutes, Sir but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..." .

Customer: " What the..?" .

Operator : "According to the details in system, you own a Harley,...registration number RV 1123..." .

Customer: "@#%/$@&?#" .

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 2019 you were convicted of using abusive language to a policeman... .

Customer: (Speechless) .

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?" .

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... are you giving me the 3 free bottles of Pepsi as advertised?" .

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you have a diabetic in the family and we do not trust you to store the Pepsi responsibly and keep it out of the hands of said diabetic."

http://crackednaija./2014/01/05/not-far-in-the-future/
HealthRe: Lose that fat by ProfessorD(op): 7:46pm On Dec 29, 2013
[quote author=pragmatist_m]Good one.All "orobos" should pay attention.[/quote]grin
HealthLose that fat by ProfessorD(op):
The simple truth is when it comes to weight loss, people want something that works totally against nature. i give an instance of a car who wants to burn fuel without moving the only way that is possible is to cause damage to the tank, now that is very much likened to what most people want, whatever promises to burn fat without you working will most probably damage a thing or two.



Rule #1 - Have a carbohydrate strategy.

We’ve heard it all before, “carbs are the enemy.” Well, not really. Completely slashing your carbohydrate intake will certainly help with dropping the pounds (and fast) but you’ll also be left feeling cranky, tired and lethargic. “Carbs are essential for life as our brain and CNS require them continuously to work properly. Restricting carbs completely will allow for any muscle mass to be metabilized to provide us with energy,” says Tim McComsey, a trainer, dietician and correspondent to HUMANFITPROJECT. It all comes down to using them correctly, not cutting them completely. “To get lean, a balance of the right amount of carbs first thing in the morning and after workout is ideal,” he says.

Rule #2 - Eat more fat.

Yeah, we said it. Eat more fat. “Fat doesn’t make you fat, too much food makes you fat,” says McComsey. Consuming more fat in your diet will actually help curb cravings after you’ve reduced your carb intake. “Fats help curb hunger because it takes the body longer to break down, use or store,” he says. Hormones also play a role, especially when it comes to muscle-supporting testosterone. McComsey adds, "fats are needed to create and balance out hormones in our body to function normally."

Rule #3 - Swap fruit out for veggies.

Fruit is great, it’s full of nutrients and antioxidants to help protect the body, but the downside is that they’re also full of sugars (carbs). How do you not lose out on all the benefits? Swap in veggies for fruit. This strategy allows you to keep the nutrients and antioxidants, but your sugar/carb and total calorie intake will be reduced. One apple has 125 calories and 25 grams of carbs. One large red pepper has 40 calories and 5 grams of carbs. You do the math.

Rule #4 - Ditch cardio for weights and circuits.

Want to get lean, hit the cardio machine. Wrong. “You will not make more muscle this route,” says McComsey. When you do cardio you're burning calories, but you're missing the muscle growth stimulation from weight training. "The more muscle that you have, the more calories and fat you'll be burning," he says. McComsey recommends hitting the weight room 3-4 days per week with one of the days being a circuit style with a variety of exercises. If you need to do cardio, try one day of 20-minutes of fast-slow intervals.

Rule #5 - Lay off the sauce.

Party boy, are we? If you’re serious about losing weight and getting lean you’d better take the effects of alcohol on the body seriously. "Alcohol causes fat to be stored instead of being used for energy. Essentially, your body will put a hold on the digestion of any food until the liver can excrete the alcohol," he says. Alcohol also hurts you in two other areas. "It is a diuretic which dehydrates you and reduces energy levels. It also can decrease testosterone in our bodies which is critical for creating muscle," he adds. Next time you're planning a guys-night, stick to one or two light beers or a hard liquor with a diet soda mixer.
RomanceRe: Things Your Spouse Does That You Dislike by ProfessorD(m): 3:26pm On Dec 15, 2013
coolest01: thanks ....oya now...let's get acquainted shall we?
Dont rush
LiteratureRe: I See Things Others Do Not See... by ProfessorD(m): 11:28am On Dec 02, 2013
This story is begining to lose the feel
LiteratureRe: I See Things Others Do Not See... by ProfessorD(m): 7:51pm On Nov 24, 2013
this should be drafted into a movie
2 Likes
CelebritiesRe: See This Lagos Female Club Owner Flaunts Her Big Bo*obs By Exposing In Public [P by ProfessorD(m): 5:49pm On Nov 22, 2013
[quote author=Ms_Steph]the way some of u job into conclusion as if u are living in a cave...... that is confidence she was a house mate with karen at big brother africa[/quote]Please i dont get your point
LiteratureRe: I See Things Others Do Not See... by ProfessorD(m): 9:35am On Nov 22, 2013
I Love This.... But please leave that hidden chapter story and update this one quickly
Nairaland GeneralRe: The Most Ridiculus Post You Ever Read On Nairaland by ProfessorD(m): 9:32pm On Nov 20, 2013
I bow my head in shame when i see some christians behave this way @ GSking Jesus loves you
HealthRe: A Thread For Body Builders by ProfessorD(op): 5:32pm On Nov 13, 2013
[quote author=chefd'oeuvre]cool Ds is all very interesting and enticing..but 4 me.. My lectures-nightclass-lecture schedule leaves absolutly no room 4 mch exercise not to tok of a fitness plan..beta nt physically fit n ace ma professionals dn b withdrawn wit ma shredded 6pack..grin hpfully wen m done wit sch dt'l improve..keep up d gud wrk ppo[/quote]Tenks...
LiteratureRe: Memoirs Of A Heartbreak Kid by ProfessorD(op): 12:51pm On Nov 07, 2013
One evening after a long day of work which now included flirting with my new found friend, I got home and went through the pictures I had of her on my phone and I couldn’t stop staring at them.

I had this cheesy grin on my face like a fat kid left alone in an ice cream truck would have. Then it hit me. I had fallen in love with Tasha. It all started to make sense now. Cupid had finally hit a target on my behind. I scrambled to get up, picked up my phone and sent her a romantic message on BBM telling her how I felt and how I could finally tell her what I knew she wanted to hear-that I loved her. This was it. I had fallen in love with a charming, smart and intelligent girl
and there was nothing I could do about it. If love could be described as the influence weed has on you, I think its safe to say I was higher than a kite.
Little did I know what was in store for me…
LiteratureMemoirs Of A Heartbreak Kid by ProfessorD(op): 2:07pm On Nov 06, 2013
We’ve all been through heartbreaks at one point or the other, love is a complicated tussle that more often than not, explodes in our faces. The journey of a relationship is heavily booby trapped and just almost anything can go wrong. Sometimes, let’s admit it, we get bored with our partners, we cheat, we lie, and it all comes to an end leaving at least one party devastated. We realize love isn’t as magical as we thought it was. Granted, there are those that survive the test of time and end up in marriage and a beautiful future, in some others, the verdict becomes simple, you were just not right for each other.

Ever since I was little I would watch these American romance movies where boy meets girl, woos girl, girl falls in love, and they would both seem happy together, and I would tell myself, when I get a girl I can convince myself that I love, I would love and treat her right. Our love would be like fireworks on the fourth of July. It would be fulfilling and it would be simple and perfect because everything would fall into place. The condition was, I had to convince myself that she was the one my heart beats for. I grew up knowing a lot of girls with their different attitudes and slowly built an understanding of them. Girls, I tell you, are truly a complicated specie created by God. We are hopeless without them but with them, sometimes its like you just want to strap yourself to an anchor and dive into the Bermuda Triangle. I learned to keep my emotions on check because I realized girls will manipulate them or shatter them. The few ones that might be human enough to accommodate them may no longer be satisfied with them in the long run. It’s a cold world out there trust me.

Forget what the heading of this article says, I’m a grown ass man now though, or at least I’m no longer a kid. I believe I have attained a respectable level of maturity therefore, I can deal with issues of the heart appropriately. I’ve had had my fair share of flings with girls, pseudo-date them and move on before anything gets too deep. That, my friends, is the motto. Well, was the motto, until I met Natasha. Tasha as I’d like to call her, wasn’t the prettiest of them all, she wasn’t the kind of girl I would sell a lung just to be with. She just kind of wormed her way into my life. This is the point where I reveal that Tasha and I work at the same place. Before you readers pull out your Uzis and start pumping me with bullets in your minds, I admit I flaunted the golden rule. Do not eat where you poop, or more clearly, business and pleasure are not supposed to mix. I thought I could wither the storm and heck, what’s a guy without a challenge that has to do with a chick right? I didn’t really pay much attention to Tasha at the beginning. She got close to some of the guys in my inner circle at work then one day, walked up to me and forced a conversation out of me.

She was inquisitive that girl, and I was curious as to why this girl took a sudden interest in me. We talked for an hour or so, then through out the evening after work and it was thrilling. I made up my mind, I wanted her BB pin so I got it. I made her add me because I didn’t want to directly ask for it(sue me, I’m weird like that). During that time we had gotten to know a whole lot about each other. She had definitely gotten my attention. By the time I got home, I just couldn’t wait to see her the next day. Things moved pretty swiftly from there. I’d see her from afar and this weird smile would creep up on my face. We spent more time together in the office but nobody read anything into it, the place was big after all and there were a lot of staff. Plus, she was close friends with my buddies at work and thus, the perfect cover was established as we became a circle of friends.

One day, Tasha invited me for a friend’s birthday gig, I had plans that night so I declined the invitation even though she hinted the possibility of her getting drunk and losing her inhibitions at the party. I could tell she wanted me to accompany her really badly. That night while on my bed, I glanced at my phone and saw the red notification light blinking. It was my lovely Tasha. I opened the message and she had texted me to throw her disappointment at me for not going to the party with her. From the way her words were arranged, I could tell she probably wasn’t herself. She then blurted out an “I love you”. I wouldn’t say I didn’t see it coming, I was just surprised at how direct it came. I didn’t know what to say at that moment, I just replied with an awkward “yeah you too”. Her reply to that was purely disdain. I think I broke her heart that night. The next morning she told me she was drunk and was typing bollocks to different people but I knew better, that heartfelt rendition was not a machination of a drunk mind, it was the truth. She later on confided in me that after three failed relationships in the past, she just wished the next guy she would date would be the first to pop the magic words and actually mean it. Little did I know that slowly but surely, I was falling for her.
1 Like
PoliticsRe: APC Leaders In Port-Harcourt To Woo Amechi (Pictures) by ProfessorD(m): 10:38pm On Nov 05, 2013
Amaechi has very little support in rivers state.... the people you see there were tricked in a very cunning way
RomanceRe: Share your Funniest Dating experience by ProfessorD(op): 5:10pm On Oct 31, 2013
"I was dating this girl and wanted to say
something romantic to her over the phone, so I wrote a long letter to read aloud while talking to her. When she answered the phone, I began reciting my letter nervously. While I was pouring my heart and soul out to her, I heard some noise — it sounded like someone talking to another person and then handing the phone to her. My chick then interrupted my speech and informed me that I hadn't been talking to her before. Her aunt had answered the phone. That whole time I had been confessing my love to her relative!"
RomanceShare your Funniest Dating experience by ProfessorD(op):
It was my first date ever with a girl, and I had a slight cold. We went to a nice restaurant, and while we were eating our meal, I sneezed — and a huge booger bubble came out of my nose! It was awful, and it wouldn't go away. I jumped up as fast as I could and ran to the bathroom with my hands over my face. It was humiliating angry i nearly cried that day!!! Looking back now i could have handled it better....i bet yours will be more fun...
FamilyRe: Will You Raise Your Kids Thesame Way Your Parent Raised You? by ProfessorD(m): 3:57pm On Oct 31, 2013
No oh neva....my dad was too strict my mom too indulging, i would rather stike a healthy balance
HealthRe: A Thread For Body Builders by ProfessorD(op): 2:27pm On Oct 29, 2013
WHY I DECIDED TO TRANSFORM
Skinny kids are teased for their small size, but then there was me, the skeleton. Until my senior year of high school, I was literally the skinniest guy in every class and most girls were bigger than me. There was actually a time in my anatomy class where we had to measure our arms for a lab
and my girl partner had bigger arms than me.
This killed me because I was an easy target for jokes and insults and felt disheartened because my body stopped me from being the best I could be in every aspect of life. At that moment, I promised myself I would change and my journey wouldn't stop until I became the best I could physically be.


HOW I ACCOMPLISHED MY GOALS
Near the end of my senior year, I trained regularly at the YMCA and grew slowly. A couple months later, I got a 24-Hour Fitness membership and saw serious results.
I went every day, took an off day once per week, and ate like there was no tomorrow. When I didn't see noticeable gains for some time, I thought about giving up and accepting that I will always be the skinny kid. I tried to prove to myself that
not working out and eating so much would be easier, but thanks to countless bodybuilding videos, I stayed with it. Zyzz became an inspiration to get me back to the gym with more drive than ever.
I kept Bodybuilding.com bookmarked and read new articles to improve my physique every day after school. Eating six times per day and training like an animal made me want it more and more every day.
www.bodybuilding.com

SportsRe: Nigeria Vs Iran: Fifa U17 WC (4 - 1) On 29th October 2013 by ProfessorD(m): 1:01pm On Oct 29, 2013
[quote author=nadia_SA]Team Iran!!


*seat booked
If u also Iran supporter abeg sit next to me oo[/quote]v
i hereby divorce you
HealthRe: A Thread For Body Builders by ProfessorD(op): 10:53pm On Oct 27, 2013
DBlackCeazer: Hello all,I ve been lifting for quite some time now,i ve noticed improvements except for my shoulders,its still looking scrawny.pls,how do i correct this.
v
Try exercises that focus on your shoulders like military press, lateral raise etc also when lifting tense your shoulders
HealthRe: A Thread For Body Builders by ProfessorD(op): 10:53pm On Oct 27, 2013
DBlackCeazer: Hello all,I ve been lifting for quite some time now,i ve noticed improvements except for my shoulders,its still looking scrawny.pls,how do i correct this.
v
Christianity EtcRe: How Do You Know When God Speaks To You by ProfessorD(m): 10:24pm On Oct 27, 2013
[quote author=Mazi_Omenuko]God speaks to us all through different means. The question is: can you hear the voice of God? Take the voice of God like a radio station, broadcasting through the radio waves. You need to tune to its broadcasting frequency to receive the broadcast. Wazobia fm is currently broadcasting, yet you can't get tuned to wazobia fm if your radio is not tuned to their frequency.

Do you get the gist?[/quote]Are you now born again
European Football (EPL, UEFA, La Liga)Re: Chelsea Vs Manchester City (2 - 1) On 27th October 2013 by ProfessorD(m): 5:43pm On Oct 27, 2013
LIKE if chelsea will win the title this season
FoodRe: Nigerian Foods And Their Calorie Contents by ProfessorD(op): 5:26pm On Oct 27, 2013
Danieltaiwo: Na exercise sure pass.abeg wetin be jews mellow,na jute mellow me sabi o
It has many names both are correct, it can also be called english spinach
FashionRe: Afro, Dreadlocks, Low-cut, Cornrows Or Skincut? Which Do You Prefer? by ProfessorD(m): 2:59pm On Oct 27, 2013
Idowuogbo: Call me Badoooosky! D cool
My fooot
FashionRe: Afro, Dreadlocks, Low-cut, Cornrows Or Skincut? Which Do You Prefer? by ProfessorD(m): 6:43am On Oct 27, 2013
Idowuogbo: Na ur sister b Mumu.If u no get, den thunder fire ur Mumu gf.He-diot!
Typical bush low_life response...
FashionRe: Afro, Dreadlocks, Low-cut, Cornrows Or Skincut? Which Do You Prefer? by ProfessorD(m): 10:37pm On Oct 26, 2013
Idowuogbo: Lmao! *singing* d thing pain am, ga gaou o! Oba edumare ga gaou oo....







Drogba! grin
This one na,mumu ohh!
HealthRe: A Thread For Body Builders by ProfessorD(op): 7:59pm On Oct 26, 2013
emcemayo: shocked shocked shocked wink
so quiet in here una go pump iron be dat cool
Lol
FoodRe: Nigerian Foods And Their Calorie Contents by ProfessorD(op): 8:12am On Oct 26, 2013
geosvic: Tired of all there analysis cause these were foods our fathers ate and they live longer than we that think are civilize. Pls let me eat what i have who knows maybe it was the calories that make them grow so old
Did your grandfather deep fry, did he drink soda or soft drink, did he work in an office(sit down all day) did he eat fast junk snacks, the probable anwser is no, except you intentionally or unintetionally work out a lot then you should control what you eat I was just sharing info that if you use properly you wont be looking for pills to reduce obesity and other life style ailments

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