₦airaland Forum

Mindlog:
Projecting your thought.

Lol

Sapasenator:
She is in for a long thing. The pastors will tell her to pray about it and she will continue taking the abuses until she will lose her job and the real abuse will start. The little respect she gets in that marriage is because she has a job and the man sees that as a big threat.

I have a sister married to a man like that and I despise the guy more than Ebola virus.

You get it!

What do you want them to say? No pastor will plainly tell you to separate from your partner before they are not misquoted and you see members leaving their marriages at the slightest provocations.
Pastors will only subtly let you know the truth but it will be your decision to make.

Men like that are truly viruses. May God help us

folake4u:
I know right!!!!!! Really crazy!

Ahhh about the qualities ehn? Topping my list is "If the person has sense" because Omooo! That one is just non-negotiable for me. And my list hasn't changed too.

Previously when one of my friends tried matchmaking, I Just asked him if his friend has sense, he just laughed. He couldn't even vouch for him, I told him not to bother.

Toh! I've never been a fan of that one oh. If we are to go by that rule, make him carry the belle too na.
A man that can't provide for his family is worse than an infidel, nor be me talk am sha. Na the Holy Bible.

That Sense is very important and it comprises a lot of things. Maturity and Emotional intelligence are part of the things Sense contain. Be matured enough to communicate and let things go, these things are missing in Op's husband abeg.

You think you have your list on point until you hear tales like Op's and you have to recheck if you are certain you have all covered it's tiring biko .

Lol make them no come match you with wahala.

Bible don talk am finish my sister, may God help us.

Waiting for some people to blame his wife

"that employing people to manage it " part.

Please don't try it. If you can't manage the business yourself biko don't start it . Except you can get an educated hausa man Sha

As for how much they make, I don't know. I know it's a business that never really dies when managed well.

folake4u:
The virtuous wife these men are supposed to love and cherish, they ALWAYS fumble them so bad. I read this thread at 1am and was really sad.

I kuku nor wan be Proverbs 31 woman.

Like! It's crazy!

Honestly, what I've learned is choosing a partner is way deeper than what we think. Craziest part is qualities to look out for keeps changing everyday.

I don kukuma talk am no matter how much I earn the man must provide. That percentage thing is not for me. I used to be an advocate but these Men don't deserve it.

Sapasenator:
Op, Your relationship is a master slave relationship. Do not ever think for once that you have a marriage and how do you manage to have sex with such an individual? I honestly do not get it. I will never sleep with you if I am not happy with you.

This is how it should be but most women have learnt otherwise before they are accused of "hoarding" sex .

I really feel bad for Op . Another virtuous wife down

jorion:
But them don know each other na. So, everything don cast.

She go eventually lose both of them so make she enjoy while it last.

E get things wey men no dey overlook in the long run.

SPEAKING AS A MAN

Oh...

That's how it always ends... Loss Person no fit chase two rats without losing both

I don't even know what to type self

jorion:
She dey F one rich dude for her meal ticket but still dey obsessed with her ex.

Its a choice between not going hungry and her obsession with her ex.

She can keep both nah

Summary please

No advantage at all

Marry your Maggi smelling wrapper tying women in peace

jify:
I have done the best to be a supportive person but I have realized that should I wait for him, we will continue to wallow in poverty which is why I'm looking for ways to improve my own personal income.

5 years ago, I was lucky to have a contact that gave me a business deal to help produce something and I would be paid for it. My husband had a fair idea of this work. The profit for one job was as much as N150k to N250k. The monies were paid to me and I transferred to him. I would even beg to be given something out of the profit. But then he was also doing things at home so I continued to bring these jobs. Guess what, if in a period I upset him, he would abandon the job, the customer is asking me where is my job and me I am begging my husband to complete this job and he ignores me. I would have to start looking for all the potential people who he could have given the job to, until I find the person and get the customer job done. It's not something I want to take up, because it would be too stressful for me. Besides, it's 'a man's type of work. I stopped pursuing that work. I wasn't taking any of the profits, he got everything o.

Secondly, I convinced him to learn social media management and marketing. I got someone to teach him one on one, even paid the person. I provided data for the online class, my husband didn't call nor attend any classes. Again, I said give me content, you have this particular skill, I paid social media manager for one month, to see how we can use online marketing to get him clients. It was his phone number on the page, I would just pay the manager for a while, after the first week, he stopped providing content, I begged and begged until I gave up. My husband is not the lazy type, he has strength and agility. I'm more of a think tank, generating ideas because I'm an avid reader, but he punishes me for the wrong I've done to him and that's not someone I want to do anything business with.

So I think I have done my best. I am not guiltless o. I have my own faults that has been pointed out to me even by pastors which I need to work on but when the other party never forgives or forgets, then it becomes a problem. I have told him that as long as we live together, it is almost impossible that I would not offend you, i can't even guarantee that. But why do I have to serve punishment for the wrongs I commit. He offends me, 90% of the time, I never bring it up.

He drags me to police station for offending him, because the first time my family heard that he beats me up, they went to the police and told him to sign an undertaking that he would never touch me. It was even church people that called my mum to come and carry their daughter and told my family not to sweep it under the carpet.

I don try o. Honestly, I have tried my best. Even suggesting new business ideas gets him angry. He says he's the one that's supposed to be determining whether we're going to do any business at all.

I can't say all, because I would be opening a can of worms. We have been to Lagos State, I was asked to go get a place and they would take it up, I was the one who didn't push through. I forgave because the Bible says forgive. I have contacted lawyer twice this year, I didn't push through again, because my pastor would be quoting Bible and telling me to endure and be praying. I'm tired. I have even been accused of having evil spirit because I said I cannot be doing midnight prayer on Monday and Wednesday night by 1am. I said put the midnight prayer on Fridays. He said I'm opposing him as head of the home, I always argue every suggestion. At some point I agreed to the midnight prayer, but put it by 12am, not 1am, because I have to be up by 4am. That was another issue that dragged and got me being locked outside. I am tired o. Very very tired and frustrated.

You have really tried. Your husband is an insecure unforgiving person.... Please save yourself

Your children will be fine.

Your mom raised you with rules of life formed from her own experience. You picked the wrong lessons from your childhood experience. You are in a confused state, you don't want a repeat of your mom's situation but you import her technique into your own marriage.

Your first mistake: You did not seat to map out what you want in your marriage, seek a partner who wants the same and how to run your home. You are not the first neither will you be the last, we all are a product of our parents actions and decisions. It takes deliberate intention to flush out some things we have picked up and remodel our thinking to want we want.

My advice, take a mental break from all of this.Rest Don't see the problem, see what you have and want to save. You have you, save you. Then ask yourself what you really want.

When you are done evaluating yourself then see your problem ( your husband ) The obstacle to what you want. Why does he behave that way? What does he want? You can talk to him but not in a vulnerable place where emotions can set in.

Come to a break even. Can your situation be salvaged? What has to change? Can you change? Can he change? Do you need to do away with your upbringing about finance and allow him be the Man? Does he feel emasculated because Here's the truth, The average Nigerian man's ability to provide and care for you is very important to him. It goes way beyond ego and closely related to his identity. If you take it away from him it's like giving him reasons to question his existence and superiority. That's why he uses other things he has power over to curb you. An independent woman with a traditional man is made for disaster. Are you ready to be more dependent?

Accept your solution . Whatever your conclusions are please accept them. Two can not work except they agree. If you two can come up with solutions to make your marriage work, it's wonderful. If not, then you have to accept it too. Your kids will be fine. It's best for them to grow in a lovely home with or without the two parents present than to live in a chaotic one with both kids present.

Finally, None of this is your fault. Remember that! You were prepared for what is yet to come and sometimes that backfires it takes away the beauty of discovery, learning and growth. In a society like Nigeria, independent women suffer/ get cheated in marriage. Until men are ready to accept the dynamics of role change in non traditional marriage, women please don't ever take up the masculine role.

Newlymarried:
Just 11 weeks and he looks like this,what if he had stayed 1 month,that's obituary!

The oppressors humbled him.

11 weeks is over 2 months nah

Stay Single or Go Gay

This noise is just too much

CaveAdullam:
Buh buh ayam innocent.

I beleaf u

Tallesty1:
I am too old for this

It's old people that uses lines most.

Is "Pemi loruko ko fami nirungbun ( call me by name and draw my bear bear ) " a joke to you?

luminouz:
Nawa oh....

While I don't mind the love messages, the notion of men ramming love lines together because of 1k is disturbing.

See

Small boy attitude

I hope they are all financially stable for kids that will come.

Nazgul:
Na the new toasting line be that o. No time for long grammar.

SMH vigorously

SoftSport:
In a world full of noise, your laughter is the melody that makes my heart dance.

Every moment spent with you is a beautiful page in our story, and I can’t wait to write the next chapter together.

You’re not just my love; you’re my favorite adventure, and I cherish every moment we explore together.

When I look into your eyes, I see my forever, and that vision is more beautiful than any dream.

With you, every day feels like a new beginning, and I’m grateful to have you by my side as we create our endless journey

Cc: guo be

Tallesty1 are you learning?

superintendents:
both of your monikers (names) are complicated, sound like couple though.

🤔

Couples ke.

I remember that time I was saving for Pansophist's dowry Thank God I used my money to buy Suya.

See wetin I for marry? Love lines sounding like "Call to Battle"

Nonsense and Panso.phist's grenade.

pansophist:
You chop bitter kola? Why the frowning?

Is that a love note or war note?

So Caveadullam self dey drop lines for woman.

Unbelievable

I pity all these small small boys that follow you to a fault/blindly.

Where's that small boy Luminouz ?

You have only one kid, are you done giving birth?

Are you relocating with your family or only you? If it's latter lol your wife is wise

Talk to her, acknowledge her surgery but convince her the timing is wrong. Aside your travel plans, you guys are not done with childbearing ( I believe you want more than one)

In all, I really don't know why your marriage is based on superficiality but then it's your marriage.

folake4u:

Hain

Tallesty1:
I just told you what works for me.

This one and have you eaten?

😂

Abeg come and be going

Magnoliaa:
That agbero?

Lol... You don know am well