₦airaland Forum

This thread ought to be on frontpage,to enlighten people about the financial responsibilities to be prepared for in marriage.It is not enough to get married now because;
1.You want to start having kids early (They will drink akamu and salt when you don't prepare well enough for them).
2.My parents are on my neck.When bills start coming from left and right,I doubt if any relative would assist you.
This is an eye opener indeed.I am saving this thread to show my man when we see,so that he can buckle his trousers well and start calculating if he is ready for marriage.My aunt just gave birth and its always one heated conversation about money to another. The husband is earning less than 40k,even terms her requests as being too demanding(on top your own pikin o).He clearly doesn't know the baby needs disposables like diapers and wipes on a regular basis.Thank God my aunt has a job,she would have become one frustrated woman by now.

Please,I use black opal true colour stick foundation in carob.A MUA recommended ailin loose powder for me as being the best powder to set black opal stick foundation(which is creamy).Those who have used it,let me know your thoughts on it and the available shades.

The price is 30k last!My location is warri right nw.

Still available

Kachisbarbie:
funny you...
There are people it helps o, some like noise sha.
Well said @ registry. If you can afford it, by all means give yourself a treat,but straining one's budget to put up a fairytale proposal or wedding is not ideal.

Definitely,I can't cut costs on the honeymoon,that's what I look forward to.The wedding ceremony will be lowkey.Because some people even borrow money,hire dj and event planners on credit just to throw a lavish ceremony.The main thing is to cut your cloth according to size.I no fit use concoction rice take start my marriage because the wedding ceremony made us broke.mba nu.

Kachisbarbie:
It's not about the time in a ladies life (age), there are people that hate all that fanfare. I happen to fall in that category, no engagement party, bridal shower, baby shower... I am boring like that.

C'mon, we've been together for months/years... what was I expecting? A burial invitation?

babe chop knuckle..My fiance didnt do all that jare and the world hasn't stopped!Na e parents even help am propose to me..I know he will definitely do the official proposal o,cos he like those mushy stuff even pass shakespeare!!hehehehe.I would like a very quiet wedding ceremony,no time to kill 5 cows to feed Nigeria.If I had my way I would have done only registry marriage.

I love the babe abeg,she is too real.Its better to focus on the marriage than making a fuss about how he proposes.The most important thing is your happiness.

udondeymadt:
wow u be must master seductress by now lol..like queen Cleopatra. pls have mercy on guys oh. I may checkout dat book u mentioned tho.. and permit me to say ur cute! ur face cld win any case in court. lol.

lol..see washing.Thanks for the compliment *blushing*

kaboninc:
Or sweerry, I love the way you flow...

When is the d day na

Maybe next year or at most early 2017.

kaboninc:
Who locked you?

my man na..We have done family introduction/engagement,plus the fact that I love the way he loves me..So I am on serious lockdown!

udondeymadt:
it intrigues me when i see ladies cry like this. I kinda relish it. Em.. OP i dnt hv much to say here. I'll only suggest u two books i think u shld read. "the art of seduction" by robert Greene, and "men,women and relationships" by John Gray. trust me they'll help u develop. they got examples of real life situations with solutions. Hope u like reading tho. and lastly dat guy ure tripping for is gonna fvck u over & over mentally. break free love.

Those are great books you recommended bro.I read the art of seduction many times over,like I was preparing for an exam.My favourite story was about josephine and napoleon bonaprate.The way she blew hot and cold,never making him too sure of what she felt for him almost killed him.It was intriguing to read how a plain looking woman like josephine,was able to bring a man as powerful as Napoleon to this knees..like damn!Meanwhile there is another book I read many years ago,I think its titled "woman who love too much" by Robin norwood.The author dished out down to earth advice that can really help op build her self worth and break free from this guy.

kaboninc:
Oya fall for me na... I LOOOVVEEEE YYOOUUUUUU (sotey I add kisses join )


Leave those guys joor.....

All these wanawan guys wey want do Rite of Passage!

lol...leave which guy?He has me on lockdown already.Space no dey!

kaboninc:
Hahahahahahaha

They are still learners.....

You tell them make them learn from the masters, they go dey shiit agidi for you.

If that guy gif you that pick-up line, you go fall for am?

lol..why I no go fall for am?Afterall na "I like you fine girl,talk your own" nai my oga take toast me na.And I just gree once.Seriously,the pick up lines were comical.Na laugh I dey since.The poor girl dey lament about her predicament,men wan try their luck.

kaboninc:
Seriousllllyyyyy?
This ya pick up STYLE.....

hehehehehehe..you just dey spoil people show here o.Leave guys make dem toast na?

schumastic:
feminist

no bro,realist!She doesn't need angel gabriel to appear to her in a halo to tell her "my child,the Lord says this man does not love you,stop stalking and obsessing over him".Its crystal clear for all to see from his actions;I was just helping her realise that ,and to ensure she does better next time.

OutOnBail:
Men are like shadows. The more you run after them, the more they move away from you and the more you move away from them, the more they run after you. Work on your emotions, you aren't strong emotionally.

You have said it all.if a man even loves a woman,there is a point where she pampers him to he starts taking her for granted.So its always necessary not to overdo things to avoid 'see finish'.

Alezy:
that I the book u read to harden ur heart to an unrealistic position. When mr right finally shows his face, u won't even recognise him again.

bad idea to me

If you read my post well,I explained what the book entails.Its not to turn you into a cold unfeeling woman,Its written to help women like op develop their dating game and be mature about it.The author even interviewed guys while writing it,and their feedback was unanimous on the point that no man wants a needy woman.That is what op here is doing,by going to the dude's house unnanounced and calling him even when he has zero interest in her.Right now she needs to be able to walk away from this guy,I recommended the book to let her know how to be smart and yet loving in a relationship.The fact that you want a mr right doesn't mean a woman should go about acting clueless,allowing herself to be treated like trash.My mother once told me 'relationships are like chess,you study the moves of your partner'.If op was emotionally strong,she ought to have decoded from the guys moves that he is not into her.That's what the book is meant for,to build her up to be discerning,and not go about relationships doing all the loving by herself.

The only thing I saw was 'night food'..hehehehehe

Ok babe..I understand how u feel because I have encountered some pretty mean stuff in life.First of all,I want you to reinstall your whatsapp messenger.When you do,block him! Secondly,get this book "why men love b.itches" by sherry argov.It would toughen you up, especially if you read it with willingness to stop being too emotional about new guys you meet..Its not a book that would make u bitter or an actual bit.ch,the title just connotes that men love strong women who though can be loving,yet try to maintain their independence.Also a woman who knows when to cut her loses to move on when she is being treated with disdain.Men smell desperation and insecurity from miles away.Tell yourself you don't have to be in a relationship to be complete as a person.Its hard because daily u find your friends and even celebs posting loved up pics and all.That alone can make any single lady stay with a man for all the wrong reasons just to avoid feeling left out.My experience with men is that they want what they can't have.Just try it..the guys you don't want in your life pursue you relentlessly,amidst insults and serious attitude to ward them off you.While the ones you call,text more and show excess affection are bound to trample on your emotions by treating you like trash.Please find a distraction.Get engrossed in your work or academics.Read good books,learn a skill or craft.Basically,do things to make you happy.The key is learning to enjoy your own company.Otherwise you would have serious issues even when you meet the man of your dreams.Learn to pace yourself when it comes to relationships..baby steps darling.Don't just fall yakata,even if you are so obsessed with a guy(like you obviously are)Hide it!A little pride won't hurt you here.See yourself as the best,someone any man would not forget in a hurry.Don't let this guy make a mess of your emotions,you are above all that crap.Make a firm decision never to call him again and stand by it!In life you have to master the art of ignoring people no matter how much you crave for them;do it to the point that the person would start doubting his very existence.Don't live your life in a way that you are too much of a good girl.You have to be strong at times,to drive the message home,that you would not stand to be mistreated and have your emotions thrown back on your face.Lastly,just relax..nothing is wrong with you.You'll certainly meet a great guy that would know how much of an amazing lady you are,and love every inch of you for it!

Things like this make me happy I don't do female friends.I have a couple of them o,but its just on small talk basis.My real friends I can tell anything are guys.Girls from time immemorial have always been pros at exhibiting senseless attitudes.So,there's no chance for any married girl to beef me,because I have perfected the art of sticking to my closely knit circle of male friends.They are very encouraging,realistic and can walk a mile for me.I have encountered girl friends who hid their introduction,pregnancy and even marriage from me..Its funny sha,because those things are not a big deal to me.I have come to see it as normal "fish brain style behaviour,exhibited by people void of rational thinking".That's why its much better for me kepping guys as my close friends,because there are no issues of jealousy,funny attitudes and other cra.p.Although,my male besties are all in committed relationships,so there is no issue of him catching feelings and wanting to leave the "bestie zone".

feldido:
I get ur point, but why would one even marry someone he/she isn't compatible with?

You ask this one o...On nairaland you find all sorts of posts that make it seem like being unmarried is a curse.Why won't people marry anybody they can find ,just to 'belong'?

feldido:
I agree with you, adultery is the only grounds for separation and divorce. But like u said, it can be resolved if both parties decides to, that's why it's called love.

sweetie,LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!You feel those getting divorced don't love themselves?They do..You can love anyone if you decide to..The most important thing is compatibility and mutual respect.

First of all,they are called irreconcilable differences because the couple has decided to end it.That is irrespective of the fact that it could have been resolved.In a case where the husband impregnates the girlfriend,its very few women that would stay back and ride it out.Many would opt out of the marriage due to the anger and hurt they feel.

donpata:
I love the last 3 or so comments coming from ladies with even experience. Those other ladies posting earlier painted us men like some horrible creatures,with all of us having tendencies of abusing women and being deceptive. Truth is, i got many aunts who are in their late 20s and early 30s, unmarried and though being graduates have not been able to land a beta job apart from private school jobs that pay 10-20k and overwork them. Am not happy when i see them desperate abt marriage and crying like small babies once a relationship they hope will end up in marriage goes gaga. One of them who after graduating with a law degree, went to law school, served and married at 28. After a year or so, she had a still birth and its 2 yrs now without another pregnancy. She once told me "if i had known, i would have married while in school, at least, i should hav one or two children now". Besides, she wont be in school forever. At most, 4yrs and she can also start supporting him once she lands a job.

Fact is girl, take your time to study this man. there are good men out there and i know i myself will make a good husband . If you got the right person, looked at all the consequences listed here for u and you are fully convinced it's a go, pls take the leap. If your parents still insists, then i think they care less about your happiness and are probably more concerned of the EGO they gonna get by people hailing them for sponsoring u to a degree . I dont even understand y they should insist on keeping u and spending more money just for someone to come and carry u away and benefit from their labor when they hav someone willin to take away the stress rightaway. Well, maybe they are well bucksd up.

Lastly, since u say u are a Christian, if they oppose, you could get your pastors to intervene. sometimes, they wield a very great influence especially if u are close to them or have spoken heart to heart with them. start getting close to ur spiritual leaders now if uve not done so. they can also advice u about your plans. [color=#000099][/color] Just make sure u are academically sound sha else carry overs fit punish u especially if u got a child. U are responsible for your actions ohh. Look b4 you leap. But dont wait and expire at home.

and for queenfav who can wear a 'waiting ring' till 2017, na una type dem Olukoya and Oyedepo dey complain abt. I wish u well on your path to widowhood cos as Gordons talk, "woman wey dey 40 and never marry don turn selfmade widow"
romance007, Wish U best of Luck.

thank u ooo.The fact is some of us actually plan our life.I won't join the bandwagon of ladies getting married every saturday to prove a point.There are things I have to put in place and get checked out before taking that step.And ooh..I forgot!Marriage to me is not the be all and end all of life, neither is it the holy grail..!If it were my problem,I would have been married sinceeeeee.So not every girl you meet has marriage as a top priority.There are many rushing out,so I see no need to rush in to please anyone.I'll do it when I am ready for the responsiblities and obligations it brings with it.I have some friends who rushed into marriage and are biting their fingers already.I am a divorce attorney who knows a lot more about the harsh realities of marriage than you obviously do.I have seen enough to know that its not how fast you go in,but how well prepared and enlightened you are,to stand the challenges in marriage and conquer it.It is not sth you go into acting on emotions.in fact,you have to make sure you are well insured against unforseen circumstances that may happen.If you assume its smooth sailing because the couples u know don't tell you their problems,then you seriously have to get off your high horse!I pity any lady who would get married because of parental/peer pressure or the fact that they want to start a family early.That's why cases of divorce is on the increase!I don't know it all ,but I know that I won't get married when I am not emotionally and financially ready for it.That's a risk I can't take.

.

Infinix note 2 killer..

Adele-i miss you,remedy,water under the bridge
Nicki minaj-i lied,all eyes on me
I put a spell on you -annie lennox (Fifty shades of grey
soundtrack).

iAmCharis:
Hmmmmm some guys engage in unprotected sex just once and they catch the virus that very first time. This friend of yours has a good oil on his head. Lol

I bet if he'll be able to trust any woman ever again in his life.

he will still trust na,because he wants to get married.But the issue of no condom has definitely closed for him.

iAmCharis:
And he's negative? How come?

they only had se.x a couple of times withoiut prptection.Na God just save am abeg.He waited the 6 months after and extra 3 months to re-test.It was still negative.It took a very long time before he could look at women again.

Uhhm..The devil you know is indeed better than the angel you don't know.This story sent chills down my spine.The girl deserves to be killed!This is the height of wickedness.This almost happened to one of my male best friends..He was engaged to her and the jezebel did not tell him she was hiv +.It was their church mandatory tests for couples that revealed it.She knew all along and said she didn't know how to tell him.Thankfully he was negative.Also they used condoms more,and only had unprotected se.x occasionally.Na God save my friend o!

babygirlfl:
Romance007,

I would like to hug you and tell you what you would like to hear because you sound nice, intelligent and in love but I will tell you what I would tell a dear person in your situation.

It could go both ways. It could be the best or worse decision so you know your situation and know what's best for you but I would like to tell you a few things.

People break promises most of the time for selfish purposes but sometimes because life happens. If those promises are broken, where does that leave you? Most women today got married with such promises that the man never kept and is regretting it today.

I would not advice any woman to get married today without her being independent. Times have changed and there is nothing as good as a person ( man or woman ) being independent.


In all, I wish the best of luck and hope you make the best decision for yourself.

GBAM!my thoughts exactly@op onegai has outlined all you need to know..Infact,I have to give her an e-hug.People feel marriage is easy sailing.Coming from a family with 7 married aunts has opened my eyes to a lot of harsh realities about marriage.That is why,I can even remain engaged till 2017.I have understood that marriage is a lifetime affair.Why rush to a place you will eventually remain all your life?Marriage works better when 2 whole persons come together.Not when one is still struggling with her goals,and expecting the other to support.Let me quote my mum "To marry a nigerian man of this generation,you need to have your own money!"That's my concern for you o.My advice is..finish your education before you think of getting married.When I was serving as a mediator, many divorces I mediated on were borne out of financial issues and sex.For me o,at 21 I don't see you having the emotional maturity to deal with the challenges of marriage.Don't let emotions becloud your reasoning.Because in marriage,shi.t gets real o.You would be better insured with your certificate in your hands and a job/business that gives u ur own money.Besides,you don't expect your parents to continue paying your fees when you marry.Husband and father is different o..when you need money for school,that's where different complains will start because you are not working,and with time the guy is bound to be overwhelmed with different bills piling up.He will sooner or later take out the frustration on you.Do the smart thing and listen to your parents.They are right most of the time because they have more experience on life's issues.

How much is the number 1.