Raimond's Posts
Nairaland Forum › Raimond's Profile › Raimond's Posts
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ... 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 (of 21 pages)
 Jokes Etc › Helicopters and Women...hmmm by Raimond(op): 4:07pm On Jun 17, 2008 |
1. A helicopter will kill you quickly . . . a woman takes her time. 2. Helicopters can be turned on by a flick of a switch. 3. A helicopter does not get mad if you 'touch and go.' 4. A helicopter does not object to a preflight inspection. 5. Helicopters come with manuals. 6. Helicopters have strict weight and balance limits. 7. You can fly a helicopter any time of the month. 8. Helicopters don't come with in-laws. 9. Helicopters don't whine unless something is really wrong. 10. Helicopters don't care about how many other helicopters you have flown. 11. When flying, you and your helicopter both arrive at the same time. 12. Helicopters don't mind if you look at other helicopters, or if you buy helicopter magazines. 13. It's OK to use tie-downs on your helicopter |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Some Gender Jokes! by Raimond(op): 3:52pm On Jun 17, 2008 |
WHY HELICOPTERS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN 1. A helicopter will kill you quickly . . . a woman takes her time. 2. Helicopters can be turned on by a flick of a switch. 3. A helicopter does not get mad if you 'touch and go.' 4. A helicopter does not object to a preflight inspection. 5. Helicopters come with manuals. 6. Helicopters have strict weight and balance limits. 7. You can fly a helicopter any time of the month. 8. Helicopters don't come with in-laws. 9. Helicopters don't whine unless something is really wrong. 10. Helicopters don't care about how many other helicopters you have flown. 11. When flying, you and your helicopter both arrive at the same time. 12. Helicopters don't mind if you look at other helicopters, or if you buy helicopter magazines. 13. It's OK to use tie-downs on your helicopter. |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Some Gender Jokes! by Raimond(op): 3:49pm On Jun 17, 2008 |
DEFINITIONS BY GENDER [b]THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female: Any part under a car's hood. Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing football without a helmet. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys. BUTT (but) n Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger." Male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything that can be done while drinking. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2&1/2 min. [/b] |
| Jokes Etc › Some Gender Jokes! by Raimond(op): 3:46pm On Jun 17, 2008 |
TRANSLATIONS FOR MEN [b]These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say, "IT'S A GUY THING" Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Translated:* "I have no idea how it works." "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Translated:* "Are you still talking?" "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt." "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon." "I CAN'T FIND IT." Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Translated:* "What did you catch me at?" "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again." "WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK." Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up." [/b] |
| Phones › Who Knows Anything About WND Dual-sim Phone,is It Advisable To Get It? by Raimond(op): 3:29pm On Jun 17, 2008 |
Please i need some information about WND dual-sim phones.Who has come across it and how good is it? |
| Music/Radio › How Can I Make A Mix CD And What Software Do I Need To Achieve That. by Raimond(op): 3:09pm On Jun 17, 2008 |
Hello my people.Please can someone help me here:I need to make a collection of songs, and i want the songs to roll in one after the other without a stop.How do i achieve that and with what software. |
| Romance › Re: Why Would A Married Man Or Woman Not Wear His Or Her Ring In Public? by Raimond(m): 8:53am On Jun 17, 2008 |
I cannot do without my ring. After our third anniversary, we changed the ones we got married with and got some wider bands.For sentimental reasons, i simply switched the old one to my right hand.So i even wear them on both hands, with all pride  |
| Sports › Re: Identify These Old-time Wrestlers. by Raimond(m): 8:30am On Jun 17, 2008 |
Superfly, Mill Mascara, Eric the red, Bull dog, Dino Bravo, Argentina Apollo etc. |
| Romance › Re: The Most Romantic Nigerian Song? by Raimond(m): 5:48pm On Jun 16, 2008 |
`Kerewa` by Zule Zoo |
| Fashion › Re: What's Wrong With Waist Beads And Chains? by Raimond(m): 10:39am On Jun 12, 2008 |
Waist beads/chains=Mammy water! Mammy water!!,Mammy water!!!  1 Like |
| Romance › Re: Black Romance Is Boring by Raimond(m): 1:13pm On Jun 11, 2008 |
My friend there is nothing like black romance.Romance is an individual thing,not tied to race, religion,color,size etc. |
| Sports › Re: Who Is The Most Overrated Footballer? by Raimond(m): 10:47am On Jun 11, 2008 |
Luca Toni and C. Ronaldo |
| Romance › Re: What's Your Marital Status ? by Raimond(m): 4:27pm On Jun 10, 2008 |
Enjoying evry bit of matrimony |
| Nairaland General › Re: Nairaland Award Nite - Make Suggestions by Raimond(m): 4:11pm On Jun 10, 2008 |
You didn`t let us know if the award thingy is Virtual or Real. |
| Romance › Re: Advise Pls (Only Married Men Find Me Attractive) by Raimond(m): 4:06pm On Jun 10, 2008 |
What are you always doing around them??.Go to where you`ll find more single folks |
| Romance › Re: For Married People Only by Raimond(m): 4:04pm On Jun 10, 2008 |
First realise that God is your foundation. Don`t take the sex for granted.Give it all you`ve Got. |
| Romance › Re: Why do beautiful ladies end up with ugly men(and vice versa)? by Raimond(m): 3:08pm On Jun 10, 2008 |
Unlike poles (in looks), always attract  |
| Romance › Re: Bad Boy? Help by Raimond(m): 7:08pm On Jun 08, 2008 |
@poster What is your definition of bad boy and what point are you trying to make really?? |
| Sports › Re: Africa Best 11 In Euro 2008 by Raimond(m): 6:57pm On Jun 08, 2008 |
Really impressive,never knew this much though, Thanks!! |
| European Football (EPL, UEFA, La Liga) › Re: UEFA Euro 2008: Which Team Will Win? (Poll) by Raimond(m): 6:48pm On Jun 08, 2008 |
Which team will win the Nigerian FA cup  |
| Celebrities › Re: Which Celebrity Would You Date: ? by Raimond(m): 5:43pm On Jun 06, 2008 |
I guess that would have been Eva Mendez |
| Celebrities › Re: Which Celebrity Would You Date: ? by Raimond(m): 5:41pm On Jun 06, 2008 |
I guess that would have been Eva Mendes |
| Romance › Re: Should You Ever Say Sorry To A Woman by Raimond(m): 4:02pm On Jun 06, 2008 |
Methinks that a man`s ability to damn his ego and genuinely apologise to a woman,makes him more a man. |
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ... 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 (of 21 pages)