₦airaland Forum

Insecurity, absence of love and trust!

KHAYGOLD:
Yea, being garrulous is better than being quiet In foolishness, suffering and poverty like you are. Your president deserves the obloquy vituperation by me and others that are pained by his foolishness.

If Nigeria would be ruled by the likes of you, woven in emotions and prone to ejaculation of infantile expressions in the hope of being seen to be sensible and brave, Nigeria would be an animal kingdom.

deltateam:
A girl will only tell you those she rejected, what of those she accepted or considering?

Its irrelevant to me. Let her keep it joor. It wouldn't change how I feel about her..

When a lady is in love and you love her just as much, it soars up your emotions when you're lying side by side and she tells you with love, respect and a genuine desire to bond!

Pamcrest:
Honestly my intention was not to make him jealous. I just thought our relationship had gotten to that stage where we could be open with each other abt everything happening in our individual lives. Boy, was I wrong!
My humble submission

That's the point! Wanting to be open doesn't mean that you you should go about doing things deliberately and coming back to tell him, expecting him to understand! You're indirectly telling him, by your action, that he's not doing enough to make you happy and contented in the relationship!

He'd naturally react because his ego is threatened when you start showing him gifts from other guys who are interested in you! IMO.

Pamcrest:
Hell NO.
Long ago I told an ex about how some guys in my office jostle for my attention, buy me lunch, etc....silly me even showed him d gift one guy gave me. OMW!....my ex expressions turned red, blue, black, green....d kind of tongue lashing I received that day..hmmmm. From thence forth, he began watching me, stalking me, that is no more trust. When I could no longer stomach his jealousy, I ran for dear life. My girlfriends blamed me for my stupidity n naivety oh. So never again abeg
My humble submission

Why won't your guy be angry when you were trying to make him jealous!

foxxynik:
Hehehehe...
Wait up! By "hitting" you mean "banging" ?

Seriously! What's love and trust got to do with a girl to telling her guy how many guys she's been banging ...
For instance..

Girl: sweethrt, I have been hitting tony..femi...buega...uche...

Guy: ok dear, thanks for telling me, I really believe you love me and for this, I'll trust you will all my life.

Girl: thanks for your understanding!

Guy: you're welcome #smiling foolishly!


Hehehehehe... More like Nollywood shit!

Lol. Guy don't get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing with the right lady in it with you!

"Hitting" is used in the sense of trying to get someone laid, not the act itself!

Classicalmusic:
It depends, if this girl is cool, i would trust her more but if she's not then it's gonna be a total different game.

So OP, when you put your attention on the object of your intention, it'll orchestrate an infinite number of events to materialize your desires

Exactly, I have no objection to listening to such from the lady I love and who loves me in return! It'd strengthen the bond...in my opinion!

MissMeiya:
They don't. Anyone saying they do in this thread is single. I was talking to my best friend and he was telling me about a fight he had with his gf. She was telling him about one guy that was hitting on her, and how she was refusing and all that. This is how he put it: (He's hilarious) "I let her say everything she wanted to say. Then I asked her if she was finished. She said yes. Why the Bleep did you think I wanted to hear that?" Cue argument.

My bf once told me about his friend's gf being interested in him. Now I hate her, and I don't even know her. I get pissed if I find out she's around him. And I know he's faithful, but it's still bullshít...

People who tell their significant others are looking for an ego stroke, because all it does is make your bf/gf jealous and suspicious, like you're trying to cover up something worse by sharing something insignificant. And it is insignificant. If I told my bf about all the guys that ask me out, he would think I'd gone mad. And it's awkward on top of it all. "Oh OK, sweetheart, that's great..."

Smh.

Your best friend's reaction could be as a result of how she went about telling him about the other guy or a reflection of his insecurities! It could also be that he didn't really feel something for her or they never had a smooth relationship!

Self-confident and emotionally secure guys do not fret over such matters when presented in the right manner and in the right circumstance! It gives them that feeling of being the guy wanted by the ladies! He feels that you're telling him because you're afraid of losing him and that makes him feel important!

Let me stretch the point again that the manner and circumstance you choose to tell him play a big role in his perception of your message!

As for me, I would want to listen under the right circumstance and presented without pride!

EnlightenedSoul:
You mean you guys actually want your gf to tell you about every guy that hits on her, flirts with her, and etc.

That is just super weird.

Not really.

Evina:
Telling doesn't build trust. It mostly destroys it. What is the point in rubbing it in your man's face that he's got competition? Men have big egos, they want to be known as sole proprietors. Why deflate the ego?

Not wise, if you ask me.

Sorry if I have to disagree with you, but the difference is where and how you choose to tell him!

In my opinion telling your man does not deflate his ego, rather it inflates it because he would think that he has in his possession what others want but can't get!

It makes him feel that you want him to be with you because he has some qualities you saw that the others do not have.

He'd feel that you're indirectly telling him that he's important to you and you want him to have complete trust in you; he'd feel that you're indirectly telling him that you'd not cheat on him and that he's everything you desire in a man.

Anyway, it's your opinion and I respect it!

Evina:
To what end? What is the essence of telling?

Truth be told, it is immature and girls who do, do it to test how jealous their partner is over them. They feel that the depth of jealousy exhibited by their boyfriend is a determinant factor of how much love he has. Lol...wash.

When maturity and experience sets in, you will realise that there is no need sharing such irrelevant information because it can begin to sow the wrong seeds.

Interesting, but don't you think that by telling him you could strengthen his feelings of love for you and make him believe that you love him and chose him above everyone else, especially if you show that in actions also? Don't you think it would strengthen the bond of trust! Or perhaps telling him has nothing to add to building trust?

Every relationship that has the prospect of blossoming into something tangible strives to have its foundation built on trust, love and understanding!

In this regard, would you, as a guy, want your lady to tell you about the guys hitting on her on daily bases so as to gain your trust?
Would you trust her more if she does this?

As a girl/lady do you tell your boyfriend about the guys that hit on you?

Nairaland effect.

The number of guys a lady sleeps with before getting married tells quite a lot about what kind of person she's!

A Puncture on A Guy's Ego
Guys like things that inflate their ego and feel proud winning such things that inspire contest among them!
But just how much inflation can your “would be” wife cause on your ego?
Just imagine what you're doing with your present girlfriend, and then imagine your “would be” wife being used like that by several guys!
Now tell me, just exactly what are you taking home when you marry her?

Oh, you'll be proud that you're married, after all there're so many guys who can't afford a wife!

She May Have Become Numb down there!
The man would have a lot of work to do here to make her feel something!
Sometimes when you hear the "I'm not easily turned on" expressions, this may not be far from the reality!

She May Be A Sexual Glutton
Yes, just tell me how she could have ended up having those numerous boyfriends!

Likely To Be Unfaithful
This is just like a job seeker looking for greener pastures! She's always looking for that thing that can bring out that weird expression in her face!

Rutheby:
k. Let's read it

Whatever that touches the subconscious mind does not just go away!

For you to feel something deep (be in love) it means that your subconscious mind has been influenced to hold the thoughts that your partner possesses the attributes you want! With your partner are associated beautiful thoughts, fond memories, love scenes, memorable events, etc.

The subconscious is active only at your quiet moments, it’s incapable of analysis; it gives you back what you put in and you need time to influence it to hold thoughts different from those it previously held as regard your broken relationship!

While you jump into a new relationship without preparing your subconscious to accept the change, it will always play back those beautiful memories and scenes of your past relationship at your lone moments and this is bound to affect your new relationship negatively!

So in my opinion jumping into another relationship right after a break up is advisable ONLY when the previous one existed at a conscious level!

Rutheby:
It's not advisable. Those that rush into another relationship after breakup does not feel something deep and that's why most guys finds it difficult loving a girl after their first-love, they might decide to flirt but not ready to keep a faithful relationship #my opinion#

I have similar opinion! @part in bold

Yes, you just broke up with your guy/lady and right afterwards you go into another relationship just to get over your ex!
But does it really take the pain away? Does it really help you come to terms with the issues your break up needs to resolve or is it just to mask the pain you feel?

Are you wondering how to make him want you more?

The beginning of a new relationship is arguably the best part. The tingly feelings of butterflies that come with a first meeting can never be replicated.

But can you make this last forever? Can you make him love you more with each passing day?
How can you make him think about you all the time?
You may catch his eye, but how can you ensure that he's hooked to you? How can you make him want you, and love you for who you are?

Be busy
Never make it look like you're sitting by the phone waiting for his call, even if you are. Go out, meet people, start a hobby even if it's just to get your mind off things.
And make sure he knows your busy bee activities, as not only will it keep him intrigued by you, it will make him feel grateful for getting to spend a little time with you.

Never show that it bothers you
The biggest mistake most women make is to whine “but why didn't you call me last night/yesterday/every hour?” To clobber him with questions is only going to push him away rather than make him love you more. A wistful “but you used to do it before…” is even worse. Remember, men hate questions about relationships all the time.

In the beginning of every relationship, hormones are on overdrive and that would make him want you all the time. And without even realizing it, he would want to spend every waking moment with you. But a relationship, like everything else, is progressive.

So it then goes into the stage where you're both comfortable with each other, which means you don't need to call each other every few hours in order to feel loved.

Feel good about yourself
If you're wondering how to make him want you all the time, wear something you feel desirable in, be it your favorite pair of jeans or a pair of sexy boy shorts. When you feel sexy, it shows! And he's going to reciprocate the desire.

As shallow as this sounds, you have to make a first impression or a good series of first impressions. It should be a while before you can let him see you with a bed head and no makeup.

Take initiative
Forget about playing hard to get, take over in the bedroom and otherwise; just not all the time, unless you want it predictable and yawn-inspiring. If you want to make him want you all the time and make him love you helplessly, you need to keep his interest piqued. So leave him a message commanding him to meet you at your favorite restaurant and plan an evening of fun to follow.

Inflate his ego
This is an obvious one. Turn him on by complimenting him on what he's wearing and how good he looks, lightly brush against his shoulder as you walk by, and make lots of eye contact and smoldering looks. Knowing that a girl is smoking hot and that she desires him, will only make him want the girl, a.k.a. you, even more.

Remember, a guy may say he wants his space or that he needs to have some guy time without thinking about his girlfriend, but it isn't always true. You can accept it and move along. Or you can make him want you and be with you without even asking him to do that!
Just let him see that true confident girl that you are, and let him know that you don't really need him around all the time too.


www.lovepanky.com

fdxboss:
This question has been on my mind and I can't still find the answer. Is love really for free, with this current trend of girls going into relationships for money while guys go in for sex, am still wondering if love can ever be free with no strings attached. I have been finding it difficult to approach any girl or date any girl because i have this feeling deep down that they might be after money which i don't have. Deep down i feel so lonely and i just need somebody to love. I need somebody to love me for who i am and not for money cos i don't have it. Pls I need ur opinion/ advice Thanks in advance

Love is free! It doesn't cost you a dime to love somebody and be loved in return but a romantic relationship comes with cost of some sort!

farano:
A friend of mine asked me if her partner is "the one"- husband material. He possesses the following qualities:
- Good looking
- Selfless
- Faithful not only to her but also to God
- Respects her and her family
- Satisfies in bed
- Loves her flaws
- Hardworking
- Displays intelligence
- He is humourless and dull
- Extremely protective

Funny, faithful to God and satisfies you in bed! God yaf surfa!

Weird.

Eberex:
OK, I've seen questions asking would you rather be the Dumper or the Dumpee, and stuff like that, but do you really think it matters who is the dumper and who is the dumpee?

It does matter who dumps and who's dumped! It's better you take a walk when you feel you can't take it anymore than hanging around to be told to your face you're no longer wanted despite being ill-treated. You walk away with dignity!

Eberex: Take a guy for example. He claims he is the one that dumped her, because she cheated on him for months (he figured 3 months before he dumped her). He says it matters but to me it doesn't matter because it seemed SHE was the one that dumped him already since she moved on to sleep with other guys. SO who dumped who? and does it matter?

Every cheating does not imply that you don't want your partner anymore! One can cheat for many reasons without necesarily wanting to dump one's partner. So if the guy felt he couldn't stand his girl cheating on him and decided to walk away, then he did the dumping! Even if she had the intention of dumping him, he beat her to it and left with his dignity intact which could make her respect him if they would see sometime later on!

Eberex: There is this thing about not wanting to be the one coming back to beg, hence people like to be the dumper, even if they are wrong in most cases.

What's your take? Are you afraid to dump him/her even when deep down you love him/her so much and hope he or she would come back to beg. What if that doesn't happen? Will you tell him/her to come back and forget about what happened?

Love is built and conditional so if the conditions that inspired the love are no longer there or if you've been treated in a manner that you think is beyond the bounds of acceptability, then walk away!

Personally, I'm not afraid to walk away and when I do so, I must have thought about it carefully and convinced myself that there's no going back!

Nigerian lady..., against pornography!!! Wonderful! Is she old?

Are girls so concerned about the look of their unborn children? Do they worry so much about what their children would look like when they get married and give birth, and does this influence the choice of whom they get married to?

I’m asking this because when I broke up with my girlfriend the last time, she was crying seriously and looked so pitiful.
At some point she said something that got me thinking; she said she didn’t want to have ugly children and that God should help her not to fall for an ugly guy to be her husband!

Ladies, is it so important that you marry a handsome guy?

AGgal:
ROTF and LMFAO! This should be posted in jokes section.

OP,u no well.

I'm well... just that fat girls kind of scare me when it comes to food; you can hardly see a fat girl without something in her mouth!
If she's not not eating something at the time you see then she's just finished eaten!

dagentility:
What is even your problem with food.

Are you fat?

dovelike:
Diff. btw fat and plump pls

Fat is general while plump is limited/confined.

If you're a struggling guy it's advisable you make a slim lady as your partner if you desire a relationship!
As a guy with low income what you want is to get a stable hold on money and not to fritter it.
I have a few reasons why it's more economical for a struggling guy to have a slim lady as partner if he so desires and they are stated below:

Fat girls eat a lot
Fat girls eat a lot and as a struggling guy you know what that means on your pocket!

They sap your strength/energy
When you get intimate with them, you're on your own o! They won't lift a finger to help you; you will do all the work yourself while they stare at you!
You know what it means after this... a lot of food for both of you!

Unlike the slim ones that can go a day or two without food, you don't keep food away from a fat girl!
So if you're struggling and must go into a relationship, think of having one with a slim girl!

SHOPPERS:
Slim gals are sweet to date but most of them only care about their bodies... When it comes to choosing a life partner, fat and responsible will definitely crush miss-high-in-demand.

Plus, self esteem dey high for slim gals but that na on first meet. Fat gurls usually have low self esteem. It depends majorly on the upbringing

That means it's easier for a slim girl to say 'No' to a guy than a fat one? In order words, it's easier to get a fat lady because of low self esteem?

...and about life partners, one argument some guys have against fat ladies is that when they start to give birth, they'd get out of shape!

I see a lot of "shakara" slim ladies around and they seem to be in high demand!
In fact, all of them make "shakara" but the slim ones, ...omg!

So now, is there a higher chance of meeting less resistance when you woo a fat lady than a slim one?
Are the slim ones harder to get? Do they keep guys off longer than the fat ones?

temigracie:
.....lol....


I usually decide on what to wear a day before the date......I try as much as possible to make-up and dress up as fast as possible so as to keep to time.....


But on a normal day......I spend like 1 hour or so......I usually try on atleast 2 to 3 clothes before picking one at last.....

Correct and confirmed, u b typical lady!