₦airaland Forum

American Management: Case Study

Toyota and General Motors decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team’s management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the “Rowing Team Quality First Program,” with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year’s racing team was out-sourced to India.

Time to cuss
A seven-year-old boy and his four-year-old brother were upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” said the seven year old. “I think it’s about time we start cussing.” The four year old nodded his head in approval.

“When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say hell, and you say ass, ok?” The four year old agreed with enthusiasm.

The mother walked into the kitchen and asked the seven year old what he wanted for breakfast. “Aw hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.” WHACK! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the floor, got up and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

The mother looked at the four year old and asked with a stern voice, “And what do you want for breakfast, young man?”

“I don’t know,” he blubbered, “but you can bet your ass it won’t be Cheerios.”

Heaven and Hell

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

‘Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’

‘No problem, just let me in,’ says the man.

‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.’

‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ says the senator.

‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules.’

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St Peter is waiting for him. ‘Now it’s time to visit heaven.’

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and anot her in heaven. Now choose your eternity.’

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.’

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in bla ck bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ‘I don’t understand,’ stammers the senator. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?’

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ‘Yesterday we were campaigning…… Today

International Relations

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are captured by cannibals. The leader of the tribe comes up to them and says, “Even though you are about to killed, your deaths will not be in vain. Every part of your body will be used. Your flesh will be eaten, for my people are hungry. Your hair will be woven into clothing, for my people are naked. Your bones will be ground up and made into medicine, for my people are sick. Your skin will be stretched over canoe frames, for my people need transportation. We are a fair people, and we offer you a chance to kill yourself with our ceremonial knife.”

The Englishman accepts the knife and yells, “God Save the Queen”, while plunging the knife into his heart.

The Frenchman removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells, “Vive la France”, while plunging the knife into his heart.

The American removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells, while stabbing himself all over his body, “Here’s your lousy canoe!”

I used to love peperoni till i discovered chicken-and-beef  bbq pizza (with extra cheese). . . . . .anyone tried this yet? its simply awesome!

I think mine was mistakenly adding sugar instead of salt. Talk of sweet okro soup

skyee:
but i forget to put coun ( i don't know the english of it) men its un eatable

.
i think the name is potash.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Dunno how old i was. . .mon pere gave me my first taste (legal now) [/color]

ikamefa:
" " same here my dad gave me my 1st taste of beer

OMO IBO:
well, ive never really gone out to drink but my dad made us drink with him at home.

You guys seem to have cool dads
Oh i dream of the day i'll discuss important issues with him over a glass of vodka and ice.

This florency dude is sick!!!. looking for 8-13 yrs old girl? Did he say he is 31?

Ok the topic is quite clear. How and what happened when you first tried alcohol?
Here is mine:



The first time i tried alcohol, i didnt relly know what it was. It was star and it was offered for tasting by one labourer dude to me and my little' sis.  I was 7.

So when i really got the real taste of alochol, my elder (and only) bro was always emphasizing how wonderful the stuff was and i didnt agree with him. at a point i decided to gain some experience to know what he was talkin' of so i decide to take some alcohol. . . . . . i made the wrong choice of drink. . . . . .Shnapps!

I went into my dad's room (i think i was in j.s.3 then) took a bottle of shnapps, corked it open and downed more than half and 5 mins later . . . . . . . .  . . . . .  i went mad!
i went to my sisters who didnt know what i have been up to and i was  beign really stupid (i was trying to touch their boobs lol i was very silly)  and the percieved the alcohol in my breath.  They had to call one of my close aunties for help because i was beign very very silly and she adviced them to force sugar into my throat to stop the drunkeness . that didnt work. i hated to eat sugar raw anyway. Then my brother came home. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


He was really really HUGE. He tried so much to bring me to my sence by slapping me several times with his huge palm. i stupidly put up a fight with him and he beat the shnapps out of me.
Ok i'll stop here. the rest is a long story.




What's yours?

You'll say "The life of the bird is in your hands."

I'll go for character, but the chick has to be reasonably preety to attract , then i can start looking at the character.

You were there? who should we ask?

thanks all

i am missing one of my maternal aunties. . . . . she's dead and we were very close.

Has he been calling you all the 2 years you guys were seperated? What do you think made him come back? Do you think he is genuine or needs something from you? Try and answer some of these questons. Only you will know what to do. goodluck

Depends on the stenght and duration of the relationship. You dont want to move in with a girl you just started off with.

aint u supposed to be playin by the rules? you just aint.

abeg a 24 pack bud-ligth for you sam. always worth it

and who says there is no one here?

Mehn that woman is both fat and ugly. the worst combination lol.

Boy you are sick LMAO!!

second? i thought you should be paid by the hours

Did you mean looking good or looking younger?
Dont you get strange looks from ppl sometimes?

@ mohawk
Lol you shaved off all of your hair?

Well, shit happens all the time. As the guy was drunk, you coulda gone ur way with your dignity instead of tryna start sumtin with him.
Now as for the cops, they are wrong for not making the guy apologise to you but hey, the drunk is a citizen, you are not so dont expect the cops to consider you first before their citizens. Who knows, they might be racist too and you could have taken the hint when you called and they were reluctant to show up. I know it feels bad, it happens everywhere, a little boy had called me slave once(wheni was in cyprus) and his dad thought it was funny. just take heart, thats one thing you have to put up with. Personally i resort to abusing them in my language, which they wont understand. . . thats if i have time. It drives them crazy, believe me.

Ha good for them, i had a bitter experience in a benin cafe once. i entered the cafe and everyone was just alert and the air was very uneasy. i kept getting some disturbing looks from some of the guys and when i left the cafe, someone had stolen the PC world magazine i came in with, and my original I-901 reciept (which actually costs $130) was in the magazine. . . . .

@ poster, is that the monte carlo cafe building?

Why am i gettin tired of NL, am i alone?_{hey mohawk. wats d story behind ur name?}

ok whats goin on here?

Why not complain instead of dieing in silence?

all the previous posts u mean? _{i had a great easter mohawk. 10x 4 askin}

what if i kno her?