₦airaland Forum

dre11:



You go wake her up

Owliver:
I don't think you read the story. Well, I just want you to know cos I'll remind you later. Have a lovely day

Owliver:
You know she na female activist. I want make she see this one so in case if opposite happen we go even CC: Rose2014

Owliver:
Rose2014 pls come read oh.

babyosisi:
Theoretically,everything you said sounds good,I like it
It is not so in practice however.
Do you know any Nigerian couple where the man by choice stays home to take care of the children and is cooking and cleaning and doing everything you do as a stay at home mom ?
I don't know any and I know a whole lot of people
In fact many of the failed nigerian marriages here in the USA have been between women who are higher wage earners and men who earn much less
I keep saying Nigerians because most of the people I associate with are Nigerians.
Our men don't do well as husbands when they earn less than their wives let alone when they are "subjected to do jobs" that are traditionally termed female jobs.
Some may argue that our women don't do well as wives when they earn more
Could be a little bit of both
The average nigerian man will not cook,clean ,mop do laundry and pass food for a working wife if he was unemployed and staying home
I am just being real here
Neither will he tolerate a wife texting him to have her Okro soup and eba pipping hot in the next 30 mins because she has to come in briefly to eat before attending a work meeting later that evening.
That is the cause of many of the arguments in the families where the man is underemployed
The woman feels she is pulling more than her own share in the home and the man feels his manhood is being trampled upon when he is required or asked to take on some household chores .

babyosisi:
You said Romanian abi?
I was hoping to see nigerian
I bet you that man is cooking and cleaning and doing the whole nine yards
A nigerian man won't do that unless married to Oyibo
He will stretch hand and collect the pay while she works
He won't pound yam ,cook or wash clothes sef,his ego won't let him so he won't be that useful staying home.

As for rest the of your post you are so correct

raayah:
Exactly, I personally came from an abusive home,but in my situation, my mom was working while her husband was jobless. He didnt even care to find a job. Fo 5 years, he sat around and watched tv. My mom would work, cook, take care of the home, hand-wash clothes , give him stipends and in the night,he will still beat her for stupid reasons. My mom was slapped, kicked , etc.

One day, she was so sick, she was in the hospital for days. The doctors put her in an induced coma because she if her condition had become critical. I remember sleeping in the hospital for days and weeping my eyes out.

When we called her husband to come see her at the hospital, he said he didnt have money and that we should provide transport faare. When my mom woke up from the coma, she asked for him, she called him and he basically said the same thing to her. My mom used her phone to do credit transfer to his bank account before he came. He came and stayed only a few hours,complaining about how he hadntt eaten. I wish i could say this story is false,but it happened to me.

Reality struck my mom , she started packing her things out, packing our clothes out. Eventually,she moved out. Its almost 3 years now.

The only reason why she was able to move out of this situation was because she had her own income. She is doing fine today. Her Children are being taken care of. We dont lack anything. We are happy.

Being a stay at home mom is a huge risk especially if married to a bad man. What if the man died? What if he leaves you? I will advise all stay at home moms to save and invest. Do something. Anything is possible. I can never be a stay a home mom. Before I even get kids/married, i will ensure that i have a career.

babyosisi:
I don't think she meant it that way at all.
She is saying that it is much harder to leave when you depend on the man solely for sustenance and for that reason every woman ought to have a means to earn money.
Just from the stories on nairaland alone,many of the women enduring physical and sexual abuse stay because they have no income or very little income to take care of themselves.
Financial control is a weapon for abusers

EfemenaXY:
You're going overboard here and your judgement is getting clouded.

Are you implying that all housewives stay-at-home mums are subjected to abuse and domestic violence from their husbands? You think earning an income is a deterrent to a naturally abusive man?

There are millions of women out there who chose to sacrifice / put their careers on hold to look after their little ones till they are at least of school age and are able to talk and look after themselves. The decision (especially if it was the woman's) to bring up her kids for those very crucial years of their child's life isn't taken lightly, and I don't think it's your place to look down / undermine their efforts.

Additionally, for every sad tale of DV metted out to your "housewife", there are countless other examples of homes where the man not only provides for his family (i.e: wife and kids) but also appreciates her efforts and accords her that respect as he understands fully well the sacrifices being made for the betterment of the family as a whole.

babyosisi:
It's not that easy to leave sometimes
Who likes to be abused.many of these women are stuck
Many of those women have no financial support and no parental support
There are abused women whose parents will tell point blank not to disgrace them by leaving her marital home.
This is why I say that the word housewife ought to be a taboo word for everywoman
Pennilessness is the number one reason people stay
If you can afford to get your own apartment and take care of yourself,it is easier to leave
The second reason is the fear that their kids will be taken away from them

There is a woman I know that divorced her husband and her family members quit speaking to her

I noticed that women in intertribal marriages seem to leave quicker when the marriage fails
If a woman from a Enugu for instance flees with her kids from lagos to Enugu na who born dat man to come snatch kids in Enugu
He will think twice before embarking on that journey.this may be an advantage of intertribal marriage that has not been explored.