₦airaland Forum

donstan18:
Because I need your honesty.


I don't like hurting people without their permission.


Now, be sincere to me Safiaa.

donstan18:
No mood is normal.


I need your honestly.

donstan18:
Supposing I mention you again with 3 of your pictures attached to it, how would you feel?

donstan18:
I discovered something some hours ago and decided to know how you'd feel about it.

AdolfHitlerxXx:
Rub charcoal on yourself

Wish the bleachers can see your comments

JESUSBOIY:
Nope, I want to buy time , I have school fees to pay.

Ooops, he's calling now

JESUSBOIY:
You don't understand what poverty can cause, unless you are in my shoe.

IamD18:
I'll be the best husband she can ever dream of if she worth it, be a good father to my family, but will not LOVE.

Because I want to be wise in the home.

IamD18:
I, as man need to be richer than my wife.

Gcpc:
Yes, if my experience can help any young lady out there, here is my take on it. This will be a long a$$ post (sorry). Forgive my syntax, English is not my first langage. So only for those interested:

IMO I made 3 major mistakes:

1- I waited too long to enter the dating scene. I thought I had to compartmentalize : finish school, get a job, than find a man. I kept pushing away suitors, probably good ones in my 20s because I didn't want any distraction from getting that big flashy degree I wanted. The truth is finding a good match is like anything else. it takes practice. you need to date, to get out there, fall in love, get your heart broken, learn how to act in a relationship, kiss a few frogs in order to find that special person. I'm not talking about sleeping around but dating.
I did not, so when I started a relationship I was clueless and awkward at an age I was not supposed to be. Plus, those college years are your best shot at finding Mr. right. You have a very good social network and the dating pool is endless. Most of my GF met their husbands in college

2- I thought being a successful career women with money, being smart, modest and reserved would land me tones of good suitors.Turns out I was wrong. Most of my GF who made "good" marriages are unemployed, dropped out of college or have low profile jobs. They are very good looking and are very feminine in their demeanor. Most of them are happily married with lot of kids. Me on the other hand, once I left college, I realized most men my age were in relationships. I was working so I didn't have much time to socialize and meet new people. The guys I met were afraid of me because of my job and the kind of money I was making. I guess they thought I had to be bossy or not submissive enough or too much to deal with...

3- I lingered in bad relationships even when I knew deep down it wasn't working.I would tell myself that "everyone has flows" and accept behaviors that I should not have accepted. I thought I would eventually change the guy (how silly right ?). Finally I allowed men to string me along.
I've been in 3 relationships.

The first one was a guy I was so much in love with. He was out of college and unemployed when we started dating. I knew from the get go that he had at least one other woman in is life. I let people convinced me that I could not find any really single guy and that the rule of the game was to get with a guy, be the best girlfriend and get chosen. So for 3 years I waited for him to choose me. I helped him financially until he got a government job and he made me believe he was about to propose. Then one day I got confronted in his house while he was out; the girl tracked us to make sure I was there alone, came and told me she was pregnant for him. I was devastated. I left and he tried to win me back, to apologized etc. He told me she was not pregnant . I was about to cave when HE ghosted me, out of the blue... I later found out that this girl and I were both side chicks. He married his long time girlfriend and had a baby with her. Mind you I was a 100% blindsided. He introduced me to his entire family. His sisters would call me "wifey"; I thought I was the "main girl" and I was OK with that. No woman should never be OK with being 1 among many.

I was still recovering from this mess when a friend set me up for a blind date. I told him I wanted to meet a christian guy with strong religious values. We hit it off at the first date. He was a bit older and mature. he seemed too good to be true. I had this little voice inside me telling me to get out. I didn't listen to my own instinct. He was so pushy and moving so fast that within 6 months we were engaged, getting married in the next month and moving in together. I moved in after our parents met and his family gave mine the traditional dowry. One day my computer just crashed; I had to borrow his. That's when I found out he had multiple accounts set in gay dating sites. I confronted him, he denied but I called of the engagement off and moved out

All this time I was friend with my baby's father. We met at an alumni reunion. We attended the same business school but not the same years.
At the time he hit on me, I told him I had someone so we became "friends". after my breakup. I was a mess and he was there for me. I was not interested in him, not attracted at all but he kept pursuing me for so long that eventually, I convinced myself that he had to be genuinely into me to be that persistent. My GF told me that sometimes you fall in love while dating so I decided to give it a shot. It was terrible. We kept fighting and arguing for everything; I knew I had to break up but I was scared to be alone and I was 33 by the time I realized it was never going to work. I wanted children so I thought it was too late for me to start over with someone new. I thought I would have to settle for this half baked relationship so I decided to cave to all his demands and be the woman he wanted so we could take it to the next level. he kept promising to do just that. He was stringing me along. eventually he told me we should start trying for a baby and that we would get married afterward. Now I know he said that just as another way of stringing me because I found out that I had fertility issues. So he probably thought I would never get pregnant anyway. So when I did he was mad, pressured me to get an abortion and finally left me when I refused.
He went Mia during my pregnancy and until the baby was 6 month. I had to take him to court before he came to see the baby and put his name on her birth certificate. It took 6 more months for him to start paying child support.
He sees her once a month and every time he comes, he tries to sleep with me. I finally told him that if he wanted us back together he had to make it right this time. He had to go to my parents and make it official.
He said he's not ready for that and told me 2 days ago he would not be arround much in the coming weeks...


So now here I am, in the sunken place, trying to get out of my pity party.

UjuJoan2:
Allow him to do the deed and get it out of their system jor . . . He has an itch and it needs to be scratched.

Someone will come here and say it's because she's not a good cook, when the man is obviously a yeye Nigerian horseband!

itsmeurLady:
U turned 36 and finally u noticed celibacy wasnt going to make you a mum and wife We have had ladies practice it in their 40s and still got married and even got pregnant afterwards. In other words, na u know wetin u practice (maybe u fasted from sex) because from your results, it is definitely not the product of celibacy. After preaching it to young girls, u finally ended up not finishing it? So how do u expect them to finish it? U shldnt have talked about it at all. It's very hypocritical.

You got me der with the "every lady shld practice celibacy till they find someone who wants to be in a committed relationship with you" speech... Oh come on, almost every guy comes with that BS of being a committed partner, so are you saying that the girls should continue sleeping with every "potential committed partner"? Then when he is no longer interested in the relationship, what happens? The cycle continues ryt? Until she sleeps with 20 "committed partners". Well done Ma!

Celibacy means complete abstinence from sex in a relationship (committed or non-committed) until after MARRIAGE! I'm not trying to judge but don't try to mislead people either. If you couldn't do it, go and ask for forgiveness and move on but don't try to glorify your mistake. They indeed said, When You have Money All Your Sins Are Covered/Justified (in the eyes of men)

P.S: Celibacy is not for the Weak, it goes beyond declaring it, it is a spiritual sacrifice and if you ever try to do it by your power, you will flop big time bcs Konji is a Bastard but when u acknowledge your weakness before God and ask him to help you, then the job becomes easier! Kudos to all the Celibates in the house, More strength and Grace to finish what you started!

ronaldbecky:
lolz,trust nigeria nah,they are coming for linda ikeji..the op should b working with d fbi

Blackfyre:
God is ready to do so if you want.

IamD18:
Helpful ideas can come from enemies

I don't mind re-explaining if you tell me what you mean by obsession