₦airaland Forum

hunniebomb: There are 2 sides to giving money to relatives. Some poor relatives feel entitled that you should feed and cloth them and their family but on the other hand, some rich relatives don't want to help out (not hand-outs but a way to teach them how to 'fish), they rather want to be known as the richest in the family.

If one is in a position to help (money, biz advice, strategies or connections etc), don't hesitate to help. Don't condem those that are less fortunate that you. Remember, noone knows what the future holds.

Am not stating this as a fact, but I believe the younger brother knew the elder brother was in a position to help. But he went the wrong way of getting the money.

No one owes you help, apart from your parent/guardian and that is pre-adulthood.

Help is not your entitlement, it is a favour that can be refused to be offered.

jennykadry: Sagamu can argue from now till next year. A man that knows what he wants and can financially afford it, knows in a matter of weeks if he wants to spend the rest of his life with that woman.

Mba!

Not in the time of 50 percenting.

- 50% marriage failures.
- 50% of my sweat gone to some woman.

I no dey for that.

jennykadry: My parents kicked against long courtship and drummed it into our ears right from the beginning when we women started growing boobs and the men pubic hairs. I grew up despising long courtship but have nothing against those that go for it. People told me then to chill out, I will meet better men and more men cos I was still young. But this man I married can best any better men we have out there right now. I wanted maximum 1year courtship and that was why I never dated until I was in my 3rd year in the uni. It worked out for me and might not work out well for others, but I tell you I enjoyed dating my husband and knowing him in marriage. I enjoyed the kpekusing and different positions during our dating time in marriage and I still enjoy it

Bloody frigid prude!

So you are one of those girls that refused to open for me?

On the other hand, I prefer to mainly know someone before marriage than in marriage. I think it would also be to her benefit to want that as well with me because you yourself can see the 2 personalities I have on NL. On one hand the jovial and banter person, on the other hand, the aggressive stubborn basher.

In real life, most people would see the jovial, convivial side of me virtually everytime. It is rare for the aggressive side to come out but it is there, lurking under the surface. One must have really taken a piss for that shyt to happen. Like the murrafcker that once came to attack me because im babe dey cheat with me (I no know say im get man o and I no know the guy). For him attacking me, as a matter of basic fcking principles, mo lati fck e up (I had to fck him up). Any woman that thinks this babyface is always smiley and friendly is in for a very, very rude shock. Im fit unfortunately see a real-life Chucky (from the "Child's Play" movie).

We both have to see a decent spectrum of our personalities and I don't think a short relationship would give me that privilege.

moremi2008: Congratulations to the guy but I am not sure this is particularly worthy of an entire news article! I graduated with a 3.95 and was the only black kid inducted into Phi Beta Kappa in my graduating class. I didn't publish any of this in the news! Neither did any of the white kids who also graduated Phi Beta Kappa and went on to very prestigious graduate schools. We Nigerians need to just chill-out! Good grades + top graduate schools should be a matter-of-course, not an accomplishment worthy of breaking news!

Another moronic cyberspace claim.

Tgirl4real: Really Sagamite, I have seen people that courted for 6 years and their marriages are no where today. And I have sean those that courted for only 3months and they are waxing stronger and stronger by the day.

It depends on the individuals involved. If one party decides not to behave, it will tell on the success of the marriage.

Btw, the people of old didn't really court per se and they usually grow old together. If we can renew our minds as to what marriage truly mean, we would have blissful marriages.

I don't like to hear exceptions, I like to hear odds. Tell me about averages.

The people of old had marriages where the woman were open to taking shyt. Most did. I don't think your generation are willing to take the same. Your peception of marriage and your independence is utterly different. So the people of old's longevity is not evidence of short courtship being good. That is like telling me arranged marriage is better than marriage by choice because the former last longer on average.

TV01: Sagamite,

you have a decent premise, but I consider it unbalanced by numerous extremes and not grounded in reality. Let me explain;

ATM – It’s overly pejorative and depicts women as bulging-eyed desperadoes. And sure there may be some of that persuasion, but surely you don’t think all 30-35 year olds (even from our demographic) are so anxious as to cast away all caution?

Goal Oriented – Likewise, I think we are both agreed that having a “GO” approach to marriage is fine, but your painting it as a do or die mindset for women of a certain age to the extent that all thought goes out of the window is at best patronizing. And it cannot apply universally.

Mate,

No 1, women generally use worse terms for men without any contrition and without society batting an eyelid.

No 2, I am actually very indifferent to women. I like ladies and there are very few of them especially Nigerian ones.

So whether o pejorative abi o pa-ejor-loja o, that na grammar. That one is the least of my concerns.

I am not saying they throw away all caution. But they frequently throw away most concept of love and just go for a nice, stable guy with sufficient prospects and that likes them.

As I said before, I would rather go for a woman that adores me and wants to be with me, which is something that takes time to establish and even differentiate from lust. An ATM is unlikely to have this feeling, and there is a risk she still has a soft spot for some ex that is hard to let go. These are all part of the risks my risk management tries to avoid.

If I marry someone, I want her to feel sustained butterflies in her stomach BEFORE the wedding, not feel like we just formed a social consortia to conceive kids and fulfill social expectations.

TV01: Duration 1 – I have stressed, duration of courtship is not an absolute key. The ability to reach a critical level of shared understanding, compatibility and commitment on a basis of transparency and clear end point is. Oft times the ability to conclude quickly is due to the couple being further along the “curve of readiness”. “Shotgun” cannot be the universal conclusion here.

No 1, I don't think 3 months is ever sufficient to reach any critical level.

No 2, often times the ability to conclude quickly is NOT due to the couple being further along the “curve of readiness”, but due to compromises by someone whose time is ticking. I can guarantee you that majority of women that marry under shotgun would not do it if they were at a younger age. So it is not about readiness except you are saying a biological clock is spurring readiness. I have females friends, I have seen this shyt alot. The minute the are hit the big 3-0, you hear them saying they are getting married and I ask which guy. It is a guy I did not know or had not heard of 3 months earlier and who does not typify to adequate degree the kind of man she always claimed to want. None in their early 20s give me such a shock.

TV01: And no, I never got to the point of proposing to anyone else after 3 months, but as each couple is unique, so is every individual encounter. I met some that I knew where “close “, but one thing or another meant we didn’t make end-game. It happens. But this all builds towards that grand finale.

What I actually asked is not restricted to coupling. Have you ever met a man or woman (apart from your wife) that you felt you know 100% and could trust under 3 months?

TV01: Duration 2 – A 10 year relationship is for the most part unfeasible. Very few from our – or any – demographic will hang about for that long. It’s feasible if they both start early, but not if she is ready. Not keen, not anxious, not desperate. Simply ready. And if she’s “blue chip” she’ll be sought after and won’t be left unsold for very long. I hope you read the “how my bestie stole my man” thread?

I never said people have to date for 10 years.

Remember also that I am Diamond chip. So fck blue chip, I am the price.

TV01: Remember your set of unbelievable gifts and extraordinary talents are not universal to all men 8D!.

Gbagbe! A da fun e! (Accept that! E go better for you!)

TV01: Limiting Factors – Again mostly around age as some sort of absolute rubicon – but singularly for women. Yes, all told, men have a wider window, but the “men can wait forever” mantra is a dangerous fallacy (or as you put it “Age is a negligible-to-insignificant factor for men”). There is a marked decrease in vigour, libido and fertility in men – for many from their mid to late thirties. Don’t be deceived, the vigour of youth is just that, of youth. Don’t confuse it with a zest for life.

You are a joker!

Please show me the research of marked decrease in vigour, libido and fertility for many men in their late 30s. Especially fertility as that is the one that can make them ATMs.

Please! Show me.

You are trying to BS me again.

TV01: Would you honestly counsel a man over 35 – 30 even – to court for a minimum of 6 – 10 years? Even with prospects a minimum of 10 years younger?

I don't recall me saying people should date for a minimum of 6 years.

TV01: You paint all women as unpredictable and all but unbalanced. I’ve said before, in that case marriage simply becomes untenable, no matter your risk mitigation strategy. Time actually becomes a non-factor

No 1, I never said or meant all. I meant most.

No 2, you have to know them and you have to make them know you don't stand for shyt. It works. And if she makes the error of trying to test your resolve on that, dump her.

https://www.nairaland.com/958447/many-married-men-unhappy/5#11070067

TV01: For a solid 3 month review, satisfy yourself on the following in – not strict – order of importance;

• Physical attraction
• Worldview & how rounded
• Character & how balanced
• Aspirations (mostly around family life and career)
• Readiness (mainly for marital life and the required adjustments)
• Commitment (primarily to “being” and her view of “what being” a wife entails)
• Relationship with immediate/wider family, particularly her father. See it live if poss.
• Circle of friends and other key relationships
• Genealogical & cultural backround, tastes/preferences, education etc. are secondary.

Time together may well throw up pressure situations where content will be clearly exposed, but I don’t believe in forcing these or attempt to “test”. Some scenarios may just not happen, in courtship or marriage. And where they do, analyse her responses critically, was she just caught cold or was she faking all along. Was the response commendable, a deal-breaker, or will time and growth make that a non-issue? Very quickly, the mouth will reveal the contents of the heart.

Am I saying it has to be 3 months? No. It all depends on context. I always tended to do a bit of ground work if possible before I even thought of making an approach. Every individual, every situation and every encounter is unique.

Keen to hear what your list contains and why it takes at least 6 years to get 70% of the way through it?


Best
TV

How did you do your review in 3 months of all those?

What channels, tools, media, framework, technique etc did you use?

Or was it just what she vocalised?

Plus some church elders that introduced you both telling you that "she is a very good girl o. She would make a good wife"?

Believe me, if any woman asks me what being a husband is, I will gaddamn be able to tell her the sweet things she wants to hear but that does not mean I am willing to do it. So if I wanted to act, she would erroneously fall for my word without knowing my heart. So your claim "Very quickly, the mouth will reveal the contents of the heart" is so wrong. There are guys whose mouth have on occasions soften leg muscles, their heart definitely did not keep them with the leg owner.

.

Spirit1: This is the problem with Nigerians; unapologetic sense of entitlement: You think that the poor guy should spend his hard earned money on his brother. You don't even know how much he has or where the money is coming from. For all you care, he could owe the bank or have borrowed that money (guess you don’t care). This poor guy probably has children, wife and other relatives who have needs too. It is very pathetic to think this way. I live in the US and on the basis of this mentality, I returned to Nigeria recently to discover that my older brother has sold 12 plots of my choice land for peanuts, because he claimed that I was not sending him money and looking after his family. I deprived myself of luxury about 15 years ago and bought those plots of land. He forged the documents to perpetrate this crime and after I locked him up, all sorts of people came begging. Now the land is in jeopardy. To the poster; you should be ashamed of yourself. Change your mentality and you will be happy you did so. I mean this poor guy could easily have died while in captivity. All his brother will say: “I am sorry”, as if “sorry” will put food on his late brother’s children’s table, or pay their school fees or their accommodation. It is the same mentality that justifies the warrantless looting of national (collective) treasure by politicians in Nigeria everyday.

Don't mind the foool!

Lady Amaka: If your miserablf house hold are not retards, you wont know what it takes to be a retard. Glorified maggot

You are a person!

Is your place to tell him how to spend his money?

Did you help him sweat for his money?

You will provide him with money if he loses his savings?

Lady Amaka: He doesn't have money to help him but has 1.8million to pay cash? Some relatives nawaoo but the younger brother went to the extreme.

You are a reetard!

Is it the place for you or his brother to tell him how to spend his money?

itsmayiela: Good. Amerika and d world, una no dey announce dis kain tin 4 cnn and bbc or aljazeera ooooh......but if na bomb blast by farouk lawal, una go dey repeat am as breaking news for many weeks. Nobody hears wat happens in d pot, its only wat happens in the mortar they hear

Kai!

E no go better for IBB and Abasha!

May God make them rot in the hottest part of hellfire.

They have finished our youths' future.

Kai!

armyofone: queensmith, you are right. it is hard to be black in the USA. i'm so proud of this guy and wish him the best.
it sadden me when those that clean the malls, schools, hospitals etc are mostly black.
may he continue to be strong to face the challenges ahead.

If they worked half as hard as he did, they probably wouldn't be in that position.

shymmex: Hoodrat?

You're a very funny chap... Stop arguing with young people out of your league, mate... If at your age, you don't know that there taught MSc. degrees in uni, why should I ever take you seriously?? I've destroyed you more than once intellectually, and exposed why you're so angry with everything black...

Your only achievement in life is being a mod on NL...

By the way, how's your adult education classes??

This is my last reply to you on this thread, the thread isn't about your sad life - it's about the young chap who made history...

The same person that boasted his superlative achievement was getting an MSc at 24 is the person out of my league!

The same mooron that said taught MSc requires no reseaching skills.

LWKMD!!!

Those alone was evidence that this guy did not go to university because he was not aware of the norms and exceptions in such an environment.

As I said, any foool can claim shyt online, but by their dialectics I can spot their academic prowess.

safarigirl: Congrats Emmanuel, and I wish you well in life. One thing's for sure, dude will never set foot in Naija again, US definitely won't let go of brains like that, and since this shythole we call a country would much rather celebrate crooks than honest achievers, we won't be missing much.

Well said!

And then the people would point at the white man.

For example, take the moronic hoodrat called shymmex, what he regarded as an insult was to say I cannot be making more than £80K a year.

Stewpid people that worship money no matter how the person obtained it.

Danka7777: Work hard? I hate to be immodest, but to set the record straight, like Emmanuel, I graduated at the top of my class (Summa cum laude) from a top school in the U.S also. Winner of Lockheed Martin scholarship out 10,000 applicants.

Another person making moronic claims online.

Queensmith said she has a medical degree from a UK Top 5 university but yet argues that:

a) Obese women have equal chance of attracting mates as slim women.

b) Men that are 10 years older than their partners are perverts but being gay is not.



That is the foool that has a medical degree from a UK Top 5 university?

Maybe she has a medical degree from London School of Business and Finance.

Any foool like you both can claim whatever they like on cyberspace.

You graduated top of your class in a US top school but yet your moronic arse (1) cannot answer my questions and (2) reverts to achievements 300000000 years ago to excuse Africa's current failure?

Cretin! Who do you think you are fooling?

From the way reetards argue, I can judge their academic quality. You are a foool!

inene: Somthing does not sound right here. Why would he be leaving JOhns Hopkins Univeristy which is the world's numero uno in medical training and science to Yale. Ths is just an observation. You would not finish in Unilag and bag a scholarship to study in Lasu (apologies to Lasuites)

Yale is more prestigious overall. Akin to Oxbridge.

JHU is mainly renowned for medical and health sciences. Akin to LSE and economics.

Danka7777: I second your prayer for your child to be like him. Also pray may he/she never be like this thing with username: Sagamite. He is an epitome of why Africa is backward today; in fact you are the one holding us back.

You are a person!

The epitome of why Africa is backward today is the reetards like you that love giving excuses and pointing fingers instead of working hard.

Moorons that allude to past glory to harness some lame pride.

You are still running from my questions? Keep running!

slimming: Non is crime, it is a choice not melt for debate

Your attention is needed on this thread:

https://www.nairaland.com/974439/emmanuel-ohuabunwa-1st-blackman-3.98

A lot of people are looking for you because of the "intellectual" post you made there.

shymmex: The white man never failed, he achieved what's best for HIS people, and I rate him for that... But I also don't kiss his arse.

The black man needs to do the same thing... The world is about the survival of the fittest, and the only way the black man can survive is by breaking free from the yoke of the white man to find an identity, and a niche for himself... We're lost at the moment, that's why Africa is the way it is..

And what would that identity look like?

Danka7777: This is the same problem we keep saying of some nescient Nigerians who smugly think they know what they are saying but absolutely has no clue what they are talking about. This is a respectful forum, avoid use of words as "stu$pid" make your point and allow other members to be the judge. Please!

You are a foool!

What do you know? Where in your post have you been able to answer my questions? You think ranting about some lame work thousands of years ago is what would excuse where Africa is today?

And your dumb arse is talking about nescient?

shymmex: Arguing with that self-hating guy is like arguing with a table, please ignore him...

Hoodrat (that the white man failed) why are you not answering the questions?

queensmith: Well in a very basic sense you need to look at the standards we are using to measure things like poverty and development. What are we using to weight our development? Who are we using as an example.

Who standard are we going by with the 4.0 average, who determines how intelligent we are? Who are we (as blacks) competing against?

It's going to be a never ending race if we continue to try and model ourselves on the West.

What Africa needs is it's own identity.

What a stewpid write up!

So our identity is not to have access to 3 square meals, good healthcare, good education, public amenities, security and all the other stuff that makes life easier?

Or what else is used for assessing poverty and development? What would you use to measure that will not lead to Africa still being extremely backward and underdeveloped.

These questions also go out to all the people that praised this dumb write up.

Standing5: Nigerians will always be Nigerians!!! How does a High CGPA solve our problems? A good achievement though but most times these kind of folks don't match result with impact.

And it is the Alao Akalas like slimming you prefer to the High CGPA folks?

bukatyne: some of us believe in the divine intervention of God. He stil speaks to us on a daily basis. ve a nice day

If anything is speaking to you in your head, believe me it is not God, it is what is called schizophrenia.

I am not saying you should not believe in divine intervention, but TRUST ME God does not speak to you. That is nonsense!

2good: You response is similar to the Greeks always reminding us of the ancient civilization they once had. The world have moved far ahead of the ancient Egyptian civilization and the sooner African realise that the better for them. You can be happy that 3,000 years ago Africa was doing well, but in the contemporary world, all those civilizations are a thing of the past and does not add value to the life of a common man.
My point is people are suffering from poverty that is why a greater chunk of the African population is looking for how to leave Africa to other continent. Leave history alone and face the present except you can use the history to improve the life of Africans.

So fcking well said again.

Make persin continue to take glory from 5 billion years ago. tschew!

2good: In as much as I understand your frustration, do you expect the bigger world to take blacks race serious with the high level of poverty and lack of growth on the African continent? I'm not trying to be anti African but raising a reality of what is happening in Africa.
The only solution to ending the stereotype you so despise is looking for how to develop Africa because almost everything we use or learn have been developed by other race. We have to look inward and ask ourself what is the problem with Africa first because getting angry will not solve the problem.

So fcking well said.

Danka7777: Lol! Sounds like you speaking from hardcore experience, did your wife collect half your wealth?

Good point made though!

Dem never born the woman wey go fit do that.

It is just exposure of my intellectual observation.

gulfer: “That, combined with my hours of volunteer service in different hospitals across the US allowed me to gain acceptance into every medical school I applied to, including Harvard, Yale, Johns Hopkins, Columbia, and Cornell. As the time came to make a decision, I had narrowed it down to Harvard and Yale. Both schools, I enjoyed visiting. Nevertheless, while my parents prayed, they asked God to give us a sign of what school to attend. A few days later, I received a letter from Yale Medical School, offering me a full ride scholarship for all four years. That was the sign from God,” he said.

When he grows up, I hope he drops this lame unscientific part of his thinking.

gulfer: Ohuabunwa, however, said that his parents, who he described as his greatest role models, contributed a lot to his academic feat through Godly training, counsel and guidance. He also did not forget the impact that his short stay at Air Force school had on him.

Later, some lunatically western law would say a woman is entitled to half because he made it by being married to her.

When his parents do not even have a right to claim a cent.

gulfer: “My parents moved the whole family when I was 13 years old. I was about to begin SS1 at Air Force, Ibadan. When I got to the US, I was enrolled with my age mates, which meant at 13, I was in middle school. I went to Fondren Middle School, which was in the middle of the ghetto. That was one of the darkest years for me because I encountered a lot of peer pressure. Some of the students, ignorant about Africa, bullied me and called me names such as ‘African booty scratcher’ because to them, Africans were dirty and scratched their butts all the time.

“Some asked me if I lived in mud huts and ate faeces for breakfast. I remember one day, when I was walking to the school bus, a boy came from behind and punched me in the face, called me an African and walked away. It took everything in me not to retaliate. I knew that God had put me in the U.S for a purpose and it did not involve fighting or selling drugs or doing the wrong things.

“My experience during that year gave me a thick skin. I learned to stand for what I thought was right even when the opposition seemed insurmountable. I also learned to look at the positive in all situations. Even though these kids were bullying me, I was still gaining an opportunity to school in America and nothing would stop me from making the best of this opportunity.

“The shocker was that the kid that punched me in the face was black. I would have expected the blacks to be nicer to me. Nevertheless, I don’t blame those kids because they were ignorant about Africa. All they knew about us was the stuff they had watched on TV or documentaries, showing primitive African tribes, living in the jungle and making noises like monkeys.

“In regards to the whites, there might have been some minor episodes but again I don’t blame them for it because it is a problem with stereotypes,” he said.

But in spite of this humiliation and racial prejudice against him, the first in a family of three was not discouraged. He faced his studies and was always coming top in his class. After he completed his middle school education, he passed the entrance examination to DeBakey High School for Health Professions. It was at this school that his interest in neurosciences and medicine started.

“By the second year of high school, we were able to interact with doctors, nurses and other administrators in the hospital. The more I learned about medicine, the more it felt like the thing God was calling me to pursue and by being in the US I got a lot of people to support me to do this. Even though in high school, I got to see first-hand what it meant to be a doctor. We studied advanced anatomy and physiology, learned medical terminology, and learned important skills, such as checking blood pressure, pulse rate, and many more.

“I knew I wanted to go to the best school in the US. I had heard that Johns Hopkins Hospital had been ranked the number one hospital in the US for the past 21 years and I wanted to be in that environment.’’

Worried that his parents might not be able to sponsor him to the university, Ohuabunwa purposed to work very hard. He did and when the result of the PSAT came, he performed so well that he won the National Achievement Scholar.

And some black reetards would live in the same country and scream the whiteman is holding them back.

Fcking lazy black cunts that like to give excuses for their failures.

queensmith: The difference between buying and renting isn't that much nowadays. The only thing is, what the hell is one going to do with the gown afterwards? Ebay maybe?

You can buy a very nice wedding gown for around £100 (cost of renting one i suppose) and the cost of renting a designer gown you can get a famous boutique custom dress.

I don't mind really. . . .if I know someone I can give it to after using it I don't mind buying it.

You can always give it to Gabourey Sidibe if she decides to go down the aisle.

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TV01: "Goal Oriented"...good point. Firstly are men not goal-oriented when it comes to marriage? I think you miss a trick here,as you seem to assume that marriage must not be the aim ab initio. But when everything checks out and the feeling is intense, marriage can be broached? Marriage being on the agenda right from the off is not a bad thing. It helps focus and helps prevent long "going-nowhere", "never getting there" affairs. After all to many, affairs are not an end in and of themselves. Marriage is the whole point.

You either missed my point or want to waste my time with lame questions.

When I say goal-oriented negatively, it means someone whose sole aim is to marry at all cost.

Marriage being on the agenda right from the onset is not a bad thing, but marriage being priority over getting to know someone, talkless of even love them, has serious k-leg.

Marriage being on the agenda right from the onset is not a bad thing, but marriage at short notice for the sake of being married because my clock is ticking to me is jaga-jaga.

I have never in my life met anyone I felt I knew sufficiently after 3 months, even when I was a child and had all the free time in the world to hang with them. Bar your wife, have you ever met anyone you felt you knew sufficiently after 3 months? If yes, who?

TV01: Even if we agree that (a) is the case, both (b) and (are) are at best assumptions. I wanted to marry, but was happy to remain unmarried - forever - if I didn't meet the right girl.

I wonder what you mean by "know"? I refer to their aspirations, desires, worldview, background, values, morals. I don't think it will take 2 years to prove. Anyway, 2 years for 70%. Definitely an improvement on the 10 years, and certainly doable. If of course 70% is sufficient for you to proceed?

Again, you missed the point.

I wasn't talking about you. You are the man, you have less to lose if you wait forever. Review what I wrote and see the appropriate subject of a, b and c.

Where did I say 10 years?

If you know anything about women, you would know they can tell you from here to Timbuktu everything about their aspirations, desires, worldview, background, values, morals but yet what they will do in life will probably be different from what they told you. Your 3 months courtship will depend on these erroneous proclamations. A longer courtship would help you see the difference between what is said and what is done.

TV01: I was not being prescriptive about 3 months. Simply stating it worked for me.
Compatibility is based on mutual attraction along with shared aspirations and values. It's no long thing. You can have different tastes and ways yet still be compatible.
Certainly, increased time potentially reveals more, but (a) you are pre-supposing "acting" and (b)don't think it's not sustainable if present

And agree with you about "women starting earlier". But still you seem to assume that age is not a factor for men? There are still practical implications for both. And starting earlier without the emotional maturity or understanding can actually be a bad thing.

Lot's of women make poor choices based on being unlearned and unprepared when they commence relationships. The experiences then keep repeating on them and you hear phrases such as "I always go for cheats/drunkards/bad boys etc. Or all men are bastards (i.e. I can't tell the difference and always choose wrong due to my ignorance and wrongly set primers!)It's learned behaviour, just bad learning,that is never corrected. Age does not improve things, just introduces bitterness and desperation, due to the wrong notions, bad experiences and the "tick tocking".

Stories. Lets stick with the facts:

1) Prolonged contact reveals more, hence is better.

2) Age is a negligible-to-insignificant factor for men.

No stories.

TV01: You miss the praticalities. If you meet a "right and ready" 25 year old, and linger for between 6 and 10 years she'll be wondering "what's the delay". She'll move on way before then, or someone else will snap her up. If she's not "R&R", there's no point getting with her as she is immature and anything you "know" is not really known as she is still developing.

Obviously, like most women, she would look out for her best interest. Good luck to her, I am not a "real man" that would double the look out for her best interest. I would look out for mine instead, otherwise no one will. If she does not like my best interest or our individual best interest is not compatible, she can always fck off!

TV01: Goal oriented is no bad thing. I actually think it's the way to go. It brings focus and clarity and helps quickly conclude. You are right to use the term "may" for short,but wrong to use "ensures" for long. It simply a function of honesty and commitment of those involved, not the length of time. In fact that could lead to false confidence and not going deep. Gisting and hanging out instead of proper courting.

I would rather risk ending up gisting and hanging out THAN risk marrying the wrong person in a rush, when I am not beenie man (give me the keys to my bima).

TV01: Why are (a) and (b) above mutually exclusive? A mature person would insist on both. I would not commit to love someone who adores me without a marital conclusion in mind. That's not logic, its jejune romance.

The second half of (a) [want to be with me] already incorporates (b) in finer glory.

(b) is unlikely to give you (a) in 3 months.

(b) is the scenario where the ATMs hope (a) develops in the matrimonial home.

TV01: Is that any more laughable than believing your wife cannot take off with George because you courted her for 10 years, whatever she may have said, or not said?

Again, it is not about eliminating risk, it is about REDUCING risks.

Please, pretty please with a cherry on top, stop wasting my time pointing to likely risk to justify greater risks.

It is like those lame Nigerians that point to inferior amenities in council estates in UK to justify and excuse the insalubrious slums of Makoko, Ajegunle, Iyana Ipaja etc.

A woman that I hardly know (3 months relationship) is more likely than a woman I know well and have studied for years (10 years relationship) to do something I did not expect. Simples! I don't need to bring meerkats to explain that.

TV01: I also understood, managed and prepared for risk. First by preparing myself and then by seeking out someone of like mind. With faith as foundation and basis for understanding/approach.

You managed and prepared for risk and came to a conclusion that someone had like minds from the 1 date you had before you decided you were going to marry and depend on your faith? I would not want you as my risk manager. Fck that! I would want higher level due diligence.

Lets face it, you have blatantly refused time and again to detail the due diligence you claimed you conducted before deciding to marry in 3 months because you know it is weak and would easily be discredited. Any time you are asked, you resort to waffle and strawmans.

TV01: No risk methodology survives 7 - 20 years unchanged. Eliminating risk and fortifying the union is ongoing. Not solely a pre-marriage exercise. You talk as if all the work is done prior and relates to the entry and possible exit (prenup)? A great deal is done prior, but most is done during and is ongoing to sustain and fortify and obviate and exit strategy.

Critical analysis is not the sole determinant of success in "messy real life". Don't let "analysis paralysis" stop you living it.

This is rambling. It does not dislodge my fact that the people on the thread using their short marriage as evidence "it does not matter" are chatting shyt. You know it, acknowledge it instead of telling strawman stories.

TV01: Nonetheless, men are subject to their own set of limiting factors, constraints and variables. In what was and still essential is a mans world, why would we structure or enforce something that mostly benefitted women? You do insist that marriage is man-made no?

More stories.

I am sure if you believed in the lame grasping at straws arguments you are trying to give, you would BY NOW have listed the set of limiting factors for men that would make them ATMs.

You have not done so because you know they are lame and virtually insignificant.

JeSoul: Infact, it is in my personal 'code of dressing conduct' NOT to wear so-called "designer" clothing/labels in general - especially if the label is on display. How much are Polo, Coach, Givenchy & co. paying me to advertise their clothing? way I see it, why should I pay to be someone else's walking billboard? its a scam of the highest order lol. Quality & style, personalized is what matters to me.

You are one fcking smart girl! You are exactly like me. This is EXACTLY what I tell people.

It is a matter of general fcking principles for me not to wear anybody's billboard and pay them shytloads for the privilege and prance around like a reetarded mugu thinking that makes me a big boy. I work so hard to avoid buying anything that has some super designer label.