₦airaland Forum

omolasho:
You forgot to add:
1. Excessive Flattering; they do this mostly through texting. "I am the luckiest girl to have you", "you a manifestation of God's grace in my life", "my King", "Ifemi", "I can't wait to be called Mrs ..." The list is endless

2. Pathological lies; she will fabric lies you would find more convincing than the holy book. You would hardly have any reason to doubt her.

3. Tears as a weapon; she would cry you into making illogical compromises for her. Like commitment, your time, your money, hating her ex's.

4. Playing the victim; they tell you how everyone had treated them bad; their father, mother, brother, exes. This in combination with their tears would almost make you to kill for them.

5. Laziness and entitlement; she thinks she is pretty and her boyfriend should pay all her bills.

6. Sex as a weapon; she refines her art of sex, it one of the potent weapons in her arsenal.
Lemme stop here. See I no read am for books o. I suffered for years in her hand before I japa.

Take a bonus; most of them are possessed with witchcraft and pretty.

Tito24:
you described my husband (soon to be ex) so well

They can never change

They hate it when they are figured out

sync:
Your write up shows you are still hurt. Move on

Karleb:
This case is a case of the girl loving the guy less than he loves her.

It's not one narci-kinikan.

We've seen it play out times without numbers.

By the time the girl meets someone she loves more than he loves her, she'll turn to mumu too.

Yusufisraelj:
Damn straight. They are good opportunist. I know how to spot them.

However there's something the OP is not seeing most narc I know we're once abused brutally, seldom teachable, have exaggerated opinions of themselves, seldom giver's, mostly on the taking side.

The only way to beat a narc is to see through their bullshit, you have to be a lot smarter else you'll regret your life, you won't know you're being used until it's too late, and they know exactly what's right and wrong, but justify wrong behavior from ego.

They have a larger than life attitude, a narcissist will tell you they made you and they're the best thing you can get. Lols I'm just laughing because I learnt about human behavior early and I grew up well, so I know bullshit when I see it.

Brandiebird:
Its okay to not know something. You don’t know what narcissism is and you’re arguing without knowledge. All I can say is may you never fall prey to one.

Let me try to use this comment as an example: imagine if instead of ignoring that girl you faked love and swept her off her feet. You promised her heaven on earth and 2.4 children, you showed her “love” like it was a movie and once she was hooked, you started to abuse, insult, and belittle her. She found no peace because you live for violence and drama.

That’s what narcissists do! They are demons, they are our parents, siblings, cousins and friends, it’s not just romantic relationships!

Try learning instead of arguing.

Wallade:
The lady that you have described is not a narcissist. Yes, she has issues; serious issues, but not exactly a narcissist. Narcissism is a disorder; mental health condition.

She can be described as a clever attention seeker. She has pride and perhaps arrogant.

kzpelumi:
I still haven't healed yet from the pains . it's so hard its worse than heartbreak it's like giving you heaven then taking it away. And there is no chance to retrace. Because you have push away any other lady in your life both friends and colleagues just to please her.. You will be broken because you won't find anyone to console you .. Its also leave a scar on you that any other lady you find it hard to truly love the person.

Aaaaarghmed:
The roaches will always write stupid comments,they will obviously be pained till they die ;Obviously I keep hitting nerves

Slimplush:
Guy you are very spot on, I guess you just wrote epistle about my ex, you describe her totally I am wondering if you know her or after i left her, you get to hook with her


Anyway, they are very manipulative and people always listen to them and blame you instead, you will never win them,out of the world anger, ready to destroy anything when angry, funny thing is when people are trying to correct brain with words say make you find your way,both of your ears will be dead, I mean completely dead to sensor say word dey try to enter...


She nearly kill me then and she's still killing me, she really got me

Thank God for life sha

naturefellow:
we're talking deep level human psychology here. Not some redpill stuff. Read the post again, this time carefully.

Tymk:
this english don suffer for naija hand

Ebubu:
I have some few questions

1. Do they spot a guy and say “I want to trauma bond this guy”, “let me trauma bond this man”. Or it’s just an unintentional outcome of power play in a relationship ? Was it original or thought-out from the start?

2. I think I’m a victim. I prefer to grow in a relationship with gradual increase in affection, but she preferred I show it massively hot from the start, according to her, na beginning of relationship love suppose dey sweet pass, na beginning of marriage marriage dey sweet pass. Me i believe in wine getting better as it ages. In the first few months of the start, I was just basic in my love approach while she calls me 7 times in a day, comes to see me at break or any free lunchtime, video calls me at night, et cetera.

When I discovered how disrespectful she was to some of my friends and when she retorted to what my sister said about a particular girl this ex says looked like her (my sister), my sister said this girl I said looks like her is not fine. I informed my ex what my sister said about the girl she said looked like my sister, and my ex answered “who tell am say she fine”.

Immediately I lost respect for her, also when she said if we get married her mother in law, (my mon), can’t be coming to the kitchen anyhow. I think I quite agree but it just sounded off to me considering i preferred someone who is communally inclined in her living.

I started telling her she should just boycott all marriage plans that nobody knows God’s plans. Soon after that, her whole affection from me took a nose-dive down. Less calls, intimate chats, time, etc from her.

She also started to chat more with other guys, to her I’ve permitted her to entertain other guys since there’s no security this would lead to marriage.

Note I was watching her reaction to keeping the marriage open, if she’d still be committed (then I’ll re-initiate it), if she acts otherwise, I will know her true colour.

A year later she got talking too deeply with one senior colleague like that. I warned her they communicate too much, she won’t say anything, it got point that she started changing what she used to save the guy’s name on her phone so I will stop checking her. She started to lie about her whereabouts so she’ll have time video-calling the guy. They practically video call 4x in a day.

Eventually I broke off the relationship. She started dating the guy.

The guy showed her shege cos I was still assisting her financially (situationship), though I got sex in exchange. The guy didn’t financially take care of her. I was even buying her pad, etc. in that period I kept begging her to come back to me she would refuse and say it would seem like she is selfish.

Eventually her relationship with the guy hit the rocks one year later. But she did something that made me block her in the meantime, she slept with a single father for whatever reason, she informed me by herself. I was not in town. I got so furious I blocked her. By time I got back to town she had left that guy she left me for and started dating one tech guy who is really doing well financially and taking care of her.

She never begged me for forgiveness for sleeping out with single father cos she felt she had no sexual obligation to me since I wasn’t the boyfriend or husband? or dumping me for another man? She would even be posting love enticing thing about she and the guy she left me for on her status knowing well I would see it.

Earlier on this year around January I asked her if the guy who dumped her came around, would she accept again? She said yes if she still loves him then. This is a girl that didn’t want to consider returning to me same month she broke up. Maybe because she was the one who left, and this time she is the one who was dumped.

This tech guy she’s dating now is taking care of her and started her a sewing business so she won’t be dependent on guys. She’s doing much better.

But still chats me up from blue moon about most mundane things like “what is the colour of the sky?”

“How many pages is final year defence book?” Most irrational things. Don’t know if she wants to keep talking to me, but don’t want us to date?

I rarely post my romantic life on social media but the day I posted loving emoji on status she rushed and posted video of her man and she love cuddling/hugging.


PS: her father is late and her mother struggles a lot, owed several months salary as a primary school teacher in Benue state.

But when I had not cancelled the marriage plans: she was the most romantic woman.

scoops:
One key characteristics of a Narcissist is that they Love using People, be it in a relationship or work environment a Narcissist has just one goal, to use people meanwhile they tend to create that picture of them being the best person you can ever find on earth, even when you say you don't need help a narcissist will tell you they just want to help you but it's mainly so that you can feel attached, indebted and become a slave to them, being in a relationship with one can be dangerous as they would always need you to feel guilty, unfortunately if you ask what you've done wrong they really can't tell.
PS: The world shouldn't be a though place to live for anyone but over the years I've learnt that, if you're too Sweet they'll lick you Finish and if you want Peace they'll break you into Pieces; that being said there should always be a balance and Dialogue should always be a way to resolve difference hopefully the other party understands, because an Eye for an Eye might soon make everyone Blind.

Artiiclebeast:
Very heartless moronns, I tell you.

They expect everyone to concur with their Bullock and the moment they realize you can't be bent, the hatred and anger towards you could be a matter of life and death.

I toy with and turn them in their own narcissistic arena.

LandMann:
[sup][/sup]

You're just an unfortunate simp who shouldn't have gone into a relationship.

You tried very hard to paint your ex as a demon using a word you just learnt and probably from seeing other unfortunate souls doing same after getting destroyed in a relationship.

Let me tell you, relationship, like every other event in life, is a game. If you go into a relationship as a man, your goal should be to win the game and get a mate who will follow your lead.

If you start doing mumu stuff in the name of love then you're the fool setting yourself up to fail. You're just a weakling, and your partner will spot it and detest you. If you can't hold your own and knowing that you're right then you are an unfortunate simp.

If ManCity crushes Chelsea in a match, will Chelsea start crying that ManCity is a narcissist?

You're ascribing blame to the woman and I want you to know that doing so will not take the responsibility away from you if that's your goal. You failed miserably in managing your relationship.

Go and learn how to be a principled, resourceful and responsible man. Go and make money before you think of your next relationship so that you don't end up writing another horseshit to justify your failure

PrinceGallant:
When you feel you are above someone you are a narcist especially if the person is trying hard to get your focus.

Every narcist is also an echoist when they find what they need. That your ex would also try hard to get an interest of someone who she admires.

Phargbemmy:
I realised too late, after three 3. Yea I started seeing this after 4 years of our being together and am prepared to break loose. Yes, I will have my payback very soon and it will sweet me die

africandollar:
narcissist: This word done suffer for the hands of nairalanders and gen-z
In case you don't know, most ladies are covertly narcissists and it takes a certain type of male who don't give two sh*ts to curb such nonsense. Next time bro, grow some balls and be in control of your relationship.

pxolll:
I had the same issue with you, I can relate with almost 99.9% of everything you said, my own ex even aborted pregnancy for me, we did a lot but mehnn, I had to respect myself and let it go. I was trauma bond with her too as I went back to beg her, I was grossly embarassed that day, she and mum jointly embarassed me, while I was running and begging her, she even took another nigga call in my front, it's crazy man but I'm getting over it. Getting yourself together mate, you will be fine

steeltrust:
Lol
I can understand where you coming from bro
My wife used to be
But as a proper African man when I be
I put her in her place 😂🤣

She now has the idea I can do without her if Bleep up

So all those narcissistic behaviors she de hide am

And I warn am make she no carry that nonsense character near our pikin

If you realize on time and deal with it
You won’t have a problem

As am talking to you now sef I feel guilty cause na me con de do like narcissist for our marriage 😂🤣

And another thing apart from the narcissistic thing, I think she doesn’t love you enough
She de use you pass time

Khetech:
Beyond the girl been a narcissist, u my nigga is also a simp, u allow ur emotions to control u,and u will keep getting this same energy with everyone if u allow ur emotions to control u.

finegirl233:
The traits of a nerc you listed up there makes me laugh. There is a tendency that more than 80% of humans have one or more of such characteristics, so advicing others on a public forum to avoid anyone with your list is absurd to me.

Kindly move on with your life if you are happy the relationship ended, no need for long stories.



Peace

Dexy4yah:
I don't wish even my worst enemy to date a narcissist.

They will always want to control you and they keep milking you emotionally.

They are the worst people to date or marry

pocohantas:
Welcome to the redpill.

Fountainofyouth:
Lol

ibnquasale:
That gal real do you bad thing ooo 😂😂😂

finegirl233:
All this epistle because of breakup in this century?

Wahala

SenecaTheYonger:
You should not condone silent treatment. You should also never allow a girl insult you. If a girl insults you, use a very painful secret of hers to insult her back. She will submit to you after crying.

After your GF is done wih the silent treatment, tell her that the next time she does that, you will take it as a sign the relationship is over and that she should just move on from her silence. You too also be prepared for this and mean it.

Never you allow a girl have control in a relationship. Always have the upperhand.

Artiiclebeast:
Kpele.

I deal with narcissists for fun and it has always worked.

They hate it when they get found out and always put in their place.

beekind:
I am the 2nd born out of 2 children, my elder brother has been married for some time with no kids as a result I am super careful with issues relating to fertility.
I am in my late 30s and have been dating a 27 year old lady for 4 months now, the relationship moved so fast as she is a perfect match for me .
I have met her family and she has met mine, we are already planning marriage and have started counselling sessions in her church.

Op, this your 27 year old virgin girl. Does she reside in Ogun state? Sounds like someone I know.

She complained of irregular periods so I told her to do a hormonal profile test and see a gynecologist, turns out she has got PCOS.

I have done my own fertility test and I am fine, I am at a cross road now, I cannot afford to struggle with child birth considering my age and also my only other sibling still also having issues with the wife also still trying to get pregnant after many years.

The only other option would have been to ask her to try for pregnancy before marriage but she is a virgin and wants to keep it that way till wedding, besides if I disvirgin her, how will I be able to walk away incase she doesn't get pregnant ?

I am at crossroads now, its not too late but walking away at this point will be very costly for me since we have already started plans towards the wedding and our families are already in touch.

My heart is heavy and I am confused, I need good advise as I cannot discuss this with anyone.