₦airaland Forum

For me the list of good books is endless
UNBRIDLED BY JUDE DIBIA
PRESUMED INNOCENT BY SCOTT TURROW
WALKING WITH SHADOWS BY JUDE DIBIA
A SIMPLE PLAN BY SCOTT SMITH
MY LIFE BY BILL CLINTON
FINISHING STRONG BY STEVE FARRAR
THE RUN BY JOHN GILTRAP etc

ANATOMY OF A FOOL

How do one get born as a fool?
No that is not true!
How do one grow up to be a fool?
No this isn't exactly correctly either.
So how do one become a fool then? for we are all fools.

Yes we are all fools,
Hungry fools, Senseless fools
Corrupt fools, Cheap fools
Cowardly fools, Sit-tight fools
Rebranded fools, Re-orientated fools
Nigerians fools.

Nigerians are fools, yes we are!
Do not yeild to the temptation of rushing in with expletives
Simmer down the rage building in you
forget the attack with vituperatives
for they are hallmarks of fools
the very sign that show us as fools when confronted with our albatross

To the surgery room, lets migrate
To the theatre, lets go watch
The anatomy of a fool
Howbeit a Nigerian fool, we all are.

How does an agrarian country becomes the 6th largest producer of crude Oil
Yet both food and fuel; we lacks self sufficiency, depending on other nations
If we are not fools? Nigerian fools
Don't say it is ironic, for this is not a Soyinka's play
It is our life. The life of fools, Nigerian fools.

Why on earth should sending our children to school in tiny Ghana
Becomes a thing of pride; a status symbol in our society
Why on earth should a Youth life-time goal is to escape out of shores of Nigeria
legally or otherwise, If we are not fools.

Why do we shout when our leaders steal from the coffers of the nation
Only to curse them when they refuse to toe that line especially if they are our kinsmen
why are all our visioneers blind men, Procastinating the vision to when they know they will not be there for accountability.
Vision 2010 expires in 1998, Vision 2020 may yet expires by 2011

Why do we share and trade blames when confronted with our foolishness
Why do we think of our leaders alone when our problems are highlighted
when we as followers are leaders and they as leaders are followers also.
Yes they are followers also, foolishly following.

Our leaders follows the best Doctors to Germany
because the ones in Ibadan, Maiduguiri and Port Harcourt have no tools to work
Our leaders follow the best school to Britain
because the ones in Lagos, Zaria, and Enugu are under funded and on strike.
Our leaders follows the best bank to Swizerland
because the ones facing the lagoon are nothing but Esusu incapable of hiding/keeping thier loots without re-looting it themselves.
Our leaders are followers, foolishly following because we are fools.

where there is darkness, Chaos will reign
PHCN is darkness, generators are chaos.
where injustice is, ineptitude will claim excellence
INEC is injustice, Police is ineptitude.
need i go on? for we have it all
what it takes to be Great or fools
But sadly we choose to be fools
We are fools, Nigerians fools.

OUR BAPTISM
I am innocent, but I am not a virgin
And I have not been with one before
so tell me how was i to know that been with one is going to be a baptism of fire

She is the pastor daughter and sings in the choir
At 25, she is a sight to behold
I guess her father must have lobbyied God
for she have more than her fair share of beauty

Desire, she must have seen in me each time she walks past
As I stood working as a usher.
No doubt, church folks will call it lust,
but am brought up not to use profanity like that

Time Check 9pm, and still pounding away on my laptop at the office
Get the presentation ready, or you re done for
was the parting shot by my bitching boss
So when my mobiles cries out it was such a relief to hear her sonorous voice

She is close to my office and wondering if am still there
And would give her a lift home as the heavy downpour has made Lagos
A desert of commercial buses as usual anytime it rains.
unhesistantly I obliged.

She breeze in, no She floated in like a cherubim
how was I to know that deep in her breast is the fire of hell burning.
For 15mins later, she complained of heat in the office
and went on to remove her blouse

I look up from my work and nearly had an heart attack!
She was too strong and inviting for even Samson to resist
And I aint no Samson-that is my sin.
She smiles invitingly and then it happens. ( No profanities)

While on her, I couldnt get in
Are you not a man, she said and Laughed
with one mighty thrust i tried harder and it gave way
I found myself in a hot moist virgy oozing out blood
like an active volcano in the gulf of mexico

She screamed and I jump out
we were a sight to behold
my hood was covered in blood wondering what just happened
And she started laughing hysterically.

I have Baptised you, she said, thinking this is my first time also
I saw red, I became mad, so this is all pre-meditated by her
I bundled her into the Car and at a dare-devil speed headed for the 3rd mainland bridge completely ignoring all her questions as to my actions and where we are going.

Slammed on the brake right in the middle of the bridge for dramatic effects
pulled the scheming devilish Cherubim out and threw her into the lagoon
Go for Baptism, I shouted after her.

I turned to go but my church mind pulled me back
wanted to jump in and rescue her but my sanity pulled me back
Idiot, you know you can't swim, why jump to your death sanity said.

I fished out my mobile and called the Pastor, yes her father
18mins, 34 seconds, he arrived with help-Yes i kept watch.
7mins was all it took them professional divers to bring her up the bridge.

No, she wasn't dead for she clung to one of the columns of the bridge
What happened, her father asked
without thinking I answered " I threw her in for Baptism"
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Pastor shouted
Still shivering, she burst into that hysterical laughter again.

, Wake Up, Wake Up, My wife shook me awake
, when you spend the whole night reading angry souls
, ranting about rantless rants
, Oh God I have been dreaming.

The late master story-teller Cyprian Ekwensi is the author of Akin the drummer boy! _{I hope am right o}!