I gort married to stay married. If he hits me first time, I will not leave, second time, no I will still not leave, (this is if am ver certain my hussy is not the abusive type). Rather I will try to find out the root cause of the hitting, maybe its something am doing or saying, or something is having an influence on him e.g alcohol. Leaving is a last resort when every option has been exhausted and its glaring that he ain't stopping, that no matter what I do or say or not say he will hit me. Then I think I'll take the walk.
Don't want to die untimely, this life too sweet .

Its really nice. I've used it after delivery. And no, its not like pad or pampers. Its our normal everyday pant. Only difference is you don't get to wash which is really cool. Good for travellers too, so you don't park up dirty 'dross' or washing and hanging in an unknown or unhygienic environment.

I'll start by telling you that whatever is making you go gaga for this guy is not love, but infatuation and lust unfortunately, and its not worth risking your 13yrs old marriage for.
Like I said, I was once in ur shoes, but the difference is that the guy in question made advances to me, initially I waz like wat da heck does he want, but as time goes by, my mind(devil) started playing trick on my emotions and before you say SNAZZ I was having sleepless nights over him. It was bad, so bad that my hussy noticed my uneasiness.
How did I deal with it?
1) I prayed for Gods wisdom and grace.

2) I asked myself what is it in this guy dat my hussy doesn't have or what can he offer that my hussy cannot give. If its money, I prayed for the grace to be contented.

3) I started seeing the guy as a devil(distraction). Yes oo. I continued to tell myself that this guy is out to break my home.

4) I developed a new form of love for my hussy. Yes. New love. Those things I was seeing in that guy, I started imagining them 4 my hussy. Call it fantasy if you like. I fantasize and daydream about the man I've been married to and have been living with for years. I do crazy stuffs with him. Somtimes when he comes back from work I grab him from d door and seduce him to love making.
At first hussy was lkie what's going on, but bet me he enjoyed evry bit of the new love.
What was I doing? Igniting the fire of love in my marriage, all the while trying to think less of the other guy.
Note am equally a mother of three.
I bought new perfume for him to have a different and more romantic fragrance on him, I did a lot of things that I may not be able to write every thing down.
There was a day I jokingly told him to better start re-toasting me again oo, he was like, "babe all this one you are doing are you sure nobody is toasting you out there"? I was like "dey dia nah, as I hot reach, dem no go toast me before"?
I jokingly passed a message to him.

5) I continued loving my hussy with this new love, even when I don't feel like it. And I continued to pray. And I stopped paying attention to that other guy, no matter how 'dressy' or handsome he appears before me, I turn a blind bat. I stopped seeing anything good in him

6) When I was half-way satisfied with my conscience. I opened up and told hussy everything. I was ready to take whatever tantrum he would have thrown(cos hussy was and is still a good man).
Surprisingly, hussy was not mad at me, infact he commended me, he spoilt me with more love. He took me shopping, movies, clubbing, just name it. He made me feel like a teenager. I felt guilty and fulfilled at the same time.
Sorry for the long sermon

In your case, I think it is and will be easier for you to deal with. Reason is that you are the one falling for this guy and unfortunately or rather fortunately for you, he doesn't notice it(and please don't make him notice).

Forget whatever you are feeling for him, its not real, believe me its not real. Channel that energy, time and emotions you are wasting on him into your marriage, work on yourself, ignite fire of love and romance, see your hussy in a different but positive light, fall in love with him all over again. Do those little romantic stuffs you did in the past, plan a getaway weekend with him(I did that too) just the two of you, have fun, fun, and more fun with your hussy, before you realize it, that your crush will become history.

Chai! Na me type all these. Abeg my thumb is hurting. Make I rest. Feel free to ask me any question if you have.

6

Chillisauce Lol@ frog eater.
Babe I dey come make I give u correct advice. Was once in ur shoes

Its a good thing that hubby is on your side for now, but I will advice that you try to maintain peace with her and keep the r/ship cordial even as u plan to move out. Dunno who's older between the both of you, if she is, then try to jokingly talk her out of her mood, if possible sit down with her and talk things over, make her understand how u truly felt owing to the fact that both of you are friends and that you expect her to talk to you if she feels things are not right, (bear in mind dat she for no even tell you dat kain tin) but talk anyways. Make her believe that you trust and respect her a lot(even if you don't). There are certain tinz you don't lay bare in marriage especially when it has to do with inlaws(for the sake of peace). But then stand firm and still let her know you don't like petty talks. If she's reasonable, she'll apologise to you or at least give u some explanations.
But if she's younger treat her d way you'll treat your younger sis, and advice her to desist from petty talks for her own good.
For your fiance, don't push too hard with him, now that he still reasons with you, take it slowly but firmly, cos when the going gets tough(if it will, mayGod forbid) between you and the sis or the mother, he may pull a surprise. (Talking from experience).
Pls move out of the house as you've planned, and maintain that you've been tranfered. Such hassle is not good for you right now, its way too early to start experiencing in-laws wahala. You'll have the rest of your life(probably) to deal with it. So give youself some peace now so you can enjoy your hubby.

.

HerexG:

The poor Wale died just yesterday

Eyaaa! Very sad may his soul rest in peace.

Simple, they've not been there! By the time they go through the stress of pregnancy, labour and delivery, body go gist them.

@mamteniola1, don't mind that guy jare, that's how they go about breaking peoples home. I had and still have one like dat, he was so stup1d and shameless to ask me to leave my sweet hubby and join him in Canada, promising me heaven on earth that will never come (even if it will, who cares). *hisses angrily*

@toyosecole. My dear you shouldn't have gone to live with them, its better to even rent a room apartment and stay off, then visit when you want to, that way your respect and dignity will be intact, and the relationship more fun. Secondly you shouldn't have confronted her, but now that you have, what's your r/ship with her, is your fiance aware that you confronted her, if yes what's his reaction?

mamateniola1:

I have a gist

Babes where is da gist nah
Na so your gist dey take time
Since morning

.

Just like most people have pointed out on this thread, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET HIT, DON'T HIT FIRST.
In as much as I do not support violence of any kind irrespective of the gender, I think his punch/blow, whatever came down too hard on her, but then again I don't think he did that purposely to knock her off, she on the other hand was not womanly at all, its unlady like to pull such stunt on a guy, am sure if it was just a slap, maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have hit her.
However for them to exhibit that in the elevator, shows that violence (both physical and verbal) is part of their r/ship IMO.
Violence should be discouraged, my momma used to stay that he/she that brought ant infested wood to the house equally invites lizards home.
IMO. Same punishment should be meted out to both gender when it is established that one party abuses the other, its high time ladies should stop being mean and start behaving like the ladies that we truly are, not after starting a fight you turn around and claim to be a woman, but when you were 'punching' you totally forgot that you are a woman and should be more calm and gentle in your approach with the male folk.

Chaii! Where I have been all the while Have really missed a lot
How do I catch up now

mamateniola1: Hey, where is everyone oh

This house is dry,haba!! Now I have a gist but all of yu should come out first

*peeps* present ma!!!
*pulls chair! Relaxing with hot akara and Orijin*

priest2u:
One good way to start is to know the qualities of a non-wife material . For example the poster I quoted just display qualities most men don't want in wife

. Eyaaaa

Plus is it evry man dat approaches a woman wants marriage? And must d lady consider evry Tom, D+ck and Harry simply because she doesn't want to get to 30 as a single lady.
Like I said earlier she never see tinz
No need going back and forth trying to prove reality to her.

Well I don't know ooo...but if its my hussy, u MUST eat oo. Except you are telling me dat the other womans 'FOOD' is 'SWEETER'

But d man sef na big time 'ode'. What will 4m do in his life? If dat was his initial plan him for target beta money nah. Didn't he see the one that eloped with $50k with a lot of oda valuables plus Range Rover(beta car)
On a more serious note, sisters need to soft pedal on this 'husban' ish. Everybody must not get married. I have a family friend, she's in her late sixties now(single), she may not genuinely be happy, but since there is nothing she can do anymore, she's living with it. Adopted 2kids.
Don't ask me why she's not married, its a very looonnngggggg story. Buh she didn't choose dat part nor saw it coming.

aisha2:
Sadly even after 20 years she will still feel some insecurity

You are right. I wanted to say dat 5yrs is long enough for her to develop some level of trust, but then I remembered my mum.
My daddy was ill so we suggested dat we get a nanny to be assisting my mum with house chores, (by the way daddy is in his 7o's). Mummy initially agreed, we got one, d day she(nanny) was supposed to resume duty, she didn't show up, we all thot mummy will be unhappy, surprisingly when I called her to find out how she's coping and to assure her dat we will get another nanny, guess what she said?
I couldn't stop laughing, she said abeg oo, she doesn't need any nanny, before they 'snatch' her husband from her
I was like which husband person wan 'snatch'
Seventy something yrs old man datz wat my momma is protecting. I wan laff die

msmon:

What if you are wrong?

This thread is created to share perspective on a popular topic among we youths and it doesn't tell that a person is ignorant.
To assume someone is ignorant here tells a lot about u.

Just d way your ignorance led you to quote me.
D last time I checked, the thread is for people to air their opinion, and u are not under any obligation to accept whatever I decide to write. So face front

Elantracey:


Am not being judgemental or trying to blame her but being sincere but Ma'am there's no way a woman whether ugly or fine , fat or thin will not see who to marry her in 20 years its just impossible , I might be young but I've seen and experienced things far bigger than my age , from life stories from friends and relatives and from ready ladies biography around the world ive come to know that around 80% of ladies who instead to get married but remained single till above 35 is either caused spiritually or by the person herself ,am not generalizing tho but there's nothing new under the sun , if you get to know her life story you'll definitely see her mistakes which probably she didn't see then and maybe realised too late so that's I asked the question tho I know she wouldn't be able to answer.






patiently waiting for the insults to start pouring in , I know nairalanders never disappoint

So u deliberately want people to come and 'insalt' u. Lol

I just want to let you know that marriage is not as easy and 'handy' as you think. You may feel you've seen things bigger than your age, but believe me you aint seen nofin yet.
Dat question you asked was sooooooo wrong and uncalled for.
Pray, seriously pray that you don't go thru the rough part of 'searching' for a life partner.

Just like Godmystrengt rightly said, you'll get to understand and probably answer that your question by urself later in life.

Godmystrength: So are you saying your mate is not to be blamed but her husband? both of them are to be blamed. I don't blame the US babe. the only thing i don't agree with is her buying t shirts for someone that left her to marry another woman. But what do i know? who knows the arrangement/agreement between Nigeria husband and US babe....

U sure say d US babe no be wife too. #thinkingwildly#

Godmystrength: All the men that are looking for wife materials, how many of them are husband materials?

U clearly stated my mind.

@OP, when u see pure China White, not cotton oo, 'Pauplin', that's 'WIFE MATERIAL'. And when you want to 'buy' make sure you get up to 10yards by 60'so it will be enough to cover up your ignorance.

Wife material ko, husband sewing ni

As she get mind snatch person bobo she suppose still get mind dey fight her battle (cos battle dey oo). Its well sha.
The bottom line is that the man is 'hers' now, legally, so make d man maintain too. Even if he married her out of 'neccessity'.

kokox:
;Dif my husband tries it...it's his business because I can't come and die over an over grown baby dt refuses to stop been spoon fed.
I will even ask why he didn't get my size let's do to match.
I have seen too much to allow anybody give me BP or die prematurely. My daughter is too special to suffer so I better laugh n stay alive for her

Lol. Somthings are better imagined.

Godmystrength: okay. but i still don't get it. tough love in marriage? anything wrong in loving your spouse without measure?? abeg snazzylove, no confuse me o.

Nne desperate situation calls for desperate measures. B4 I married my hussy, I used to love like this oo(the I go die type of love), not that I don't still luv him very much though, but not at the detriment of my life(that I cherish so much). When we got married and I started seeing tinz, no be person tell me use water dilute d love small and develop thick skin towards certain things.
Exactly what am asking Adufemi to try out.

soulglo: In don't understand this "my happiness is tied to him" business. You sound like you're ready to die for him.

Exactly d problem I have with her situation.
Smh

Godmystrength: hmmm snazzylove, is there any justification of been attracted to your ex while still married to spouse?? and please i need more explanation on the highlighted...

No justification whatsoever. How do I explain this, its difficult for me to explain but I'll try. From all she's saying(Adufemi) she's actually showing hubby dat she's helplessly in love which I think is why hubby is reacting the way he is(my opinion though).
Then for getting attracted to ex, maybe I didn't put it right, but what am trying to say is that probably dat 'leech'(ex) is giving him tough love.
So in essence am saying she should try tough love ans see if it works for her and bring him back home plus prayers.
Hope u undrstand my point now, plus I never said OP is responsible for why hubby was attracted to ex.

Adufemi:

Thank u so much! I know its unhealthy for d children at the same time I now know why people say dnt let other people determine ur happiness. Cos they know this and sometimes they manipulate. I hate it too; I want to be self sufficient and happy by myself, I want to be that woman who ignores her hubby, live her life, take care of herself and her kids etc I make a new resolution everyday sumtimes ill tell maself I will ignore hubby and just be happy! Am succesful at this until I see him or he gets bak from wok and say sumfin nasty to me or ignores me.my heart breaks all over. At a point I travelled to Ghana by road to source for goods, d trip was unecessaer but I needed a break, I promised myself that ill have fun and not think about hubby or home. I dint last 24 hrs, I started calling him , he piked and told me he is busy and shld atop bothering him, he even set his phone to rejectamy calls permanently. I left Ghana the following day, I was supposed to spend 1 week.

Thanks for the advices and suggestions

Adufemiiiiii! Haba! U wan die on top love?
I really am sorry and regret to say that you are the one that empowered that guy to treat you like trash. YOU ARE SUFFOCATING HIM WITH LOVE PERIOD!!! NOBODY LIKES THAT, PERSONALLY IT PISSES ME OFF, AND AM SURE THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO UR HUBBY!
Free him abeg.
Try to harden up and see if you story will not change, it may be what attacted him back to his ex. He doesn't need the 'baby mama' kind of love.
Do ur tin and pay less attention to him, let's see if he won't come back and try to know what's making u tick.

Madam all I can tell you is dat even as you work on getting ur sanity back, self esteem, your health (which is very important) and all sorts, pls go down on ur knees and pray. (Don't underestimate the power of Africa Remote Control).
Involve strong men of God to join you in prayers, I know he(hubby) may not approve of it or join u, he may even mock you, but be steadfast, u don't have to involve him.
Then again, stop making yourself so vulnerable and helpless before him, stop giving him that 'pls have pity on me and love me back' attitude, it will not make him love you if he doesn't. Rather channel ur energy into praying, takin care of ur health and kids, building your self esteem, and of course your business. Also keeping one or two matured and reasonable friends will do ur health, psychy and social life a lot of good.
And finally, pls and pls STOP attempting suicide, ur hubby is not worth it, and nobody is. Cherish the life u have, try to make urself happy. If you have a hobby, invest in it.
Yes I almost 4got, don't stop being a good wife, cook for him,(even if he doesn't eat), continue doing the thingz you've been doing and even more.

I pray that God will visit your family soon and turn around the situation for your good.

Wendy80:

He didn't pay. She said when she saw the clothes she asked how much he paid for the clothes and he said he didn't pay a dime and she went mute.

My hubby? Try this?
Lai lai. He will not wear those shirts oo. No fights. I will politely destroy them.
#JikTinz# Rubbish

Firstimer: Tnx be to Almighty God. He was born last nite. Tnx all for your contribution

Congrats dear. Kisses to him.