Chaiii!!! Diaris God oo.

Nothing wrong in running little errands for hussy, but not sending me to go and put on d gen, its a mans work for crying out loud. If he's not there fine, but if he is, there are equally little errands he should run for us abeg.

Datz why I love bin pregnant. Cos only then will I have d power to retaliate for all d errands he has sent me in d past. Infact mine is always worse ooo. Cos I will make him bring a side stool, raise my legs gently and place them comfortably on d stool, then start d massage. In the middle of it he will have to go get me water, and later I may feel like drnking a cup of juice or smoothie he no get choice nah. Even if I need to charge my fone, he'll go get d phone, plug it and when it rings he'll bring it and even hold it to my ear to answer the call . He's at my service then.

But when d baby don come...

Using me as an errand girl for evrythin he needs is a no no for me.

Thingz are really happening oo. Infact I've already planned on hw to tell my hussy that we'll be having routine medical check up every 3months, HIV inclusive. Abeg I never wan die , and I dnt want to live d rest of my life taking one ARV drugs.

God help us oo.

Good morning peeps, trust u guyz slept well.

I got a call early this mornig (just when I was about catching some sleep for d sleepless night my boy gave me ) from a friend I met at the clinic when I was going for ante-natal check up. It was a heartbreaking call, I couldn't hold the news alone but decides to come and share with my fellow familylanders and get some advice too.

According to her, she was diagnosed of HIV at the point of registering for antenatal early this year. The news threw her off balance cos from what she told me she has never cheated on the hubby, and this is her 2nd baby. The first baby was delivered 3yrs ago and she has no HIV then. When she got the news, she said she couldn't tell her hussy as she does not really have any explanation as to how she contracted it, and that hussy may never believe that she has never bin unfaithful, so she kept it to herself as she continued her antenatal.

Turn of events. Last month, she said hussy was on leave so most times is always at home, then she noticed that he was on medication, when she asked him if he was ill, he said its just cold that he'll be fine. She oberved him for two weeks and noticed the commitment and dedication to the drugs, and more worrisome was the fact that he does not expose the drugs. So one night according to her, as hussy was asleep she ransacked d whole house and luckily for her she found d drugs, copied out d names, d next day she took it to a pharmacist to interprete for her. And her fear was confirmed. They are ARV drugs, hussy is HIV+.

The betrayal. She said she couldn't confront him with the discovery, she was too shocked and heartbroken that the man she loved and called her husband could hide such grievous thing from her. She was not satisfied, as she continued to ransack the house evryother day for more evidence, then she saw the test result. Hubby has bin HIV+ for close to two years and did not tell her. That was when she summoned courage to confront him with the test result. As usual, HE WAS SORRY, after the deed has bin done. He was actually cheating on wifey.

Now the reason why she called me this morning to tell me the above story is that she has bin booked for a CS next week to deliver her baby uninfected. And that after she had her baby that she will walk out of the marriage, acoording to her, she can no longer stand the presence of her hussy, as she hate him with double amount of energy she used in loving him.

Hmmmm... at the time we were discussing, my head was just blank as I was still too shocked and sad to believe that a man could have such a wicked heart. I just told her to calm down for now and concentrate on having her baby and taking care of her health first, that the marriage issue will come up at a later time, probably when she has fully recovered from the CS. She was sobbing uncontrollably, I couldn't even tell her to stop, I just allowed her to cry out her pains, maybe she will feel better.

What do u guyz think will be the best advice for her? Cos she's bent on walking out, not just because she was infected, but for the betrayal, infidelity, and lack of trust.

NOTE: she said she found some CDs in hussy's bag that he uses for short trips, and that she and hussy never used CDs when they make love cos according to her hussy says he doesn't like it.

alutacontinua: @snazzylove, congratulations!
say a big hi to our lil cutie!

E-hugs 2 uuu.. Tanx swts.

hispinkolo: I'll set the ball rolling on ONE THING I LOVE ABOUT MY SPOUSE..



HUMILITY
Most of my problems stem from my difficulty to forgive?He taught me by his actions that there's nothing like pride in marriage because we are working towards the same goal..NOT I BUT US..US is the keyword.He doesn't feel too big to take the first steps in reconciliation,and I learnt from him to pursue peace.
In the 1st year,I was always waiting for him to say sorry and he used to do that but kinda grew tired of it.So one day,we quarrelled and as usual,I was waiting.Day 1,NOTHING. Day 2,NOTHING.. HEII..I started having high bp,but decided to wait on till he breaks..DAY 3,this man still ignored me.I was soo miserable that I packed to another room yet he didn't move a muscle.I started praying to God to do something and I'll not be stubborn again.

DAY 4, I don't know what entered me but I decided to do something drastic.I took my bag and my phones and ran away while he was asleep .I went to a park nearby my house and sat there.Unfortunately for me,it was cold and I didn't have a sweater with me.One hour my teeth started chattering..2 ,3 hours I was shaking but I said I'd rather die than go home.I was looking at my phone and calling on God to force hubby to worry and call my phone.I told God to do this for me and I won't bear grudges again.I knew the shame of going home after all my shakers would be too much and worse if hubby didn't give a hoot.I cried well well but after a while,my phone rang and it was him..I was happy but I didn't pick..I picked at the third call and he told me he loves me and I should come home cos he was very worried.
The way I ran home ehhhh..He was there to meet me and hugged me.I told him I didn't love him anymore and he laughed well.I apologised to him and he made me scrambled eggs..He said sorry too and explained I w as hurting our union by being stubborn.He told me he was hurting and couldn't concentrate but had to be hard cos it was necessary for me to have a taste of my own medicine..

When I look back,I laugh at what I did.What if he didn't care to call me nko? I'd have gone home with shame

I've learnt my lesson.Im not too big to beg when I'm wrong..For extra drama,I even throw myself on the floor,lol

Babe, I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I read thru ur post cos I did the same thing to hussy too. It was soooo funny (coming back home imagining if hubby hasn't called).
We have good husbands. I personally do. He loves me to bits, though I think I luv him more which makes it very easy for me to forgive and let go of certain things. He's really a gentleman (not the perfect one though lol) but he's trying, just dat sometimes I feel he's not really bin a man wia he should be, but now I have come to realize dat he does most things for d sake of peace and he values relationships and friendship so much that he rather hurt himself (and me) rather than than severe a relatioship and that's wia I get real mad pissed off, but I think I've gotten more wisdom on how to deal with issue around him and its really helping me.

@All

When I opened this thread I didn't know it was going to attract so much attention, but reading thru everyones post, challenges, solutions, advices, criticisms and all, am really encouraged at least knowing that my case is not the worst of all, I have really learnt a lot.

Though am kind of a silent reader now, reason: am nursing my little cutie (a baby boy). Omugwo tinz. All d same am with u guyz in spirit. Keep up the good works as we continue to encourage one another.

One luv!

No die oo. Even if it comes out positive, I dnt tink its d end of d world. Besides, would u have prefered EBOLA?

Just joking dear. Be Strong!

@Godismystrenght
My dear sister I really feel your pains. Like everyother person has advised, I will still tow d same line. Pls and pls don't obtain an ATM card for your salary account, I made that mistake and am still paying for it (just waiting for the right time to tactically dispose of it).
Secondly, in as much as you are working, keep looking out for better jobs on your own, just like he said even if d stress is much finally the money will enter your account, and don't ever make the mistake of telling him how much you are earning in case you happen to land a better job. I equally made that mistake (infact I gave hussy my offert letter, so he knows all) and it didn't go down well.
One thing u have to understand is that most men will want to spend wifeys money even if they are earning more than the wife. If you keep disclosing your finances to him, my sister, you cannot save anything oo, for urself or ur baby. And believe me, rainy dayz will definately come when you will need to fall back to what you saved.
Its good you are beefing up your certificate, but in the meantime, make good use of what you already have.
Since he is depending on you to be bringing in the money,I think you need to toughen up a bit, stop giving him money if u used to, stop paying the bills its not your responsibility (especially the rent), cos if you keep giving him the impression that you can handle all those things (either from your salary or from borrowed funds) he will remain in his slumber. For christ sake, make him wake up, if he tells you next time to borrow, don't say no, but give him the impression that you are really making frantic effort to get the money but its not working, let him go out and do the borrowing himself.
Finally, pay your sister her money, let him go and worry about his brother, afterall, is he not supposed to be the one paying the bills?

I have more advice for you but let me stop here for now.
Best of luck.

imurboss: @hispinkolo, I've had my own share of in laws troubles, I've studied them & understood them as they have also shown me the stuff they're made of early enough. So I've learnt to keep them at arms learnt.

I've experienced some of the things you went through too & that was when my marriage was just 8mths.Sil (far younger to me)just uinvited their family members one early morning without prior notice to come over to our house to come & judge me because they believed I came to snatch something away from them. My dear,it took the grace of God for the marriage to still continue till this stage. Today if I look back I continue to bless God but I see a lot of regret on their faces. It is well

My dear pls share d experience, let's learn from it too.

MarvellousGod: Obiano didn't get married on time or he sought for the fruit of the womb for years??


Nice pic btw

Got married early enough but God did not bless him with a child early enough until recently.

crackhaus: I miss my flat tummy as well...the good ol' days

Guy ur gender says (M).
U miss ur flat tummy from what?
Male pregnancy?

They should ban dem jare. Our doctors are too greedy and selfish. Imagine the height of wickedness and heartlessness, denying the common Nigerian of quality and cheap medical service, while they are all busy making money in their private clinics.
I think the first step should be to ban all doctors under the FG payroll from owning a private hospital. Let's see how far they will go with their incessant strike actions.

FINA4804: My dear this love from afar is sweater and better, but if you are the boyant type you can call them frquently but too much frequent call is also a problem just be moderate.i used to call my MIL frequently just after marriage, then i was not working no child yet but now i am working and with a child it caused serious problem, i have to stand my ground that i am busy now and cannot be calling everyday thank God she is not too dificult we had to pick a day i will be calling.But this love from afar helps alot.

Pick a day that you will be calling? Are u serious? What if you don't call on dat day, and probably fail to call for so many other dayz, what happens?

How do one get the product in Nigeria. Seems the online purchase is for india alone.

Ok. Sent you a request on bbm.

Tomorrow another poster will come and ask whose duty it is to initiate intimacy first in marriage, mtcheeewwww!
Greeting ko, respect ni!
Pls watever works in your marriage do it.
Its a marriage, two lovely friends with a heart of love, not a father-daughter or teacher-student relationship.
My 1cent.
Hubby jst got home, am off, make I go greet am

beeevan:



You are too daft to dangle a pendulum,stick to the romance section because that's where you belong.

I tire oo. Who even invited the dumb a$$ mtcheeewww!

Personally anytime am preggy, especially when that bulge starts to shoot out, hmmm... I miss sleepin on my tommy a lot, cos datz my best sleeping position, and I miss my fitted dresses, and of course my figure 8 its often difficult to get it back.

For my hussy, I don't think he misses a lot, cos he keeps telling me that I look very $exy when am preggy (...and he doesn't let me rest ) hmmm. I don't find it funny oo (somtimes). But it feels good to know that the spark is still there (even wen I dey form shakara, lol).

So mama's and papa's in the house come in and share your experience. Those things you couldn't voice out to ur spouse .

Let's have fun!

Pls what is the price for the silver and gold and how far can you deliver (inter-state).
Can I see more pics?

Mohitto: Hahahahahaha
i'll do exactly what this parent must have done: Snap him and treasure the moment for ever. Its so cute.

Right behind you. I'll snap him and treasure it as long as I live . Its so cool. But am sure he'll get some spanking from daddy

There is no such info on their website. Are u sure this is for real?

hispinkolo:

My dear , when it comes to In law matter you have to do things in such a way that if you enter a court of law,you will be absolved of all blame.
Over salting food constantly will look suspicious..I'd rather poke holes in mosquito nets in her room so that the quitoes go chop am day in day out.How will I ever be caught?Am I a mosquito? ..This is just an illustration oo..You just have to learn to pass your message indirectly.

What I learnt is that I have to be verry subtle if I feel the need to attack/defend myself or simply turn the heat on hubby..

I have come to realise that this whole treat them like your brother,treat them like your sister no dey work especially when the people involved act like stubborn grasshoppers.I have resolved to give that privilege only to people who deserve it.As I said before,I am not Jesus.

Best is to be polite,respectful and courteous..from afar till you know if they really look at you as a real part of them..When people accept you as you are,you know it.Its in the way they address you,the way they listen to you,the way they act towards you.


@elektra
Pray for lovely inlaws,they exist.

Hispinkolo I really gbadu your way oo. Kip it up, and all these in-laws wahala will gradually flee . Like u said all these treat them as ur broda, treat them as your sister thing doesn't work. Is it not when they take you as their own that you can relax and equally see them as yours.
Best thing is love from a distance.

heywhyho: Pls my fiancee his a twin, and i call his his twin brother kenny,their sister just called my fiancee that am disrespecting his twin because I didn't call him brother kenny, am i suppose to call him brother kehinde,cos d first time we meet we didn't av any misunderstanding whatsoever, am I suppose too call him brother ni?

Lol. Different strokes. Well my dear it depends on the age of the twin brother and equally how the family looks at such things. In my family for instance, you don't address your elder by his or her name. As a matter of fact, I address my immediate elder sister as 'sister Blessing', that was the orientation I was given. So when I got married, I found it very awkward and disrespectful when my SILs that am far older than were addressing my hussy and I by our names. I didn't find it funny at all, I had to caution them.
So in essence, whatever is obtainable in their family, abide by it as long as it has no negative impact on ur relationship. But I'll take exception if the person is younger than you, but if he's older it won't kill you to add that 'brother' or even 'bros', am sure its going to be once in a while thing, cos you won't get to be seeing him everyday.

Regards!

Tallesty1: Even Adam and Eve didn't enjoy all these in their marriage. Haba.....wia u see perfect relationship

Nobody is talking about a PERFECT relationship here but a HEALTHY one. If you say perfect that means there'll be no fights, no arguments, no sacrifice etc, everything is just in place which is impossible. But when its healthy, even though there are fights (which is expected) it will be amicably resolved. When issues crops up, no matter how tough it may seem, you both handle it maturely irrespective of whose fingers are burnt.

1. YOU CAN DO THINGS SEPARATELY

This may seem a little weird but it's true, doing things separately and not having a problem with it is a sign you're in a relationship and it's a healthy one. If you completely depend on each other to do everything, then your relationship can quickly become a little (or a lot) co-dependent. Take a step back! It’s okay for you to go out with your friends without him, and it’s okay for him to go out with his friends without you!

2. YOU DON'T PUT EACH OTHER DOWN

This shouldn't be a surprise but if you're in a healthy relationship you shouldn't always feel the need to put down your significant other. That's not to say you can't make funny comments about how bad they are at certain things but don't nit-pick and put your honey down over everything that they do!

3. YOU TRUST EACH OTHER

Trust is a big part of any relationship but it’s VERY important that you ACTUALLY trust the person that you’re with. In any relationship that you get into you’re looking for someone to spend your time (or life) with. So, you have to trust that that person isn’t going to let you down or hurt you. If you don’t trust the person you’re with, you’ll wind up having a lot of fights and feeling very insecure, the opposite of how you should feel in a healthy relationship!

4. YOU BOTH FEEL EACH OF YOU IS DOING ENOUGH

Feeling like you’re carrying your whole relationship by yourself and that your partner isn’t doing enough it can create a lot of friction. It’s important that both you and your partner feel like the work load (or financial load if you’re at that point) is split evenly between the two of you.

5. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORKS OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM

In a serious relationship sex usually comes into play. But, it’s very important that sex isn’t the only thing that works in your relationship (if you want something more serious). The best way to avoid this is to make sure that both you and the person that you are with know what exactly you want and where your relationship is going. Intimacy in the real sense of it goes beyond sexuality!

6. YOU DON’T RUSH MILESTONES

This one can be tough for anyone, when you feel like you love somebody you want to start a life with them and you tend to rush things a little bit. But try really hard to pump the brakes and don’t rush the milestones! If your relationship is healthy things will reach that point naturally. You don’t need to rush moving in together or getting married or having children. Let things flow more organically!

7. YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING

And I do mean anything! Your significant other doesn’t always want to hear about your ex but, if you need to talk about your last relationship you should be able to, so long as you don't make comparisms. There shouldn’t be anything too taboo about you or the person you’re with to talk about.

8. YOU INSPIRE ONE ANOTHER TO BE BETTER

Part of being in a healthy relationship is bringing out the good in the other person. Why would you want to be with someone who puts you down or encourages you to do things that are damaging to yourself? Couples in healthy relationships aren’t jealous of one another but inspire and believe in the other person to do great things!

9. YOU FIGHT

Just because a couple gets into a fight doesn’t mean that it’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship. I’m not talking about a screaming match, but if the two of you are honest with one another, there will be disagreements. It’s not very realistic for two different people to agree on everything, but it is realistic to come to a compromise!

10. YOU PICK YOUR BATTLES

Although it’s perfectly normal and healthy to fight, there is no reason that you should go around looking for a fight! Healthy couples know to pick their battles wisely. They think of the potential negative consequences before they make any negative comments or do anything impulsively.

11. YOUR LIFE IS BETTER BECAUSE OF THEM

A sure sign that you’re part of a healthy couple is if your life is better because of them! Unfortunately, it’s completely possible to be in love with someone who doesn’t add anything to your life. Healthy couples can say that their lives are enriched in some way or ways because of their partner!

12. YOU’RE COMFORTABLE IN SILENCE

Sometimes when we talk to people there can be awkward silences. For those who are in a healthy relationship, those silences won’t be awkward at all. They are able to sit in silence at times without feeling uncomfortable or assuming that the other person is angry with them. Healthy couples can feel close without having to verbally confirm it.

13. YOU’RE FLEXIBLE WITH ONE ANOTHER

Aside from death, nothing in life is certain. People who are part of a healthy couple understand that things are constantly changing like work schedules, plans, family, etc. and are flexible with these changes. Healthy relationships can recognize these things without being accusatory or overly suspicious.

Well ladies/guyz these are the signs that your relationship is a healthy one. What else do you think makes a relationship healthy?
Let's share.

you guyz are just talking about the lifting up and the wrapping of legs. What about the second secret hug in the guest room, am sure something must have happened before that hug.

That guy needs to check his bros well before he gives him America Wonder. And of course the wife should be strictly monitored.

I just want to believe that its either you guyz are not married or you don't know what you are saying. But if you guyz are married and you actually know what you are saying, then your hussy is not just a flirt but a born-cheat. To even think that you came back home from a week travel and discovered that he brought someone home, into your matrimonial home, not even having d fling outside, but on top of ur sacred bed, dat dude has no respect for God, for marriage, for your home, for you as a wife and for women in general. He shouldn't be a husband yet.
I CANNOT ALLOW SUCH for a Boyfriend talk more of a 'Hard Earned' Husband.
Girl be wise!

The truth is that you have not forgiven her sincerely, believe me its difficult to. But this is when you need the grace of God. On your own, u will keep forgiven her in principle, but when you commit it to God in prayers, probably see a priest/pastor, unburden your heart to him, or talk to someone you can trust for sincere advice and counselling, your spirit will be lifted to be able to forgive, to forget will be a gradual process.

Most importantly, has she truly repented, is she truly sorry for her actions, has she tendered sincere and unreserved apology? If she has, and you can see that she has turned a new leaf, pls find a space in your heart to forgive her. We are all human that is why we err.

Finally bros, check urself and make sure its not something you are doing or not doing that pushed her into the hands of another man, (nothing justifies cheating though), but we need to appraise our relationships from time to time. Little things matters a lot, (especially to we women)

After you've done all the above, bridge the gap between you two by talking it over with her, make her understand how much she hurt your feelings, and how it affected you, but you are over it now.

Finally, finally, take her out. Have a romantic dinner just for two. You'll be surprised how your libido and affection for her will bounce back.

Remember I said its not going to be easy, you need loads and loads of the grace of God.

Goodluck and happy reunion.

Age like they said is just numbers. But personally I prefer my man older. #respecttinz#

Adios!

Like hispinkolo rightly said, its good to draw the line right from the get go and its not good to start what you cannot fininsh. I am not the eye service type neither am I the type that do the over familiarity stuffs. I never did with my in-laws. I've always liked to be on my own, talk only when its necessary, I don't expect anything from anyone, buh the human nature in us will always look forward to one or two good tidings especially from people you take as yours and equally treat the same.

I really do appreciate all the contributions made so far. Some are realistic, yes, some are easier said than done. Like I always tell pple around me and my God-couples, 'do not say what you can or cannot do in a situation until you find yourself in that particular situation'. Naturally am a very emotional person, soft and gentle, but can be stubborn too (in self defence), I hate intimidation or being taken for granted.

Like I mentioned, I resolved the issue and am goin to share that experience too.