₦airaland Forum

once you hit BLACK,theres no turning BACK!

@finemocha
Guess i look like a lota pple.or a lotta pple look like me.

@Thoniaslim
thanks dear.always wanted to look like her

Xandria:
Girs cheat just as much as guys, they are just more apt at hiding it, planning and executing the sneak around and when they have to lie, they are quite frankly, better at it. Plus, a guy will sleep wit some one else and brag to all and sundry. A girl can cheat on you with your father and not make a peep about it, to anyone. So, they may not cheat more, but they certainly cheat better!!

well said Xandra!

ONE BIG DUDE

A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The small guy faints away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, gently slapping his face and shaking him, "Are you alright?"

In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say?"

The big dude says, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions almost everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn Around'.

_______________________________________________________________________

CAMELS



Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cutoff the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1 What's that?
Lady 2 A condom.
Lady 1 Where'd you get it?
Lady 2 You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbled into the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a package of condoms.

The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she was, after all, in her 80s), but politely asked what brand she preferred.

'Doesn't matter,' she replied, 'as long as it fits a Camel'

The druggist fainted
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DEAF AND MUTE PARENTS

A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from afar he finally gets up the courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening. Saturday night the man arrives at her house with flowers and candy.

To his surprise, she answers the door in nothing but a towel. "I'm sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you, though, they are both deaf mutes."

With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine, this is a little uncomfortable as both of the parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching golf on TV, and Mom is busy knitting.

After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mom jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her knickers, and pours a glass of water over her fanny. Just as suddenly, Dad launches himself across the room, bends her over the couch, and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and balances a match stick in front of his eye. The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief.

After a further ten minutes, the daughter returns fully dressed and ready for the evening. The date is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the on goings earlier in the living room.

At the end of the night, the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done something wrong?" "No, its not you," he replied, "It's just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked. Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and throws a glass of water over her behind. Then, as if that weren't enough, your Father races from his chair, leans her over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match stick by his eye."

"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl.

The man can't believe her casual response.

"That's how they communicate!, Mom was simply saying, "Are you going to get this asshole a drink?" and Dad was replying, "No, Bleep him - I'm watching the match."
__________________________________________________________________

SWIMMING POOL


Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.

'Hello?', says a little girl's voice.

'Hi, honey, it's Daddy', says Bob. 'Is Mummy near the phone'?

'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank'.

After a brief pause, Bob says, 'But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!'

'Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy!'

'Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do , put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mummy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house'.

'Okay, Daddy'.

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. 'Well, I did what you said, Daddy!' '

And what happened?'

'Well, Mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead'.

'Oh, my God , and what about Uncle Frank?'

'He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead, too'.

There is a long pause, then Bob says , 'Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?!!!
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DOCTOR DAVE


Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go, "

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:

"Dave, you're a vet, "
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SUZUKI'S FIRST DAY IN HIGH SCHOOL


One morning an exchange student from Japan joins a high school.

After introducing Suzuki to the class, the teacher says, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said ‘Give me liberty, or give me death’?” Only Suzuki raises his hand.

“Yes, Suzuki?” asks the teacher.

“Patrick Henry, 1775,” he answers.

“Class, you should be ashamed,” snaps the teacher. “Suzuki is new to our country and knows more about it than you do.”

“Screw the Japs,” whispers a student.

“Who said that?” snaps the teacher.

Suzuki raises his hand, eyes the room, and says, “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”

A student in the back quips, “I think I’m gonna puke.”

“Who said that?” yells the teacher.

“George Bush, 1991,” Suzuki yelps.

“Oh, yeah? Suck this!” shouts a frustrated student.

Suzuki stands up and declares, “Bill Clinton, 1997!”

Another student screams, “You little shit. If you say one more word, I swear I’ll kill you!”

Suzuki jumps on the chair and yells, “Gary Condit, 2001!”

thanks eddie, but what starts on Nairaland stays on nairaland.

Consider these scenerio
1. Amaka (not real name) has been in school for 5 years studying to be a Petroleum Engineer. And just at the last phase of her graduation, a lecturer decides he needs sex from her to pass. Shes the only child in a broken marriage, and has to fend for her self. Another year in school means another year of bills which she can't handle. She does it, and then shes labelled BAD.

2. After graduation, Thelma(again not real name) served and has been in the labour(i now call it favour) market 6 years after service with no job. And suddenly it happens, she gets a job,and just at that point, a Sex man had to be planted at that point in her life before she can get the confirmation letter. 6 years of idleness can't be compared to anything if u know what i mean. she gives in and again shes labelled bad,

3. Nkirus presumed boyfriend for 3 years proclaims love with words and actions in bed, but not in finances. Shes also the product of an unsuccessful marriage, and lives with her mum, who can barely take care of 6 of them. About to be evicted from her accomodation off campus because she can't pay her rent, she meets a man who offers her the rent in exchange for inbetween the middle of the center of her legs. Boyfriend cldnt give her the rent, but hes wanting out for infidelity,

IF SOCIETY PUSHES YOU TO DO AGAINST THE WISHES OF THE SAME SOCIETY THAT PUSHED YOU IN TO IT, CAN You B TAGGED LOOSE? OR BAD?

other threads on this will follow suit, but i really need to know.WHAT GIVES US THE RIGHT TO JUDGE WHATS RIGHT AND WHAT ISNT?

Idera .N:
i totally disagree with that.


ladies don't cheat just like that, there might be a reason for it which might be the fault of the guy

and what reason culd dat b?money,attention,,respect,show off,insufficient sex,to gain points

i think it depends on the kinda or the strength of the bond that holds the family together. in myfamily, we have mouth to mouth kisses,like pecks from father to daughters,brothers and sisters and even my grandmum(PHEW).My brothers can change in front of me,cuz i do same with them,even cousins,but we know where to draw the limit cuz sum1 eventually ends up walkin outta the room

bad!

i feel IN CONTROL,of the smoke though.forming rings,noticed something,if you havent look out for it

WHEN IN GOOD MOODS U EXHALE SMOKE UP IN THE AIR,LIKE OUTTA EXCITEMENT
WHEN IN STRAIGHT NORMAL MOODS EXHALE STRAIGHT,LEFT OR RIGHT
WHEN IN BAD MOODS U EXHALE DOWNWARD

@Eddie4real

True.APPRECIATED

ITS a crazy world we live in.
A couple of weeks ago, heard bout a girl,while with anotha guy,swearing with her life to her boyfriend that he doesnt ever trust her. And the guy was appologising for not trusting her. why are girls so mean at times. Im of the opinion that girls do cheat more than guys.i mean,do you know where she's been before coming to see you?

WHAT YOU DONT KNOW CANT KILL YOU, BUT IT CAN PUT YOU THROUGH STUFF YOU WONT BELIEVE YOU CAN LIVE THROUGH!

Hey honey, i'd really like 2 know u better. hope u don't mind?
cheers
[quote][/quote]Uhm hello,thot the post was on girls that smoke,not on me.

@Davidyland

Maybe i am the girlfrien.Did she smoke?

i aint Nana,but i could b Nana if u want me to

@effuah
lol. true. how bout girls that smoke pot. now thats a turnoff for me

i tried crackin a smile, but with the kinda chaos d world and kids and people are faced with, it makes smiling kinda difficult. but i still had to smile when i thot bout the fact that someone holds our future,and because He lives, We can all face tomorrow.

true.but some guys claom it looks sexy when they see a cute girl smoking,and not just for attention too

Whats your perception bout ladies that smoke. Heard a lotta guys liked if their babes smoked. There is this bonding between gyus that smoke, like being a member of the same football team.imagine havingthat bond with your girlfriend. whats your opinion. i smoke by the way

@bebe
u a supporter, have you thot bout joining the supporters club.u attract married men.now thats a problem!

Dredie:
Only 4 naija, babes go dey suffer,but them stil dey claim ajebutter,guys wetin una think

didnt u get that from a song, be creative

r u sure u can handle the truth? maybe they lie cuz they care bout u. or mayb they just enjoy lying.or maybe, damn, am i still on this??

MAXPAYNE,

maxpayne:
Anyone who wants to be a friend of mine should please send an e-mail to matteux2000@yahoo.com please i don't mean having sex with me just a friend to communicate with
Thanks

what if i want sex? maxpayne, liked d game by the way

the saying has been revised.BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN THERE IS A WOMAN. AND BEHIND HER IS HIS WIFE!

try celebrating your birthday everyday of everymonth. that way she wuldnt forget.anyday u meet her just coincedentally happens to be your bitrthday, problem solved!

wow! SENIORFLOP, GUESSED I SPELT THAT WRONGLY,BUT IT DONT MATTER ANYWAY.u ought to be highly dissapointed in yourself. i really get turned off by guys with low or no self worth or esteem.if you want a chic,y dont you just walk up to one and speak for yourself. y should girls be sending you applications for a fling mr meniorflop, should they send their c.v's and birth certificates too?
stories that tickle myarmpit, laffin outta my chairs at seniorflop

I can give a good HEAD for love, and arms,legs, eyes,

Y do we keep asking questions we already know d answers to??, Guys just cant stand the thot of their chic or ex chic in anotha mans bed, so they want you back not because they really want you back, but cuz of the little overblown ego, just cuz of their pride, tryin to sell their cows and milk it,