₦airaland Forum

If violets were dark

and roses were blue

I might just be a red

Doyin my guy, you try, couldnt stop laughing,

In a crowded world
I manage to feel alone
Caged by fears, released by tears

i like that good work

A lotta works here lean too heavily on rhyme.
You stretch it too far and it goes slack. Just in case you are wondering what else can enrich a poem:
A poem should have an appeal for three main areas of the senses; ears-sound/rhyme, sight-imagery, feel-emotion . A proportionate mix of these will always produce a good reaction. Unfortunately, a lot of aspiring poets' perception of poetry is heavily tilted toward the sound appeal.

A poem appealing only to the ears could be annoying at times, cos it gets to a point where its obvious the rhymes are forced, thats why the modernists poems are better engaging. Rhyme free and they dont make the poems sound like "whip whop" the Vanilla Ice brand of hip hop

Ruudie man, nice idea, like the angle you came from, but the blues and Hues sound forced, sound like a chelsea fan grumbling from a loss. Bluee, huee. new.

hi don't ever bother yourself about poetry.com i won their prize of $20,000 in year 2003 but i didnt get my money because the embassy refused to give me visa so they gave it to another person i complained bitterly but the embassy was deaf to my pleas to go for the prize instead they told me it was a scam and i confirmed that another person received it so you see don't post your poems there again they will post it because they will publish it and keep the money for themselves don't worry God will create another rewarding aenue for your poems.

Thanks gal, and later some sick american would say nigerians are corrupt and fraudulent, anyway love your poem, would want to know what the reason behind it is, dont want to say its heart break but it reeks of it, viewed your profile and u said you won in 2003 dats impressive.

Ruudie put some of yours up for execution, seems like its just moi n khaleefa that have lived up to your challenge are we all scared of folks stealing ourlines

Please people i was shortlisted for the poetry.com poetry competition semifinals sometime last year but i never got back to them because they wanted me to pay some amount for things i can't remember now, i didnt pay because i had won the poetry in motion competiton sometime back and i never got my money but my name is still displayed on the site, how can i get my money plz na tachy but na my sweat any ideas please.


"Short enough to be very appealing, yet long enough to cover the subject matter. " Khaleefa that quote is so original

Iwerebor may be i was about to do the Virginia Tech thing when i wrote it, seriously though the reason behind the strong or morbid metaphors as you put it, was that i was trying to put myself in the shoes of a broken hearted person. I imagined how i would feel, what i would do and how dificult it would be for me too let go of the subject, when i was eventually heartbroken i didnt feel as much as i portrayed it in my poem. Would like to see other potent poems.

enjoy, end of joy

Ruudie good tot,

The guy that wants to write like shakespeare, developing pentameters and what not, men u dey try o, shakespeare! . Anyway i hate to write when im in moods happy or sad, because that way i know how my poems will sound and end, i like to see myself as i modernist, get my readers confused for a while and have more than two meanings to my poems. James Joyce kind of thing, i hate him to, anyway would like to grow Ruudies Thread

What is your most potent/polemic poem here is mine read and enjoy, end of joy. This is already copywrited oh, if you thief you got to kirikiri

“A cold boiling Feeling”


Like the burning desert sand burying my feet

Like the biting polar snow my feet are interred in

You are the darkness of my heart

The heart of my darkness

Air to the fire that burns my soul

Lead to the bullet that tears my heart in two

You are pain

The recipe for heart break

Mire so quick I can’t struggle Lava so hot I can’t swim in

You are Arsenic forced down my throat

Shackles and manacles so tight

You bore my skin

You are the jungle that swallowed my civility

Age that devoured my good looks

You are a curse to my fortune

The demise of my soul

The heart and soul of my plagues

You are death to karma Interred in a coven of curses

You are love wandering through the woods of broken hearts

You are love finding no resting place

You are love, a curse, you are love.



you can read more on my blog, www.khanate-sprezatura..com