₦airaland Forum

Mhizkel:
Maybe God wants us to meet the wrong ones first so that when we finally meet the right ones, we will know how to value and cherish them!

hmmm i quite agree with you

We have all been smitten. We have all experienced the pangs of a broken heart biting deep into the crevices of our crushed souls. We have all felt how it was waking up in a universe where the love of our lives, or shall I say ex love of our lives, are non-existent. For those who have not felt this, enjoy the moment now, for it will not last. Because you will, at some point in your life, fall in love – and possibly fall out of it.

We all have our notions of what love is, what it can and what it cannot be. It could be coming from our family and friends, what we have watched from movies or from TV, what we have read from fiction and non-fiction books, or simply from our own experiences.

What falling in and out of love has taught me

We may not be able to put everything that we have learned on paper and enumerate it like a scientific experiment, but here are a couple of points that can be gathered from getting involved with that four-letter word called love.

#1 Love is not a romantic comedy nor is it a fairy tale with a happy ending. Ah, all those movies that fill your head with romantic scripts, grand gestures and dramatic tension. It’s all put in there to make the viewers feel good after watching it. Studios need to sell enough tickets in the cinemas to pay off their actors and actresses. They were written in such a way that they can tell a story that would normally have spanned 20 years, but will only be shown in the cinema for 90 minutes.

Love is much more than realizing in a split second that you have undying love for a best friend or a colleague. Or just because you are put in a situation where you need to quickly decide, you do not get into a ballroom full of dashing knights and charming princesses, and hope that you hit it off with someone just by staring at each other and dancing the whole night through.

Falling in love with a person usually happens in miniscule increments. You may not notice your feelings developing, but when you do, it feels like a bag of bricks to the head. And it’s not always as dramatic as movies make it out to be.

#2 You can choose to be in control, but sometimes, fate dictates otherwise. There are so many times that we get into relationships and would have done everything and anything to make it last. But sometimes, things just don’t work out like we would have liked them to. We have limitations as to what we can control, and one of those limits would be the feelings of our partners who chose to leave us. We need to accept the things that are out of our control. After all, loving is a risk.

#3 Did you say easy? Some people think that loving each other is the easiest thing to do. In serious relationships, it’s not a walk in the park. It will be a gruesome ring match with no referees. There is nothing easy in confining two individuals with two distinct backgrounds and traditions, and making them come up with their own combined recipe.

It will take time to get to know each other, it will take time to adjust to each other’s eccentricities, and it will take time to get accustomed to each other’s preferences. There is no shortcut or a doctor’s prescribed way of making a relationship work.

#4 Did you say forever? Even if you do get married, forever will only be possible if you get married once. With divorce and annulment within anybody’s grasp nowadays, you can get married five times if you can afford to do so.

We are not being cynical about marriage. Some marriages are the epitome of forever, they are just so luckily and hopelessly in love with each other that they do not even notice that 30 or 50 years have gone by. Your first serious relationship may not last forever, no matter how much you love your partner. After all, forever seems like a long way ahead. Focus on making things work now instead of filling your head with fantasies of forever.

#5 Work, work, work. Love needs work. In order for you to get to know your loved one, you will need to spend time talking, befriending their colleagues, getting to know their families, discovering what their preferences are. You cannot just sleep with a person for one night and miraculously know that he prefers his butter on top of the jam or that the first thing she does when she comes home is feed her fish.

If you have been in a relationship long enough for you to already know these things, you cannot rest on your laurels and be extremely comfortable with the relationship. You will still need to ignite that fire every once in a while, and remember that today is the day when she will deliver an important speech at work or today he will need his tux ironed for a formal night with his family. Sometimes, it’s the little things that will make the biggest differences and also the littlest things that need the most work.

#6 Love is always different. Each relationship is unique. Your relationship with your fiancé is not the same relationship that your mother had with her fiancé. As much as we want stories that we can relate to, we cannot even begin to compare our love lives with those of others.

Love can never be replicated, even if the individuals themselves are the same. If you have broken up with your first girlfriend 10 years ago and find yourself in a relationship with her again, only, you have both finished high school and now have stable jobs, the relationship will always start from scratch. You will have learned different things and matured separately. Never treat any kind of love the same way.

#7 Falling out of love? Don’t worry it’s allowed and forgivable. Some people think that falling out of love is a grave sin to commit. Yes, you promised to love and cherish someone for as long as you possibly can, but it does not mean defying yourself, when you find it difficult to even be in the same room as this person. There’s no point in trying to make a doomed relationship work.

#8 You are also allowed to make mistakes. There is no such thing as a perfect love that doesn’t go through a couple of roadblocks. Two people can never pull off a hassle-free, no snags relationship that doesn’t have its own share of rough patches.

It’s important to avoid making mistakes. But when you do, what’s more important is how hard you work to repair the damage and reinforce your bond.

#9 You are allowed to have fun on your own. A common mistake that people who are in love do is that they try to force their personal definition of fun onto their partners. Just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to be into the exact same things. Your individuality doesn’t rest on your partner. So spending some time apart to do your own thing is just as important as spending time together.

#10 You can wallow in self-pity, cry a river, and throw in a few regrets and what-ifs. Love is tough, and a breaking heart is tougher, but going through both is the toughest. Some people try to get through this by completely forgetting about giving themselves time to heal and instead, bury themselves in work or studies, or get it on with a rebound.

The only way you will get over love is for you to have self love first. Do not deny yourself this time to discover and really feel your emotions. At the end of your ordeal, you can be certain that you will be able to love again. You just need to recover first.

#11 You cannot know everything. Even if you have been in more relationships than you can count on your fingers, you will never be an expert on love. Even if you have finished reading these love lessons, and have pondered on them every waking moment of your life, it will never be a guarantee that everything you have read here is all there is to know and experience. Experience is the greatest teacher, when it comes to love. But even experience can’t teach you everything you need to know.

Whatever you’ve been through, whomever you’ve been with, there’s a love lesson you may have picked up along the way. The confidence that will come out of those experiences is what will make you stand up and fall in love again, no matter how many times you have fallen out.

http://romanticupdates.com/2015/03/11-things-i-learned-from-falling-in-and-out-of-love/

Women are their own worst enemies. Of course, not all women do these things, but really, they need to put a check on how they treat each other as women.

Here are some things I absolutely think women should stop doing to each other:

1. Stop Taking Each Other Down
If anyone should be there for a woman, it is another woman. As women, we need to stop taking each other down with our words and actions and rather focus on lifting each other up. The world would be a much better place if we all did that.

2. Stop Comparing
As women, we find it so easy to look at ourselves and compare varying qualities that other women possess. Each of us is created in our own unique and special way. Let us try taking the time to realize the unique qualities that each of us has rather than comparing.

3. Fighting Over Guys
Obviously, if your best girlfriend has an affair with your guy, you have every right to scream and yell. That kind of betrayal warrants anger, for sure. But most times, we should take our anger out on our partners rather than the other girl. Also, if your girlfriend is in a relationship and you are not, don’t allow your jealousy and frustration to get in the way of your friendship.

4. Criticizing Other People’s Weight
There are very polite ways to make a complement on another woman’s weight. But saying “oh my gosh you’re so skinny” or “wow, you’ve added so much weight!” might be more hurtful than we think it is.

5. Withholding Compliments
Not only is it bad to compliment someone negatively, it is also wrong to withhold good compliments. If your girlfriend has a really nice hairstyle on, or has lost some weight and is looking great, go ahead and say it to her.

6. Telling Each Other’s Secrets
It’s really sad to confide in someone and find out that the person has let out your secret to the wrong person. Ladies, let’s not do this to ourselves.

7. Not Being Supportive
Many times as women, we desert our friends when they need us the most. Its our friend’s wedding, birthday, graduation, store opening…. and because we feel a certain way about that achievement or milestone, we don’t give our support. So wrong.

8. Stop Competing!
I wish I could scream this. Not everything in life is a competition. No one has to really ‘win’ that best dressed award or most expensive bag title. Focus on your own qualities that are unique and special to you.

9. Comparing Our Bodies
Hey ladies, we really need to stop this. Many of us have done harmful things to our bodies in a bid to look like the next person. Love who you are and don’t think you need to look like anyone else.

10. Stop Hating
I really didn’t know what to title this last point. It might not be the appropriate word to use, but have you noticed that some women just don’t like other women for absolutely NO REASON? I’ve heard this a lot of times “I don’t like that lady” and when you ask why, the response is “I don’t know, I just don’t like her“. Maybe she walks or talks in a certain way that you don’t feel comfortable with and because of that, you conclude that you don’t like her even though you hardly know her!

This gets me confused. Let’s continue this discussion in the comment section. Ladies, why do you think we do this to each other? How can we stop such habits?

What other things do you guys need to stop doing to each other?

http://romanticupdates.com/2015/03/10-things-women-need-to-stop-doing-to-each-other/

DeviIhimself:
Never again will Buhari terrorise Nigerians
Gej till 2019

How dis one take concern the next incoming President Buhari?

(1) Troops posing with captured Boko Haram flag

(2) Nigerian troops burned Boko Haram's black flags after retaking two major towns in Yobe.

Mam, welldone and many thanks for these your selfless service here ...

Please I just got my K1 case nos from NVC yesterday. My question is if my case is sent to Lagos within this week or next, what are my chances of getting an appointment date in this March or early week of April?

I dont mean to ask too much, this is to enable me schedule my fiance's visit to Nigeria and work-out time at my place of work cos my time for leave is end of the year.

Thanks Mam

The management of Nnamdi Azikiwe University (UNIZIK) in Awka has suspended five lecturers for examination misconduct.The institution’s Director of Publications, Mr Emma Ojukwu, confirmed the suspension in an interview with newsmen in Awka on Tuesday.



He said that the lecturers were suspended on March 2 for three months with half salaries pending the outcome of the Senior Staff Disciplinary Committee Report.

He said lecturers were from the Department of Pure and Industrial Chemistry and the Department of Electronics and Computer Engineering. Ojukwu said that they were found culpable in the first semester of 2013/2014 academic session for assisting students in answering questions and frivolous award of marks to undeserving students.

The other offences were failing to submit examination attendance list, collection of money from students for upgrading of results, sharp practices and irregularities in result sheets. He said that the administrative verifications would soon be conducted in other departments to fish out such culprits.

He said that the Vice-Chancellor of the university, Prof. Joseph Ahaneku, had warned some heads of departments not to collect money from students for registrations. The director said that a review process had been instituted for administrative action on the matter.

http://www.nigerianeye.com/2015/03/nnamdi-azikiwe-university-suspends-5.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Nigerianeye+%28NigerianEye%29

more

Here are exclusive photos of vehicles and weapons captured from the encounter with Boko Haram members yesterday March 9th at Gombi LGA of Adamawa state. The militants attacked the community early yesterday but were repelled by Nigerian troops.

See more pictures below...

justmag:
In the nigerian dating scene. I think trust is a big issue. Many may be slow to admit it but it's the truth. Women on one corner maybe convinced that their man is already cheating on her...especially when he is one of these already made men, men with money or Great job and men on the other hand may assume these girls have other men that cater to various needs or maybe she is just with him for some security. This is a common assumption among men and women. So trust issues will always be high.

i agree with you for real but yet it's what that can be worked upon ... You worked for trust i.e. you earn trust its not just automatic ... my opinion

prettythicksme:
seriously guys dont try shitss with me

The Iron Lady!

Relationships are one of the first things that all of us take for granted.

We don’t want to take it for granted.

But yet, we forget how much something really matters to us when we don’t stand to lose it.

And it usually takes losing something to realize its importance and value.

Wondering what the big problems in a relationship are, and what you can do to overcome it?

Problems in a relationship

Depending on the kind of relationship you share with your partner, the problems in a relationship too could be just as unique.

But almost always, all problems in a relationship find their place in ten big areas.

At some point or the other, these problems have a way of creeping into your romance.

Keep an eye on these issues, and understand how to overcome it, and you’ll see how easy it can be to eliminate all the frustrations you experience in a relationship.

10 big problems that need your attention

Remember this, you can’t stop problems from cropping up in a relationship no matter how perfect the relationship is. What you can do instead, is eliminate the frustration as soon as you notice them.

#1 Lack of communication. At the start of the relationship, conversations are exciting and fun. Both of you spend a lot of time getting to know each other. But as time goes by, lovers forget to ask the same questions again.

We’re all changing all the time, in our preferences and the way we look at life. Don’t assume you know everything about each other or your romance will start to stagnate, or one of you will start to confide in some other person who seems more understanding.

#2 Trust. Do you really trust your partner? There are two kinds of trust in a relationship. Firstly, do you trust your partner enough to feel comfortable with them going out for dinner with someone else? If you don’t, perhaps, you’re insecure or your relationship is still too fragile.

And secondly, do you trust your partner’s decisions? Do you think your partner is capable of making important decisions for the both of you? If you can’t trust your partner with life altering decisions, it’s obvious that you don’t respect your partner or their opinions. And that’s never a good sign in a long term relationship.

#3 Jealousy and insecurity. Insecure couples are forever locked in a cycle of jealously and anger. When you feel jealous about the attention your lover’s getting or their recent promotion, you’re not helping them become a better individual. It’s like a parent who’s angry with their child because the child is having “too much fun”.

You need to learn to have faith in each other and in the relationship. Instead of letting negativity build inside the relationship, learn to enjoy each other’s successes. After all, your partner is your better half, and any accomplishments of theirs are your accomplishments too, isn’t it? [Read: Tips to handle insecurity in a relationship]

#4 Incompatibility in love. Love at first sight and infatuation can last several months. And it does a good job of masking any differences in a relationship. As perfect as two people may be, sometimes, they may just not be perfect for each other.

If you find yourself dating someone with whom you have nothing in common, you need to decide on the next step. Try to find common interests that both of you like, or walk your own paths instead of living in frustrations.

#5 Loss of s*x drive. This isn’t rocket science. Over time, both of you are bound to lose the s*xual urge of the first few months or years of a relationship. While both of you may have a hard time keeping your hands off each other to begin with, now s*x may start to feel like a chore.

This is a very common problem in relationships, and yet, it’s one of the easy ones to solve. Always look for new ways to recreate the s*xual high of the first few times, and before you know it, both of you may go at it all over again like frisky bunnies.

#6 Ka ching! Anyone in a relationship for long enough will know just how important money or the lack of it really is. If your friends earn a lot more than you or your partner, it’ll end up frustrating both of you. And on the other hand, if both of you earn a lot more than your friends, there’ll be a lot of love and happiness in your lives.

It’s a stupid fact of life. But our own happiness is extremely dependent on the way others perceive us. If you’re having difficulties in your relationship because of money, perhaps it’s time to change your friends and see the difference.

#7 Change in priorities. You may be in a relationship, but that doesn’t change who you are. And that’s where the problem starts. As individuals, we evolve and change all the time. You’re not the person you were last year, and you won’t be the person you are now next year.

And just like you, your partner too is changing constantly. And every now and then, you and your partner may experience changes that will pull both of you apart from each other. And soon enough, both of you may have nothing in common. Spend enough time with each other and try to evolve together in a similar direction. Talk about your beliefs and your interests with each other and it’ll help both of you grow together along the same path.

#8 Time. Do both of you have enough time to spend with each other? These days, time is a luxury that most lovers can’t afford. When you start spending too much time away from each other, it’s only a matter of time before one of you starts asking the big question, “Do I need my partner in my life anymore?”

Don’t drift away so far that both of you don’t need to be with each other anymore. Find ways to indulge in exciting hobbies or spend evenings going out on little coffee or ice cream dates. They make for great conversations and it’ll bring both of you closer too.

#9 Space and individual growth. Now this is contradictory to the earlier problem in relationships. But it’s still something to watch out for. Too much of a good thing can turn out to be bad too. When you’re in a relationship, spending time with each other is very important. But at the same time, spending time away from each other is crucial too.

By spending too much time together, you’d subconsciously feel isolated from the rest of the world. And when that happens, you’d crave for any attention from other interesting people just to feel better about yourself and your ability to communicate. And you know what could happen when that happens, right? [Read: The right way to give space in a relationship]

#10 Are you still in love? This is the biggest problem in a relationship, and one that’s hardest to overcome. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love isn’t. Love is a delicate balance between dependency and passion. How much do you need your partner? How much do you love and want your partner?

When the s*xual excitement and the enthusiasm fade away, what do you have to hold both of you together? A relationship should never be based on s*x alone. It needs compatibility and understanding, and it definitely needs dependability. Staying in love forever is not easy, but with a little effort, it can give meaning to your life.

Problems in a relationship can come and go. But if you ever come face to face with these 10 big problems in romance, don’t overlook it. It could cost you the relationship itself.

http://romanticupdates.com/2015/03/top-10-big-problems-in-a-relationship-and-how-to-fix-it/

Cant help it but to drop a comment...

Nairaland has been a channel of blessings to me in several ways ranging from my present job in d O & G industry to traveling accross the shores of this country among others...

Congrats Seun
Congrats Nairalanders
God bless Nigeria

MzzTega:
What are the eyes used for

Seriously.. Did you just said that as a lady?

that means u never jam some bad guys dat can look o

prettythicksme:
na hot slap sure pass if i caught him looking at another babe anytime anyday!i wont stop embracing him in public with hot slaps

this gat me lolz

I am sure you are joking right?

Tell him that his constant drooling appreciation of the opposite gender in front of you bothers you. Why? Explain that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Ask him how he would react if you did the same and state that it makes you look like a fool in front of others. If he cares for you, he will understand and try to control his ogling eyes at least by some extent.

Don’t accept any corny excuses

If your man comes up with the most likely response, that he has to check out other women to reestablish that you’re the best for him, don’t accept it. If he really loves you, he doesn’t need to constantly reaffirm it, and definitely not by leching at other women. Laugh it off and demand a smarter explanation or mention that his behavior is unacceptable. And if his excuse is that he can’t help it, point out that he’s a grown-up who should be in control of his behavior. And if he’s that much of a slave to his ogling habits, you might want to consider whether you want to be with such a man.

The pot calling the kettle black

If, after you’ve talked to him about it, he continues to size up other women in front of you, it’s probably time to give him a taste of his own medicine. Next time you’re out together and he starts giving his eyes some exercise, crack your knuckles and prepare yourself for a staring game, female style. Stare at other men, smile more often at others, do that thing with your hair as you stare at another man, giggle at that cutie in the next table and look away, and just about do anything that would attract other men’s attention.

When he asks you about it, which he definitely would if he even remotely cares about you, let your eyes drift away to the next table again, before smiling at him lovingly as if he’s just come back into focus. A vague, “Sorry hun, did you say something?”, should get him making himself look like an idiot, at which stage you can laugh it off and say you’re only joking, or that it doesn’t mean anything, or that he’s the one you really want.

He may get what you’re trying to prove here, unless he’s a dense troll. But in either case, a few dates of the staring game should help him learn a good lesson about stares and the power women wield when it comes to the staring game!

And while you’re indulging in the staring game, make sure you have your share of fun. After all, if you man doesn’t get the hint, you’d at least have a new arm candy who’s staring back at you right now!

We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!

http://romanticupdates.com/2015/03/how-to-stop-your-man-from-staring-at-other-women/

MabraO:
I love my babie for all d love nd care she been showing me

My babie do all d necessary things to be done on bed. We even ve names for our private parts wen it is time for action either of us calls d name so so needs that or this den we down to action nd it's fun.


N.B babie in my terms means WTB

this gat me

EroticAngelina:
oh and the men can stop lying huh? I hope u know that when u say 'women cnt stop lying' u also mean ur mum, sis, aunty and any female close to u can't stop lying. I piry guys like u.

Babe you don vex gan ooo ... this gat me lolz

It’s alright to lie.

Sometimes, a white lie can be better than the harsh truth.

Almost all the time, lying is an easier and safer alternative.

As long as you know how to manipulate the truth, lying can feel so good. And easy!

It can make you seem more innocent, nicer and a generally nicer person.

But what starts off as a little white lie now and then could turn into something deeper and darker when it goes out of control.

How to stop lying

Lying is a habit that’s not something to be ashamed of.

It can hurt when your partner catches you lying, but the only reason you’re doing it is because you want the easier way out.

Lying to someone you care about will save you a few explanations, but it’ll lead to you feeling guilty all the time.

If you want to lead a better life, you really need to free yourself from lies.

Wouldn’t it be better if you could just tell the truth and feel good inside instead of concocting lies and swirling several other lies out of thin air just to protect the first lie?

All said and done, is lying even worth it when it only makes you feel worse?

If you want to know how to stop lying to yourself, your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife, or just about anyone else that matters to you, you need to get to the bottom of your lies and understand where all your lies begin.

Understanding the world of lies

People lie for a lot of reasons, but there are a few times when your lies could affect your life in more ways than one.

When you lie, do you try to convince yourself that what you’re saying is the truth? If you cheated on your partner because you were Hot, do you tell yourself that it was because your partner neglected you?

Stop trying to convince yourself. Most people lie to themselves because they want to convince themselves that the lie is the truth. And it’s a dangerous game. Eventually, you’ll only believe what you choose to believe and you’ll start to erase all other thoughts that make you look bad from your mind.

On the other hand, do you avoid telling the truth because you’re afraid the truth will make you appear weak or vulnerable?

The different reasons behind why you may be lying

Here are seven common reasons behind why people lie compulsively. Do you find yourself agreeing with any of these reasons?

#1 It comes naturally and it’s easy. It’s like waving hello to someone on the street. You’re so used to lying, you don’t think before lying.

#2 You feel ashamed. You lie to cover up a few things about yourself that you’re ashamed about, be it your upbringing, your past relationships or something else.

#3 You don’t want to hurt someone else. You fear you’d break someone else’s heart by telling the truth. In most cases, you’ve done something wrong intentionally and you know that revealing your weak moment will only hurt the one you love.

#4 You don’t want to be judged. Some people just can’t imagine letting anyone else know their deep, dark secrets. If you live a secret life and don’t want people to judge you negatively because of your interests, you may end up lying.

#5 You don’t want to get hurt. It’s easier to lie than face the consequences of your actions. At the same time, you should realize that your lie may get someone else in trouble.

#6 You think it’s the easier way out. Telling the truth is complicated and very difficult. And the worst part, it could affect you negatively and make your life messier at times.

#7 You don’t respect yourself. You don’t think you have a genuine answer that’s convincing enough. You think you’re not good enough and no truthful reason you have is good enough to convince someone.

Ways to stop lying

The benefits of lying may be several, but it all comes down to this. Do you like the person you’ve become? Do you like lying to the ones who love you and trust you with all their heart?

If you genuinely want to stop lying and transform your life into a happy, guilt free and less panicky existence, here’s what you need to do.

#1 Understand the fact. Realize that the lying is getting out of control. You don’t like the fact that you lie so much to everyone, so why lie?

#2 Have self respect. Most liars don’t have self respect. They believe that the truth would make them appear bad. Believe in yourself and respect yourself. You’ll become a better person and refrain from doing anything that may force you to lie.

#3 Have moral principles. If you have strong principles and follow them, you won’t have to lie to anyone. Be your own judge and avoid indulging in something that you have to lie about. If you have to lie about it, you do know that whatever you’re doing is wrong, so why do it in the first place?

#4 If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. Learn to accept your fault instead of letting someone else take the blame. Sometimes, the consequences can feel better than the guilt.

#5 Don’t answer too fast. It’s alright to take time to think. Compulsive liars don’t think before they talk. Lies just flow out even before they make up their mind about whether they want to lie or tell the truth.

#6 Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Would you like to be lied to all the time? Wouldn’t you feel hurt if you knew that your partner is constantly lying through their teeth for no reason at all?

#7 Talk to someone you trust. Tell a trustworthy person to avoid judging you and tell them your deepest secrets. If you can’t brave up to it, do it on paper, with an anonymous friend or share it in the comments below. You’ll feel better about yourself.

Getting to the bottom of your lies

Why do you lie so much? In most cases, it could be childhood experiences or a life altering experience that convinced your mind to start lying. In my case, it was my angry, ill tempered father who always had an opinion about everything I did.

When I was a child, he would always yell at me every time I told the truth that I had forgotten something or overlooked something else. I learnt that it was just easier to lie than look like an idiot in front of him. And that stuck in my mind. A perfect lie could get me away from all my troubles with the slightest effort.

So why do you lie? Do you have a cheating past, or do you have one major experience that revealed the good side of lying to you? Ask yourself when it all began and find a way to let that old you know that it’s alright to tell the truth.

http://romanticupdates.com/2015/03/how-to-stop-lying-to-yourself-and-to-your-partner/

It’s often said that men are easy to please. In a way, this is true. Turning a guy on and bringing him to orgasm is much simpler than doing the same for a woman. But of course, it’s never as simple as that. Guys have their likes and dislikes, and their turn ons and turn offs, just like women do.

Some of these will be immediate turn-offs for him, while others will wear him down over the long term. And a few of them are things to avoid for your own health and safety. What they all have in common is they will bring your sex life down, for you and for him. Avoid them, and your mutual pleasure will go places far beyond your wildest dreams!

Big mistakes women make in the bedroom

No sex life can be perfect at the first try. So before you even consider doing any of the following, think of how much further these little mistakes will take you away from your ideal sex life.

#1 Thinking he’s a psychic.
All women are different, especially when it comes to what they need to reach orgasm. Even if a guy is an experienced lover, he won’t automatically know what you need to get off. That is, unless, you tell him. It’s essential to communicate in the bedroom, and when it comes to your own pleasure, it’s doubly important.

At the very least, your breathing and moaning should steer him in the right direction and clue him in on what you need. But don’t be afraid to tell him. Just remember, a lot of guys have fragile egos so don’t make him feel like he was doing anything wrong, just tell him how to do it even better.

#2 Never initiating.
For whatever reason, too many women, and also a lot of men, think it’s only a man’s place to initiate sex. This is outdated to say the least, not to mention really boring. If you’re in the mood, there’s no need to wait for him to make the first move. Most guys will be totally turned on if a woman kicks things off. Make it extra hot and surprise him. Dress up, or just get naked and then walk in on him. Or just unzip his jeans and get started.

#3 Yap-yap-yap.
Women talking in bed is more common than you might think. And no, not dirty talk, but regular conversation. Ask a guy with some experience under his belt, and he’ll tell you about women who talk about their day, about work, and even some who treat the bed like a psychiatrist’s couch. If you’re not talking about the sex you’re having, you should not talk during sex. Period.

#4 Bad hygiene.
Unfortunately, having poor hygiene is a mistake both men and women commonly make in the bedroom. Fortunately, it’s an easily remedied one. And no, it’s not just about taking a shower and keeping clean. However you choose to wear or not wear your pubic hair, it needs to be soft. Nobody wants stubble rubbing on their skin.

#5 Too accepting.
You should never do something you’re not comfortable with, but too often, women do. One of the most common ways they do this is by having unsafe sex at a man’s insistence. You should never have unprotected sex if you’re not comfortable with it. This goes even more so if a guy is trying to convince you to run with it sans condom. If he doesn’t want to use a condom with you, he probably didn’t use one with the last few women he slept with either. It’s your body, and your right to insist on safe sex.

#6 Dead fish.
Some women don’t really do much during sex. They just kind of lie there. There are two reasons women do this: They either think it’s the right way to have sex, whether due to their past experience or their cultural norms, or they aren’t enjoying sex. If your problem is the second one, take it slow, try some different positions and moves, and if all that fails, see a professional.

If you fall into the first category here, you’re making a mistake in the bedroom. First, it will feel better for both of you if you move. It will help you control your own pleasure, and make his less predictable, and thus, better. It’s also a turn off for most guys to have a woman just lying there, not making sounds and not even responding. It’s not much different from having sex with a sex doll or simply jacking off.

Men take pleasure in pleasing a woman, and if she doesn’t move, it tells him he’s not doing something right. So how on earth would he ever know what he’s not doing right?

#7 Fake orgasm.
You’ve probably read tips on how or when to fake an orgasm. Here’s the definitive answer on when to do it: Never! There’s just no reason to fake it. You will deprive yourself of future pleasure by making him think that whatever he did is what gets you off.

Not all women can orgasm every time, but that doesn’t mean they can’t still enjoy pre-intimacy and sex without climax. If you can’t come, reassure him that you still enjoyed it and that it wasn’t something he did or didn’t do. Unless of course it was him, in which case, see item #1.

#8 Giving too much.
Unfortunately, many men are selfish lovers who place little to no importance on a woman’s pleasure. You should never accept a selfish lover. If he’s not giving, then you shouldn’t be either. You can try to change him, but if he doesn’t start pulling his weight during sex within about a week, then he’s a lost cause. Get rid of him for the sake of your sex life. You can find someone better.

#9 Selfish love.
As just mentioned, men are sometimes selfish lovers. But women are not immune to this either. You should never be selfish in bed. If he’s doing his part for your pleasure, then you need to make sure you’re keeping up your end of the bargain. If you’re both giving lovers, your sex life will be in much better shape.

#10 Silent treatment.
Different women have different volume settings in bed. Some are loud, others quiet. What you should not be is mute. Men need to hear at least some moaning to know that they’re pleasing a woman. Of course, if he’s not pleasing you, you should let him know, but if he’s hitting all the right spots, you need to clue him in with your breathing, moaning, and if you’re comfortable with it, your words.

#11 Keeping him in the dark.
Whether it’s due to hang-ups about their bodies or just because they think that’s how it should be done, a lot of women will only have sex in the dark. Nearly all men are visual, and it’s important for them to see a woman’s hair, face and body while making love.

You don’t have to keep all the lights on, but it should be bright enough that you can recognize each other’s faces. A candle, a nightlight, or a light in another room with a door slightly ajar will all do the trick. As a bonus, there will be less bumbling around when you can both actually see what you’re doing. You wouldn’t want him to accidentally stick it where he shouldn’t, would you?

Men are fairly easy to please, but certain mistakes that women make can get him out of the mood faster than pouring a bucket of ice water on him. If you work hard to please him, he’ll do the same for you. And by avoiding these bedroom mistakes, you can start to make tons of progress in your sex life!

http://romanticupdates.com/2015/03/the-11-worst-bedroom-mistakes-women-make/

Welcome back mam!

Pls ma i quickly want to confirm from you if my fiance's dad can use his 2013 Tax Clearance Cert that was filled for last year for our I-134 Affidavit of Support? Our K1 case has been forwarded to NVC and my fiance is planning to come with all necessary docs but her dad hasn't file for his last year tax yet.

Also, would my fiance need to fill the I-134 personally too with her tax certificate?

Pls your quick response would be appreciated so as to know if the dad will need speed up his filing for last year's tax.

additonal

source: http://www.nigerianeye.com/2015/03/youth-strips-self-uclad-while-dancing.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Nigerianeye+%28NigerianEye%29

Self employment these days, is difficult to define, this young man is self employed, This Pictures was taken in Ikeja Lagos, where a young comedians one man show involves stripping himself unclad and dancing for the entertainment of onlookers. This is how he earns his living.

Don't do these 8 things in a non-committal relationship because, though love is spontaneous and doesn’t hold back, it pays to be cautious, especially when there is no formal commitment from the so-called lover.

Love is sharing, caring and living for and with someone.

Most people will agree also that falling in love, finding love, is getting more and more difficult – with most people preferring to go for physical relationships of sex without emotions.

What this means is that staying in a relationship for long is almost a dream.

A few days of sex and seeming love end in bitterness and you’re in the love market again.

This is why, even when the relationship seems perfect, there are some things you must never do for that person — at least not until you’re wedded or there’s a binding document in place.

Love is about giving in and giving up a few things, but…

1. Don’t change your personality. Now, they say you should change for the one you love. Yes, that is true. But when the changing comes from you alone and it seems like you’re being re-manufactured, then something is wrong. No man or woman should attempt to change you entirely, unless you really have bad habits. Aside this, in the event that you’re separated, the hurt will be worsened by the fact you won’t recognise yourself. You’ll be nothing without that person. A person who loves you must accept the real you.

2. Don’t abandon your dreams: This is another one you should be careful about. Two people in love ca exist without killing each other’s dreams. It is a good thing for both of you to alter your careers and dreams to accommodate each other. But there is a limit. A true lover would aid your dream, ask you to abandon it. Work out a middle way. If you lose your dream for a relationship that is not yet solid, marriage especially, sorry will be your consolation when it ends.

3. Don’t abandon your friends and family. Hmmm, it really is sad that some people let love kill their relationships with kith and kin that they had before meeting their lover. They do not realise that friends are the only thing you can fall back to when you hit life’s road bumps. If a lover makes it a case to break your link to friends and family, please exit. They should find a way to accommodate your friends. If you lose your friends to that relationship, what happens if it ends?

4. Don’t set up businesses or share details of official information. Many people think it is love to expose their entire business plans and financial information to a supposed lover. But this is dangerous. A lot of people ‘love’ just to deceive and maybe swindle. If they have access to sensitive official details, like ATM card pins, internet bank passwords, property document details, etc, you are exposed to danger!

5. Don’t become a donor agency. Lovers should help each other, morally and financially. However, don’t be saddled to a leech, a tick who only feeds off you. You’re not a bank account or donor agency to anyone. As you give, make sure it’s reasonable, and for genuine needs. A lover who always returns for more is a gold-digger, a fraud that you don’t need. Small money gifts are cool, but should not become the norm and basis of love.

6. Don’t give unofficial loans, bad personal investments. Loans are relationship killers. If a lover wants huge sums of money from you, be wise and make it legal. At worst, make sure the money is deposited to his/her bank account, to leave a trail that can be used to retrieve it in case you guys fight. To withdraw N200,000 and give to your lover in cash as a loan is not wise. Instead, transfer via bank and write ‘loan’. If the money is big a signed IOU might be necessary. Also avoid foolish investments like setting up businesses or funding projects without legal documents. This may look rigid, but many people have killed ex-lovers because they could not retrieve their ‘investments’.

7. Don’t give unfettered access to private emails and social media accounts. In these modern times, social media accounts are very sensitive. It should be as personal as possible. Making it a public affair for a transient lover is bad, bad and bad. Imagine the damage they could do if you break up? He or she could for example lock you out of your own account or even send out compromising messages through your account.

8. Don’t reveal compromising information or damaging materials. When we fall in love, there is the temptation to talk too much, way too much than we need to. There should a lot of discussion between people in a relationship. But some things should never be said to some people who are not yet fully committed to a relationship. Sharing intimate secrets will put you up for future attacks. Ex-lovers are fond of sharing demining information, like nudes or private talks.


Love doesn’t hold back, it is spontaneous, it is forgiving and every other good thing.

But it pays to be cautious, especially when there is no formal commitment from so-called lover.

To be in love is to love with wisdom and caution…

source: http://pulse.ng/hotpulse/sex-and-love-8-things-you-should-never-do-for-a-lover-you-ve-not-married-id3522143.html?utm_campaign=daily-2015-02-27&utm_medium=email&utm_source=sex-and-love-8-things-you-should-never-do-for-a-lover-you-ve-not-married

For GEJ supporters, plz don't crucify me ooo. I saw dis somewhere and I feel like sharing it.

"Stupidity is when you used generator to charge your phone and still come on Nairaland to type GEJ till 2019". Isn't it funny?

The Economics and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, on Thursday February 19, 2015 arraigned one Chief Felix Ogbebor before Justice B. O. Quadri of the Federal High Court, Port Harcourt, on 8-count charge bordering on conspiracy, forgery, and obtaining money by false pretence to the tune of Seventy Seven Million Naira (N77, 000, 0000.00).

The accused allegedly obtained the sum of Seventy Seven Million Naira from the Living Faith Church (Winners Chapel), Stadium Road branch, Port Harcourt for twelve and half plots of land situated at Uyo Street, Rumumasi and Port Harcourt

He allegedly presented several forged documents to support the claim of ownership of the said land. But the unsuspecting church which wanted the land to build its new worship center paid the sum of Seventy Seven Million Naira (N77, 000,000.000) to the accused.

However, when they attempted to take possession of the land, they were stopped. One Professor Ebi Awotua Efebo came with documents, showing that the land in question belongs to him. The documents showed that he bought the land from one Chief Nelson Chukwu as far back as 1990.

One of the counts read, “that you Chief Felix Ogbebor sometime in March, 2011 at Port Harcourt within the jurisdiction of this honourable court, with intent to defraud, did obtain the sum of Seventy Seven Million Naira (N77,000,000.00) only from the registered trustees of Living Church (Winners Chapel, Stadium Road, Port Harcourt) being payment made to you as owner of the piece of land lying and situate along Uyo street (Ohia Mini Apu), Rumuomasi, Obio Akpo Local Government Area of Rivers State, measuring an area of 4211.769sq.m, a pretext you knew to be false and thereby committed an offence contrary to section 1 (1) (a) of the Advance Fee Fraud and Other Fraud Related Offences Act 2006 and punishable under section 1 (3) of the same Act”.

He, however, pleaded not guilty.
In view of the plea of the defendant, the prosecuting counsel, J.N Dogonyaro asked for a trial date and prayed the court to remand the accused in the EFCC custody. But defence counsel, R.E. Wanogho formally presented a bail application and urged the court to grant the accused bail.
Justice Quadri adjourned the matter to February 24, 2015 for ruling on bail application and remanded the accused in EFCC custody.

source: http://www.talkofnaija.com/local/man-arrested-for-duping-winners-chapel-of-n77million

Hi readers, i got this info from one of my blog followers and i will like to share his experience with you.

Read it below:

I want to use this opportunity to expose this evil I encountered just a few days ago. Think well and shine your eye before you follow that fine girl to her house and before you know it you will wake up Unclad tied to a stick inside one bush in calabar.

I don’t know if its because of this forthcoming election but one has to be very careful especially this romance section boy looking for one way tocatch woman or the other. Before you know it you will be the one inside the net.

This is how it happened, I just went to buy akara early in the morning that I will use for breakfast and was about coming back with my akara when a honda crosstour suv pulled over beside me. I minded my business and was about to leave going before I heard a horn as one fine voice said, “Good morning sir” and turned my head to look.

It was one very pretty young lady not up to 30 inside wearing an expensive suit and I wondered how she is so rich or maybe its her papa connection.

She said she was looking for one olu obasanjo road like that and if I know direction. I was about to start explaining as it was not too far but the streets were somewhat confusing and it looked like she was in a hurry so she offered that I join her in the vehicle and lead the way.

I quickly dropped my akara and told the akara woman that I will collect it later. I had already started to plan me move on how to introduce my self as I jumped inside the car.
I don’t know how it happened but before we reached the end of the street, I became dizzy and confused as I began consciousness.

I was fighting to keep myself awake, I had no strength in me. I couldn’t even lift my hand as this young lady was speeding away. I also don’t know how it happened but after like 30 mins and we had gone far I started begging her to release me that I won’t tell anybody I know her, that I don’t want to die. she just laughed and said “this one wey you never sleep yet, you strong ooo.

Don’t worry we will soon reach” as I heard that, strenght from no where surged into me and I punched her face, unlocked the door and threw myslef out of the car and landed hard on the pavement. She stopped and started reversing the car but when People on the road we were gathered to see what was happening, she just sped off as I kept pointing the car.

They carried me to a chemist where I later recovered and when I asked where I am they said am in calabar. No money on me except the akara change. I explained what happened and the people helped me to the park where they put me in a car to go back home.

If not that I was vigilant and refused to be shaken, I wonder what could have become of me.

Source: http://www.talkofnaija.com/local/how-kidnappers-use-beautiful-girls-to-kidnap-men-for-rituals

VisaOfficer:
I've seen plenty of K visas issued to people who only had an introduction, but did not pay a bride price. (see my previous post, above)

Now, to be fair, I've also interviewed Yoruba applicants who swore that they only had an introduction but didn't pay the bride price -- BUT they also kept referring to the petitioner as "my husband" or "my wife" and the women's ID showed that they were now using the husband's surname. If the preponderance of evidence suggests that the couple is married, we're going to conclude that the couple is married. Please keep in mind that we can only issue a K visa if we believe the applicant is qualified for a K visa, and if we just don't believe it, we are not able to issue.

]

Many thanks for your clarification mam ... God bless you for this selfless service you're rendering on this forum. It has really helped whole a lot of us with immigrant issues without recourse to be subjected to those "visa agents"

[quote author=kenkelewu post=31070670][/quote]Dear VO,

In as much as I don't deliberately want to flog this issue endlessly nor derailing your thread, I'd like to attest to the post I quoted above. Just wanna stress further that in Yoruba culture, there is what we called INTRODUCTION. This is where the two families and some few friends meet and decide what type of marriage they would do and decide on the date and formally recognize the duos as fiancé/fiancée. Little gifts such as wine and fruits are taken along to the lady's family. Few pics can be taken too at the mini-event BUT THIS IS NEVER A TRADITIONAL WEDDING.

It's my guess that the Consulars do mis-interprete this INTRODUCTION to TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE. Pls you can visit any of the Yoruba cultural leaders/elders for more inquiry of this matter so as not to be denying people base on introduction ceremony. DOWRY/BRIDE PRICE IS NEVER PAID AT INTRODUCTION CEREMONY.

Relationships don’t go bad overnight. There are subtle and destructive behavior patterns which erode the bond between spouses or partners. These toxic attitudes can turn a fairytale relationship into an MMA Super Fight.

But not all is lost. When particular destructive patterns of behavior are identified and addressed, a relationship on life support can become healthy again.

Know how to identify these 7 things that might be killing your relationship, so you can catch trouble before it starts.

1. Mind reading

The easiest way to set a relationship on a death spiral is to play armchair psychic. Mind reading takes a posture of assumption instead of listening, judgment instead of compassion.

When we try and read the thoughts, motives, and intentions of another person, their voice is taken away. It dehumanizes the partner and does not give them room for explanation. We all struggle with this one because it’s easier to play “mind reader” than listen to your partner.

If you say, “I know why you did this…” there’s a possibility mind reading has entered the relationship.

2. Criticism

Relationship expert John Gottman, who wrote The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, is known for determining the success of a marriage within five minutes of meeting the couple. One of the deciding factors is evidence of criticism.

Gottman knows couples will complain in their relationships. But he differentiates complaining from criticism. Criticism is more “global” because it attacks the person and not their behavior.

So, how do we know if criticism has crept in? An example would be, “The reason you didn’t pick up the kids is not because you forgot. It’s because you are a terrible father.”

Know how to spot criticism, because it could be killing your relationship.

3. Unrealistic expectations

When you begin a relationship there are certain underlying expectations. These boundaries get wrapped up in behavior and action. This might be particular chores around the house, how money is spent, or how children are disciplined.

Problems emerge when these expectations become unrealistic and the partner feels crushed under the weight of their failing behavior. Most likely this will lead to an unhealthy relationship.

As explained in the article “5 Rules for a More Trustworthy Relationship”, setting unrealistic rules on a spouse or partner is guaranteed to build distrust into the relationship. Healthy and agreed-upon rules and boundaries should free the other person, not enslave them. They should allow the partner to flourish, not flounder.

When you constantly criticize and remind the other person about the “rules,” you are not loving them. When you attack their behavior, never leaving room for grace and correction, this relationship killer might rear its ugly head.

4. Control

The desire to control your partner, according to “5 Relationship Killers,” is rooted in fear and insecurity. A controlling attitude has more to do with us, and less with the partner.
When control enters a relationship, an underlying fear is buzzing behind the surface. It may be fear of not knowing the future. Fear of abandonment. Fear of being seen as a terrible spouse.

Until we get a handle on our own insecurities the partner will suffer.

If we constantly say “Don’t do that,” or “Stop doing this,” we might be a control freak.

5. Comparison

With the ease of staying in touch with past relationships through Facebook, text messages, and other social media, the temptation of comparison is great.

Comparing your current partner with a former relationship is a guaranteed disaster. The comparison is unfair. No one person is the standard for all relationships. If they were so great why did the relationship not work out?

Testing your current relationship, based on a prior one, is a good way to kill your relationship before it begins. Relationships are complex because of timing, maturity of the partner, and emotional stability. These factors change over time.

If you find yourself searching Facebook or daydreaming about past partners you might need to address this relationship killer.

6. Routine

All relationships get stale. When partners get comfortable with one another they stop doing the little things. According to “12 Powerful Habits of Happy Relationships”, boredom and disinterest set in.

But this is normal. It just means we need to mix it up. Maybe we need a new routine. A date night every Friday night. A vacation to an exotic locale. Taking up a hobby together. Or finding different ways to communicate with one another.

Routine doesn’t need to have the last say in a relationship. Identify it. Mix it up. Watch your relationship come back to life.

7. Stonewalling

Gottman says, “Stonewalling is about putting up defenses”, and “emotionally disengaging” from the relationship. Every relationship will have conflict and strife on different levels. But, if we stonewall, we are emotionally removing ourselves from the other person.

When conflict arises in the relationship, do we walk away, try to change the subject, or go to the bar? Or, do we allow ourselves to be present in the disagreement?
The greatest gift we can give our partner is to be present emotionally.

Are these relationship killers present in your life? If so, acknowledge them, and set a time to discuss with your partner. This will ensure long-term health, happiness, and stability in all your relationships.

source: http://romanticupdates.com/2015/02/7-things-might-killing-relationship/

simdam500:
What my fate? I posses not even one of the list...

A woman may want many things in a man, but if there are a few things that make a difference, this is it. So what do women want from men? Find out here.

It’s not easy to please a woman. Or that’s what many men who have lost in love think. Pleasing a woman isn’t just about catering to her whims.

In reality, understanding what women want from men is all about realizing what it takes to be a good man and even better company.

If you can understand what it takes to become a better man, you’d surely understand what women want in a perfect man.

But for starters, here is a list of simple things that can make your woman feel like she’s hit the jackpot on you.

What do women want from men? It all comes down to simple things, really.

But it’s always the simple things that are the hardest, isn’t it, especially when you don’t realize the importance of the little things that really matter.

Use these pointers here, and your woman will feel more loved and happy than ever before.

A man who can woo her often

Women like being envied

A man who can appreciate her

Be the man who makes her proud

A man who makes her feel lucky

A charmer who can make her laugh

A man who’s loved by her family and friends

A guy who knows what he wants

A man who cares about his woman

Women want a good listener

A man she can depend on

Women love a guy who can get naughty

A man who considers his woman an equal

source: http://romanticupdates.com/2015/02/women-want-men-relationship/