₦airaland Forum

WAEC Seized My English Result
Twice – Patrick Obahiagbon
Honourable Patrick Obahiagbon in an
interview with Punch Newspaper
revealed his WAEC Results were seized
twice ‘cos of the ‘big grammars’ he used.

Punch: Did you write exams in school
in these big words?

Hourable: I used such words very-very
freely in my exams both at the secondary
school and in my university and little
wonder I had the misfortune of my
English results being seized
intermittently in my O’ Levels. WAEC
released my results for the other
subjects and withheld my English result.
This happened for about three years.
Twice, I pa$$ed the University
Matriculation Examination but I could
not proceed to the University because of
my English results that were not
released. At the end of the day, it was
released after the third attempt.

Punch: Why do you always use ‘big
grammar’?

Honourable: I am not really consensus ad
idem with those who opine that my
idiolect is advertently obfuscative. No no
no, it’s just that I am in my elements
when the colloquy has to do with the pax
nigeriana of our dreams and one
necessarily needs to fulminate against
the alcibiadian modus vivendi of our
prebendal political cla$$.

Punch: How do you talk to your wife,
children and even your friends?

Honourable: I relate with my family and
friends very warmly and in
an atmosphere of camaraderie, stripped
of my confutational habiliment and
gladiatorial homilies. I am a very
peaceful, calm, level-headed and
celestially attuned soul personality.

Punch: Is this the way you proposed to
your wife, speaking high tech
grammar?

Honourable: Of course, the business of
the day when I interfaced with mywife
on matters of the heart had to be in
plain Caeser’s languageand you can
decipher why that had to be so. The
matter in view did not permit itself of
sphinxian conundrum.

Punch: Do you know that many people
don’t take you too seriously when you
talk because they think you are not
communicating?

Honourable: Why will I be perturbed
from ensconcing myself in the palatable
arms of Morpheus because people have
deprived themselves of the cultivation
of the regime of the mental magnitude? I
read all the farrago of baloneys and
vacuous bunkum from pepper soup
objurgators. The spirit of animadversion
remains their fundamental
human right. It also remains an
indubitable fact that I get millions and
millions of requests daily from people all
over the world requesting for my verbal
mentorship which positive cosmopolitan
reactions have a$$isted my equipoise and
righteous sense of pachydermatous garb.
I cannot put my nose to the grindstone
daily and expect to be understood by
those luxuriating in a modus vivendi,
verging on pepper souping, goat
heading, suyaing, big stouting and
isiewulising. Has a philosophical wag not
once pontificated that things of the spirit
are spiritually discerned and that it takes
the deep to call the deep? We will speak
more on this matter of critiques and
chichi dodo another day.

Punch: Why do you pull your trousers
up beyond the waist?

Honourable: Hahahaha….That trousers
style is called Yohji Yamamoto. It was
my own audacious statement to
remonstrate against the pervasive
tendency of Nigerians especially our
youths that took to the practice of
putting on trousers exposing their
lower anatomical contours and I will do
it over and over again.

lmao!

blairlady:
Most common infection for ladies

How?

Mznaett:
People dey say "ladies fine" but 4dz pix wey dey 4 op profile i go say d babe "tight"die even if no b she o

Are you a Lez?

deebee13:
He's torn in between...

Is he a kid husband?

Obama is supported gayism, went and married Michelle, who is deceiving who? Can Obama allow her daughters to marry other women? Capital No!

Gay married is a way of perverting God's will for man and it must come with it's consequences. Sodom and Gomorrah tried it never got scot free. This generation should be careful not to annoy God even though we know end time is here.

misssclassy:
[color=#000050]Your silly vituperations and diatribes have been seen, observed and appropriately discarded as inconsequential and insignificant.[/color]

I love this English! Be careful, many people here are semi-illiterates. Did you major in English and bashing?

Orunto:
The churches can do all of those things you are criticising. They can charge for conselling and use the money to improve the household of God. The Bible says, "In all labour is a reward, the talk of the lips tenneth unto penury". King Solomon told us of music being the food of life. God loves music. The Angels sing day and night @ the The Temple of Grace. So when humans sing anywhere anyhow on earth, they please God. God loves Hollywood, Nollywood, Pub-songs etc.

False prophet!

sleekpro:
See as him pose like say him sabi wetin dey write dai!

Olodo wey no go school sef!

I pitty naija sha!

Country wey blind man d lead!

You mean the Daura President?

Poor man's way of consolation. New car is the best always. Tokunbo is full of trouble, unless you want to be regular visitors to quark Nigeria mechanics. Ask federal, state and local government why they prefer brand new cars. Ask banks and other multinationals why they buy brand new cars. I don't and will never pray to be using Tokunbo for any reason.

I dedicate this to my Dublin based nairaland woman friend who bought a wonderful wristwatch for me. I will never forget such good gesture.

Merlissa:
Why are all his wives fair

Choi, see discrimination!!!

A king should NEVER discriminate!!!

No, they are all cosmetologists even the king!

Who is deceiving who?

eazisky:
FAYOSE!!!! The people's choice, the impeachable FADA!!!

Fayose for President 2019!

This Arabia from chad Republic won't come back to face his business. #babaonechance#. He's busy visiting his kinsmen!

I beg to differ that increase in school fees will improve education. As stated earlier, how can the poor acquire tertiary education with the increase in spate of school fees. Nigeria as an oil producing country has no reason to ask its citizens for school fees but with the unabated corruption and financial and economic mismanagement, the society is suffering. We hear everyday about looted trillions of naira which should be enough to cater for every need of a single Nigerian. I strongly oppose the increase in school fees and I want you to contest this @Miracy.

Only if it tells the time for rapture!

Beginning of their failure

cococandy:
A lady you overheard at the salon?
So are you going to go back to the salon to watch out for her and give her our responses,
do you know the lady in person?
Or is this just ameboism on your part?

Don't mind her. She's the person in question, only trying to disguise.

Tell me he's joking!

This MASSOB must be mad. Anyway, I didn't have time to read the whole shit. There's no rational for releasing a murderer. For your information, am an Igbo!

iphunanya:
Wonders

How about those begging Seun every day? No wonder!

SweetWJ:
.
You are welcom. How is your family?

Jesus is faithful! Thank you!

Thank God it's not Aso Rock fence, those hausa-fulani soldiers would have used you shine

Jega is a failure with lots of child voters in the north and other electoral malpractices.

SweetWJ:
.
Christ liveth forever. He is my hope for glory. How are you?

Am doing fine! Thank you!

SweetWJ:
.
Hellooo. No one to welcom me

You re welcome. How's Christ in you?

FrancisTony:
Christian chatbox is dead.
Logicboy01 who use to spice it, is gone.

Gone, as in?

Cryxtal:
Nah. This is no destiny. It's totally her choice. When young single guys come around, she says too tall or too short, too fat or too thin. Very satisfied. But when she sees someone's fiancé, or husband, she takes keen interest in them. This ain't no destiny. Strictly choice or wat u might call preference

Destiny is that innate thing that makes her abhor single guys for married men. It makes her have preference for the abnormal instead. I strictly suggest she goes for deliverance as someone's husband is sacred.

Cryxtal:
Hmmmm.True talk. I knw a lady of marriageable age who says she can never date young men because of heartbreaks. So she dates married men n doesn't mind becoming a second wife.

Maybe that's her destiny!

Buhari's government should create MINISTRY OF TREKKING FOR FRUSTRATED CITIZENS.

cococandy:
it would be less significant if it was a girl

I maintain that I pity my naija sisters. The disdain. Smh

Don't mind them, women are as important as men. After all, without the women there will be no procreation.