₦airaland Forum

Okontami: @OP, please dont get too worried, he is not talking about marriage he is only being a man of good conscience. From experience, there are ladies you will have a strong feelings for and appreciate so much that you dont want the se*x thing to cause rift between both of you. Because immediately he sleeps with you , you will start to grow wings and expect more attention, time, money etc. The friendship element gets destroyed. However, there is still no time you guys wont ba*ng each other if the closeness continues uncontrolled cos this is the saying " one thing led to the other and we made love". Appreciate him for trying to hold back and give a little distance now that you have the strength to do so before you become too found of him. By then , you will be seen as a pest.

I hope you don't think that I'm always all over him? If so, well let me stress it out that 75% of our chats are initiated by him and he's the one who asked to see me ALL the times that we ve seen each other

drnoel: did u say marrital bed?.........are u sure. Did u not see that she said he said he can have sex anytime he wants, that should tell u he has other asses that lubricate his thing. I mean, she accepted that with her own mouth, didn´t she?

What I meant was that sex is not a big deal to him since he can get it easily if he desires it. Don't just select what u wanna read. Read everything

Ladies please don't mind all these guys here saying good character. Tomorrow, these same guys will complain about going out of their minds with boredom when they marry a Mother Theresa who cannot even turn him on!
Truth is that they are EQUALLY important. The only thing that can be compromised is good cooking cos you can always get a cook. However that depends on your hubby cos some men would prefer eating their wives' food even if they don't say it.
So you had BETTER learn a good portion of all three

bennyraz: you know what? You're in love already.. You love the guy so damn much

Lol!
Well, this guy has scored some really high points! Anyway, I'm not ruling out the possibility that he just might be a smooth operator and my eyes are definitely open to other relationships. But I'm definitely not going to sleep with any other guy just because he asked me to be his 'girlfriend' and I'm sure as hell gonna enjoy what this present guy's offering me as long as I haven't found anything better out there

claremont: I think it would be better to quantify what good character really means, because it would mean different things to different people. How good is the character of a girl who doesn't even know how to scramble an egg, or a girl who is no more than a log of wood in the bedroom?!

In my opinion, I think the 3 qualities are equally important and ideally a lady of marriageable age should have them. There is no trade-off.

Exactly!
ANY lady who wants to get and REMAIN in her husband's house must have a reasonable quantity of all three of them

bennyraz: Players are Very smooth in their Operation

I don't he's one. A guy of his calibre does not need to play around so he can get intimacy. Besides we have 2 mutual friends who would have warned me if he was
But thanks anyway

Seriously some guys really, really need to learn how to take no for an answer. It's not every girl you toast that will be receptive. Everyone has a right to choose who they let into their lives and you guys should start respecting that fact.
Mtcheeeeeew, later they'll start saying "pretty girls are too proud, pretty girls are this, that" but when they get the girl too easily, they say "pretty girls are hos" nonsense!

G

luvmijeje: Sweetlemon ur guy is d definition of a realll man.Honey,hold on to him,play ur game nicely and think with ur head more than ur heart.

Thanks. I'm trying o!

Meeeen the girl messed up big time and I won't sympathize with her if she looses him cos of this.
Everyone tells little white lies once in a while but this lie is just tooooooooo black abeg!

Risky_mallam: @Op, You are worried he hasn't made any moves to bed you, and you've started reading meaning to his words. Thumbs up girl!

Don't let your imagination get the best of you.

Calm down and stop imagining things that ain't there.

No I'm not worried. I said I'm tripped meaning that I'm impressed!!! Read and comprehend carefully before commenting on posts

DailyNews: U are grtly welcme, we pray to hear wedding bells soon, nice one @customizn a blazers for him

Amen!
Thank you

DailyNews: @sweetlemon, I had been following the comments on this ur thread n I have more words to say, pardon me cos its going to be lengthy cos I am nt gud at summary.


It marvels me most times wen I hear ladies say that all guys like sex, are just after sex, etc, anyway it seems to be true cos majority does just like majority of females crave for money n stuffs, but then I can boldly say it here that there r lots of guys who dnt give a damn abt sex n I happen to knw some of them.

For instance, using myself as an instance, I wouldn't want to sleep with a girl I cherish to be my wife. In fact if I ever sleep with any girl outside marriage, imy hrt will be filled with guilty n I cannot continue with that relationship, never...cos d passion n craze I have for her will disappear like ghost even without me knowing, so most guys like it dat way.


Now, these guys I mentioned above are normal guys, not that they r impotent or dnt have urge or feel like, bt they chose to live that life for any of these reasons:

1. Religious belief n faith
2. Fear of STDs and sharing virtue with unknown person
3. Fear of emotional/spiritual commitment; most ppl dnt knw that sleeping with smbody is a kind of spiritual commitment
4. Career, academic and other personal goals n discipline


Now, ur friend may fall into any of the reasons above, n I am suspecting that he just accepted Christ n he is trying to run away from immorality of d flesh, pls try n help him achieve dis goal instead of trying to lure him into it, help him forget it more pls. I said dis cos u said he used to be sexually active in d past, so he stopped for a reason, dnt let him fall pls


Again, there r so many guys out there who are so scared of sex not cos they cnt perform but cos they want to live a diff life from d normal men's life ladies knw, and some guys do feel deep regret n guilt each moment d finish havin sex with a lady. I knew dis frm what a friend told me n I have heard it b4 he did.


Dis guy told me secretly dat he is tired of keeping a girlfriend, that each tym he sleeps with his gf, he ends up tormenting n burning inside with regrets even though he loves d girl n she too. So he stopped havin sex with her bt d lady started complainin dat it seems he is seeing another girl, dnt love her again, etc...he tried convincing her but she cudnt believe it, he broke up with her. So some guys r like that, they feel bad sleeping with a girl who isn't their legally married wife.


Now, on d issue of him saying he wants to buy a bed first, at first I tot u knew d meaning that was y I ignored it, but now let me explain it to u.


Dat statement is a figure of speech with a figurative meaning, which can be interpreted in many ways, but d most common meaning is this:


He wants to buy a matrimonial bed first. Buying a woman's bed means paying her bride price. So he is admiring u to be his life partner, but he is still unsure of certain things, n he is still trying to get certain things ready before buying that bed be patient n dnt go fall for one bad guy cos sometimes ladies act funny though I pray not, goodluck dear

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if or whenever you have more advice for me feel free to drop.
THANK YOU.
Ps: I just remembered he's mentioned fear of diseases to me as to why he's not so crazy about intimacy anymore. But basically he let's me know that getting sex is not a problem for a guy like him @ all if he wishes which makes intimacy not a big deal to him. But in my case, he just wants to "buy a bed first"

DailyNews: @sweetlemon, I had been following the comments on this ur thread n I have more words to say, pardon me cos its going to be lengthy cos I am nt gud at summary.


It marvels me most times wen I hear ladies say that all guys like sex, are just after sex, etc, anyway it seems to be true cos majority does just like majority of females crave for money n stuffs, but then I can boldly say it here that there r lots of guys who dnt give a damn abt sex n I happen to knw some of them.

For instance, using myself as an instance, I wouldn't want to sleep with a girl I cherish to be my wife. In fact if I ever sleep with any girl outside marriage, imy hrt will be filled with guilty n I cannot continue with that relationship, never...cos d passion n craze I have for her will disappear like ghost even without me knowing, so most guys like it dat way.


Now, these guys I mentioned above are normal guys, not that they r impotent or dnt have urge or feel like, bt they chose to live that life for any of these reasons:

1. Religious belief n faith
2. Fear of STDs and sharing virtue with unknown person
3. Fear of emotional/spiritual commitment; most ppl dnt knw that sleeping with smbody is a kind of spiritual commitment
4. Career, academic and other personal goals n discipline


Now, ur friend may fall into any of the reasons above, n I am suspecting that he just accepted Christ n he is trying to run away from immorality of d flesh, pls try n help him achieve dis goal instead of trying to lure him into it, help him forget it more pls. I said dis cos u said he used to be sexually active in d past, so he stopped for a reason, dnt let him fall pls


Again, there r so many guys out there who are so scared of sex not cos they cnt perform but cos they want to live a diff life from d normal men's life ladies knw, and some guys do feel deep regret n guilt each moment d finish havin sex with a lady. I knew dis frm what a friend told me n I have heard it b4 he did.


Dis guy told me secretly dat he is tired of keeping a girlfriend, that each tym he sleeps with his gf, he ends up tormenting n burning inside with regrets even though he loves d girl n she too. So he stopped havin sex with her bt d lady started complainin dat it seems he is seeing another girl, dnt love her again, etc...he tried convincing her but she cudnt believe it, he broke up with her. So some guys r like that, they feel bad sleeping with a girl who isn't their legally married wife.


Now, on d issue of him saying he wants to buy a bed first, at first I tot u knew d meaning that was y I ignored it, but now let me explain it to u.


Dat statement is a figure of speech with a figurative meaning, which can be interpreted in many ways, but d most common meaning is this:


He wants to buy a matrimonial bed first. Buying a woman's bed means paying her bride price. So he is admiring u to be his life partner, but he is still unsure of certain things, n he is still trying to get certain things ready before buying that bed be patient n dnt go fall for one bad guy cos sometimes ladies act funny though I pray not, goodluck dear

.

DailyNews: I love this comment, pls sweetlemon dnt ignore this words of wisdom. Act differently from other girls. Make urself stand out. Guys dnt just want sex like most ladies do think n believe, remember, any guy above the age of 20yrs who can afford 5000naira can afford to have sex any time he desires, so sex is no longer a much treasured commodity, offer a different value to him n convince him that u worth committing to for a life time.


If he enjoys reading, get him informative books related to his field or career. Talk more about how he can become d chair leader in his career, ask him his plans towards becoming d best in his career. If he loves sports, most guys do, then develop passion for sports n possibly join his rival team so u guys can have issues to discuss outside romance n sex n all those regular man woman talks.


Just think on how to stand out but not in a fake way pls be real, make sure ur actions are frm ur hrt n are real.

Awwwwwww
Thanks sooooooo much for the advice!
I discuss business ideas with him which he finds useful, like I said earlier, we discuss everything unders the sun. I'm also making him some really nice customized blazers for christmas

Love_Decay: Sweetlemon, hold your horses... you are already at the promise land, don't run faster than your shadow. As, you said, he listen attentively when you want to talk to him. Seems to me , you already have his undivided attention.

If your 100% sure, this is the guy. Then you need to relax, cos you already have him. He already knows, you like him "alot" and is sure he can get s.x.e from you.

But, he does not want to take advantage of you. Just imagine, you guys are playing pretend and your his girlfriend - what special things would you do for him besides "S.X.E" - remember he said s.x.e with you is not enough.

Am not asking you to do some crazy stuff or go over the edge. Just think about, how would you make yourself stand out among 5 more girls with your looks and charm, surely a guy in his position meets ... working class chicks like yourself.

So, whats your unique selling point. You need to stop thinking and start acting. One thing i know for sure always works on guys is to buy them stuff, but not the regular stuff. You know, if we wanted a pair of boxes, tie or tshirt we do that - besides some chick already did that ...

You need to observe more, what does he like. If he is the music type - alot of guys are - get him a fancy ipod, if he like computers and the internet - get him an ipad or galaxy tab. You know, try and think within those lines - avoid doing the regular stuff. You can imagine how boring girls are these days, doing cool things will go along way.

Stop asking him about where you guys are going, it seems he has taking the lead and set the standards - just enjoy the ride and play your part. Don't just sit still cos after a while it might start getting old.

You know what i mean, there gotta be actions and reactions. Never forget men hate boring chicks but we never say cos we getting sex, in this case he's not hitting it, so your doing something right.

^{MAybe i've said too much...}

Awwwwwww
Thanks sooooooo much for the advice!
I discuss business ideas with him which he finds useful, I'm also making him some really nice customized blazers for christmas.

tashanja: Yeah, aka reverse psychology, the girl is already hooked and in denial. Best let be in her happy oblivion.

Thank you oooooooooo

OliverPin: Unlike the love of Jesus Christ, the love of man i weak and false so should be practiced simultenously with understanding and wisdom . Telling you he wants to buy a bed first means you are part of his future plans. it means he wants to be financially and psychologically stronger before having you to his life. he"s a wise man like me WISDOM B4 EMOTIONS... i"ll advise you stay calm, preserved and just flow with him. Good luck

Like I said earlier money is not one of his problems Unless u mean MORE money. And he's a very mature guy in his middle 30s.
Thanks anyway

TroGunn: You got it. As I said earlier, the guy has "modesty" - the gentle art of wanting something or enhancing your charm by pretending not to want it or be aware of it, with the sole aim of getting the other other party to want to give it eagerly when you are ready to have it.

The last time we discussed this thing, he told me that he had made up his mind about this issue with me.

UncleJJ: Am I guy, sweetlemon u be fine girl. I assure you, he is attracted to you.

just stay pretty, and maybe he should not see you around ,as much.

Abscense makes the heart grow fonder, some men only want what they cant have.

And, I dont think he"s the type that will fall for the jelousy thing.

Just my two cents.

Thanks.
We see each other like twice in 3 weeks cos he's avoiding temptation besides he's a very busy man but we chat for long hours almost everyday and he's always all ears whenever I wanna discuss something with him.

tashanja: Referring to your post @bold, though you may not want to accept it but those words sum up exactly what I had summised before i.e. he is not ready to commit but free to sexually engage others while you await your turn - after buying the the bed of course (what a lame excuse).
On the contrary, my imaginations are not running helter skelter, nor am I making a mountain out of a mole hole hill, just interpreting your own words in a more objective perspective.
Got to give it this guy, he's one hell of a smooth operator; imagine keeping a very fine hot babe (if that's really you in your profile) cooling her heels and waiting, just like you'd keep a fine bottle of wine or beer in the fridge chilling till you are good and ready to open and drink it.
Yeah, some guys get all the luck SMH.

LMAO! Now I know what your problem is. Don't worry, I won't embarrass you by saying it in public. Although I must say this last reply has made it very obvious to anyone who can read between lines.
Ciao!

tashanja: Sorry to have to bust your bubble here. You keep referring ppl to read your post again but its apparent you are not doing the same.

First of all, I never implied or said having a gf is the only way of being committed, pls read my post again.

Secondly, in my dictionary a committed relationship entails foregoing/excluding all others except the one you are with - whether married or not. In your case the guy is not only refusing to commit (at least physically and exclusively to you)but reserving the right to screw anybody he wishes; which you yourself clearly admitted in your earlier reply (post) to [b]koksheen[/b where you said,
"We have mutual friends and they told me his sex life is still kinda active although it has reduced cos he's quite a busy man".
Note: he reduced not out of any concern for you but because he is busy i.e. not having enough time to indulge like before. Well if that's not freely bedding other girls I don't know what else to call it - we are definitely not referencing from the same dictionary, no need to guess whose is based on denial.

He reduced it BEFORE we met. We ve known each other for only two months.
Please stop making a mountain out of a mole hole. I explained that what I meant by active sex life is that he could get sex if he wanted it. And I mentioned this cos of people suspecting he could be gay. He's a normal flesh and blood man for crying out loud, so he's entitled to some every once in a while!
Hope u understand me now so u can stop ur imaginations from running helter skelter

kokosheen: You should expect such comments, I think about 50% of posters on this forum are undergrads or still in high school. Personally, I don't mind the mix, some comments (curve balls - I call em) make me laugh sometimes .

So take the good and shaft the bad.

If 50% are undergrads, then 35% are half baked graduates

But seriously, most people on NL need to learn comprhension skills. The question I asked @ the end of my first post is "please what does he mean by he "wants to buy a bed first before we have sex" "? and not "please how can I have sex with him or how can I try to convince him to be my boyfriend" so it really surprises me seeing all these funny comments about me being desperate to bed him or me tryin to be his girlfriend. One clown even asked me if I was proud of the fact that most guys can't take their hands off me as if the illiterate didn't see where I wrote that I was tripped with the fact that this guy is not in a hurry to bed me. Meaning that I'm very impressed and not desperate to bed him!
#smh
The level of education in Nigeria and quality of graduates keeps getting worse everyday!

TroGunn: Not sure of what to make of the statement : he could sleep with any girl he wants . It sure doesn't equate "active sex life". "Active sex life" = sleeping around. Even Brad Pitt can't "sleep with any girl he wants". Some people do have restraint, usually based on sound (mostly religious) principles.

Ok. Sorry, iv clarified it. What I mean is that if it's sex he wants, he can get it easily.

Flygerian.:
Interesting!

OP, any update?

No update. I said I'm leaving things the way they are. I'm not going to ask him why he doesn't want to bed me anymore, or ask him to explain what he means by "buying a bed" Will just sit back and enjoy it.

jmoore: the part in quote is the answer to my question I asked.

Mtcheeeew!
I would have to be made of wood not to be attracted to that kind of guy or not want to sleep with him. BUT I AM HAPPY TO WAIT TILL HE "BUYS THE BED"!
Gerrit??

jmoore: I don't support premarital sex. why do you want to go through that path? smh

And why did you quote only that part of my post didn't you see others things I wrote??

CarmelloANGEL: bt mk sure u dnt gt carried away in d euphoria of getn a 'REAL MAN' so as 2 avoid costly mistakes, cos smtyms wen sumtin/sum1 is 2 gud 2 be true, then he probably is. D gud tinz of lyf ar worth waitn 4 mst tyms doe...so linger on sis, it may pay off eventually...by d way, im also a REAL MAN & i swear, am more gentle than he is. We cn even stay 2geda unclad & i definitely wnt ask abt getin any BED watsoeva cos we may nt even nid one

LOL! See your head!
Anyway, the guy's not an angel. He has faults just like any other normal human being. But his strengths outweigh the weaknesses

jmoore: @sweetlemon, can we clear up something here? Do you want sex with him?

Like I said, we are both very attracted to each other cos we are both very attractive.
But since he said I should wait till he "buys a bed", why should I complain?? So we try not to be in situations where we are all alone to avoid temptations.
Ofcourse I wanna have sex with him! But I'm very happy to wait he "buys the bed"

CarmelloANGEL: pple will definitely av divergent views on dz issue..bt 4rm my own perspective, d guy jst dnt wnt u 2 feel embarassd by giving u a stern & repelling answr 2 ur awkward question. I'll sugst...
1 U allow tinz continue d way it is 4 nao, & mk sure u mk urself open 4 oda relatnshps. If he sees he might loose u 2 some oda sharp guys, then he'll redefine d relationshp in clearer terms if truely he's intrestd
2 Pls mk sure u dnt go ahead selling ursef cheap 2 him afta all dz...u'll loose him aswell as d relatnshp if u do. Let hm voice his intentions 4rm hs very mouth...u almst ruined evrytin by askin dt questn in d 1st place.
3 We're expctin a feed bck

Lol! Ofcourse I'm planning on leaving things the way they are between the both of us cos I'm not in a hurry, we ve only known each other for 2 months. I'm enjoying things the way they are cos like I said, we do other stuff gfs and bfs do. I'm even going to stop asking him why he's not taking me to bed. I ll just sit back and enjoy the ride from now on, and keep praying. I'm actually thanking my lucky stars cos at last, iv met a REAL MAN. I'm definitely keeping my eyes open in case I find someone better. But I'm sure as hell not going to date another guy just cos I want to be somebody's girlfriend cos for all I know, I could just be one of his girlfriends!

CarmelloANGEL: bt we all knw dat his gentlemanly attitude of nt yielding 2 clear opportunities of consummation as arose d desire in u...whc is psychological & dt explains y u even askd him & also brought d topic 2 NL. U jst dnt wnt 2 admit it or mk it seem as if u ar desperate 2 av him...tell us d truth, wnt u accpt if he asks u 4 some? Bt d guy is obviously avoiding dat, @least 4 nao cos he neither wnts 2 distrupt d relatnsihp nor take tinz 2 d nxt level. Mayb u shld respct dat, 'in ur own interest' & maintain d status quo. By d way, u luk luvly in dat pic of urs.

The whole point of this thread is just to have an idea of what "I want to buy a bed first b4 I bed u" means. Any other thing I mentioned is just by the way