₦airaland Forum

WomaninherPrime:
Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

I'm a young woman in her mid-20s. I've been in three relationships so far... two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn't last beyond 6 months.

I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn't compatible. But the problem is that we're still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he's working on how we'd have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.

This has put me in a very confusing situation because I'm unable to move on while he's still holding on for us... and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I'd just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.

To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..

Nedu is a very great guy... has everything I want in a man, but he's having some financial challenges right now. He's cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern... he doesn't seem like he'd be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend's or neighbour's... Or I'm thinking of cooking stuff to take to him... but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can't be a support system to me at the moment...

There's also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I've refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I'm still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he's with me, just to impress, but maybe he's real. While I don't like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I'd see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.

There's Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man... and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes... he wants to get married in a minute, but I'm still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he's from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he's a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn't seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.

Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I'm in a relationship, but I'm unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I'm not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn't perfect, but we've come a long way, and we love each other, and we've come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I've become impatient... I feel like I'm at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I'm holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people... at that time, one year of my life would have gone by...these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman's hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I'd love to be married by next year.


Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn't have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don't know ...God is a merciful God, yeah...But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can't go into any careless relationship, and now I can't choose.

I'm honestly confused �.

I don't see you as someone who's ready for marriage.
If your reason for wanting to get married is because you think you're in your prime, my advice is for you to get yourself together first.
You have educational goals you want to achieve yeah? Why not focus on that?
Marriage nr be childs play oooo. Forget the hype about marriage, most married people will rather have been single if only they knew better.

I'm not saying marriage is a bad thing or you shouldn't get married, but marriage shouldn't be rushed into or placed on a time scale. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Take your time, achieve your goals so you won't be a liability to the lucky man you eventually choose.

EmagNig:
The General Overseer of the Winners Chapel, Bishop David Oyedepo has said the dreaded Covid-19 is mere propaganda and it is just like an ordinary fever

He made the statement in a recent sermon


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Z4fIPEtLyQ

Daddy GO, pray say u nr catch am. Body go tell you. It's like fever for Mr A nr mean say e be like fever for Mr B

MERCHANDISER:
Did You Call Odumeje a Fake Pastor ? You need to read
this !
I see some Christians posting all sorts of bad contents
regarding
Odumeje. This is wrong on every sides, because i have
come to
understand that pastors are not perfect like we make
them
to
be.
I had previously chosen to just ignore but let me state
that
Odumeje's crime is his inability to not speak English and
his
love
for casual outfits.
Odumeje has not done half of what your favourite pastors
have
done, i hope you are cognozant of this fact, because i
grew
up in
the church.
While your pastor is buying private Jets, building world
standard
edifices and schools that your children cant afford to
attend,
Odumeje was giving Money to fire victims, food to the
poor
and
building roads.
While your pastor was allegedly looking for another
female
victim to exploit sexually, Odumeje was showing his wife
love
and being a father to his beautiful children.
Were we not here when Pastor Adeboye asked people to
donate
1billion each? Were we not here when your GO in Abuja
asked
his members to Jump into the cleansing Pool for 50k?
Are
you
not aware that your pastors sell mantle and olive oil?
While your Pastors move around with Armed men,
Odumeje is in
the street mixing with street boys and girls, maybe thats
why you
call him a fake prophet.
People that couldnt critisize the COZA pastor are insulting
Odumeje and thats laughable.
Some of your pastors have been banned from entering
some
countries because of fraud, are you aware ?
Odumeje dances "in a worldly fashion" but your suit
wearing and
English speaking pastor wines and dines with corrupt
politicians.
I can go on and on but let me not open fowl nyash.
Things that
will make u a man of God
1: Your relationship with God
2. Your way of life
3: And ur spiritual background. Pls deduct that mindset
that
reading ur bible, speaking good English we make u a man
of
God

This one thinks he has sense.
How you can come out and defend something so shameless proves you are shameless yourself

Just see country!
Thief visit thief and they're flaunting it online

Miracle7998:
Brethren this is the reason I always tell people to always be on alert and be vigilant so that you will know what kind of things the enemy brings to your house, this is a bat that the enemy sent to my home this night around 10:40 pm and glory be to God we killed it.

You have to stand and fight your enemies we are in the last days

Ignorance will be the end of us in this country

Dfavouredone:
Jesus! so there are people leaving their hard earn money in mutual funds that is doing a average of 5% per annum when there re company like MBA Forex and Capital Investment Limited (a.k.a MBA Forex) and Return Market Investment Nigeria Limited that gives 10% ROI per month.

Wetin concern you?
World people

Built2last:
Nice.

Someone should give me Hell Rufai contact.

I want to ask him something.

This was his tweet in 2013.

Today Buhari has freed over 600 terrorists he has lost his voice or suffering from leprosy to type on twitter

What el rufai said is nothing but the absolute truth.
The fact our society celebrates such just shows the level of decay

emmasoft:
A word for the Newbies START WITH WHAT YOU HAVE AND WHERE YOU ARE
Investing is better done on a gradual note. There are many investment opportunities, trying to explore all at the same time with little resources may not yield the necessary positive effect.
It’s good to diversify and have different investment windows but wanting to have all at once will slow you down and will not allow you to start. If you have little. Why not start with mutual funds and grow gradually, with time you add stocks, bonds, dollar dominated investments, real estate, foreign stocks etc. Most newbies in the quest to invest in all windows end up not investing because you keep seeing reasons while certain investment is better than others. Real estate for instance is a very good investment but why waste time trying to do real estate when you have just some few hundreds of thousands which you can easily grow with mutual funds and stock investment. Just start somewhere. If there is willingness and focus to invest you will get to your dreams. Reading investment books is good but if you don’t practice even the simplest principles in those books it’s same as the person not reading at all.
Start with what you have and where you are!

Good day sir.
I successfully filled out the form to have an account with investment one. I ensured I selected VGIF as well as stockbroking.

I got an email today that the stockbroking account has been opened successfully, but nothing on VGIF and the other options I selected.
Am I to use the stockbroking account to fund the others?

Rolexjerry:
I want to buy a new smartphone ASAP and I have a budget of 60,000.
I'm so confused, with the saturation of smartphones in the market, on the best phone not above 60k.
Pls recommend one for me. Thanks.

Huawei y7 prime 2019
The 32gb + 3GB ROM version is slightly below 60k while the 64gb + 3GB ROM version could be gotten between 60k to 62k

If your children ask you for money will you give them?

Papa wey dy collect from pikin na krimnal

Saying the word ‘Dating’ out loud brings a smile on my face. Dating is a natural way for opposite sexes to explore one another. Dating starts very early for most of us. As teenagers in high school, we have probably dated a partner for a couple of months. No matter how early we start, it is a life-long process though, because even in marriage, we’ll be dating our spouse.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT…
In a TED Talk video available on YouTube, the speaker shared the result of a research that has spanned for more than 70 years. The topic which is titled ‘The key to happiness’ highlights the major factor to a happy life as the quality of relationships we keep as individuals. Although, the relationships are not limited to a partner, as they also include family and friends. However, our partners if we decide to have one play a major role in our quest for having a fulfilled and happy life.

… so are red flags
So, as trivial as deciding to date someone is, it could get very serious quickly. The best approach to not allowing and keeping garbage in our lives is to always watch out for the red flags in dating (easier said than done). There is always a difference between just being friends and actually dating someone. So, it is safe to say that no matter how long you have known someone as a friend, once it crosses the bridge into dating, watch out for the red flags in dating.

Rose Flowers illustrating love that might blind people from seeing red flags in dating
The earlier the better actually. It is impossible to stress this enough. WATCH OUT FOR RED FLAGS IN DATING AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE. It is so much easier to cut off from someone you are dating when it is just starting. When the relationship gets older, we become so attached and even addicted to each other that glaring danger signs are ignored just because we believe it is impossible to live without the other person.

As relationships grow older, humans tend to rationalize things differently. Let me use the story of Smith and Anne who were college sweethearts.



Smith and Anne met in college and were instantly hooked. They maintained their relationship throughout college and well beyond. After about 10 – ish years of dating, the most logical thing to do was get married and live together happily ever after. However, throughout the years of their dating experience, they both noticed critical danger signs that were toxic. The logical thing to do will be to split up as partners and go their separate ways. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Our emotions make us act a bit differently. There is a term called ‘sunk cost’ which loosely refers to expenses that cannot be recovered. Humans, however, instead of moving on, tend to hold on to the sunk cost; the number of years spent together, the efforts and sacrifices made, the memories shared, etc.



Although not bad, but there is an elephant (danger signs) that is more than likely to grow bigger and impede the whole relationship. Rather than focus on the elephant, we rather hold on to the sunk cost. The major reason why you should act on red flags in dating early, so there will be less sunk cost to deal with.

Make your intention clear
Although not all dating leads to a serious relationship and eventually marriage, it is best however to define what you are up for from the onset. Having it in mind that the quality of relationship you keep goes a long way in determining your future happiness, having a defined agenda helps to build trust. If you are into dating just for the fun of it, it is best to spell it out to your partner. If the agenda is for the long term, it is best to let your partner know. One of the best ways to building a healthy relationship is by establishing it on truth. Nobody likes being lied to. If you are taking a partner for the long term while your partner doesn’t share the same agenda, it could lead to someone getting hurt, which could ultimately after your happiness level long term. So, to be clear, define your purpose of dating.

Red flags…
Now, to the actual red flags in dating, I believe this is opinionated depending on the individual. As individuals, we have different tolerance levels, and things I might find amusing could end up being stupid for a certain Mr. X.

However, there are quite a number of general red flags that could hint at future unhappiness.

Rush
It is an amazing feeling to meet someone you like and who seems to be into you as well. That’s normal. But there are cases you meet someone, and the very next minute they are all up in your life. Always calling to have long conversations, using intense words right from the box.

There is nothing wrong if things move gradually, but these kinds of people always have the intention of jumping over 3 or more steps. I am sure you had a life before you guys met, and it is only logical you move step by step while getting to know each other better.



Swimming in the tides of a rushed relationship leaves you blinded to many other red flags in dating. So, this is one you should watch out for.

Lack of openness
From the onset, you should refrain from a partner who is not open or is being secretive. Dating and sharing go hand in hand. Some ladies might argue and say, “maybe it’s not the perfect time to tell him the secret of my child”. When then is a perfect time? When you are 2 years into the relationship and have a wedding coming up in a couple of weeks?

If you notice your partner is not being open in the early stages of dating, it is best to confront them and ask questions. Do not leave things to happen by chance. If the partner is not sharing, I will advise you do not stick around to find out because it will likely end up in tears.

Snoopy
Most of us do not like people who snoop around. We often see them as creepy. The same applies to partners in a relationship. If you have an issue bothering you, get it off your chest by talking to your partner about it. Ask questions if need be. If you are not sure of getting honest replies, you should not be dating that partner in the first place.

Please, do not be the snoopy person who hides to read his/her partner’s messages. If your partner does that, it should be a major red flag in dating.

Lies
Everybody hates Chris. Sorry, everybody hates lies. Lies kill trust and destroy friendship. If you aim to build a healthy relationship with your partner, do well to avoid lies. Avoid telling it, and also a partner that tells them. If a partner respects you, they will avoid doing things they will have to lie about, and even when they do things you might not agree with, they are bold enough to be honest about them.
Busy
Well, of course, we all have things to do, and at times it could get overwhelming. Not trying to be pushy here, but a partner should at least make out time for you. When things get really busy, the time allocation could reduce, but you are sure it will return to normal when things clear up. However, there are partners who early in the relationship use ‘being busy’ as the next line of defense. In such cases, they are probably hiding things from you. One of the general red flags in dating if you ask me.

Anger/Control
Any partner who comes off as controlling should be avoided as early as possible. However, this is a trait people do not notice early on. People could argue that controlling partners come off as the sweetest bunch. In cases like this, it is best to apply the rule of thumb, “if it seems too good to be true, it is!”. If a partner comes off to be too perfect, pay closer attention.
Aside from the general red flags in dating that have been highlighted, there are couples of red flags that might be personal to different individuals

Money management
On a personal note, this is number one on my watchlist. You could tell so much about a person from the way he/she handles money. It is a personal red flag because different folks prefer different sides of the coin. You might prefer a partner that manages money frugally, while a certain Mr. X would prefer a partner who is lavish with money.

This is a red flag you have to pay attention to mostly if you are in for the long term. A lot of marriage-related challenges have their bearing originating from money management. You should go for a partner with the same money mindset as you. You guys can be lavish together or can be frugal together, completely your choice.

Attention to details
This is a personal red flag too depending on the sort of individual you are. You could prefer a partner who is easy going and a bit carefree to everyday life, while a certain Mr. X would want a partner who pays attention to the last detail. Partners who are carefree are more fun to be with, well, that is a general opinion, not mine. Another general opinion is that detailed partners are more inclined to take corrections. To clarify, not my opinion on either case.

Conclusion
I have not met anyone who genuinely does not want to be happy. Ironically, only a handful of people are truly happy. Somewhere along the line, we intentionally or unintentionally shoot ourselves in the foot.

If more than 70 years of research has told us what we already know about happiness, why do we still get it wrong?