₦airaland Forum

Gabapentin:



I used to be a fan of this guy and his stories

then I saw his posts expressing denigrating tribal sentiments, often against people of igbo descent

at that point it became obvious he was just another ethnic bigot with an overactive imagination and attention seeking behaviour

such people litter this forum, spouting their filthy vitriol and slinging dung like the primitive creatures they are

nothing special about them

TheFacelessMan:


Once upon a time i was a zookeeper in San Diego.

I was whistling to myself, " i am the king of the jungle, lord of the rings" at the top of my voice as i went to feed the chimpanzees in Cage 7. The parrots had joined in, providing a chorus.


Suddenly, i noticed that i was the only one singing.

Every animal had turned silent , you could almost hear a pin drop ! It seemed even the air had paused blowing.

I slowwwwwwllllyyyyyyy turned back , fearful of what i would see...

I had forgotten to lock Cage 9, Kumbaya's cage!



Kumbaya was a giant silverback gorilla at least 400 pounds in weight and 7 feet tall.

He had slowly opened the latch of his cage and he was with me in the corridor, 10 steps from me.... all his sharp pointy teeth on display

The ground trembled and shook as he sprang towards me.... i was transfixed to the spot, 5 seconds and i would die.....

3 seconds..... he was upon me and his 2 huge palms landed on my shoulders...... preparing to tear my throat out

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ShabbyAncientJohndory-small.gif

I couldn't bear to look, i closed my eyes.

I could smell his fetid, stinking breath as he opened his jaws..... i silently said my last prayers, soon to rest in peace or pieces ?

And...........and.......

I felt something liquid and hot on my face. BLOOD?! My belly was already jelly!

Trembling like a leaf, collapsing under his weight, i still couldn't open eyes... i just peeked through eyelashes..

Kumbaya was licking my face in appreciation for the song i was singing!!!!


To be continued.....


Culled from "The Memoirs of The Faceless Man"

TheFacelessMan:
I was there .... my life flashed before my very eyes.

Trees coming at me ( or I to them ?) at speeds of over 150km/hr

"Is this the end" ? I thought.

I cried out to the pilot but he had slumped in the cockpit....

I quickly dashed to the exit , took what i thought to be a parachute ...

Alas, i was wrong. It turned out to be just an umbrella.

I opened it with the wind whistling like a banshee in the throes of climax, moaning and groaning.


...and then i woke up!

TrollKiller:
Thefacelessman?

Babapyro:
Where have you been

TheFacelessMan:


A goon once tried to strangle me on a military helicopter off the coast of Equatorial Guinea

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/SatisfiedFreshLamprey-size_restricted.gif

It was an ECOMOG top secret mission. Recently declassified.

That's why i can tell you the story.

I had been instructed by the dark goggled General to kill Captain Koroma at all cost.

I posed as a UN peacekeeper buying illegal diamonds.


Fat John Koroma was the Head of State. Corrupt as they come.

I got in the chopper with him and a bodyguard.

25,000 feet up, things started to unravel.

The weather that day was particularly hot and my make-up started to melt.... .

As the stern faced guard started drawing his gun and mouthing "IMPOST...."


I opened up the briefcase full of......

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/BiodegradableFlawlessCrayfish-size_restricted.gif

In the ensuing chaos of Koroma trying to salvage his pension and his guard trying to ensure i wouldn't need mine....

I managed to grab the pilot by the neck and yank backwards.

He lost control and we all tumbled this way and that way.....


The wind whistling in our ears, money flying everywhere.

I was grabbed by Koroma and he squeezed me like a friendly Santa Claus in his bear like grip.

With that much adrenaline, your heartbeat spikes by 5 times normal rate.

I was fast losing consciousness and Koroma was turning me towards his guard so as to get a clear shot.

"Is this how i was going to die ? "

Koroma alive meant millions more will continue to die in the Civil War.

One last ditch effort and i desperately opened the latch to the door and jumped out.... dragging Koroma with me....


https://bestanimations.com/Transport/Aircraft/plane-travel-animated-gif-6.gif

TheFacelessMan:
Say NO to cultism. Nothing to be gained!

This is 100% a true life story....



I was the overall leader of the x.X.x somewhere in the South West, Nigeria.


I would not bore you with my bloody rise to the top taking lives...

[img]https://media1./images/5a7af647680b1cbb8cb9277b33d713ce/tenor.gif?itemid=10794904[/img]


The other side of me was a medical student, caring and saving lives.

[img]https://media./images/89c1fd5688d7957ae85f55e5cd8d4155/tenor.gif[/img]

Sometime in 1997, there was a skirmish with the M**** Cult and they sent a hit squad after me.

They targeted when i would be most vulnerable- my final exams at 600 level.

Maybe i was distracted with the steeplechase exams the next day...maybe i was getting too old and careless.

I was walking alone that fateful night, dashing to get a cab home from the library.

There were 4 guys in the squad, all in blue with bandanas covering their faces.


https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ClosedGlumEuropeanpolecat-size_restricted.gif

The guy i assumed to be the leader, stepped forward and said :

"Capo your time is up. Blood in, blood out..... "

He then shot 3 times in the air.

People quickly shut their windows.

No good Samaritans! Maybe they were simply good Yorubas


"It would not be quick. Neither will it be painless" He added with a wolfish grin as he holstered the gun.

They all brought out the most evil looking shiny axes and machetes you could imagine .

Though i had taken many lives, i was very selfish about keeping mine!

Imstrong2:
Social maturity finally locates ; ffk,he didn't respond

Robnectar:
Robnectar to his father:

ur father left blokos there

Robnectar:
Robnectar to his father:

coming from a useless tramador patient

IvarTheTerrible:


This brings back memories of being a Commodore in the elite corps of the Nigerian Navy Special Boat Service.

We were on NNS Ajuwaya off the coast of Zanzibar when we got a distress signal..

.. from a Nambian merchant ship being attacked by Somali Pirates

It was in a middle of storm so visibility was poor as we climbed on board


We heardd the crash of rapid gun-fire and we knew the Pirates had run out of patience

I quickly emptied most of the magazine of my Heckler Koch into the skinny bodies of 3 of the bad guys

That was when i saw a face we had seen in many secret dossiers, Sarah Aideed Bin Sulimani a.k.a Captain Jaki Siparo,

the most notorious buccaneer cum smuggler. She was a most beautiful amazon but with a black heart.

Shee was coming from below deck with a shiny machete, wiping the blood off it with her sleeves


"Who brings a knife to a gunfight', i asked myself as i aimed at her

I pressed the trigger, once, twice and all i heard was a feeble "PHUUT", "PHUUT".

The smile on my face disappeared pronto! The gun had JAMMED!

Our eyes met and her facial expression could be best described thus : "You are my dinner, tonight"

She started runnning towards me...or trying to because the deck was slippery... there were just 10 steps to cover

10, 9, 8, 7,6 steps..... i had quickly disassembled the magazine and was trying to shake water out of it, trying not to panic


3,2 steps..... and she lunged with her machete raised very high. Destination : my neck, specifically my jugular

1 step...

The waves crashed and she was catapulted into my arms, our lips crushed together and we did this....

https://66.media.tumblr.com/4f9ea416a65eed9c7e731bfdc3d575de/tumblr_pq577riW3V1x1u99ao1_500.gif

I felt her supple body in my arms and we kissed ....salt water mixed with our saliva.

A split second, we were both on an Island alone....a Paradise of our own making....

That was the last moment of pleasure for her because .... i pulled back the safety and pulled the trigger.

Red mist exploded on my face.....

The End.


[b]Culled from "The Memoirs of The Faceless Man"

Denique:
Meanwhile, what's up with her fingers? Vitiligo? ...reminds me of Michael

I hope science finds a cure for it soon!

Hotfreeze:
Your grammar can abort pregnancy.

onoms4luv:
are you back