₦airaland Forum

I forbid bad news in my life o. This is just to d extreme, how does she cope?

ThinkSmarter:
I seem to understand what z happening, I may be wrong though, ur mother seems to be kind hearted and meek by nature, and she z really blessed with successful children whom she loves and cares about, but the pastors might hv likely taken advantage of that to preach to her into giving much to the work of God as doing so will cause God to reciprocate the gesture by blessing, promoting and Saving her children from evil eyes, that's some of the pranks Nigerian pastors use.
I guess u need to calm down and discuss with her, to ascertain her reasons for giving out her money to pastors, then u can advise her that itz not as if u re against her giving/donating to the church, but some of the so called men of God re nothing but jobless scammers in disguise.
Caution the pastors involved sternly if they persist to lure her.
Be Using the money to buy necessary foodstuffs /clothes that she will likely need, then u can gv her a token that u will keep ur eyes from, on hw she spends it.
It takes gentleness and wisdom to convince an elderly women, probably 60+, as their sense of rationality hv diminished, they re always gullible.
I hv had a similar situation.
just be gentle with her, Mothers are sweet indeed.

Thank u so so much. I appreciate

freethinker01:
how about you arrange a pastor for her(might be a person u know, anyone you can trust on that.) Tell the person all these your mother is going through, just set up a meeting for the supposed prophet with your mother without her knowledge(might be a market place or an open place). Make the person tell her how her generosity is affecting her family and how the so called pastors are exploiting her weakness. Also tell him to tell her that if she continues like this, her children might abandon her. U get the drift?? I hope this helps.

Thanks. My elder bro have done sth similar before.

kacglobal:
Madam Na una still dey cus all this stuff. Let u kids wakeup one day and tell her all of you will disown her because of this . And daddy also say he is going to leave and divorce her because of the pastor and u guys should act it squarely.

You see Dre is what I call the disaster botton . Press it u will be amazed how her brain will reset when the pastor tell her the usual winch n wizard .. u dont call her if she calls u. Say who is dis.

Believe me it will dawn on her that u are serious she will stop if she loves u guys a little bit.

If she doesn't. It's best u just leave it that way cus my Dear no love for u guys again. The love died a long time ago n u guys didn't know. Cus it's all about love.

Nothing should be able to waver a mother's love for her kids. N if this does. Then that's the void she is filling.

Drops pen #pro.

Haven't we done all these??
we may not be in talking terms for a month plus. After settlement, she starts hiding d giving.

ideatoprince18:
...... Sister me ........ av been in ur shoes before ..... my aunt has been in dis scenario b4 ...... Her husband is wealthy n stays out of d country ..... They are very well to do buh every time she visits us ... she always borrow money from my mum ..... When we discovered that she always foot d bills of one local pastor like DAT ....... We arranged for d Pastor to b harrased by Army n even threaten to take him to court for collection of money under false pretence!!!! ...... That is when all those rubbish stopped!!!

Hmmmm. U do this to a pastor, my mum will reject u. lol

pchukwudi:
We often delude ourselves with the lie that we want to know the truth.But the reality is that we always hate to hear the truth.

Goodluck in your adventure.

But just know that what I wrote up there will always be a testimony to the fact that you heard the truth but chose to reject it because, for some funny reasons, you think you are smarter than your mum (who, by the way, is still young and smart enough like everyone else as proven by the fact that she still works and earns her own living).

Go ahead, keep your money. Ignore your mum through out 2017 (because of her generousity) and see what happenes between now and December 22nd next year.

Wise daughter.

It seems ur one of those prophets of doom that are good for only evil prophecies n scamming.

Aystarz:
Are you my sister? I mean this is sooooo my mom!

Really How r u copying with her then.?

dapsonlou:
My guy its serious o, that's how one pastor convinced my 55year Old Aunty that she's pregnant he moved into her mansion and Control all aspects of her life. 9months no baby , he now told her that my grand mother who is her mother is tying the baby in her Womb. She didn't speak to my gm and my mother for two years. After she got broke the pastor left. My mother finally convinced her to go to UK for check up. It was fibroid all along.

Haha haha.

pchukwudi:
Give your mum what you think she's worth as your mum, and forget what she does with her money.

It's not in your place to lecture her on how to spend her money.And by the way, making sure your mum is always happy with you (yes, including giving her money willingly because you love and appreciate her as your mother and not because of what people would say) is to your own good.

It's an insult to tell a WORKING woman what not to do with her money, when you are not her husband. Even her husband will have to negotiate on such a thing.

WARNING: Those telling you to mistreat your mum (just because she chose to be generous) may be sending you to an early...

You may not know what your mum is worth or how much spiritual cover she gives you and your sibilings until you really piss her off or lose her altogether.

I wish u d early ...

PLS, MOD, I REALLY DONT NEED THIS ON FP. LALASTICA

Ajusshi:
\ Wow! Abeg gimmy mumsy number. I dey open church for her street.

Hahaha. I go shoot u join d rest oooo

Ajusshi:
\ Wow! Abeg gimmy mumsy number. I dey open church for her street.

Hahaha. I go shoot u join d rest oooo

thorpido:
Hmmm,the deliverance she needs now has to be deliverance from pastors.

Haha hahaha.

eyinjuege:
Wisdom is profitable to direct.
Now, OP is your mother mentally incapacitated? If she's not, then you need to respect her beliefs and how she wants to live her life.
The most you can do is to talk to her, and if she doesn't want to listen , leave her alone.
You can also withdraw all financial obligations to her, that's equally your prerogative. Whether she tells the whole world she's always broke is also her business.
One thing you have to understand about people and the beliefs they hold dear is that they cannot be swayed easily. The more you pressurise them about it, the more hardened they become in the face of persecution. However when knowledge comes on its own without coercion, their eyes open and they are able to make the decision themselves. Decisions made under coercion don't last long.
So just let her known your reservations and move on

Thank u ma

Splinz:
Crime you said I'm not aware that the woman was robbed at gun point.

And please, stop making fallacious statements! If you can't understand my point of view, kindly get off!

Where did I even remotely suggest that gifts should be given to any damn person

When d said pastor told her there was spirit of accident in d car?

cococandy:
If everyone was like me these pastors who refuse to have a job will starve.
I'm all for generosity but I can't be scammed. Kilode? I'm vexed reading this.

Hahaha. if my mum were to be ur mum, what will u do then?

thorpido:
The bolded is worrying.This is an obsession for want of a better word to use.She seems to be doing all that to fill a void in her life like someone said.The pastors are exploiting that.The only permanent solution to this is if she leaves the area where she stays(though she might hook up with another pastor) but that might be impossible now.

Just limit the cash you give her,buy the materials or pay for the services.I hope your mum can come around one day.

Thank u sir. She refused USA invitation for vacation. She said she will miss her pastors n bishops if she travels.
There was a time she discharged herself from hospital cos she never wanted to miss a service, until she go collapse for church ooo

bukatyne:
Why does anything from your dad irritate her?
This too shall pass *hugs*

Amen oo. Thanks dearie. *hugs n smiles**

blazer234:
Your mom is under spell. You need to report this to the police

Hahaha. abeg I don tire. My elder bro has given up on matter cos there is nothing he hasn't done.

blazer234:
You mean she should visit the scammer pastor and still give him gift after he has glaringly scammed her mom? Now I know why pastors get easy victims to scam. It is because peeps like you are many.

I dey craze to do that kind thing?? tufiaaa

Pushurself:
You know she is not acting " from her right senses" right ?

Seek psychiatric help fast before it worsens - google schizophrenia - educate yourself about it and get her the help she truly needs.

Thank u

Loisemm:
This is no more a case of kindness. Dont be offended but it smirks of ego and witchcraft on the part of the giver.
Ego when you easily give to outsiders but refuse giving to your own. You want to be seen as good outside forgetting that charity begins at home.
Witchcraft if she keeps disobeying and disregarding her husband who is spiritually and legally her first head. Many women think the pastor is their first authority. Na lie o. After God, na your husband. Stubbornness to our husbands is subtle witchcraft. Bible talk am. I don forget the place e dey. God help all of us.
Mummy really needs to change and see that you guys come first. If your family is in disarray or not happy with you, your impact outside will be diminished.

Some pastors sef are not helping matters. They have become professionals in taking advantage of weak -willed women. One minister couple told a woman they would like to come and squat in her spare apartment downstairs. Its a big storey duplex. This woman's husband objected. When the woman told them sorry. They started vexing for her and carrying face. What nonsense! After she had dashed them plenty money in the past o. See sense of entitlement na.

She wants to be seen as Mrs perfect outside. Thank u my sister. Me, I don tire oooo

greatgod2012:
Lol......
As a wife, whenever I offend my husband, my lord and master, I no longer wait for him to punish me, I already know my punishment corner, so, I jejely go there, kneel down and raise up my hands until he comes around in the evening and ask me to get up and go and prepare his meal. Thank God he's not the violent type, he doesn't beat me like a baby, and doesn't deny me se* too. So, help me thank God, and one of these days, I will invite you to come and help me thank him too.


And FYI, he has never offended me, you know, it's only we wives that are always offending our lords and masters.

Thanks.

Epic. haghahaha

EfemenaXY:
Then be brutally honest and upfront with her jare.

Let her know just how tight things are at your end and you're struggling to keep your family afloat too in this recession.

How can she meekly give out her entire pay pack to those scheming "pastors" then expect you to give her more money just to fund them?

Fact is, she works so it's not like she hasn't got any money coming in. In fact, seeing as you lot provide for all her primary basics (food, clothing, shelter) and even the secondary ones (re-charge cards, fuel, etc), her earnings are pocket money / jara.

Abeg I dey vex, Thelish.

U nor vex reach me ooo. lol
She doesn't really disturb for money from us ooo. It just that her complains make people see us her kids as uncaring children to her. Every minute of d day she is complaining.
She bought big drum of fresh fish n cartons of provisions to one of her pastor. The pastor's wife admired her slippers, instead of thank u, she pulled it for her n came home with bare feet. No bathroom slippers was given to her sef. The painful part was that I have begged her d slippers when her sis abroad sent it cos I know d final destination of d slippers. She bluntly refuse oo. But go give my age mate outside cos she be amama.

EfemenaXY:
Lol!

Believe me, I totally understand.

You know say pessin no dey chop for winch house otherwise dem go catch witchcraft.

So apply the same principle to money. Dem no dey take money from witches and wizards hand too, abi?

Some mothers sha..

Efe, abeg nor kill me with laugh oo.
But on a serious note, she doesn't even see me n my dad as good people. courtesy of fake prophecies. If am to pay her back for her maltreatment to me, I won't even call her MOTHER. But I forget n forgive easily. And secondly she is my mum.

Blonchilli:
My dear it's so sad. I understand your pains. My mom has same issues. Give her 100 k she will pay tithe of 60k cos Daddy said we should increase our yield and sow seed of 30k then she'll start doing face that hunger is killing her. She even wants me to join her but I can't become foolish all in a bid to enrich these criminals. Nigerians suffer from religious ailment. Don't stop fighting is all I can say

She says" how can a whole God take 10percent, that it's too small for God. It's better she takes d 10 and God 90. lol
If u give her money for medication, she takes tithe from it.

EfemenaXY:
Thelish, these ladies have beautifully captured what I was going to say & suggest. Take Bukky's advice about not giving her cash or raw food items. Also respond to Loisemm's questions.

I too thought your dad was no longer in the picture (apologies for thinking that), but the fact still remains that your mother is using those "pastors" to fill the void in her life, especially now that her kids have flown the nest.

Again, what's her relationship with your dad like, and what are your dad's views about this?

Dad is too afraid to talk now oo. as he would be labeled a wizard.lol
If ur not in support, u are probably a witch or possessed by a demon.

Loisemm:
Some women and mothers are like this. They regard their pastors more than their husbands or family. I almost thought your dad was not in the picture. Late (God forbid) or away. Or is he not close to mumsy? Is she one among other wives?

I feel it happens more over here in Naija because we are a very religious people. I dont know how to help your mum. Keep talking with her to help herself first before helping people/pastors out there that already have more than her. Talk to someone she respects or listens to other than those pastors. This person can caution her. And u can pray about it too.

Also, some women also have this 'notice me' character. They are truly kind hearted but it is accompanied by pride and a conscious effort to impress. Sanguines exhibit this trait the most if they are not truly spirit filled. People take advantage of them wella cos they know it inflates the ego of these women/men. I hope this does not apply to mumsy.

Dad is very much alive. They live together. Her own is, every other person comes first before her. Except her kids hubby n mum. Her mum, that is my grandmom is even tired of d whole situation. She can give pastor 30k for recharge card but she doesn't have 100 own on her phone.
Thank u jare. I don tire sef for d matter

bukatyne:
@thelish:

Anything you want to do, do in kind:

Buy her raw foodstuffs, fill her gas, buy her Ankara or office wears, fuel her car etc.

Don't give her cash.

If she would give the food stuffs and Co to the pastors, change it to prepared i.e. cook the food, sew the materials etc.

As a poster said, over religiosity is a symptom of a deeper issue and what"s your dad's view on the issue?

Or did she have a difficult marriage with your dad and turned to the hands of the church for solace? If yes, you will need to apprepricate the pastors because they did their bit and you honestly do not know the succor they provided.

Visit the paators, apologies and give them little gifts this Christmas. .. a bottle of wine, N1k recharge card to call their members, a hamper of fruits etc.

It is well.

Not all pastors are fake and members have been led since 1700 to give all to their spiritual leaders.

Compliments of the season.

bukky, thanks for ur response. Anything dad suggest irritates her. Pastors have made her believe we are witches n wizards. Dad inclusive.
For sometime now, I have been on foodstuffs, soups n stews for her. But she will always complain of not having #1 of her own. And when she is not having any money on her, she becomes aggressive. Little things provoke her.
Complements of d season to u. Thank u

DrObum:
I have had a patient like that. Might need to be seriously convinced or tricked to see a psychiatrist.
Her behaviour ain't normal and she doesn't really understand what she's doing.

Ur not really far from d truth.
My dad even told her to see a psychiatrist, but she was so pained dat we are all seeing her as a sick person. The matter almost broke d home. The pastors ain't even helping matters, They told her, our plans was to make her go mental but we did not succeed. And she believed them

Ganjababe:
Few days to Christmas and New year. We are starting deliveries from Thursday, December 22, 2016 to Jan 02, 2017. We offer discounts for those buying more than one Turkey. PRICE - #15000 HAVE A WONDERFUL SEASON.

Why not include pics to see d sizes

DrObum:
There's something called over-generosity and over-spirituality in Psychiatry. It's a pointer to bigger problems.

Take her to see a Psychiatrist, might be of help.

Even a pastor told her that over righteousness is her problem in life. She is over spiritual and generous. The has been working for years, nothing to show for it. Before d salary comes, she has shared it among all d pastors she knows.
The day I told her she needs help, she tool serious offence, that we are seeing her as a mental person. But I know this is not normal.
Someone dat will pray in bathing water, soap n sponge. she pray every second.