₦airaland Forum

Mistakes were made,so they do have a right to sue.
America is just a funny society.

The world is griding to a halt
These ones are not pastors,they are ritualists/dibias calling themselves pastors.

......but the heart of man is desperately wicked.

Sveen:
Okay, assuming it's indeed an ego issue, please what's the way out of this characterism.

Do you like girls?Do you see them as equal human beings as you?Do you think that if you have an issue with a lady and she proves to be the one that is right,would you conceed?
In life,we all need to understand that it is not just about me us(even though you ought to look out for yourself).When you relate with other people,try to understand that they also have their own faults and worries and can make mistakes.If someone offends you,find a way to talk with that person and sort out issues.

Sveen:
Dude, I'm an adult. Though I have anger issues, but I've never nurtured the though of hitting a lady.

So it's definitely not because I'm scared of hitting her, it's more of the confrontation thingy, and it's not like I'm scared or something, It's something I can't explain.

I know you're an adult if you were born in the 90s.I'm not talking about you hitting a lady or fighting either.
I know it's ego.I had a guy on my street while growing up who behaved like you.

Sveen:
My ego? Care to expatiate?
My age? I was born in the 90's.

You find it hard to come down to the level of having a discussion with the person(a female)that you feel has done something wrong.I asked for your age because it's common with young male adolescents.

skyfullofstars:
Well, this post is old...

I'm currently having problems with my husband. At the moment we're in different countries, I haven't seen him in 8 months, and he barely pays any attention to me. He does send me daily messages, but only in the morning and then he forgets that I exist. He's not romantic, he's never been, but I can't take this lack of attention anymore. I wanna feel loved by my husband, I'm thinking about quitting the relationship...

How was it at the beginning?Was it an online relationship?Did you guys have a proper courtship?Do you try to reach him even if he does not reach you again during the day?Do you guys have kids?

Sveen:
Ma'am, since romance section is filled with kids, I figured this is the only place I can get a good advice, thought I'm not married yet.

I have a big problem, and I'm aware of it, but I can't seem to control myself, thereby, losing and breaking up within 3-5 months with my partners(I don't date two peeps at once, I only start a new relationship when the previous had been terminated).

My problem goes thus:

Whenever I decide to be in a relationship, I go for the girls that I love wholeheartedly and I end up making them love me too because I'm lovable.

However, whenever my partner offends me, be it a little or grave offence, I usually prefer not speaking with her for sometimes instead of having a discussion with her to hear her own part of the story. Thence, I'm usually aware that I'm going about it the wrong way but I can't just help it, I prefer it that way.

Even when my partner eventually decides to contact me to discuss with me, I usually avoid her, be it in person or via cell phone.

-This single act had made me lose several partners on the past and my current relationship is on the verge of losing simply because I saw my girl with a guy(though are presume the guy is still wooing her or they are already dating), their posture is seemingly explicable, I needed no soothsayer to tell me that she's got something up her sleeves, it's too glaring. Although, I haven't uttered a word to her since then, even though she didn't see me, she's noticed my attitude towards her and she's also keeping her distance, furthermore, guilt is eating me up, not for abruptly terminating or wanting to terminate it cos I haven't done so yet, but I can see myself doing that before the end of this month.

The fact still remains that I don't want anything to do with her anymore, and the fact also remains that I hate this annoying attitude of mine. I've got a humorous tongue and can make any lady fall, but this attitude is really making me lose several decent girl, cos no girl would wanna marry a guy that is supposedly keeping 'malice'. Atleast that's what I'm gonna call it.

How can I escape this predicament?

It's your ego.If i may ask,how old are you?

Poor girl.May her soul R.I.P.
It's dangerous staying under high tension cables.

The work of hackers.

Losing family members must have taken a toll on him and when people you have around you won't be 'family',it's even more heartbreaking.
I however thinks he needs to cool down a bit.

A woman of integrity and hardwork.
Kudos madam.

RoyalRoy:
[color=#000033] Nice one Thorpido... U always on point. Keep it up brov!!! [/color]

Thanks

Onajevwe:
Thorpido thanks for this nice thread.

Someday I'll be here to share my story which right now has been a nightmare.

God help us all.

it is well my bro.

If person get mama,he go call am aunty?

Waladade4luv,you should have told her from the start.When you decide to start a relationship,this type of issue is what you reveal from the start.
The way it is now,you just have to wait to see if she will change her mind.If she doesn't,count it as your loss and move on with your life.It's not worth killing yourself over.Make sure you are straightfoward with who you decide to date next time(if there will be a next time).

Crazy .Right under the wife's nose.

Kimoni:
Dr T, I perfectly agree with you that these things should be discussed during courtship, and choosing a spouse is one of, if not the most important decision one will make in life. It can either make or mar one.

But again, I guess people change. Or maybe people pretend. If not, why do people love up, court for several years and still end up getting divorced. I personally know a couple that dated for 8 years and stayed married only for 7 years. I dont understand it rather than the fact that marriage changes some people. I might feel it's okay to do some things as a boyfriend/girlfriend which my girlfriend/boyfriend will take for granted and think it's settled but unfortunately, I do not believe in doing the same thing as a married. It's weird but it happens. A personal example - My husband loves to and is an expert at making the bed, he will do it perfectly without a single rumple. We got married and for a year, he was still making it but one day, he just insisted and said I should start making it. lol..I protested and told him he could make it better than I did naa. I didn't and still don't have that patience of perfectly smoothing a 6 by 6 bed . Na lie o, the young man insisted I had to do it. Gratefully, it's a petty issue so I didn't mind but I realise, this could have been a bigger issue.

Hence, I am personally not quick to ascribe issues to pre-marriage negligence. But i honestly agree that one needs to identify these issues as much as possible and talk about them during courtship.

You run the traditional model too and I think so far, the men that have responded run this model. I'll say your wife is even over lucky sef that you fully provide and are also domesticated. Pls tell her she's one lucky wife.

Lastly, I agree that it's becoming difficult for families to depend on one source of income, my problem with it is the domestication part where the woman is still fully/mostly responsible for the chores. Isn't that skewed already?

It is skewed.I agree people do change and there are people who stop doing things they were used to doing.You can never know everything about a person during courtship but one can know enough if you pay attention.
Some men are traditional men and they are not willing to change that.It will be hard for such women who marry such men.

This girl sef...

Kimoni:
The above is a growing trend globally and I would say the situation is a bit worse in Nigeria but it is still a global trend/problem anyway.

These days, men are increasingly expecting working women to split the bills with them, which would be fine if women were also expecting men to share the housework. But this is clearly not the case and even where men do some housework, the ratio is highly skewed to the man's favor. And so working women are generally overworked but unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, we pride ourselves in being able to multitask which is good but of course, the side effects are there which are hard to cope with.

My story - I noticed this trend before I got married and I told myself, I won't be caught in it and fortunately, I hooked someone who shares same value. My solution to this is role separation. He is the Chairman/CEO and I am the COO of the house. He provides the capital and takes the final decision, I run the show and add my input according to my expertise. Simply put, he provides the basics - housing, food, shelter and I run with the resources. Like every normal situation, we are able to back up for each other temporarily when the need arises but the fact still remains that we both identify our primary responsibilities and we do not take any extra support for granted. Peradventure, I need help with my COO duties or I need an upgrade in the level of services he has provided, he has given me a free hand to upgrade or get help if required, hence, I have no excuses whatsoever in fulfilling my wifely duties. (I recognize the fact that this would not work for some families; I am in no way saying this is a perfect model for every family).

In reality, I see a lot of issues with couples over finances and home management and most of these issues, I personally trace to separation or non-seperation of family roles.

My question is this - do you agree that women are taking up a larger chunk of it all? what model are you running or what model do you intend to run when you are married. As a man, If you expect to split the bills, would you be happy to split the house chores(not cherry picking pls). Can you in all honestly say that your wife is not taking up more share of the overall job of running the home (financial et al.)? Do you think that in any way, mandating your wife to take up part of the traditional role of providing will affect her in submitting to you?

For single ladies,the most important decision they would ever make for themselves is 'who' they choose to marry.
In our contemporary world,most families cannot survive on income from just one partner.The woman too has to work,not just to earn an income but also because of the fulfilment of building a career for herself.It means less time for the home and more work to do.
It's very important that a woman who works and is planning to get married should look for a man that is domesticated.I don't know what a lot of girls do when dating but if I was a girl dating a guy,one of the very important things I'll look for is how you take care of your apartment.How do you get your clothes washed,the floors kept clean and your kitchen?Do you cook or eat out as a bachelor?These things would be important to me.If the man you also want to marry expect you to share bills(i believe you should have discussed this),is he also going to take up chores?
I follow the old model.I don't share bills with my wife.I practically take up the essentials,food,rent,school fees,light,gen etc.She acts as a back up and support and mainly takes care of luxuries.I however still do house work.One,because I'm used to it.I grew up doing those things and did as a bachelor.I used to wash the basket of clothes until we got a washing machine and still mop floors.Two,i'm human.If you see your partner is tired,why would you fold your arms and let her keep doing all the work?

Yes,it's possible.

cococandy:
I'm not surprised.

You know how to thing presses against your bladder and makes you want to pee all the time, maybe hers is the other way. Pressing against her intestines and Making her want to gas all the time. Or she has frequent constipation.

Must be more of this.The type of food she frequently takes must be a contributing factor too.

Kimoni:
Dis kain solution na waya o but it's better than being angry over nothing

Abi na.

You two had started making love ba?Be honest.

Oga,endure it.It's a passing phase.
Just get Dr Dre headphones and jam music in your ears so you don't have to always hear her do it.If it smells,get an airfreshner.

That's the 'iyawo mi,ololufe mi,ore mi....'

yougosee:
Hello Thorpido, please can you explain it? I feel you can make me understand. What is it about?I read an analogy that referred to a constant search for affection or something. Something that has to do with the child part of a man?

Please what's your version?
Thanks

Actually,it's something deeper than that.It's even rather appealing to the 'man' inside the man than the 'child' in him.Children are ruled by affection,attention e.t.c

It's a sense of commitment,discipline and love.When a man has that in his heart,his actions are ruled by that rather thanjust the way the woman dresses.It's good to dress well and make yourself appealing.You must as a woman learn to spice up yourself no doubt.Sex too can be made more exciting by not following routines.

Some people don't understand that it's not about the dressing sexily in the house.

It's good though.

It's sad that these things happen but the reality on ground is that some of these hospitals cannot handle the volume of patients who present at the hospitals.
The solution is to have a well developed primary healthcare system where you have access to good healthcare in your neighbourhood instead of everyone rushing to the teaching hospitals.

^^^lol

By the way,do you Op or Julius know what it means to lose all memory?

Why did the love get lost?
They obviously didn't start their marriage like that so what happened?Marriage takes hard work,sacrifice and commitment.The couple should work towards resolving their differences.

Can two work together except they be agreed?If there cannot be an agreement,it's the end of such marriage.

.....until the Nigerian government can make laws that give severe punishments to rapists,this kind of thing will continue.
People think they can get away with it or get a slap on the wrists.

Parents please raise your young boys to know rape is unacceptable.

I hope this is not true.