Enjoy

extraSMOOTH:
My wife left our home three months ago after a brief misunderstanding. Her uncles intervened & the whole thing was settled recently. We have been married for one and half years & have a one year old son, she left with him for her mother's house. We are both professionals, I have a good job & we are comfortable, she just finished her NYSC last year November & I was almost getting her a job before she left. Now that the fight has been settled, she is giving me condition that if a job is not waiting for her where I am, she is not coming back. We are about 20 hours journey apart by the way. She is currently working somewhere where she is earning peanut that we don't need, infact i still send money for her upkeep and the child.

I have tried all possible avenues to make her come back, her mother kinda prefers her and my son to continue living there with her, she has never even intervened since we have been having issues. I told her I cannot cope, she even asked me to employ a housegirl and forget about her if cooking and cleaning is what I am expecting her to come back and be doing for me. I personally want my wife to work, but I have problems the way she is making our marriage dependent on whether she gets a job or not.

I am booked for an operation in a few weeks and when I told her, she only asked "how far, hope you have someone that'll stay with you in the hospital?" she is still not planning to come, has never even asked me the date of my surgery.

A friend asked me to tell her I have gotten her a job and she just needs to come for interview this week and start next week, I did that and she believed it. She even said she is coming in a few days, I should send her t.fare but she will come without my son and go back after the interview till they call her to resume.

My family are asking me to call it quits (We separated because she has been caught cheating - I even have her verbal confession & apology recorded, she is verbally provocative to me and my parents, and she is very hot tempered & aggressive). I have my flaws too I must say but I did not want divorce because after the resolution, I believed if we give it another shot, things might work out. This recent attitude of hers however is a red flag for me!

Experienced married people, do you think I am being stupid still hoping to remain in this "one chance marriage"? I am very frustrated as I am typing this.

am sorry to say this,you dint marry your wife...God will help you cause its your cross now. Yorubas say"Oju to ma ba eniyan kale,koni fi aaro se ipin"

Sorry Op,buy I don't agree with this post....a guy that does these,omo na FK o!! Baba pretender,how many nigerian men can make breakfast before their babe wakes up,abi make d babe sef make brkfast before the guy wakes(lol)all these can only work in foreign countries jare but in Nigeria,I will give it 3%. No vex

NevetsIbot:
so, lets hear it.

Uniquegrace... What can you offer me aside from sex?

loyalty,support,peace of mind,business ideas,make him feel loved,heart to heart talks when I feel he is not doing something right,encouragement when he is down,buy stuffs I want to see on him,ceaseless prayers on his behalf for God to lift him up...that's what I offer asides sex. Lol

midehi2:
eeyaa!, they have dealt with this one oooo

Babe! Na serious case oh.LOL, sorry bro

A man that is God fearing,,caring not necessarily romantic(If he could be,its a plus)loves his health,has good career plans to be financially stable to start saving for his unborn children,,doesn't want more than 3kids,,a baddoo in bed,,a good drinker(not a drunk),,doesn't smoke(if he does,no big deal)all these except a womanizer....

Gloria3389:
Considering the economy of this country including the population, how many children is advisable for an average couple to have...?
for me ,3kids is just too OK

let's hear from u guys

3 big boys will do(Lol)

I agree with the idea of moving in with him but it would be temporary,you stay with him for a week or two and you go back to your base for another 4 or 5 weeks...He will see the need to have you in formally as a wife asap...and not like one no-self value bitch in my hostel that has been staying with her boyfriend since 2012 cause the bf's father built the hostel and on top that the guy will beat her blue black......

;DCongratulations....FTC

digi101:
Hi everyone,

My toddler is 4 years old and moving on to nursery 3, he's very hyper-active with a large dose of curiosity on the side . His former school has not met by expectation of engaging him and building a firm foundation for academics. E.g when he was in nursery 2 he could count his numbers, however when i decided to work with him using physical counters to prep him for simple addition i discovered he had learnt to cram the numbers but could not relate the concept of counting and increment

I am currently looking around for a new school and would appreciate pointers and reviews from members based in ibadan. Am based ui - sango, thanks!

Deril Academy,thank me later

chy4luv:
We've been married for 10 years. It wasnt like this in our middle years of marriage. Since last 3 years we'been quarrelling anytime we stay at home together. We quarrelled on 2nd of January when everyone is having new year resolution and were not on talking terms until nearly around 20th of January. Just last week Thursday we argued again to the extent that he went to our son's parents meeting without me. He later apologised and said we should forget the past and start on a clean state because I told him I want a separation that I really don't like this arguments. My worries being that it might result physical one day. Our kids are questioning now especially our daughter as why we shout and argue alot that she doesn't want us to separate and she is 7yrs. Today again we quarrelled, argued and shouted. He shouts and has a deep and loud voice. He is the type that when he is even gisting u have to keep reminding him to lower his voice. I am getting really tired. My husband is a nice man but don't meet him when he is angry. He has stopped car severally during arguments and left me and kids in the middle of the road at night and took a taxi home. I had to drive the car home. This has happened twice. When he is arguing in the car he doesn't want me to talk at all, if I talk he gets angry. I won't say I am a calm Lady. I also give him my own share of trouble. I used to think may be we are not compatible but we tend to gist and never lacked a topic to discuss but then sometimes starts arguing from our discussion which then leads to fights and name calling.

lemme give a trick,just put a stone inside the right side of ur cheeks,at least that would keep you quiet when he is talking...the 2 of you can't be goats at the same time(am not insulting you)you are not new in the game of marriage,so you should know that whenever rifts is staring up,keeping quiet is d best solution...you can now express urself to him later on a lighter mood.. Yorubas say" pele;oo ni ako,oo ni abo. Wish you best of luck

Let MMM hold their bonuses and pay us the money we invested in it,half bread is better than none.

I love both of them,I will simply walk away..

;DWOW!! Lord please bless me with wealth,I want to buy my husband a crosstour....

I like my husband to be 7-10 yrs older than me....I will still be attractive to him and not looking like his mum anytime soon..God knows that's why he gave me a petite stature Lol

Lord please give me good health and longlife to be there for my children.. God bless all parents

MissIndependent:
[/b][b]Saw this on bellanaija.com/weddings please read.


My husband popped the question on the 1st of January 2016 and we didn’t get married until the 1st and 3rd of December, 2016. I had my introduction in April after which I started planning my wedding! That’s 8 months of planning for #PDA16!

I look back now and wish that there were more people who were real with me about the process of planning weddings. I wish more people told me how best to deal with vendors, how to manage the stress and that if you’re not careful, the process of planning a wedding can actually put a strain on your relationship.

I can tell you for free that if you base your wedding journey on what you see on Social Media, you will have the shocker of your life.

Hence, this article has been put together to prevent brides from making some mistakes I made and just make lives a little easier.

We all know how big the wedding industry was in 2016. I got married in 2016, I have been a bridesmaid and a chief bridesmaid numerous times hence, I guess I’m in a safe position to give the following advice to upcoming brides:

1. Wedding Venue

Immediately you have your date, book your venue: No matter how far your wedding is, please book your venue down. It is better to have a place reserved and to ask for a refund later if you change your mind, than to not have any hall at all as months draw close. There are so many people getting married on so many Saturdays, you will be surprised how many halls have been booked even 2 years ahead. In addition, consider the distance of your reception venue from your church. You do not want guests to be held up in traffic. Some will go back home!

2. Vendors

DO NOT ever select your vendors because of the number of Instagram followers they have, because they are popular or in summary- because you want to trend! I cannot go into details on all that I experienced with vendors. I actually selected some vendors based on the works I saw but I can tell you, the vendors that gave me the least or zero stress were the ones I selected based on referrals. The best way to select your wedding vendors is based on referrals. Let someone who has used the vendor be the one to link you both up. Do not ever pick vendors based on what you see on Instagram/Facebook! Never!!!

3. Planner or Coordinator

Do not assume you can do things all by yourself. Planning a wedding is stressful. If you don’t want a planner or a coordinator you should have friends or family members help you with the running around. If you do not have a 9-5 job and have more free time than normal, then you might not need a planner. A coordinator will be just fine for you. However, if you have a day job and are really busy, you definitely need a planner. Now don’t assume that you will be 100% jobless and the planner will take up all the responsibilities, it is your wedding so you will still work closely with the planner. There are times when the planner will ask to see you; you both will be in constant communication exchanging ideas etc. No matter which you plan to go with Planner, family or coordinator, you will still have some work to do as a bride, so get ready!

4. Bridal Train and Friends

It is very important to select diligent and hardworking bridesmaids or groomsmen. People that you know will give their time and go all out for you. In my opinion, the ideal number for bridesmaids or groomsmen is 3-8! This is because you will have to consider the cost of accommodation, feeding, transportation and much more. From experience, the smaller the bridal party, the less stress you will have.

It is also very important to be sensitive with your bridal train and even friends. This is where I bring in the idea of pre-wedding parties and aso ebi. It is really insensitive to do aso ebi of over 50k or even 10k when you have friends that do not have steady income. I didn’t do aso ebi and I got married! Please consider friends when you are also planning bridal showers, pre-wedding party, pre-wedding dinner and much more. Consider the pockets of your people.

In addition, it is necessary to reward your bridesmaids. Being a bridesmaid is not easy. Contributing money, time and “ginger” just to make you happy, is not the easiest thing. It is important to buy a gift or two just to appreciate your bridesmaids for all that they did for you

5. “Ember” Weddings

This I can say was one of my surprises. No one told me that December weddings were relatively more expensive. Luckily for me, I got engaged in January and I had booked all my vendors down by May after my introduction however, there are only few vendors that didn’t give me that “Ah! December wedding! Let me call you back about the cost”. I never and still don’t understand why, but if you want to save some money, don’t get married in December except December is such a special month to you.

6. Include your Partner

You will be a lucky bride, if you have a partner that doesn’t “drag” wedding details with you. I was a lucky one. My husband cared less about the details all he cared about was how much money we will save from what was planned in our wedding budget. He was in charge of the funds and I was in charge of the ideas so, we had to discuss everything because there is no way I will have an idea approved without funds and there is no way he will pay for something that didn’t come out of an idea. We had to always talk. We had a group chat; my planner, my sisters, my husband and myself. Everyone knew what was going on, vendors booked, payments that had been made etc. I have heard of grooms who were surprised on their wedding day and that caused arguments afterwards.

7. Make sure your Wedding Portrays who You Are

Please this is also a very important point. I advise that every bride should have a theme! This also guides the planner and the decorator on what to do. However, your theme should reflect who you are. Don’t ever do a wedding just because of the trend. I had a fairytale wedding because I think I’m a princess – LOL! And blue is my best colour, hence the “ice themed wedding” idea where I had a mix of white and blue décor. My best friend had a movie themed wedding as a movie producer that she is and it sure contributed to the happiness of her day. Do your wedding for you and not for anyone else!

May I also add here, do whatever you want to do on your wedding day. I love to sing, my husband loves to dance and sing. I remember thinking to myself – “Am I sure I really want to sing on my wedding day with the calibre of people coming and the journalists’ around?” What if I go off tune, what if? What if? Hey! I sang and I was so happy I did that!

My husband loves to dance, our first dance was first a slow song and then we spiced things up and danced till we could feel our feet no more. You do not have to follow any status quo-please do whatever you want to do to make sure you are happy on your day.

Listen to family and friends but make sure you put yourself first- It is your wedding!

8. Enjoy your day, Not many things go as Planned

Your first dance song may start playing from the 2nd verse, one of your bridesmaids may not be able to make it, your zip might pop, the makeup artist might send her trainee assistant instead, a musician you paid for might not show up, food might finish, someone you didn’t give an invite will come to dance with you, fireworks might go up at the wrong time, so many things can go wrong but you need to focus on what matters- You and your man! Your new life and beautiful future ahead! Care less about this details- they don’t matter!

Make sure you dance! Enjoy your day and dance well! This is one of the many secrets of getting more money from your wedding! When you dance, people will spray you. Don’t sit down crying over the light that didn’t come up or the earrings that broke on your way to the hall!

Enjoy your day! Dance!!!

9. Wait for Pictures! Everyone Else Will Wait

Pictures are the most sacred things to behold after a wedding. This is why you also have to make sure you smile all through your day. Plan your day well and allow 1 hour at the least for pictures. Tell the aunties and uncles to step aside and call your photographers forward! Pose! Smile! Take it all in! Don’t rush into the reception hall! Allow at least an hour between church and reception for your pictures! Take pictures! Take as many! While walking down the aisle, smile! Cry if you want to! While dancing with your groom, tell your planner to tell everyone to go off the dance floor so your photographer will capture the moment. Go around tables at some point and take pictures with friends. Make sure you do! Walk like a queen, take your time. It’s your day, create moments. Cry, laugh, jump do anything and when you look back at the pictures, you will be happy you created those moments!

10. Don’t Break the Bank. After the Wedding Comes the Marriage.

There are so many ways to save money and still have a banging wedding. The important things to spend money on are Food, Drinks and Music. These three are the success triangle for a great wedding. Get a good DJ, get as much food and get as much drinks (Water and alcohol are very important depending on your social circle).

The other things are secondary. Don’t break the bank on the minute things. Natural flowers vs artificial flowers? What will natural flowers do for your marriage? Dior chairs vs plastic chairs? I don’t even remember any chair I have sat on in any wedding. Designer dresses and shoes – How many people will really bend down to see your shoes or check the back of your dress for the label? If you can afford the Louboutins and the Vera Wangs, and still have money for the marriage- please go for it. But if you can’t, please note that you will still be happily married and these material things contribute zero to your marriage. For Dami and I, we had an amazing wedding and the after party was a hit – food wasted, drinks wasted, our DJ was the hit but what gave us more joy was how much money we saved and used for more activities during honeymoon and for setting up our home. Can I point out here that the first few months of the marriage, a lot of expenses are needed for setting up the home so please when budgeting for your wedding, include the budget for the 1st 3 months as well and DO NOT SPEND IT! After the wedding, you will get praises and also get goodbyes and then you will be on your own! So think mostly about the future than on one day. However, make sure you plan wisely to enjoy that one day to the fullest.

11. PRAY! PRAY!! PRAY!!!

When I asked brides about their experience when planning their wedding, almost all of them included this point. Marriage is an institution ordained by God hence, the devil is not happy when two people want to get marriage. I can go all spiritual but I won’t for now. Many things happen when you are about to get married. Some people have even broken up in the process. Some fall sick, so many things happen. The only way you can have a seamless process is when you include GOD in the mix. Please pray with your partner daily, fast if you can, pray with your bridal party and ask your extended family to put you all in prayers! This way, absolutely nothing will come in your way!

BIG CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL UPCOMING COUPLES! Here’s wishing you a lovely day and stress-free process.
***

sorry I had to quote you,I just wanted to say Thank you,may almighty bless your home and fill it with wonderful fruits of the womb ijn.........2017 bride by faith

sarrki:
Rip

All mothers in the house

All mothers to be

You will all give birth to your joy (babies)like the Hebrew woman

IJMN

AMEN

ademoladeji:
I think beebeeooh and titilayooni should have something to say....

Ishilove dey vex oooooo

lips sealed

hammerT:
so far all the men here have not represented manhood well.

women that love sex more than men, tells u she only want sex on certain days and u think all is well in that marriage.

the young man either has no game or is a one minute guy that does not satisfy her in bed and outside the bed.

u need classes on how to hammer and get her addicted.

haba! if i dont hammer in one week, na "u are cheating on me dem go dey take sing song" until i hammer.

Damn right am cheating on u, "a booty came calling i had to put the hammer down."

young man, ur wife is not a sex object, u cannot just open her up and dump and then start sleeping. that is the message she is sending to u here.


Spend time with her, seduce her, take her out, charm her, play with her, buy her things, make her feel like a woman and make sure u hammer.

No woman will give me dates and walk away that day and minute without the violation of those terms of contract straight away.

i must to hammer.

of all the comments for this post,YOU ARE THE BEST....some men don't know their wives sexual language. They just believe a woman shld spread up her legs lobatan... Ogbeni Op,go and learn how to make love to your woman. A woman that enjoys every bit when her husband touches her won't give him timetable..trust me

Baddchristy:
Poverty, fear of not ending up as a successful woman .
Fear of marriage&love

Seconded...I have this fear but God is in control.

2SWT:
If you say the church is not supposed to wed a pregnant lady then wedding should strictly be meant for virgins because fornication is fornication whether the lady gets pregnant or not.


Some aunties after series of abortion they put on white gown for church wedding and you all will go there and keep quiet then you condemn a lady who kept the baby.

If I were in her shoes I wouldn't even bother for a church wedding I will just do it in court and go for reception after all wedding is wedding wether it was in church or not.

One last thing; what is the relevance of church wedding?

God bless you for that last statement,I don't see the relevance too.....as for me,no church wedding:just go to registry and engagement. Na dem sabi jare,na by force to do church wedding

ClassicQueen:
I like your faith

thank you..abi now? God sef knows its time

;DPresent....bride 2017 by faith.

MichaelKadi:
God has blessed me and i want to do a giveaway.....this forum has been a blessing in many ways, so i thought i should contribute my little.

All you have to do is ask.....

Confirmed Recipients
Maizamani - 2k
Dynamitechick - 25k
Professord - 10k
Ajiswaggs - 3k
The Next round begins on Wednesday


NB: Please Try not to reveal sensitive information

I hope am lucky enough...I nid 10k for my training cos this country no job...thank you

Ifakiland:
So lastnite I won N123,560 on niarabet....so I wanna give out 50k out of it to 10 gals (5k each) who are truly in need.....for project, sch, etc.....o lucky guy can get 3k also sha.
First 10 females Thu.
Cheers to a lovely weekend.

0039538689 oni olubukola Diamond bank.. Pls am on queue oh, God bless you

God will strenghten you IJN....Just get closer to God to direct your paths and always make sure you always remember your parents and pray for them...It is well

God is not a man that should lie.Sometimes HE takes you through the losing side to end up in the winning side,you just have to be patient and trust God taking you through this phase,HE gives everlasting wealth,peace,joy and also the wisdom to maintain it....remember"The best things in life do not have shape/structure". Stop been stressing about your future,do what's right and leave God to do what's left..#peace#

Why would a lady wish her MIL dead,has she forgotten she would become one too someday and her own DIL will do the same.. All I do is pray to God to make me a good daughter to my MIL,let there always be motherly love btw us that even her son would be jealous....lol

SouthWestBlood:
This is what I was telling my friend that returned yesterday that the NYSC should be scrapped. What's the essence of going through all the struggle in school for years only to end up dead because of one useless service that doesn't guarantee you job. Which is also used as an allocation to steal funds.

I remember my time, I travelled to Kogi from Lagos, when I got there they told me I was late that I should go back home. Including some other people. The girl I pitied most came all the way from core North. Spent days on her way to get there. Only for the idiots that feel like gods over there to send her back.

So, in a matter of 24 Hours, I risked my life twice plying through the death traps called motorways.

Another batch is going soon, some are going to end up dead.

R.I.P, brother.

#ScrapNYSC

Lord pls am not mocking this person but am thanking you for your unending grace over my life....Rip brother,its so painful....