₦airaland Forum

swaggprofessor:
in 2months I hv tested d puss close to 18times if not more than so What wud an extra round do( absolutely nothing).

Shame on you... 18 times in 2 months is a very poor result. Total waste of such an endowed asset. Highly under-utilized. That's why she has spare time for your best friend.
Put your waist to good use and max-out that ASSet. Hit it every minute or every hour of everyday until you are tired of it.

These companies are merely looking for ways to pay less tax.

Why come to lament on Nairaland? Show him how serious you are by packing all your belongings out of his house. Must he be the one you get married to? Don't you have a family of your own in the same state? Any time he wants to see you then he should come look for you at your place.

Good looking... Maybe. Most beautiful? Never!!!!!
Beauty is only skin deep.

So you decided to cast your wife-to-be on nairaland? But you can sleep with her in private. You are definitely not husband material.

More than 50. It's true. I have spoken with several staff and they confirmed it.

This your 3rd leg has sworn to put you in trouble and would not rest until you learn to control it.
While your mates were out trying to make money and become better people, your primary concern was how to conserve your ex-main chic (by not sleeping with her) as an excuse for your LovePeddler-mongering.
You claim to have left your mongering aside so as to acquire a new side chic, who was performing the same functions as those you were mongering, only, she was doing it for free.
Now your side chic has become your main chic...and this time no more free lunch. You'll be paying in more ways than you can realize right now.
Which brings us back to the issue of your LovePeddler-mongering. Now this your side-chic-turned-main-chic cum baby mama/wife (you yourself never really understand her title for now) is now being deprived of her fair share of some good quality time with the man who got her pregnant.. The father of her child. Do tell us who has been using your tool/3rd leg now that you have decided to hoard it from your wife. Are your hands, vaseline and Joy soap now your new BFF? Claiming you can't trust someone when you are the one who should not be trusted.
Get a life son......and get a job while you are at it because it's time you start paying your bills instead of running around town 3rd leg in hand like an NFA.

These pictures are revolting. I'm not saying they are gay.... But if they are ... I'm wondering why it was their particular spermatozoa that fertilized the ovary. Total was of effort, money, blood and sperm.

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Word Of Advice To All Women: Shop Lock by tonyobj(m): 7:28pm
If you are unmarried, store this as info to use when you do get married. For the married, please share with your spouse.

MANY sisters have boasted in my presence of how often they have had to 'lock shop' early, or how they lock shop for weeks, sometimes months, in order to teach hubby a lesson or just to spite him. These sisters are of the impression that they can do as they please, because they have the shop keys. As a result, they lock shop for every little thing, without giving consideration to the 'shopper'.

There are exceptions to every rule, and opinions will sometimes differ. However, where shop-locking is concerned, my philosophy is that shop should remain open at all times. I agree that teeth and tongue will meet, but shop-locking should never be used as a weapon or tool in conflict resolution. Couples should find suitable ways to solve problems.

It is a fact that not all 'shops' have a common closing time. As a matter of fact when one shop door closes, another is usually right around the corner with a big neon sign that blinks 'OPEN FOR BUSINESS'. Be wary of shops that are open late! The goods they stock are usually illegal, contaminated or expired. Ladies, if you or hubby should get sick or go to an early grave, let it not be due to consumption of tainted goods from another woman's shop.

Shop-locking adds fuel to fire in most cases. Women should never be fooled into believing that by putting up a 'CLOSED' sign on the shop door they are on their way to problem solving. Women, a hungry man will not allow himself to starve to death. Some will stop at nothing in their quest to satisfy their seemingly insatiable hunger. They will accept anything, whether hot and spicy or cold and icy. Some men will eat food not for taste, but for mere survival. They eat to live, to satisfy a need. That, my friends, is the nature of man.

When shop locks, who suffers more? In reality isn't it the shopkeeper more than the shopper? Sisters, please, I implore you, learn from the immigrants who come and set up shop on our soil, and keep shop open. Stop closing shop for every little thing. Open shop in shop seasons. Open shop on holidays. Open shop late at nights. Open shop during storm and hurricane. Open shop when shop should be open.

Even the well-bred man who eats out and scrupulously cleans his hands and mouth will bring home even a morsel from his street meal. Visualise what could happen when shop reopens for business as usual and some of his contaminated crumbs fall onto your plate. Imagine that you would have contributed to this scenario by locking shop. Always leave your shop open to your man. A word to the wise is sufficient!

http://scam-dalous..com

searching4love:
[size=13pt]HOW MANY KINGS IN IGBO LAND CAN DO THIS ALL THEY KNOW IS TO IMPREGNATE MANY WOMEN, GIVE BIRTH TO CHILDREN THEY CANT TRAIN AND SEND THEM TO LAGOS TO SELL FAKE SPARE PARTS WE YORUBAS ARE TRULY TOLERANT OF THE IGBOS [/size]

This comment must have been made by an untrained "wannabe educated" Yoruba man.
Your parents should make you repay all the money they must've wasted on your education. You intolerant tribalistic piece of rubbish.

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly.

If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

For those of you who have lived in New Mexico, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza.. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chilli taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.


Frank: Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3.

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.


CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting dried ground pepper. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting plastered from all of the beer.


CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC


Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.

This 300lb woman is starting to look HOT ... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.


CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.


CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful.

Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.

Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 -- #Noreport

If you are unmarried, store this as info to use when you do get married. For the married, please share with your spouse.

MANY sisters have boasted in my presence of how often they have had to 'lock shop' early, or how they lock shop for weeks, sometimes months, in order to teach hubby a lesson or just to spite him. These sisters are of the impression that they can do as they please, because they have the shop keys. As a result, they lock shop for every little thing, without giving consideration to the 'shopper'.

There are exceptions to every rule, and opinions will sometimes differ. However, where shop-locking is concerned, my philosophy is that shop should remain open at all times. I agree that teeth and tongue will meet, but shop-locking should never be used as a weapon or tool in conflict resolution. Couples should find suitable ways to solve problems.

It is a fact that not all 'shops' have a common closing time. As a matter of fact when one shop door closes, another is usually right around the corner with a big neon sign that blinks 'OPEN FOR BUSINESS'. Be wary of shops that are open late! The goods they stock are usually illegal, contaminated or expired. Ladies, if you or hubby should get sick or go to an early grave, let it not be due to consumption of tainted goods from another woman's shop.

Shop-locking adds fuel to fire in most cases. Women should never be fooled into believing that by putting up a 'CLOSED' sign on the shop door they are on their way to problem solving. Women, a hungry man will not allow himself to starve to death. Some will stop at nothing in their quest to satisfy their seemingly insatiable hunger. They will accept anything, whether hot and spicy or cold and icy. Some men will eat food not for taste, but for mere survival. They eat to live, to satisfy a need. That, my friends, is the nature of man.

When shop locks, who suffers more? In reality isn't it the shopkeeper more than the shopper? Sisters, please, I implore you, learn from the immigrants who come and set up shop on our soil, and keep shop open. Stop closing shop for every little thing. Open shop in shop seasons. Open shop on holidays. Open shop late at nights. Open shop during storm and hurricane. Open shop when shop should be open.

Even the well-bred man who eats out and scrupulously cleans his hands and mouth will bring home even a morsel from his street meal. Visualise what could happen when shop reopens for business as usual and some of his contaminated crumbs fall onto your plate. Imagine that you would have contributed to this scenario by locking shop. Always leave your shop open to your man. A word to the wise is sufficient!

http://scam-dalous..com

Mzflexydeeva:
According to the Webster dictionary, expectation is a strong believe that something will happen or be the case.
Webster dictionary also states standard as something used as a measure, norm,or model in comparative evaluations.

In our society today, a lot of ladies loose great guys due to expectations and standards.
Been expectant is normal so is having standards but the ability to differentiate reality from unrealistic expectations and standard is key.
Knowing fully well and acknowledging that life itself doesn't give you the exact things you want helps you to leave that high mountain of expectations and be able to relate with people on a more civil ground.
At age 13, its OK to read novels, watch cartoons and also believe the prince charming is always the cute guy riding a horse. Who either falls in love with the humble maid or marries the princess.....but you should also know that a lot of ladies today see humility as too big a cross to carry.
It gets to a point when you see beyond the looks and the cash and be able to relate with the personality and character.

Ladies today still have some expectations and standard that's makes one wonder what planet they come from....

-he must be tall
-he must be dark
-he must be handsome
-he must have a car
-he must have his own apartment
-he's age range must not less or more than----
-he must be great in bed
The list continues.......
In our generation, its as though struggling to start life with a guy means the guy doesn't exist or isn't ready.
One thing most fairy tales don't teach us is how the guy treats the girl in d end. Its always "and they lived happily ever after' but how happy is the after?
The beautiful part of been with a person is having memories, having tales you can pass on.
A lot of times, we prevent ourselves from discovering how awesome a guy can be because we don't give ourselves the chance to know him because he is not what we expect or doesn't meet our standards.
Some of these things ladies do are to them normal. They think they are protecting themselves but in actual sense they are only limiting their reach.
Age- imagine a girl who has sworn never to marry a man who is senior to her by anything more than 5 years.... The minute she gets into a conversation and realises the guy doesn't fall in that group, she indirectly shuts her mind to the possibility of having anything to do with such a guy. If tables are turned, a guy tells you a false age and you get to know him and probably fall in love with him, realising he a great guy with an awesome personality would you give all that up when you find out he's like 15 years older than you?

TDH- We all had the dream of marrying the tall, dark and handsome dude.... The 1st question is how many guys are in the tdh group? So if he doesn't fall in this group does that automatically mean he can't be a great guy who could end up as your prince charming?
While we all want the best man the real question is are these expectations really worth throwing the chance of been happy away for?

Cash and material things: who no get today fit get tomorrow. The future of a man is in the hands of God. Its common today to see a guy talking to a girl and all you see on her face is the look of disgust just because he isn't driving or isn't taking her to a Chinese restaurant to have a meal and the minute another guy with a clean car parks she snobs and jumps into the car.
Which brings more joy Having a guy pick you up every time to go have fun and spend money or walking into a dealer's shop with your husband to pick a car?
That he doesn't have an apartment now doesn't mean you can't both pick one out and also pick the furniture in it. Some lifetime memories are worth more than the flexing life we want as youths.
A true gentleman is defined by his character not by his wallet size.  Some ladies suffer home battering and violence because they couldn't see beyond the looks and the pockets. Some others would trade their handsome husbands for a faithful ugly man but it's too late. Different ladies today have tales to tell but have no one to listen, others look for a shoulder to cry on but find none..

Some get lucky and meet "the perfect man" but a lot loose track of what perfect to them means because to every man or woman the concept of perfect varies depending on who is looking for that perfection.

N:B You don't have to agree with me, if you want to insult well you are not free cos you will get double. This write up is not meant to make sense to everyone but just a few and I won't stop airing my views because some people cant relate with the reality of today's world.

I think I just fell in Love with Mzflexydeeva............ Fantastic write-up. I'm impressed this is coming from a lady.

Prayers dey work but not in her own case. How many Nigerian cancer research organizations and NGOs has she supported with her ill-gotten wealth (our looted funds)? Buhari enter, she get cancer. Carry our money go do Photoshop for foreign hospital. Who lied to her that oyinbos have the cure to cancer? Die na die..whether na for oyinbo hospital or naija hospital. The cancer must claim her na but she must return our money first.

CACOL is being sponsored by Fashola's detractors. How many people who read this post reside in Lagos? Let's talk about roads... Fashola embarked on a huge project with road construction in Lagos state, with contractors working day and night. These contracts suddenly stopped after the new govt entered. We voted for continuity in Lagos and 5 months down the line everything is stagnant. No local govt elections yet either. Let's call a spade a digging tool and not a kitchen tool... Give kudos to whom kudos is due. Fashola is no saint, but he worked. Kudos to him. CACOL is only seeking attention.

Asa mosdef

htp://scam-dalous..com

I started learning programming at the age of 30. It's been fun all these years. It's filled with challenges and once solved makes you feel like a guru.
Guess what? I'm still learning. No one knows enough. So if u love challenges and you love learning, then go for "IT"!

Just as I thought. Women still defending themselves.
Address the issue. Stop being evasive.

This is not to disrespect the female folks in any way. Read this with an open mind and share your most candid opinions.

This is my observation on the current state of events amonst young naija chics (18yrs and 23yrs). Popularly referred to as eaglets.
What is it with the current rate of gross immorality amongst young Naija chics?
Some are genuinely in higher instituitions while others only claim to be. They are mainly the party/ bach eve/ rave going types. They are down for anything and everything. Any man willing to fulfill any of his sexual fantasies should catch any of these chics and you could even ask her to bring her friends and you all would get down n dirty and it's aiiiiight.
Seems to be some kind of prostitiution kinda clique.
Make's me remember the lyrics "I'll bring my friends, you bring your friends and we could all be friends" and "Nigerian Girls Gbadun koboko".

Could someone please give us an insight into how all this started.

That is a lie. You were not influenced by your friends. You always had that tendency in u.
You are answerable for your own actions. No excuses.

Very good scenerio Topup!! Nicely painted.
However, before anyone decides on what actions to take or not take, as the case may be. Ask yourself why you want to go out with that person?
For the girls, is it cos your heard he has a big member and knows how to use it or you heard he likes to spend so u don't mind being among the others and gradually work ur way to no 1 on the list?
For the boiz, are you dating her cos u like her or cos u know her friends like to have a wild time (though u r not sure if she is involved in this) and so u figure u get her hooked enuf on u, it could be a very good avenue to get some free pu$$¥. Hers and if u lucky, 1 or 2 other friends of hers?
If ur answer to any of the above questions is NO, then you know you want to be with the person for who he is or she is. Even when u know he/she plays. It's a mature world we live in. It's all about understanding
So stop looking at the friends and concentrate on your loved one. The more you consider the company around the more you give in to gossip, the less time you have for meaningful things, the less time you have to think for yourself and less you value your loved one.
No one is a saint.

Nobody's ever died of starvation. So I suggest you Starve

Pls who knows where I can learn to make soaps??

@ fakande and bymbor
That's right. fakande is an expert on such issues.m Trust issues.

Iyemeeeee !!!! "Lord deliver us from temptation!!!" U r both wrong my sista! Wetin u dey wait? Abi u wan get belle b4 u borrow sense? Have u ever heard about 'adultery' or r u willing to break up newly weds? U don't luv him and he doesn't luv u either. U r just 'friends with benefits'. Just there to fulfill each others erotic desires, though u haven't been living up to ur role in this r/ship.
Walk away from impending scandal, my sista.

paste pix now!haba! talk talk 2 much