₦airaland Forum

true,

how do you measure the love, is one partner standoffish while the other is smitten, or is one partner counting the "ways he or she loves her or him" while the other partner is handing out "love thingies", or what?

if he cant explain why he feels that way, then he should probably just be ignored.

besides, you answered him already, seems he posted and ran away, thus he doesnt necessarily need a response.


now, about odofin, my belief is its a title found across yorubaland, its not specific to lagos alone.

he could either have low sex drive or he's getting it somewhere else, as was pointed out previously.

on the offchance he's NOT getting it elsewhere, then perhaps he has other things on his mind.

has the op tried to reduce her demands for attention and see how that works out.

if it doesnt, then try the other stuff suggested.

i dont think gospel music is as popular as before, although i'm not sure, sha.

^ i think you have a slightly romanticized view of women and relationships.

you'd be surprised at the resiliency of the female emotion, nowadays it surpasses that of men.

broken hearts do heal you know, and in this age of internet and women empowerment, women can actually switch partners almost as fast as men.

however, if a woman loves her SO and wants to demonstrate that love, she will not mind inconveniencing herself occasionally on his behalf, as long as what he's asking is not outrageous. And vice versa for the man too, it should be reciprocal.

in an ideal world of course, not saying that's what obtains, but taking positions at either end of an issue, has to be ironed out somehow.

Daddypearl: This is a topic that generated a heated debate during the men's fellowship meeting two weeks ago in my church. I'll also like to have your views.

As christains, how do we avoid sin and at the same time befriend sinners. Is it possible to avoid them completely in this present time? To what level can we go with them especially if they are the ones to decide?

Let's discuss.

i think as long as you dont compromise your beliefs, and you are alert to the possibility of falling (ie not saying it can never happen- especially for men, they are very susceptible to peer pressure), then you can probably relate with others in a general setting.

however, most christians would prefer to keep a distance mostly due to the issue of being tempted or falling into the wrong company.

assuming someone says she wants to join a church but her mode of dressing is like this:

http://nehandaradio.com/2013/04/27/mini-skirts-and-the-church/



should the church refrain from correcting her, or just ignore the dressing since its her heart God is interested in, we are told.

and besides, she'll feel judged and unwelcome if corrected, right?

however, in the movie pretty Woman, Julia Roberts dressed properly to the horse racing thingy, she did not wear her hooker outfits, and that wasnt even a church. She also upgraded her wardrobe when she got off the streets?

i like to see women who have confidence in themselves without resorting to all types of tricks and stratagems on top male attention.

if you cant define yourself as more than a butt and cleavage, thats horrible self esteem, if you are in the p.orn business, just say so and dont hide behind church.

nice.

^isnt odofin a title?

i dont think its unique to lagos.

what does it have to do with politics?

i think lokoja was the first capital, correct me if i'm wrong.

Al means owner, and is a unit on its own.

Ol is short for Olu, which means sovereign, or could also be owner in a more powerful sense.

i dont know the meaning of afin, its actually a rather unusual word because it ends with a consonant- yoruba generally doesnt allow that.

they all need their own websites where people can get whatever info or pictures they want to look at.

was this thread opened in politics section because of this complaint elsewhere:


https://www.nairaland.com/1461301/blatant-moderator-bias-alert


what the heck are people getting so worked up about over seun's site for goodness sake!

at this stage, all these towns, cities, villages need to have their own websites like its done in the civilized world!

why must you constantly fight over the megabytes seun is dashing you on nl?

nigerians, have some shame!

op, what is it with you these days?

i think people should attend churches they are comfortable with.

for example, if you dont feel comfortable not exposing your body when dressing, i'm sure there are churches where people dress revealingly with no eyebrows being raised.


instead of going to a church and not getting anything from the service save a bad attitude because all of you are looking at each other with bad eye [you looking at them nastily because you feel out of place with your skimpy outfit or because you feel constrained by not showing your cleavage and butt, and them looking at you as a hooker who is simply in church to scout for customers], why not stick with a church where you wont be thinking about your dressing the whole service.

.

here are church outfits where the wearer is clearly not manifesting some funny spirits:


[img]http://2.bp..com/-64Y1mRvsaAs/UX7LmlGkhgI/AAAAAAAAAj0/svrs_HswYT8/s600/outfit9d.jpg[/img]


http://megastyleme.com/church-outfit/

(looking confident even without a butt display)


https://forum.purseblog.com/attachments/accessorize-yourself/the-wardrobe/1951698-post-your-outfit-of-the-day-ootd-forumrunner_20121118_152108.png

http://forum.purseblog.com/the-wardrobe/post-your-outfit-of-the-day-ootd-770883-125.html



https://farm7.static.flickr.com/6021/5972719382_f3f060d4fa_b.jpg

http://www.clothedmuch.com/2011/08/paint-town-leopardish.html#.UktwhIaTjhI

Just what i observe.


As per the picture, surely you know how much women fear being considered old and unattractive?

tbaba1234: The face of happily ever after:

Well, lets be realistic here, not everyone wants or will get that.

A lot of curveballs follow life, so no one can really predict anything will go the way its projected, so to speak.

Besides, there ARE people who do not find the thought of marriage, or being forced to share their space with someone else, enticing. Such folks would likely prefer to not be in a union for the long haul, just maybe long enough to have in-wedlock kids and mark the register as having been married.

So, just saying, one has to follow the current trends, not the previous ones.

Besides, they could be actors.

Sissie: I know young couples with cooks, maid and all. In my own place it's not abnormal.

Well, imo, if something works for a particular culture or religion, it doesnt really make sense to impose another way of doing things just because its different.

As long as its not harmful or illegal, then i guess its not really good to criticize.

For example, a young man who grew up never seeing his mother in the kitchen or doing household chores, would probably consider it strange if his wife insisted on cooking and cleaning.

Its all about perspective.

Sissie: when people use culture as excuse its important to note that you may marry someone who's culture differ from yours and you both have to refer back to Islam.
i personally know the typical Yoruba man won't agree to hire a cook irrespective of his class.

An average yoruba man will expect his wife to handle the household duties, even if there's a housemaid assisting her.

However, thats not to say there are no yoruba men who wont hire cooks, especially if they're rich, and perhaps if the household is large (polygamous, etc).

And then i guess if the man loves his wife and sees she's too distressed by his expectations of what he wants her to do, he might let her be, and either help out or hire someone to do the chores and cooking.


Nigerian men do adapt when they go overseas, and this includes yoruba ones.

hmm, well, we learn new things everyday i suppose.

Sissie: i know someone who married a lady who wouldn't cook and he insisted she did, after sometime they called in a third party (his father) who counselled both of them and they both compromised. counselling and communication works you both tell each other what you really want in the marriage since your now married and come to an agreement.

actually, i do not know a lot of muslim/muslim couples (most of the ones i know about, are mixed), however, the general perception is in Islam, the wife is expected to be subject to her husband at all times (accept polygamy, whatever he says, dont raise your eyes, etc).

so, its a bit of a surprise to see a muslim woman saying she can refuse to do some things around the home even when the husband requests them.

anyway, thats all been cleared up now.

^ thanks.

i see even on that thread, the issue of housework was somewhat ambiguous.

prior to this thread, i hadnt really realized there are (african/nigerian) women who consider it ok to refuse to do house chores.

emphasis on refuse, as opposed to being too tired or busy.

its just not something i ever heard of while in nigeria.

@ Sissie

So, you go ahead and get married, then later, one day, he wakes up and suddenly says "darling, you have to start cooking and cleaning, and yes, i know we have a maid. What say you?"

what caused the change in him, I would communicate with him, and if he was just pretending before the marriage, I will have to find a solution to that, maybe go for counselling

do you really feel this should be a counselling (and communicating) matter?

what do you expect the counselor to say- i assume you want him or her to ask your husband to not make such requests, right?

Thats the father's profile.

Sissie

I guess i should ask then, what are the duties of a wife towards her husband, in Islam?


You'll have to spell it out for me plz, i really do not know.

Thought i did, but this thread is confusing.

Well, its a strange world.

There was a thread where a lady was fighting the husband for going into the kitchen and touching the pot, and on the other hand, there's this thread where we women are insisting its not our responsibility to cook or enter the kitchen.


Individuality at play i suppose.

@topic

i'm wondering where are the older muslim ladies here, dont seem to see any.

uplawal i think is married, however she doesnt post much on home matters the few times she's here.

there was another muslim lady from an african country, i think she's fulani, also posted then vanished after some time.