₦airaland Forum

abiodunfat:
Why will any reasonable and god fearing woman tarnish her husband's image before her people. It is possible for women at times to expose their hubby 's weaknesses because they were angry at that moment though it is not good.
Just like others said,if your story is true.Please talk to God to touch her heart. For a woman to leave her husband's house, it is a serious thing.

Thanks for the encouragement abiodunfat

Debaiz:
Bros for you sanity, start thinking of life outside your wife.

The two of you are not kids. When I first started reading I was expecting someone in the age range of early 30s. If she doesn’t know what it means to hold a family at this age then bros there’s nothing you can do about its.

There’s nothing you can preach to a woman of that age that she hasn’t seen or heard before. What ever she’s doing now, she’s in perfect control of it. Its only ego and arrogance that is keeping her from seeing it.

From your write up I don’t think you guys have had more than 1 or 2 children. She’d soon realize her foolishness when menopause starts knocking on her door.

Leave her and face your career. Call to ask about your kid/kids but not her. When she starts realizing she’s about to loose you, she’d retrace her steps.

Exactly. Thanks and I appreciate your encouragement.

JudasNaCarrot:
Op if you have ears make you listen to the above advice.

Many people are not meant to be together in marriage....some marry other people's wife or husband unknowingly.

Go and celebrate your freedom and move on.
Soon as you start another relationship, honestly you'll experience open doors and your fortune will change.

wow! thank you

bonnez:
You don't womanize? That's the mistake you made bro. In the long run, women get bored with a man no other woman wants. I won't say more than this.

Just discipline, and as a christian, why would i indulge with other women when am married?

OmoOshodi:
Faulty foundation

Questions for you

Is ur wife's mum a single mother? ( divorcee / widow)

Are u a Christian or Muslim? ... Either way what's u guys level of spirituality... Bench warmer or religious ?

I suspect you had a faulty foundation and there may not be remedy to marrying a wrong woman or man....

Cos the bible says " he who finds a wife has found a good thing and he has obtain favour from the lord"

If God is not the one that chose her for you .... You can't report the case to God


Sir you are finished!!!

Wife's mum is a widow.

Am a christian, and not a benchwarmer.

emkz:
One of those stories so intelligently put together with exact phrasing, paragraphing and punctuation that you wonder how a writer who is (apparently) severely emotionally traumatized can be so articulate in delivering his problems. Despite the pseudo-fictionality of the story, let us assume someone is really facing this in life.

Prevention is always better than cure. Therefore, never, ever beg a woman to love you. Never beg a woman to respect you. Never ever beg a woman to be loyal to you. Never tie your happiness to a woman. Study the family of you potential spouse. Ask questions. Do not, for the love of toto, ignore red and black flags. Do not condone any act of disrespect. Same also applies to women. If that man cannot respect you, walk away. Tell yourself: "I deserve better and I can get better"

OP, if this your story is true, take time out from the marriage. Examine things without emotional blinders and see if this charade is what you want for your life. I can tell you that many men and women die miserably because they simply do not quit when the signs are obvious that they should. Assume you hit it big again. Don't you think this woman you painted can organize your death so she can claim your life insurance and what you have? Give yourself brain and write something more entertaining. I really don't buy this story.

Thank you emkz. I appreciate your advise. This is a real life experience and I'm currently in it. My phone number is in my signature for confirmation. However, my marital issue started like 10 months ago, so the level of traumatization should actually not affect my grammatical expressions. All in all, you are really appreciated.

[quote author=mmadu5 post=80408036][/quote]You are very correct bro

skywalker240:
No one is above challenge, this is just a little challenge.

go to your room, kneel down and speak to the lord from your heart, only him can change the impossible. Tell him Nnani gi. It would be alright
if she aint seeing someone else, she would oneday grow tired of her dominant mum.

now you need to work on yourself, get a source of income no matter how small or stressful it could be.
atleast for your boy and some bills

am not married yet, but even our girlfreinds increase the respect when we spend, its a woman thing i guess.

Thank you skywalker240. I appreciate your encouragement and moral support. God bless you.

Chiefqueenn:
Its one thing for a woman to be sad/man about her man being broke but spoiling his image and treating him like crap is just unnecessary. She didn't even bother to get a job. Hope you're able to move on and forget about her because I don't think she was ever right for you. I'm sure when you're stable she'll come running back. When that happens, close your door in her face.

Thank you so much beautiful, God bless u.

jubangha:
well,i have seen it all that you are a very responsible man that cherish his family and loves his wife so much,first i must comment you on this being faithful for ten months hahaha,indeed u value your home and i think i admire you alot because such men are hard to find,now my advice,the wine of your marriage has finish,there is need for a refill,go back to the founder of marriage and seek for his guidance.believe me him alone has an answer to this.

Thanks for the appreciation and encouragement. God bless u.

jubangha:
well,i have seen it all that you are a very responsible man that cherish his family and loves his wife so much,first i must comment you on this being faithful for ten months hahaha,indeed u value your home and i think i admire you alot because such men are hard to find,now my advice,the wine of your marriage has finish,there is need for a refill,go back to the founder of marriage and seek for his guidance.believe me him alone has an answer to this.

Thanks for the appreciation and encouragement. God bless u.

delishpot:
I love how when a man is verbally frustrating his wife and she has had enough... Naija men start talking trash about her but if the tables should turn and a man comes here to say his wife is verbally abusive all support to kick her out and move on are given to him.

Some advisers will not see heaven!!
Poster, you said it yourself that you were quite brash and verbally abusive to her these few years you lost your job. You should know that the loss of your job affects both of you as a team. She is also frustrated or depressed about your situation so heaping your frustrations on her and expecting her to endure should not be a norm or cycle.
Try to have a chat with her and recognise where you two need adjustments and work towards it.

The joy of marriage is not tied to only fidelity, money etc. How you two communicate is important.
I hope you guys find a way to make things work.

Thanks Delishpot

Originalsly:
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She left immediately after you lost your job. Bro... the marriage was based on your ability to provide at the time... and the potential to provide a whole lot more later.... never on love. Don't waste time talking.... she is not going to return until you show her the money. Stop crawling to her and her mom.... leave home early in the morning sharply dressed in 5 pic suit... off to nowhere... return late in the evening... let word filter to her that you landed a job in a bigger Multi national company and higher position.... they will figure out your new potential and rush back to prostrate before you begging for forgiveness.After 3 days you can tell her the company suddenly decided to relocate abroad...then blame her for the bad luck....but abeg.... avoid ehmmmm...... unguided vocal utterances.

Thanks, very interesting

J111333:
If you guys don't have kids yet, it's time to throw in the towel.

There is a kid

somehow:
Married to her for 40 years?

Jesus

Then you should be in your 60s.

And obviously lonely.

Maybe you need to ignore her sir, get some of your buddies to spend time with. Start a side business sir and maybe just change location and retire.

What about your kids?

Married to her for just 7 years!! I mean she is going to be 40 later this year. I'm in my early 40's

somehow:
Married to her for 40 years?

Jesus

Then you should be in your 60s.

And obviously lonely.

Maybe you need to ignore her sir, get some of your buddies to spend time with. Start a side business sir and maybe just change location and retire.

What about your kids?

Married to her for just 7 years!! I mean she is going to be 40 later this year. I'm in my mid 40's

morpheus24:
Bros marriage is not by force o, forget all these religious edicts about God say this, God say that. When woman don tire, she don tire na only plenty money fit bring am back

Success is the best revenge and revenge should be best served cold.

Up your hustle!

wow! Thanks

Starlight10:
YOU HAVE TO DATE HER AGAIN. if you are truelly inlove with her and dont actually want a divorce. Stop sending your mum, get your act together. Go for interviews and when next you visit her mums house buy something little but nice for her. Get her to come outside the house and chat over a drink or whatever while you tell her about the efforts you are making and the interviews you have attended. Let her see the guy with a vision which she fell inlove with. DO NOT GO TO ANY PRAYER HOUSE OR MAN OF GOD. Pray about the effort you are about to make in your quiet time with God, then proceed. Good luck

Thanks so much. Lovely one. Although its my mum who chose to visit cos of my kid, not me sending her. You are so cute, though

grandstar:
I feel for you.

I believe you to an extent that a lot of the fault is from her by allowing her selfish mother dictate her life.

Divorce would seem practical but may not be wise (Read Proverbs 14:12, 16:25) .

I'm a Jehovah's Witness and our marriages are guided by scriptural laws. .

Our spouses are discouraged from living apart for a long period of time because it can lead to adultery and other problems. Were such to occur, the husband won't have any privilege in the congregation.

I really can't advise you because you may live by other standards.

Thanks

ruggedtimi:
you sure ur wife is faithful?

100% sure when she was with me.

tociano009:
I really learnt something, nothing like finding a faithful partner that will stay with you no matter the sittuation is

Exactly

lonelydora:
My guy, move on. You no longer have a home. Even when you get another job, her mum will still be in charge. She believes you can't womanize, show her you can, and see how fast she will run back to you.

I advise you start searching for another good girl to marry.

Thanks I appreciate, Ionelydora. I hope u are not too lonely?

lonelydora:
My guy, move on. You no longer have a home. Even when you get another job, her mum will still be in charge. She believes you can't womanize, show her you can, and see how fast she will run back to you.

I advise you start searching for another good girl to marry.

Thanks I appreciate, Ionelydora. I hope u are not too lonely

drmikeadams:
. If say u dey drink beer,one of ur guys for advice u properly before u jump enter d marriage,even though u for no listen as love dey blind men eyes to warning signs

Actually she was a good wife material, grew up in church choir at a tender age, but trouble started when her mum started to know about our differences.

Graduateacher:
Work bro work. Go out there and get a job, even if it's salesman job. You'll feel better if you have a means of income, your wife and in-laws will also respect you. Good luck

Thanks.Graduateacher

pcicero:
Many of you would not even cut the person narrating his own story any slack before venting.

Do you know what some men go through in marriages?

Men are also victims in many cases.

If I were to narrate my own personal story because I am still regretting why I opted for reconciliation in spite of glaring indifference and rash decisions of my own spouse, much to the disappointment of al lot of my friends and relatives, I am sure you would still attack me.

My own wife traveled outside the country while we were just having a minor disagreement which was resolved.

She traveled to see her folks and promised to be back after a week.

She took my kid and stopped talking to me after 3 days.
Two weeks later she traveled to another country for a week.

She had bought the ticket and procured visa without informing me.

She kept staying out late giving excuses on business and accused me of not been supportive of her enterprise.

I was paying the bills oo and gainfully employed.

I got provoked and had some hot exchanges and resolved which led to her traveling to see her folks.

Her folks kept saying they did not know about her decision but I didn't believe them.

I was just advised to move on by people close to me but kept thinking of my son.

Until we later reconciled after 7 weeks of her departure.

I am regretting that decision because nothing has changed.

Thank you for the encouragement and words of wisdom

mbatuku1:
What you need the most is a source of income. Why you are bothering yourself over a woman who doesn't want you is strange?

You don't need to get married to enjoy female companion.

Get another lady and forget this joke you call a wife.

Get someone pregnant. Stop dulling.

Thanks for the encouragement mbatuku1

BiggyB242:
Some wives could lead their husband to early grave. When it comes to marriage my brothers keep education aside, keep beauty aside, though they are important but not as loyalty.

Some men are being frustrated in their marriages. If you marry a girl that is very close to her mother and she practically tells her everything that goes on the marriage then you in a deep poo, for some is a particular man of God

But in all make MONEY. Money brings respect from your wife and Inlaws it can't never be over emphasized.

You are right. She is very close to her mum, and started telling her everything after a while.

Bishop:
With about 15 years I'm marriage is believe I am qualified to advice you.

The truth is Leave her with her mother and go and hustle when the breakthrough comes you don't need to call her back she and her mum will come begging you what you do after then is at your discretion. Shalom

Exactly! I really appreciate your contribution.

Catchfirez:
Yes . Because she is finding a excuse to leave. Making you sure it's all your fault.

I think so! Thanks

dirtydiva:
I understood you but you nid to work on your financial situation first then after that you get down to the drawing board and rearrange your home and how you plan to run it and let your wife know that things can be sorted out without involving third party. And also learn to control your emotions, it will help you alot and avoid looking for any opportunity to bash or shade your wife in any angle.
Women as you see them hv a complicated life, dey can be annoying based on character and attitude and can also be loving and stress relief based on kitchen glory and bedmatics as you cannot seek for stress relief outside as you hv tied the nut.

Thank you for the great advice

theButterfly:
Yes, he probably is and he did paint her negatively in his OP - she said and claimed this and that. For a woman to leave her husband for almost a year without looking back, she must've been through the wire in that house. She obviously has peace of mind staying with her mother, something she didn't have with him.

You are right!!