₦airaland Forum

AryaSand:
Very Useless! They said the cards are being printed in Abuja, why? What is special about the Card? ATM cards wet special pass am sef, you get after 7working days.

Did you say 7 working days for ATM banks? hahahaha!!! Your bank na old school I guess. My 2 banks give instant ATM cards as soon as you fill the form. You only wait for 2 minutes. I can't mention the banks cos they won't pay me for adverts.

Deicide:
IVF Taken to far

Exactly

Mutemenot:
This woman looks troublesome, I wonder what would torment a man to have erection or urge to touch her...

Men! You wicked o

Confirm GNLD

thesicilian:
I beg to differ. As long as a bride price has been paid and traditional rites performed, that marriage is fully legal.

Read very well! Worship centers

otherway:
My brother i appreciate your boldness for bringing your matter online but trust me, 99% of those making comments here are totally ignorant of what you ae passing through.

I begged my ex too for months and even my family member begged her not because they felt i did her anything bad but because THEY KNOW I LOVE HER AND THEY DID THAT FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY.

See bro abeg relax...is there any other language i can use to tell you this?


RELAX YOUR MIND and focus on your life..in fact let me give you the gist...STOP BEGGING HER and get another lovely lady to keep you company and watch what happens.

Remember i am not like any other poster here but i have lived your story first hand and in fact asides from the fact that both of you have a child together, your story is just like mine. I remember the way i was disgraced in her sisters house during one of those days i went begging and i almost lost my sanity.

Thank you very much Sir!

JudasNaCarrot:
WHY DISAPPOINTMENTS? (Yourmiracle is just a step ahead of that disappointment) The main problem is not what you are facing, the main problem is ignorance of the reason for that problem. Knowledge is power, And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. John 8:32. God also said that His people are destroyer for lack of knowledge. Hosea 4:6. The main problem is not what you are facing, the main problem is ignorance of the reason for that problem.

Today by the special grace of God I shall be exposing yet another truth concerning disappointments. Everybody faces disappointments, but not everyone knows why the disappointment. Disappointment simply happens because you are close to your miracle or breakthrough.
When you experience a disappointment, know that something big is just around the corner. That is something that is bigger and better than what you could not get or did not get for which you were disappointed. The reason for disappointment is to let you give up and quit or use your mouth to start complaining or confessing negative words. Saul was disappointed because he could not find the donkey he was looking for in 1st Samuel 10. But he did not give up rather he continued until he had an encounter with Prophet Samuel that changed his story. Something better is on the way, so instead of worrying or regretting, you better rejoice and expect something better. If disappointment cannot stop you,nothing else can. So to get your desired breakthrough, you must ignore the disappointment and move ahead. Your miracle is just a step ahead of that disappointment. The right attitude after that disappointment is the qualification you need for that breakthrough to physically manifest.

I had a similar experience but today God surprised all those who mocked me. I have something much more better that I never dreamt in my life and I give him Glory for the disappointment that led to my breakthrough.

Thanks for the encouragement. You lifted my spirit

JudasNaCarrot:
WHY DISAPPOINTMENTS? (Yourmiracle is just a step ahead of that disappointment) The main problem is not what you are facing, the main problem is ignorance of the reason for that problem. Knowledge is power, And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. John 8:32. God also said that His people are destroyer for lack of knowledge. Hosea 4:6. The main problem is not what you are facing, the main problem is ignorance of the reason for that problem.

Today by the special grace of God I shall be exposing yet another truth concerning disappointments. Everybody faces disappointments, but not everyone knows why the disappointment. Disappointment simply happens because you are close to your miracle or breakthrough.
When you experience a disappointment, know that something big is just around the corner. That is something that is bigger and better than what you could not get or did not get for which you were disappointed. The reason for disappointment is to let you give up and quit or use your mouth to start complaining or confessing negative words. Saul was disappointed because he could not find the donkey he was looking for in 1st Samuel 10. But he did not give up rather he continued until he had an encounter with Prophet Samuel that changed his story. Something better is on the way, so instead of worrying or regretting, you better rejoice and expect something better. If disappointment cannot stop you,nothing else can. So to get your desired breakthrough, you must ignore the disappointment and move ahead. Your miracle is just a step ahead of that disappointment. The right attitude after that disappointment is the qualification you need for that breakthrough to physically manifest.

I had a similar experience but today God surprised all those who mocked me. I have something much more better that I never dreamt in my life and I give him Glory for the disappointment that led to my breakthrough.

Thanks for the encouragement

Xmen149:
She is the weaker sex,she ran for her life to avoid things escalating

But guy,90 percent of your problems is not job loss oh u fit beat woman even if money dey oh

If you want her back stop sending people there,if she still picks your call that's all you need,fix your self,call her anytime you can and pull normal discussions with her(don't makr complains on the phone oh,be giving this impression that your life i getting repaired )

Over time see if you can draw her out to dates,events compliment her when she does come out u know better.

Let her begin to feel you again then proceed to asking her opinion b4 u take some decisions(personal or in house)but make the final decisions

She still loves you,tge good memories are still in her head but that fear won't let her,its the fear u should wipe out make sure it remains wiped on ur own end too b4 she go show.. believe you me,if she makes up her mind she is leaving the mum can't hold her ever

And please bro,. straight forward has never worked in any relationship..if she has body odour make it a point to be buying spray perfume etc Everytime/mouth odour? Simple buy mouth wash and use it along with her.(she z ur team mate)

Like I said u go dey ok...she will come back but fix ur self please

Thanks. I really appreciate this.

Xmen149:
She is the weaker sex,she ran for her life to avoid things escalating

But guy,90 percent of your problems is not job loss oh u fit beat woman even if money dey oh

If you want her back stop sending people there,if she still picks your call that's all you need,fix your self,call her anytime you can and pull normal discussions with her(don't makr complains on the phone oh,be giving this impression that your life i getting repaired )

Over time see if you can draw her out to dates,events compliment her when she does come out u know better.

Let her begin to feel you again then proceed to asking her opinion b4 u take some decisions(personal or in house)but make the final decisions

She still loves you,tge good memories are still in her head but that fear won't let her,its the fear u should wipe out make sure it remains wiped on ur own end too b4 she go show.. believe you me,if she makes up her mind she is leaving the mum can't hold her ever

And please bro,. straight forward has never worked in any relationship..if she has body odour make it a point to be buying spray perfume etc Everytime/mouth odour? Simple buy mouth wash and use it along with her.(she z ur team mate)

Like I said u go dey ok...she will come back but fix ur self please

Thanks

SirVintageCock:
You painted her the way you presumed she is and she took it up a step further by painting you the way you are. In all this painting competitions, you are the one still crying all over town because you knew you fvcked up. Hahahahaha.

If she is that bad and immature as you opined, your mum wouldn't be begging for her to come back. No African mother in law would stoop so low.

Have you ever admitted to her that you are abusive and ask for forgiveness. Telling strangers doesn't cut it. Talk to your wife and spar us this crap.

You took out your joblessness, leech flavoured tongue and frustrated fvcked up life on your wife and expected her to remain. You must be joking.

With the thank you notes I am seeing here, you are still as confused and messed up as when you started this thread They have painted her as black as soot but you are still not satisfied because you are as guilty as sin and needs remediation. You are still goddamn immature, abusive and still jobless.


Open a new thread and ask all this goons to give you a job so that you can get back your wife if you still want her. That's a start not revelling on the archaic comments of peeps that are as frustrated as you are.

You don't have to be rude! My coming to this thread is not for people like you to help me, I only wanted others with same experience to share their opinions on what to be done here. I really don't need your insults,and at least, I confessed it was my fault, so what else do you want? Why don't you u just bypass this thread than making silly remarks that don't add any value. Nonsense!!!!

otherway:
Relax bro...she is definitely coming back..mine had no child for me yet she came back.

Forget the fact that you were abusive to her and work back yourself to the top and watch.

I called mine a LovePeddler and a slot....we all are humans...

Thanks

Pharmjossy:
Saw this post; was sent to me by my brother who saw similarity with my situation. You must have put in lots of effort and sent lots of representations to her. I guess ur FIL is late. The real problem is with ur MIL. She wields a strong influence over ur wife throughout the duration of u marriage. She's been all ears for ur wife during times of differences with ur wife. Besides your wife may not hv any other friend she confides in aside from ur MIL.
You can't kill Ur MIL. She remains ur MIL.
Your wife has become Unreachable since her mother blocks approach to her.
She is now a sales girl to her aunt( she prefers to be a servant to her mother than enjoy freedom in ur house).
You've not said if u have children so far and where they are now, if yes.
U said well when u considered ur age and the process of divorce which is unthinkable (fine).
You are a GOOD man like me. And that's the problem.
Good men go to hell while Bad boys go to heaven.
Being Good man has not helped us. But becoming a bad boy is easy but not at old age. We've become calcified(completely formed as good boys).
Have u been screwing women this past 10 months. If yes. Then how would the good GIRL cope. Something must be amis (except for rare few).
You have done what u outh to have done.
My Suggestion, not mine but the LORD'S. I know I have his spirit.:
IT IS REAL THAT UR WIFE WILL NEVER SUFFER WITH U BUT EAT WITH U. She will only return when u've got the money. So, let her exercise her freedom as long as her mother lives. God forbids, something really bad happens to the mother, then her eyes will open. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF n LOOK GOOD. TRAVEL Stay with ur good-distant friend n GET a JOB. Stay off the grid of social media for 3 months n bar off calls to ur real line. Operate with a new sim. God, our God of Good men will bless ur loving heart.

You seem to know exactly what is happening. FIL is late
MIL is in charge, wife is mummy's puppet, and so on

Pharmjossy:
Saw this post; was sent to me by my brother who saw similarity with my situation. You must have put in lots of effort and sent lots of representations to her. I guess ur FIL is late. The real problem is with ur MIL. She wields a strong influence over ur wife throughout the duration of u marriage. She's been all ears for ur wife during times of differences with ur wife. Besides your wife may not hv any other friend she confides in aside from ur MIL.
You can't kill Ur MIL. She remains ur MIL.
Your wife has become Unreachable since her mother blocks approach to her.
She is now a sales girl to her aunt( she prefers to be a servant to her mother than enjoy freedom in ur house).
You've not said if u have children so far and where they are now, if yes.
U said well when u considered ur age and the process of divorce which is unthinkable (fine).
You are a GOOD man like me. And that's the problem.
Good men go to hell while Bad boys go to heaven.
Being Good man has not helped us. But becoming a bad boy is easy but not at old age. We've become calcified(completely formed as good boys).
Have u been screwing women this past 10 months. If yes. Then how would the good GIRL cope. Something must be amis (except for rare few).
You have done what u outh to have done.
My Suggestion, not mine but the LORD'S. I know I have his spirit.:
IT IS REAL THAT UR WIFE WILL NEVER SUFFER WITH U BUT EAT WITH U. She will only return when u've got the money. So, let her exercise her freedom as long as her mother lives. God forbids, something really bad happens to the mother, then her eyes will open. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF n LOOK GOOD. TRAVEL Stay with ur good-distant friend n GET a JOB. Stay off the grid of social media for 3 months n bar off calls to ur real line. Operate with a new sim. God, our God of Good men will bless ur loving heart.

loving this comment
You seem to be a part of my family as you put it exactly the way its happening. FIL is late, and MIL controls my.wife so much.

Bagehot:
He is a joke? He should get a life? He is tied to his mother's apron string? All because he lost his job and still wants his family together?

If u don't have any healthy comments, why don't u just bypass the thread!!!!

SirVintageCock:
But you are here begging my nairaland goons to save your sorry ass marriage or your fvcked up jobless conscience.

Get a job dude. If after she left, you still ain't got no job. Common men!!!!!!!!

You don't have to be rude bro!
Just your valid opinion needed here.

AnthonyAk:
do you have a job now? Maybe thats the issue , how can one be at home for 2 years?

Currently into agency banking, started since Oct last yr.

babeosisi:
Make one more attempt
Call her and apologize for being verbally abusive and decide to stop being abusive and then double up efforts to find a job or start something.
If she doesn't come back,you forget her and move on with your life ,you would have tried your best.
It takes 2 to be in a marriage.You can't force her
Her mother is obviously foolish
One of 8 wives,she obviously doesn't know what love or marriage is with her community marriage and is in no place to advise her daughter properly.
Tell your mother to stop going to beg them.They are not your life.
Be a man and determine to forge ahead.
You won't do well in any job interviews going with a defeated attitude.
Time to build up your self esteem,hang out with people that speak positive things into you and those who lift you up. .look up to Christ if you are a Christian.
I wish you the best

Thanks for the spirit lifting message. I appreciate

Beey:
Based on your explanation, I can see you dipped your feet in hot water.Being a woman myself, I believe a woman’s job among many, should be to cover her husband’s weaknesses while he does the same for her.I don’t know her side of story but I see some serious issues.Seems like you married a woman who cannot cover her household.She Cannot keep her mouth shut & will say all sorts of things about her husband to anyone who cares to listen. Issue number 2 is that she’s her mother’s puppet.I have been rebuking the spirit of momma’s boy.None should should come telling me stories.Woe unto you, you got yourself a mommy’s girl.It’s now as if you married her mother because your wife cannot make any decisions independently without her mother’s input. Number 3 she’s a character assassin.By the time she’s done dragging your name in the mud, you’ll know you didn’t know her as you thought you did.Number 4 is that she sounds materialistic.All was ok till you lost your job.I don’t know what religion you belong to but I know in Christianity couples vow to be together for better or worse, in sickness and in health & in poverty or riches.These days those words have no meaning.People don’t think whether the sickness could be either physical or mental.At the 1st test they are out the door, no commitment.With that said, I’d suggest you go to your wife’s home with some elders.Enough begging already.Let her know that you are giving her a deadline .Let her know by what date she should be home, failure to which you & your people will no longer consider her a wife & will start filing for divorce.Should she come back, I think you’ll need marital counseling classes. Good luck!

Thanks for the feedback

megareal:
No, you spare me the crap.

The OP has admitted on different pages that he bullied her verbally on most occasions. He repeatedly affirmed that she is well brought up. He never said she answered or abused him back. His frustrations at losing his job probably had him behaving that way. I don't believe money is the issue here because OP was also responsible for the family upkeep even when out of a job while she was teaching.

Don't stay in your blind environment and assume without evidence that the woman is wrong. The fact that you are a man and you hate women shouldn't make you too close minded to realities and truth. In marriage most often, women are blamed even if they are saints. The men behave far worse yet are praised and supported.

The woman is staying away just so he can have sense but he is too proud and still holding unto his cocky and condescending attitude towards her. That's why he is making half hearted efforts at getting her back. The woman knows he hasn't changed, that's why she is not budging. Jeez. How difficult is it to understand that?

Finally, if a woman verbally abused a man repeatedly, you would be the FTC on Nairaland telling the man to separate or divorce because the woman does not love him and lacks home training. Just, just, stop operating the double standard, it stinks.

I made efforts to appease her from sept 2018 to January 2019, but she was unwilling and was adamant saying she has no time for marriage and that she lost her brother. Pls if I was proud, I won't have been begging by kneeling to her at her mother's place. This is in addition to the several appeal messages to her pleading.
If i was proud, i wont have been visiting consistently for 4months, despite no result.This should answer your question below.

That's why he is making half hearted efforts at getting her back. The woman knows he hasn't changed, that's why she is not budging. Jeez. How difficult is it to understand that?

roliks99:
I support the person dat said it might be the devil.....pls nd pls dnt slack in the place of prayer most of those shouting divorce dnt even know wha it truly means nd its consequences..... sometimes God needs us to request with our own mouth

Exactly. Thanks.

miib:
t

You a wise man! Don't mind all these small boys telling you to divorce your wife oo, is either they have not married or they grew up in a broken home. Paraventure u marry another one and she starts misbehaving too? You divorce that too and re-marry.

Is there no room for amendment or repair again! Must I throw everything that is bad away??

Pls sir, try settle your home. May God be with you.

I appreciate your response, and will do as you advised

IhateInjustice:
Don't mind him, too full of himself... He doesn't know that verbal abuse have the same effect as beating, if not worst.

He claimed the wife was lying against him to his in-law but from the look of things it's not true. He is shocked that his wife could open up to her family about his real character.

Op, you are a Narcissist ...you are the one with a problem . You make excuses of verbally abusing her but capitalize on the fact that she opened up to her family, what exactly do you want, for her to die silently while your unemployed self call her unintelligent and God knows what else you call her.

I agree am abusive. She used to provoke me a lot, but av learnt my lesson.

purples25:
I'm not happy with this woman, that is, if this story is actually true.

See time now, to settle issues. She is doing as she wants. Family doing their marriage like its not a serious manner. Treating the man as if he has no authority.

The thing that is sad is that, now, if this man divorces her and marries another woman, she will disturb them day and night saying that she is supposed to reap the fruit of her labour. We women feel we can go and come at the expense of someone else's life and plans. We should try to change.

Not easy, the picture is hazy, I hope the marriage gets saved in fairness to each party.

Thanks Babe. You are so pretty. I was actually abusive due to my vocal utterances towards her , so I like to balance issues so it won't be as though am painting myself innocent. Thanks dear

neyobills:
Let me advice you from personal experience if your own side of the story is as true as it seems.

One thing every man, must, realise either single or married is that, every lady has a plan B so stay a step ahead of their games make sure u have a plan C.

Having a plan C might not be your thing due to your religious and personal lifestyle however this is exactly where they come in handy to help you heal from the emotional trauma that's why real men never stop exploring even when married because never say never is an, alien when it comes to women issues.

The reason I am, writing this is because u have been sincere enough to admit your flaws and you it's obvious you would rather have your wife back,most importantly I want you to heal, because u need to heal before u can start to be useful, even if u get a great job in this state of mind chances are your productivity will be low which is not great for financial stability.

In my own opinion due to my experience here is what u need to do.


1.Hustle harder not because of her but just because u might just be about to start a, whole new life entirely all over again which means two families in proxy and therefore more responsibilities.

2.Make sure u send something to your son through her as much as u can much preferably monthly at least not because it convenient but she won't be able to play the irresponsible card on you if the cookie crumbles.

3.Explore,life is too short to be fixated on some woman get a new wardrobe and keep yourself busy,dont be on a revenge plan to be in haste for just any lady, take your time and be open minded,be in a NSA relationship with her,you need some companionship and good sex to make you heal,however u might as well decided not to be sexual based on your discretion.

After u are healed them take a, pen and piece, or paper and write down what u have, gained from her so far and what u might have lost,will u be better off without her,every good businessman,will analyse his ROI on any business and if a business is not as buoyant as u thought it should then u diversify.

Dont call her unnecessarily but make sure u do at least once in a month just to ask after your kids,goof around,be relaxed when talking to her and not so uptight,act as if nothing happened and u all good.


Lastly if your wife returns which I hope and pray happens soon because that's your dream anyway make sure there is NO SEX WHATSOEVER,for at least 3 months after her return so you would have slim chances of been responsible for another man's pregnancy at, it's worst,here is where your plan bees and sees come in as contingency and u won't appear as some needy thirsty little fox.

Thanks so much @neyobills. You sound very much like a business man who is ever prepared against turbulence,or a business man who has budgeted for future losses if it arises. I like your approach to life, very principled and flexible. God bless u real good. I ve read useful comments, yours also hit me. You are appreciated. I will take note and put into practice.

godliman:
You said you are a Christian right? Here are my own opinion.
1. Pray to God for a new job or the wisdom to create one.
2. Keep visiting your wife and show her all the love you can as the bible commands
3. If in the past you have out of frustration or anger used some unpleasant words on her or family, please apologize to them.
4 Pray for your marriage and wait patiently for God to work.
5. Remember as a Christian, except for adultery, divorce is ruled out. Besides once divorced you cant remarry.
6. I am sure your faith is being tried in the furnace, let the fire refine your character and not ruin it. So avoid frustrations and be thankful even for the little God still gives.
7. Your wife's claim that you don't allow her to work, if true has to be rescinded. If could have been helpful now.
8. Your wife is proving to you that her love for you is not unconditional, yet learn to love her unconditionally, despite this sad discovery.
9. If you have excessively used your veto power as a husband, and she feel oppressed, consider listening to her concerns and relaxing your grip, but still maintain your principles if they are humane and sensible.
God will soon lift up your head and cover you with his glory. Have faith

Thank you very much for your advice, godliman. I'm really inspired.av tried some of the things u listed, and am still praying. Thanks again Sir.

Tellemall:
You're verbally abusive and you wonder why she ran away. You even boldly say she's not intelligent. That's why you thought she would be stupid enough to continue taking insults from you. Now she's been intelligent enough to go away, and you're pursuing her and acting like the world is over. She has been through a lot.

Did you know that the best advice to a person who is abused is for the abused to leave the abuser? You're so horrible she had to leave. Process that.

You do not seem to get your problem. You are the problem. It's not her mother who is wise enough to know that an abusive marriage is not a marriage for her daughter . You are verbally abusive. Even if you follow the crooked advice to get another wife, the broom you used to chase your wife away will chase the next one, too. Your wife is there to teach you to be less abusive but you cannot even accept your faults and work on them.

You call yourself a Christian, but your attitude of verbal abuse is not Christ like. The Bible says you should make peace with all men, but your "pastor" told you to ignore your wife and because it is what you are made of you agreed with faulty advice. He's dictating terms for you. If your wife listened to her pastor the way you do, you would call her unintelligent and easily influenced by others, the way you claim her mother is doing. Is that how your unique brand of Christianity told you to live? Or is it that you have never read your Bible and what it said about living peacefully? Some Christian you are.

As your mother in law told you: go and make some money.

And in addition, learn to stop abusing your wife. That is never intelligent.

Tellemall, thanks for the hard truth. But one thing I want u to realize is that I admitted it was all my fault and know I was the problem. I also accept responsibility for my action that is enough reason that I am remorse, and not what you indicated below.

Your wife is there to teach you to be less abusive but you cannot even accept your faults and work on them.

I came to this thread so as to get scolded with the hard truth and learn my lesson, and this you have done. I appreciate it more than u think.

AwkaetitiBabe:
@Tunagee I may not be married but I have a simple advise for you... Simply live your life. Try to get the negativity out and concentrate on making yourself better. It's obvious your wife is all about the good times and not the bad. Take advantage of the space and simply take care of yourself. Stop interacting with her family, stop telling family your problems... Simply lock up. Don't even call her.

Just try to be happy, I'm sure she'll reach out when she realizes she abandoned her family.

Thanks for the advice pretty. It would go a long way for me when I do just that. I appreciate a lot of wisdom from a beautiful woman like you.

gringrin:
Guy let me not lie to you. The way men value looks is the way women value words.

Emotional and verbal abuse makes a woman to lose the love and respect she has for a man. It kills love and even kills a woman faster.

Forget what people are telling you. Learn to respect your woman, accept her for who she is, complement her and learn to hold back your words when angry.

Women are to be honoured. You are about losing a good woman. Act fast and experience heaven in your marriage. Peace.

Thanks

mechanics:
We should have kept it cool with her, you knew any short coming's won't be easily forgotten like that, so that's what she's using against you, if she's on whatspp you can chat up with her and tell her you won't do what you did again and most importantly pray for her.

Thanks. Though I did all that,but she eventually blocks me

megareal:
Why is nobody seeing that the OP verbally abused his wife, got angry and impatient at her for the slightest things? The woman probably had enough of being viewed as less than nothing and vamoosed to get a much needed peace and self pride back.
If you guys know just how terrible verbal abuse is, you wouldn't be blaming the woman. She probably is smart enough to have realized the effect his words were having on her emotionally and psychologically and made that decision.

OP, forget the myopic and one sided advice from blind and moronic individuals here, go to your wife and tell her what she really wants you to say; a promise that you will not abuse her in anyway again. A reaffirmation that she is human and can be prone to shortcomings but that you still love and respect her with all that. She needs you to change your condescending attitude towards her, you are just too shortsighted to see it.

Thanks for your advice. I would do just that.

petitejolie:
Is she d one feeding u since u lost ur job? I think u shouldn't force it. This is an opportunity to focus on yourself as u continue to pray for your marriage.

After I lost my job, I still paid my sons school fee for 3 terms and I also ensured I put food on the table. I had a barbing salon running, though not doing too well. She barely fed me cos my savings and pensions helped us till she left