₦airaland Forum

gbagyiza:
Bro, most of d women u see don't want to suffer. A woman likes to live a comfortable life. So, when the source of the husband income is cut off, that's when u know a true woman. But going by his confession of getting angry most of d time with her may be evidence of what she is accusing him of. But that should not be a reason for her to live now that he has no job. She could have left when he was financially ok not now. And trust me d moment u r financially stable she will come back. Women r unpredictable in life. He should be focused n try to improve on his financial state, I believe he has kids to take care of n God will lead you through. Bro, that is the reality of life, you have to face it squarely. Most of the men you see in marriages faced this ugly situation n it depends on how you handle it.

Thank you very much. I like this point you made
She could have left when he was financially ok not now.

KingMicky3286:
Yes

I left a girl I supposed to marry due to this similar situation. I engaged her and paid some money when I arrived Nigeria from Abroad, a month later, I traveled back to my base so that I can get her a visa to join me. She started trouble that I was delaying her visa process after I have spent 1.3m for her visa . She started using has words on me as her life depends on going abroad.

I lost my job in abroad because I have to move to nearby country to get her visa as she have not traveled before. I even did an international passport matching my surname to enable fast approval of documents. Some rich white ladies I left because of her also gave me some money to bring her over as they trusted my transparency In our relationship.

As I could not bear her rude attitude, I called their family and cut off the relationship. Now, I have peace of mind. I am going to marry a white lady now. They cares for those who are good to them.

Since I have been dating my girl now, I have not bought a pant or makeup for her. She don’t need my money or the things that some Nigerian ladies will kill you for if you didn’t buy it for them.

It’s better for a white lady to divorce me rather than an African woman.

I spent close to 3 million naira for 2 and half years just for upkeep of the Nigerian woman. But I have not spent up to 300$ for over 5 years with this white young lady.

She love me die . I will marry her.

Just leave that your wife in her mother’s house, do your things , if she didn’t hear from you, she will come back by herself, then give her conditions.

Disconnect her from your social media accounts so that she will not know anything about you first

I have already disconnected her and left her with her mother since January 1st without any form of communication to her

KingMicky3286:
Yes

I left a girl I supposed to marry due to this similar situation. I engaged her and paid some money when I arrived Nigeria from Abroad, a month later, I traveled back to my base so that I can get her a visa to join me. She started trouble that I was delaying her visa process after I have spent 1.3m for her visa . She started using has words on me as her life depends on going abroad.

I lost my job in abroad because I have to move to nearby country to get her visa as she have not traveled before. I even did an international passport matching my surname to enable fast approval of documents. Some rich white ladies I left because of her also gave me some money to bring her over as they trusted my transparency In our relationship.

As I could not bear her rude attitude, I called their family and cut off the relationship. Now, I have peace of mind. I am going to marry a white lady now. They cares for those who are good to them.

Since I have been dating my girl now, I have not bought a pant or makeup for her. She don’t need my money or the things that some Nigerian ladies will kill you for if you didn’t buy it for them.

It’s better for a white lady to divorce me rather than an African woman.

I spent close to 3 million naira for 2 and half years just for upkeep of the Nigerian woman. But I have not spent up to 300$ for over 5 years with this white young lady.

She love me die . I will marry her.

Just leave that your wife in her mother’s house, do your things , if she didn’t hear from you, she will come back by herself, then give her conditions.

Disconnect her from your social media accounts so that she will not know anything about you first

I have already disconnected her and left her with her mother since January 1st

citruslimited:
Brother my advice to you is to do your possible best to keep your marriage, from what I have read you do love your wife.

Please and also put it in daily prayers.

You will rejoice at the end

Thank you very much for the encouragement, citruslimited

OKOATA:
Follow this guy's advice, stop begging as a man, you only diminish your worth. Man is meant to be strong and be the head, let her be. Go and hustle and just ignore her totally.

Thanks. I love this mature advice, and that's the reason I stopped calling or visiting she and her mum

Xmen149:
With this ur explanation,oga talk true,were you being hash on her (strong,medium or soft violence)

We can understand it as transferred aggression from ur lack of job ..but u have to let men know everything to give you true piece of their mind

I won't deceive u, I was verbally harsh on her cos she always provoked me a lot. Got some temperament, and also did not know how to manage a lady's emotion properly cos of my ego. It has always been like that even when I was working, but she could no longer endure when she was still being insulted after job loss. I worked for a very very popular multinational firm in the country, but things took a nosedive at some point for.the firm.

generationz:
Don't listen to that guy

He is spitting bag eggs
Ask him if he is married , he would say no

His advice comes from boyfriend / girlfriend stuffs.

Don't listen to the one advicing you to take up a vice

Just ignore your wife for now and focus on getting a job for now. Then you can dictate the tune

Thanks bro

Skepticus:
Tunagee, you are just a victim of blue pill trap set for you because of your background from a broken home. You were being the nice gentleman and husband material of 1 million yards fighting for your marriage.

Sadly, women, even the best of them don't play by these rules. I've seen a lot of it in life. As a matter of fact, it's the reason she disrespected and left your sorry ass immediately shît hit the fan because everything you talked about smirks of weak masculinity and being sissy.

You were never really in charge. She and her mother control the marriage, you were just a mere provider.

I'll let you know a thing, you mentioned all these moralistic nonsense of "I don't smoke" , "I don't drink" thinking it would make you seem nicer to her and the society (I'm not advising you to change and do all these, but you can do it once in a while to step up your appearance of control and being in charge). I can assure you that your lady might be presently attracted to a guy with standards far below yours, but who puts himself at peak value of positive masculinity and make the lady strive for it.

That's what women respect in men. Even the worst of hardcore feminist would respect you if you hold your own as a male who owns is shît and not being manipulated or cowed around. Women are not fools. Their social and emotional intelligence is way above average and it's the reason why they control relationships today, and complain about how weak men of today are, spiking up feminism in high numbers. You are one of the reasons, it's happening now.

Back to your marital life, accept it that sometimes, shît can go wrong in a man's life. No one can have it perfect but how you handle these negative circumstances put you as the head of your home and not a whining sissy begging a bîtch.

I'll advise you that you pick yourself up, instead of sucking up and get something to do. No matter the pay, just get busy. I'm glad you have your own house. I'll not ask you to seek for divorce immediately. It still makes you look like a whimp and gives her the control of what she wanted. Open a bank account for your kid's upkeep send him whatever you can muster at any point and keep a record of it (You won't be able to fight for your child's custody in court at his age, unless you can prove that her mother is unfit to train your son). Keeping a record of it would make you be able to have some rep from your son, would make him to share in your experiences and understand how to man up. Remember, he is in the hands of manipulative women who may turn him against you, risking him, turning sissy and suffering the same fate as you, when he becomes a married adult too.

Focus on your hustle and open yourself to meeting more women. It would help you understand the world of women in dating and marriage. I don't advise marriage at this time. You may end up with another bitchy lady. Dress well, look good and try not to call or beg for your wife and her mother's attention. It puts you in control. When she sees you owning your control back, she may consider coming back. At this time, don't fall back into your past behaviour of acting nice and sissy. Make rules and be sure that she follows it.

If she refuses to come back after a while and you have learnt a lot from other women (and bedding them, of course). Divorce her trashy ass, get you a new woman but maintain relationship with your son.

I like your advice; very blunt and factual. I actually used an autocratic means to run my home so as not to be seen as a sissy, but i guess i did not jave the emotional intelligence to control her.
In fact, I did not manage my home well, I admit.

Mstick:
I GUESS I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT READ WHERE THR OP ADMITTED TO BE VERBALLY ABUSIVE. HEY! THIS DUDE INSULTS HIS WIFE AND SHE'S EXPECTED TO BEAR IT BECAUSE HE "MARRIED HER"?

AN ALMOST 40 YEAR OLD WOMAN BEING TONGUE LASHED BY HER HUSBAND ISN'T WRONG IN Y'ALL EYES? HOW CAN YOU BE JOBLESS AND ABUSIVE AT THE SAME TIME?

THE FOOLS ASKING HIM TO GET A GIRLFRIEND OR DIVORCE, I HOPE YOU IDIOTS WILL BE WILLING TO FINANCE IT. A 44 YEAR OLD MAN HASN'T SEEN HIS SON SINCE JANUARY AND EVERYBODY IS OK WITH THAT.

The truth about me is that I don't paint blue, black. O always say things the way they are,hence my admittance of being vocally abusive to my wife. I appreciate your comment, and I know I did not manage my emotions well, especially towards my wife.

Mummymahdi:
No its not all women sir, i am married for 16yrs now, from d beginning my husband do reports me few times but i desist that a lot with time he understood
We can settle our differences on our own thats d foundation i laid and till today i have never ever him to my parent ever, i once reported him to his superior at work cos he is like a father to him but never to his own parents or mine, nothing kills marriage like exposing d weaknesses of ur spouse to ur own family. U didnt train ur wife not to include third party in running ur home. One thing i know for sure she still loves u, she hates whats she is doing when she is alone. She isnt responsible enough only u can correct her, go tru her real friend or keep meeting her, she needs direction and both of u will b ok

I think, to a large extent, I did not manage my home well; always intolerant, and angry at her slightest provocation. She originally did not use to take issues o her family, buy I think the issue started to get out of hand cos of my excesses.

Economy1:
wrong foundation

I tell you. I know the beginning was faulty.

J111333:
That's my guess too, that mother in law is up to something, I can smell it. This man needs to keep calm and watch their next move before he reacts. If he acts too early, all blames will be heaped on him so let him keep calm, cease all communications to enable them act out their plans before he reacts.

Arranging another marriage would mean she has to divorce first, we are legally married. However, her mother keeps saying she is not ready to give her daughter to two men to marry, and that they don't do such in their family.

babeosisi:
I feel for you.Ndo.She is very immature.
There was a time my husband had no paying job for about 2 years and worked as a volunteer.I was the only earner. my parents came to stay with us for 4 months and never knew of this.
Your wife is foolish but please be patient with her.I can't imagine how painful this is for you.
How about her dad,what's his opinion or the wife wears the trouser in the house.
I pray you get a job soon.

Her dad is late. Her mum is second wife out of 8 wives in a polygamous set up, but her mum had all her children for same man, and she is still in her husband's house

babeosisi:
Chao
I feel for you.Ndo.She is very immature.
There was a time my husband had no paying job for about 2 years and worked as a volunteer.I was the only earner. my parents came to stay with us for 4 months and never knew of this.
Your wife is foolish but please be patient with her

The truth is she has never been intelligent, and does very annoying things, hence my verbal abusive nature towards her. The worst part is that she allows her mother to be dictating terms for her

Princedapace:
This is why i always laugh when people scream, money this and that before marriage. Money is extremely important but no one should ever underplay the importance of love and other minor qualities. Bro, ur wife don waka and even if she returns, she may never remain the same. Move on bro. From the look of things, u are really attached to her.

U married a woman who couldnt stay with u during the storm. When people scream, money and size of pocket and over emphasize the importance and down play the importance of true love, i smile. They dont know anything. Person wey get better job today can be sacked tomorrow. Nothing is guaranteed in life. Nothing.

Someone whose business is doing fine may take a downward movement tomorrow. This is why one need to test the ability of a partner to remain with u during dry seasons. My bro, u didnt marry a great woman. Im sorry, move on. she is not coming back. All these she is doing is to see if u can bounce back financially. If u do, she will return, if u dont, bye bye. Well, i would suggest as u hustle, pls find someone else. And this time, calm down marry person wey no go leave u run because of life challenges.

I really appreciate your advise. Thanks

Alashoalash10:
With all you have said if it's 100% true, your mother in-law is the problem. Is the father in-law dead ?, he needs to send the lady back to her home. How do you known the mother is not arranging another marriage for her,meet your family to deliberate and take a decision on the next line of action

Her father is late

Alashoalash10:
With all you have said if it's 100% true, your mother in-law is the problem. Is the father in-law dead ?, he needs to send the lady back to her home. How do you known the mother is not arranging another marriage for her,meet your family to deliberate and take a decision on the next line of action

Yes the mother in law is the problem. However, when my family visited sometime ago, her mother said she is not giving her daughter to two men to marry. That if she decides she wants to go back to her husband, no one, not even her, the mother, can stop her. However, she was asked if she is still interested in her marriage or she was no longer interested, and her answers was that she is still interested. This is where the confusion is.

Enemyofpeace:
Op seriously speaking you don't need this distraction(Yes that's what she is) now, go out and hustle, get yourself a good job and watch her and her whole family members come crawling to beg you for her return, then it will be your own turn to do whatever you need to do to teach her a very big lesson.

If you ask me, that woman does not truly love you, enough said before enemies of progress will start calling me enemy of peace.

Its true. I think an extreme abusive words to her has affected her state of mind

MariaAngeles:
I hope she comes to her senses before her mother finally ruins her .

Her mother is also doing this without apology. The mother told me to go get something doing. Also, to leave her for now cos there is time for everything, time to separate, time to come together, time to reconcile and so on.

richard870:
Honestly bro, seek spiritual guidance / interventions for things not visible to the ordinary eyes to be revealed to you. Obviously, you love and cherish your wife, but there are forces you would have to deal with in order to have your marriage restored and also to get a job.

The simple truth is that the devil has destroyed so many unions all because people now think of the flesh alone, not minding the spiritual aspect.

Personally, I can help with some bible verses and a few things that would be of help to you

Thanks very much. A pastor even advised me to just keep praying without visiting or calling her.

colestephan86:
First u need to know that the reason u are in this situation is not cos u don't smoke, drink or so.
U have to stand your ground as the man of the house. U ain't the first to loose your job, and if when u had it, you took good care of her n if now u don't have the job anymore she has to stay n face the storm.
Tell her immediately that u will give her some time to think are decision through n that if she doesn't come back home in the next 2 months u will move on n never have her back. It's simple

Okay. Really appreciate

foolbuster:
Are you guys feeding properly in your house? Is the economic situation in your house making staying together a bit uncomfortable? Despite her staying staying away against your will, do you think your wife and kid (if you have any) are better off in terms of living standard where they are without you?

If the answers to the above questions are yes, then you should realize you married a materialistic woman. Dont misunderstand me, what i mean is your wife is the type of woman that has low tolerance for inconvenience. She might be a good woman but las las na woman she still be. She needs to be taken care of.
Not every woman can stick with a man through thick and thin. Some men love those kind of women thou. As long as they are representing well as the man of the house financially then they have her loyalty and respect and it kind of drives the man to achieve more because he knows he will be disrespected by her if he fails. but fail and subject her to inconvinience as a result and she starts giving you attitude.

That said. Judging from your account, you cant entirely blame your mother in law because according to you your wife has been feeding her lies. naturally mothers will side with their daughters talkless of when your wife is turning her mother against you.

Now here comes the bitter truth.
Women dont like effeminate men. If i were you. I would stop bitching around. I will call her and tell her that even thou i am down temporarily i will still rise again stronger. I would tell her that her actions now is what would determine her place in my heart when i stand again. I would tell her she should come home now that i need her. Then i would take my mind off her matter and concentrate all my energy on pulling myself back up. If she comes back great. If she doesnt, i'll be pained but atleast i'll have known the type of woman i married.
But whether she comes back or not. I'll stop whining about losing my job and how things were when things were good and i will put all my energy into getting out of my present predicament.

One last thing.
Brother even if you are 56 you are still a young man and can be with any woman yo desire. Your wife at 40 would be lucky to get a decent man.

Thanks a lot

chinchum:
@Tunagee No matter how little , make sure you send monthly upkeep for your son to your wife via bank transfer for record purposes. Allow for 12 months from the time your wife left your home to see if she retraces her step. IF after October 2019 she is not back, then i don't think she is still interested in you. Never mention the ultimatum to her. Keep the hustle and improve your earnings. By 2020, hopefully things will have improve for you, start a new relationship, and request for a divorce.

Ok. Thanks

tianshie:
I don't know if you want your wife back because you love her or because her absence from home challenges your idea of who you are as a man. If it is the latter, then put as much urgency into looking for a job as fighting to retrieve her from her parents.

If it is love, then try to reach her and tell her how you're hurting. what you miss about her. How her physical presence completes you. If she doesn't return after that, know you've done your best. Keep the door open, but never stop looking for a job. Good luck.

Thanks

goosast:
Op please I kneel and beg you FOLLOW this advice 100%

Thanks

DrObiHogan:
The first thing I noted in this issue is this woman is not for you man, you just married her a stranger. You courted her for a year and that's not enough to me. The solution will not be a divorce, not now. There's a young child already so I will advice you to call all the people that bore witness to this union to a meeting. Both your parents and her parents with you and the lady present. This issue will be treated and a solution will be obtained but if this process fails to resolve the problem, then its over. A lot of comments here failed to differentiate the expectations of a wife and a woman in a domestic partnership with a man. For the former, a legally married wife, you don't leave because there's no money, that's a huge no. You can only leave because the man is living on austerity when it's a domesti partnership. For your problems to start when you lost your job means that this woman is not your wife irrespective of the cloak of marriage cert she's hiding in but your domestic partner. I will not advice you to start wooing her again, sending flowers, being nice, bullshitting, no this is not time for that. Pray for directions on how to improve financially, take it slow, don't you ever think of cutting corners to get money and sort this out, it will only boomerang and destroy you. Seek out the welfare of your son and be sure he's OK. If the witnesses to this partnership can't resolve the issue, then pls quit. I think the best way to avoid issues like this is to marry your friend, your long time 5-6 years friend.

You are right. I was overreacting whenever she offended me, using abusive words;i guess it affected her state of mind.

Typewriter:
Bro you never hard a wife you only have a hang on lady, I'll advice you get on the street and look for your real wife, get job no matter how small it pays, to make your days smooth too. And pls. Don't blame your mother in law its only natural she stand by her daughter, they have the same view to marriage no money no romance MONICA= Money+Car. Now that she has free you don't go back to enslave yourself, remember if she can do this now that you are young enough to fend for yourself what will she do when you are 80+ thinks and learn. You can never make her change her DNA

Thanks bro

1234IKECHhukwu:
Oga,just bear in mind that no woman on earth, ever stays with a jobless man, or one who has no money .

Really

joe120120:
move on ,remain stable ,don't think about her often ,if u don't sleep well ,get some pill every night .soon u will forget about her and her family .life have being like these since 2000 yrs ago .life is never 4ever .everyone have a limited time to live .pray for ur future endeavour to progress .find a living church to study bible ok .

Thank u for your wise words

VRDroid:
It is commendable that you have the courage to speak out. But have you noticed that you are addicted to the thought of your wife?

To get your wife back, you must first of all, forget about her totally. Both you and your wife are now entangled, totally connected on a quantum level and to break through your addiction to the pain of the love, you must become a new creature, which means the things you do now, you wll no longer do them and the things you do not do, you must begin to do them. So, when your brain wave changes to a different resonance frequency, you will be psychically disconnected from your wife and that is when magic happens.

Unfortunately, you will not believe and will not take the following advice, but here lies the solution;

The things you do, that you should not do;
1. Disconnect your mind from the thought of your wife, kill the thoughts once it comes into your head.
2. Delete her number from your phone and any location you can find it. And do not call her even if you have the number in your mind.
3. Do not pick her calls even if she calls, and never pick at all except she returns, which will certainly happen if you follow this advice.
4. Do not talk to any of her relatives and do not answer their calls. And if you eventually do, tell them you are no longer interested in her.
5. Remove all her cloths and accessories from site and store them in boxes so you do not see them.

The things you do not do, which you must do;
1. A little alcoholic red wine, just very little to change your brainwave. Jesus turned water to wine.
2. Get green Cannabis (the one created by God, for healing of nations ) and make tea for yourself with it every morning to deprogram your subconscious mind and nervous system and alter wife's addiction pattern.
3. Get a lady friend, and I mean a great beauty that can actually mentally replace your wife, what you do with her about from loving friendship is up to you, if I was the one, she wll be my companion on bed.


With these strategies, within months your thoughts pattern will change and the addiction to your wife and the thoughts of her will break and connection to her will be deactivated and both of you will no longer be entangled.

Once that happens, your wife will return as a prodigal son, and you will give her condition for forgiveness.

The above is practically the solution, the other alternative is Meditation and I do not mean prayer, I mean meditating till you connect to the Unified field, until your sub-conscious mind resets. And she must also do same, if she does it and you do it, you will see your dreams begin to change and the energy vampire destroying your marriage will not be able to handle the new vibration.

After this you will equally get a job. It is magic. A practical way to get your desires.

Those are the two ways, and I recommend you do both. You are over 40 and have nothing to loose.

Bro, you must be a psychologist. I appreciate a lot. Full of wisdom.

spiritedtete:
You are from a broken home, now you are captive in your marriage... uncle you never see wife o.

1. You married from a bad family...


2 your wife dont love you atall

3. You can't end your life this way...

Painful thing is your wife can't plan with you... or even encourage you to beat the fear.. bros.. you want to know the truth...

This is not marriage neither is it love... find a woman who loves you... get her preggy... and extend the divorce paper to your wife you will see how quickly court will Answer you.. then marry the peggy lady.

See you are suffering emotionally you need a woman in your life.. not a woman who dont care about your existence.


I remember telling my wife as we were watching a movie... that if I hear a loud nag from her like the movie scene... I will marry 3 wives for that.. lol. I might be joking but I can do it. Bros please be in control pleassseee

I have rules in my house

No abuse

No nagging

No malice

No one must hear about anything we do.. no one. It start and die with us.. and 8 years it's been like that.

Dont hide behind faith and die miserably... I beg you.

Thank you.

Thank you for this advice

Golden41:
My brother, free the woman for now, let her miss u bad. Find a job, improve your self and the babe will come begging

I stopped communicating and visiting her in January 1st, new year day