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 Family / Re: My Wife Left The House Because I Confronted Her Mother by tunde4top(m): 8:43am On May 27, 2023 |
Kobojunkie: He is a peace keeper.. lol. |
| Romance / Re: Characteristics Of An Average/common Lady by tunde4top(m): 4:59pm On Apr 21, 2023 |
VinnyBaba: To say I am sad is an understatement to what has become the norms in our society today... I even fear more for the unborn generation.. I think we need more education of these truths... Parents need to abide these truths in their daughters.... The social media needs to champion these truths.... @farana Ricktation Dominique I think this is worthy of front page. 1 Like |
| Romance / Re: Characteristics Of An Average/common Lady by tunde4top(m): 11:45am On Apr 21, 2023 |
virginprincess: Hi mizz. Lol... Who is me to judge?... I only shared my opinion on a class of ladies (not all ladies) I call common... The other class surely is "virtuous". I don't need to talk more about them as this same article already revealed a lot about them.. 3 Likes |
| Romance / Re: Characteristics Of An Average/common Lady by tunde4top(m): 11:18am On Apr 21, 2023 |
6. Lacks basic qualities like admitting faults, apologising for even glaring wrongs, debating/arguing with objective facts (instead of emotion) etc In summary: I thing everything boils down to their believes and mentality which are majorly influenced by parenting (upbringing), social norms, peer-pressure and environment they grew up from... Source: Tunde Joda (tunde4top) https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0386kQWeeAiJ1FSYfY1We6Az1itMFdJ6J4rgxHjnLukoZ1K8ZtjtusDCVdnpZMeDB8l&id=100089952562878&mibextid=Nif5oz If you appreciate this article, kindly follow my page above and share the post. You may be really helping someone out there that needs this info. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Romance / Re: Characteristics Of An Average/common Lady by tunde4top(m): 11:11am On Apr 21, 2023 |
4. Lacks the Appreciative mindset: She instead swims in an entitlement mentality. She subconsciously thinks it's her right to receive favours from general people. The moment a man starts dating her, she begins to assert this entitlement mentality on the man. Even if the man sacrifices his future and wellbeing to impress her, the moment he fell short for once, then she would start resenting the guy and rubbish all good deeds done in the past. If the man ever tries to remind her, then you will see her say something like "what have you even done for me before?" "Did you not sleep with me?" 5. Lacks comprehension of the institution called marriage She marries for the sake of it just to satisfy societal dictate, social norms and family expectation.... Her ideology about marriage is not about two partners working together as a team to achieve a common goal and win/loose together but for her to win alone at the expense of the other partner. Marriage to her is all about what her partner can offer her and not what she also brings to the table... If her womb is not damaged as a result of countless abortion, then she either ends up as a single mother or settles for a man she doesn't find worthy of submitting to just because he can secure her financial future and/or can earn her the Mrs. title ... After some time, she then begins to resent the man in marriage, use sex as weapon to torment/hand-swing him, cheat on him and crave for fun outside.. 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Romance / Characteristics Of An Average/common Lady by tunde4top(m): 11:07am On Apr 21, 2023 |
Please note that the purpose of this article is not to disrespect ladies.. It's my personal opinion and a product of my long time observation/research on a class of ladies I call common or average... Now let's get down to work. Are you sure you are not an average lady? Then kindly find out below. An average lady: 1. lacks the ability and capacity to use her own personal achievements to reference her worth and value. She instead uses the worth of men that approach her to rate herself. 2. lacks the capacity to realize that she can personally achieve that higher worth she desires through men She only sees men as her ultimate gateway to financial prosperity and stability.. So she is wired to mainly focus on packaging/enhancing her body in order to attract higher value men for personal gain and enhanced self worth. Her reasoning revolves around monetizing her body.. She is fun of shaming men that even worth more than her by telling them she is not in their class (the definition of her class here is a reference to the class of higher value men that approached/approach her).. She is quick to saying "me to you" 3. Lacks the reasoning capacity to understand women's pride and dignity: She glorifies money beyond anything and everything in her life including her conscience and reputation. Out of millions of ways available to make a moral money, she will still choose/engage in immoral prostitution/hook-up work and try to even justify it with rhetorics like "it's because things are really hard" or "I don't have anyone to help me" .... 4 Likes |
| Religion / Re: Is Belief In Jesus Enough For Salvation? by tunde4top(m): 9:50pm On Mar 12, 2023 |
Uchennaz: I truly get your concern/points but the word of God is final. The sweetest thing about Christianity is that we start it as saved people and not hoping/praying to be saved at the end. After becoming saved (believing in the gospel of Jesus), the race for rewards then begins. Some people make the mistake of thinking that the race is for salvation. Salvation is a gift while Rewards require works. Never mix them up. Not everyone will be in the same eternal position in paradise. Your capacity of rewards will determine the glory level of your celestial/terrestrial body in paradise. Corinthians 3:8 Now he who plants and he who waters are one; but each will receive his own reward according to his own labor. Revelation 22:12 “Behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to render to every man according to what he has done. Winning souls, helping baby Christians wise unto salvation all attracts rewards... You need spiritual growth to be able to carry out these tasks and choosing to deliberately work in sins means that you are not read to earn eternal rewards. Finally, the Bible is aware of this your concern. In 1Corinthians1-12, Paul talks about carnal Christians. Carnal Christians are Christians that consciously/deliberatly work in flesh (sins) because they know that they are already saved. What did Paul say will happen to them at the end? verse 13-15 each one’s work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one’s work, of what sort it is. If anyone’s work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire. Stay blessed. |
| Religion / Re: Is Belief In Jesus Enough For Salvation? by tunde4top(m): 6:46am On Mar 12, 2023 |
I was expecting your list to reach 100 and not just this 6. I don't know why we humans like to prove that we know more than the owner and giver of salvation that says this is my only simple requirement for salvation. We sha like to add our own ingredients to make it look hard to attain. The subject of salvation in the Bible is specific and should be treated that way. Never mix it up with other subjects. If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved (Romans 10:9) The above is the gospel of Jesus that anyone that believes in it shall be saved (1st Corinthian 15:1-3) Affirm the above with other scriptures like John 3:16, John 6:40, John 6:47, Mark 16:15 etc. Act 16:30-31 They all specifically say the same thing on the requirement for salvation Did the dying thief on the cross in Mathew 27:38 also acted everything in this your long list before Jesus assured him of paradise? That is why salvation is a gift that no man can work for. Not even Abraham attained it by work. Why are you now attaching work conditions to it? Ephesian 2:8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 17 Likes 2 Shares |
| Politics / Re: The Battle For North: My Personal Opinion On The Naira Woes Across The Country. by tunde4top(m): 5:40pm On Feb 09, 2023 |
Pierced: I highly doubt the CBN would go ahead to implement the Feb 10 deadline... 1 Like |
| Politics / Re: The Battle For North: My Personal Opinion On The Naira Woes Across The Country. by tunde4top(m): 5:35pm On Feb 09, 2023 |
tunde4top: |
| Politics / Re: The Battle For North: My Personal Opinion On The Naira Woes Across The Country. by tunde4top(m): 5:27pm On Feb 09, 2023 |
adioolayi: Correct. I also believe that the supreme court is working in favour of APC this time around to thwart the PDP's well orchestrated plans.... Big leg things as it is even a Yoruba man heading it now. 1 Like |
| Politics / Re: The Battle For North: My Personal Opinion On The Naira Woes Across The Country. by tunde4top(m): 5:15pm On Feb 09, 2023 |
8. APC then moved on to using Gbajabiamila's NASS to force Emefiele's hands in backing down. That also did not yield any result as the Emefiele's presidency backing is really strong. 9. APC proceeded to using their governors to persuade Buhari in stopping the plan. Burahi only extended the swapping deadline by 10 additional days but did not back down on the currency swapping goal. As the CBN poorly implemented the currency changing process which has compounded the suffering of the poor masses, APC took advantage of that by laying their tents with the masses and using that as a pretext to further put pressure on both the federal government and CBN to extend the swapping deadline beyond the elections' days. They are doing this together with their social media army. 10. With the PDP knowing that APC would result to using a court order to stop the CBN/Federal government, they quickly went first to secure a court order, mandating the CBN not to extend the swapping date any further beyond Feb 10. 11. APC after looking at the dynamics of things, decided to directly ask the appellate (supreme) court to stop the Federal government (in disguise for CBN) from implementing the Feb 10 deadline with the pretext that the poor untimely implementation has caused rues between the federal government and states, caused untold hardship on the masses that could degenerate to anarchy. Supreme court granted this request but Mr. Malami and CBN said the appellate court has no jurisdiction right to directly entertain the case. They said it is an abuse of court process as it is under the jurisdiction of the Federal high court to first hear the case. Who is right and wrong between Mr. Malami/CBN and supreme court? Only time will reveal that soon. Who do you think will win this battle that placed the masses as victims?. Written by Tunde Joda.... |
| Politics / Re: The Battle For North: My Personal Opinion On The Naira Woes Across The Country. by tunde4top(m): 5:09pm On Feb 09, 2023 |
5. Atiku is now playing his last cards before the election. Already using his cronies at NNPCL to materialize/orchestrate a sustainable man made fuel scarcity untill after the elections. Atiku also used both Emefiele and Malami to influence the president in believing that politicians have stashed several billions of cash for vote buying and tabled the currency swapping as the only way to stop them. They backed up their points with the claim that the astronomical spending of the politicians during the last primary elections triggered the recent rise in Naira to $ exchange rate (I would be surprised if this was not also part of their initial master game plan and their own doings) Buhari that met Naira trading @2XX to $ fearfully granted their request as he is scared to take any risk that could trigger any further rise in Naira to $ exchange rate before the expiration of his tenure. 6. Atiku's plan is simple. Change the Naira notes at short notice close to the election, take/receive several billions of the new Naira notes via Emefiele, starve or limit APC of the new Naira notes, and then outspend them in the north.. He also believes that the chaos created from the poor implementation would also cause APC to loose several votes from south as people would generally blame APC for the hardship.. 7. APC after discovering the politics at play, quickly started taking steps to thwart the opposition plan. They first used DSS to threaten Emefiele with corruption/terrorism claims inorder to remove him or make him to back down on the currency plan but the plan failed as Emefiele has the backing of the presidency. |
| Politics / The Battle For North: My Personal Opinion On The Naira Woes Across The Country. by tunde4top(m): 5:06pm On Feb 09, 2023 |
The suffering on helpless masses has compounded in recent weeks/months with the persistent fuel scarcity and Naira scarcity/woes. I will make things short and straight to points. 1. Malami and Emefiele are both working for Atiku... Emefiele tried to contest for the APC presidential primary then with the backing of Malami and other cabals. When the plot failed to materialize, they had to save face, joined the Atiku camp after striking a bumper deal with him. 2. The battle for north is just at play. The party that outspends the other on the election day in the north stands a huge chance of winning the north. Atiku knows that Tinubu has the backing of many northern governors which translates to a strong financial muscle for APC in the core north. Forget whatever they tell you. Both PDP and APC want to influence the election with money. 4. Malami is very useful to the course of Atiku as the president most times listen to him and respect his views... Remember that they have been trusted friends for several years/decades. |
| Family / Re: Am I Being Manipulated? Is Her Anger Justified? by tunde4top(m): 10:15pm On Jan 21, 2023 |
chimpad: But that is thankfully not the case here. So you think it is wrong or extreme for a blood sister to lean on his blood brother? The older brother is married while he is still single. That should be easy to understand.. The girl friend is actually the one that displayed a red flag. 1 Like |
| Travel / Re: Canadian Student Visa Thread Part 22 by tunde4top(m): 1:02pm On Jan 08, 2023 |
Yemlizzy: My profile picture there carries Warren buffet picture and quote that states "Make money, use that money to make more money, repeat the same process" |
| Travel / Re: Canadian Student Visa Thread Part 22 by tunde4top(m): 8:21am On Jan 08, 2023 |
| Religion / Re: Can Good Works Qualify One For Heaven? by tunde4top(m): 9:53am On Dec 18, 2022 |
No for salvation. Christianity results to two things: 1. Salvation: This cannot be worked for as it is a free gift for humanity. A gift for those that "believe" in the sin sacrifice of Jesus (death, burial and resurrection of Jesus) called "The Gospel of Jesus" Romans 10:9 That if thou shall confess with thou mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God raised him from the death, thou shall be saved. Ephesians 2: 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. Verse 9: not a result of works, so that no one may boost. 2. "Rewards": While salvation is a free gift (Jesus's doing), rewards are worked for. Jesus in his second coming will judge and reward all believers (those that are saved) according to their works (good deeds) after being saved and this will determine the capacity glory of your celestial body for ethernity. 1Corinthian 15:40 There are also celestial bodies and terrestrial bodies; but the glory of the celestial differs from that of the terrestrial. There is one glory of the sun, another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars; for one star differs from another star in glory. 1Corintian 3:8 Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour So never mix Bible instructions on Rewards with that of Salvation. Jesus's judgement of believers (for rewards) is different from that of the non believers (second death) 1 Like |
| Programming / Re: Web Developers / Freelaancers: How Are You Getting Paid From Outside Nigeria? by tunde4top(m): 2:37pm On Dec 06, 2022 |
Checkout https://anytask.com It's a freelance platform developed with third world countries in mind to tackle these same payment issues you stated It's not dominant yet like the traditional freelance platforms but steadily growing in popularity. They payout (100% with no charge) in their coin that you can use to directly buy airtime (any network) on their coin payment app, recharge for power (prepaid) on same app or transfer it to an exchange like kucoin to trade it directly to Naira via their P2P (Peer to Peer). Do your own research. |
| Investment / Re: How Real Is Oxfordbuildbay by tunde4top(m): 8:38am On Sep 28, 2022 |
Sommyroy10: I believe they are scam untill they choose to change. There are many complaints from people about not being allocated their lands including those that had fully completed their payments and time. They are also scamming people in their money growing scheme. SEC is after them on that already. |
| Business / Re: Why Can't The CBN Just Print More Money? by tunde4top(m): 11:34am On Sep 04, 2022 |
I am not a certified economic analyst but let me help to address your points. 1. Your points did not acknowledge the fact that the world is a global village... A country's currency is as good as its competitive power with other international currencies because no country is self sufficient... 2. Let's assume that the CBN prints more money as you dreamed of and dash Nigerians 5 million Naira each. Let's also assume that the Price regulating body fought hard to arrest price increment of goods as you imagined. Below lies the problem: a. Our dollar reserve will be more pressured and our Dollar Spending bill will drastically increase : Because good percentage of this new money in circulation will want to exchange to dollar to buy goods and services... Some Nigerians will want to go into import business... Some will want to travel out (japa). Some will want to buy luxury things from abroad... Where would the CBN get all this new dollar demand from when they can't print dollars? Remember that the lower the external reserve, the more new investors are frightened to bring new dollar into Nigeria for investment because their chances of getting back their $ would be very low when they decide to quit from the country... Foreign Investors in the country already would also start planning their exits before the reserve finally gets too low for them to exit. So the only way the CBN can prevent the above economic situation/trouble from happening is to allow more Naira to exchange for a dollar which is called devaluation of Naira... Devaluation of Naira then leads to an Inflation because we import most of the things we use in this country... When a trader spends more Naira for $ for import of goods...Then the only way to make profit is to increase the local pricing and pass the increment value to the consumers. b. Inflation is bad because it takes some value away from a currency since a currency is as good as its purchasing power/value (and not number)... Rich men like Dangote will have their international rating number go higher because their general worth in $ will now reduce as a result of the inflation... Some of these Rich men will now start loosing interest in this country and start transfering their investments to other countries with more stabilized economy that can protect their worth.. Many more negative domino events would also take off... 1 Like |
| Romance / Re: Should l Succumb To Pressure And Marry This Girl? by tunde4top(m): 4:47pm On Jul 21, 2022 |
victooman: As the man (the prize), you must ensure that your own best time/setting/moment is the deciding factor/judgement on both of you |
| Career / Re: High Cost Of Living: How Much Do You Earn Monthly And How Much Do You Spend by tunde4top(m): 6:34pm On Jul 18, 2022 |
I earn 200k before tax (approx 170k post tax/pension). 1k daily for transportation = 20k per month. Approximately 1200 daily for feeding = 36k I chose to stay at Family house. Though both parents are late. I represent the face of a landland and stay in a medium size room self con furnished to my single taste. I give my career an optimum focus for now and chose to suspend female relationship for now. I use most of my time/attention/resources to strategies on how I can better myself. I only buy needs and not wants because I am not the type that like to impress people. I don't loud myself. At the end of each month I save 100k. I also invest in future potential things. 14 Likes 1 Share |
| Business / Re: My Journey Into The Short Let Apartment Business In Lagos. by tunde4top(m): 10:50pm On Jul 12, 2022 |
mrsage: Thanks a lot sir for this great thread.... |
| Nairaland / General / Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by tunde4top(m): 1:48am On Jun 29, 2022 |
Fellow guys and family members are going to establish an exploitative relationship with you once they know you're a nice guy or carry the nice guy badge, let alone women. Niceness don't elicit any emotion, other than triggering the parasitic tendencies in humans. It absolutely got no biological and evolutionary advantages ,it rather places you in a box which others can manipulate to increase their chances of survival. And with anything humans, they are ready to ruthlessly take advantage of you to further their interest without apology. Anyone that understands the life game people play, one attitude rarely found in them is niceness. You can't assert your needs and wants in life when you're strolling through life with the nice guy badge. You can't be ruthless when it's necessary when you're focus on being nice to people ,in order not to provoke them. You can't fight, fight when it's necessary, especially when you're dealing with assholes ,when you're being nice. Niceness is coming from a place of fear.* Deep rooted fear about life and what people impression about you might be. Are you still wondering why you're taught to be a nice guy since your childhood ? I should believe you have figured that out by now. The very attitudes you need to survive life is highly marginalized ,hence, you got to be very bold in exuding them without apology. Selfishness and Machiaveinism is at the peak of these qualities, but nobody is willing to tell you that. As with everything that got to do with life and men, you're to figure them out yourself. Be among the few group of men that "get it ". And most importantly, don't mistake niceness for kindness. ( They are world apart. To know why you should be kind and not nice, check a post I posted sometime back on the differences... You can also DM me for a book that would help in removing that nice guy badge. |
| Politics / Re: Is Tinubu Muslim/muslim Ticket A Better Deal For Christians Than Atiku? by tunde4top(m): 10:19pm On Jun 13, 2022 |
limeta: Hello sister/ma... I am a practicing Christian... I had a soft heart for Osinbajo in the APC primary contest but unfortunately he lost.... That is politics for us... But based on the realistic options that we now currently have, a liberal Muslim in Tinubu is the better deal for we Christians than another core Fulani Muslim in Atiku.. |
| Politics / Re: Is Tinubu Muslim/muslim Ticket A Better Deal For Christians Than Atiku? by tunde4top(m): 10:07pm On Jun 13, 2022 |
HIGHESTPOPORI: I was never paid sir... I was only trying to see things in a more liberal and emotionless way. Please say the truth. Between a "Muslim President Vs Christian VP" and "Muslim President Vs Christian Senate president", which one is a better deal for Christians? Which one gives independent and more power to Christians? |
| Politics / Is Tinubu Muslim/muslim Ticket A Better Deal For Christians Than Atiku? by tunde4top(m): 8:40pm On Jun 13, 2022 |
I have read many emotional comments here in recent time concerning how bad an APC Muslim/Muslim ticket would be for southern Christians and Christians in general.... To those propagating this message, please let's look at it in a more liberal and objective way... I see that we put too much of emphasis on this VP position while we neglect the potential candidates for the other two tiers of government that are more inportant than the VP slot. Presidency is all about the president... The president is the head of the executive tier of government. The head is always the ruler. A VP is a puppet of the president and can only operate in the confines and boundaries set by the president.... So a VP has no power of its own outside the one passed to him by the president... Or have you seen where a VP challenges the power of the president before? So permit me to begin. 1. This is a contest between a liberal Muslim and a core Fulani Muslim: Tinubu has over the years proved that he is a liberal Muslim and not a fanatic. He married to a Christian pastor. Tinubu in Lagos has even appointed/supported more Christian governors than Muslim governors since he finished his governorship tenor (Ambode/Sanwo olu Vs Fashola) So do you prefer to vote in another core Fulani Muslim or a known liberal Muslim? 2. Only Tinubu's presidency will likely produce a Christian senate president from the south.....A senate President is the head of the legislative tier of government... This is never a puppet position like that of the VP... A senate President is backed with constitutional independent powers... What other better chance can south and southern Christians have to influence/drive a positive change in this only country of ours than to have a southern christian holding the position of a senate President in conjunction with a liberal Muslim President from the same south? This position is even likely to be zoned to the South east... So this will be another great chance for them to drive out equity and fairness that they clamour for. Buhari's presidency has Fulani people heading the 3 tiers of government (Executive, Legislative and Judiciary)... If Atiku becomes the president of Nigeria in 2023, this same arrangement will likely remain while the puppet VP position will be the only southern joy... The three tiers of government would still be headed by fulanis like this current government if Atiku emerge as the president of Nigeria The only other second hand position they would zone to the South will be the speaker of the house of representative... 3. Only Tinubu presidency stands the better chance of breaking the Fulani monopoly of our security bodies....Police, Navy, Army etc are all headed by fulanis. Or do you expect a core Fulani man to come and remove his brothers for southern canditates? These areas are untouchables by fulanis and only a southern president like Tinubu can touch the untouchables.. Written by Tunde Joda (A liberal Christian from the south) |
| Investment / Re: How Real Is Oxfordbuildbay by tunde4top(m): 10:47pm On May 21, 2022 |
david5565: Hello sir... Do you know better about them now?... Do you see them legit? Thanks in advance!!! 1 Like |
| Nairaland / General / Re: How Can I Stop Being Soft Hearted As A Guy by tunde4top(m): 1:32pm On Apr 14, 2022 |
Solofresh2: You need to develop/upgrade your mind with the right/liberating info in order to escape this limitation barrier... Go and read this book and thank me later... "No more Mr Nice Guy" Dr. Robert A. Glover I am willing to help you with the pdf or EPUF file if you drop your mail id... Also check my profile to read a thread I posted few weeks back on "Kind Vs Nice" Cheers and goodluck!!! 2 Likes |
| Education / Re: Is Being Nice The Same Thing As Being Kind? by tunde4top(m): 6:40pm On Feb 17, 2022 |
Kind people are happy people to begin with, and add to their happiness through acts of generosity and altruism. Nice people are needy people who inadvertently create more and more unhappiness for themselves. The nice person has to understand that their self-worth can never be improved by being a pleaser. They must learn how to validate themselves independently of others, and let go of the co-dependent relationships which foster mutual animosity. When the overly-nice person can let go of the urge to please, they'll be able to identify their real needs and feelings and begin to take proper care of themselves. They can find happiness in pursuing meaningful activities and relationships instead of giving too much, becoming resentful and developing nasty addictions along the way. By: Marcia Sirota, Contributor (Author, speaker, coach and MD) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/archive/ca/entry/too-nice_b_946956/amp |
| Education / Is Being Nice The Same Thing As Being Kind? by tunde4top(m): 6:39pm On Feb 17, 2022 |
You've heard the phrase, "So-and-so is a really nice person," and probably thought nothing of it. In my work, though, I think a lot about what it means to be "really nice" as I see a major distinction between being nice and being genuinely kind. The way I understand it, kindness emerges from someone who's confident, compassionate and comfortable with themselves. A kind person is loving and giving out of the goodness of their heart. At the root of extreme niceness, however, are feelings of inadequacy and the need to get approval and validation from others. Overly-nice people try to please so that they can feel good about themselves. Genuinely kind people are giving because it's in their nature to care, and since they have no ulterior motives, they aren't concerned with whether or not other people like them. Kind people can be assertive and set good limits. Nice people, on the other hand, bend over backward to be obliging. They deal with potential conflicts by placating the other person because they can't bear to have anyone upset with them. Kind people have good self-esteem and because they love themselves as much as they care about others, they expect to be treated with respect. Nice people are desperate for approval, so they're often mistreated or taken advantage of. Nice people tend to do too much for those who don't deserve it and are easy prey for users. They get into co-dependent relationships in which they care-take others in the hopes of eventually being cared for themselves. This co-dependent interaction, however, is a lose-lose for everyone involved. The nice person fails to get the love and approval they seek, and the person on the receiving end never feels like they're getting enough care. Instead of being grateful, they become resentful toward the pleaser. Kind people take responsibility for their own self-care. They're generous, even altruistic, but don't get caught up in a user-pleaser type of relationship. The nice person is careful not to offend anyone and wouldn't dream of expressing a "negative" emotion. They focus on being good to others, to the detriment of their own needs. In fact, they're afraid to ask for what they want for fear of creating conflict. Nice people stuff down their feelings, not wanting to be a bother to anyone, but the problem with this is that emotions can't be kept down indefinitely. Feelings and needs are meant to be expressed and when they're repressed, they find another outlet. Being nice, then, has unforeseen consequences: it's painful to seek affirmation but receive contempt. Always holding back needs, feelings and opinions adds to their frustration. Ultimately, the frustration grows into anger, but showing this anger is unacceptable to someone so invested in always being pleasant. They're compelled to suppress any "bad" feelings. As the nice person continues to please everyone and the anger simmers underneath the surface, the pressure builds up. At some point emotions begin to leak, in the form of snarky comments, whining, needling, sarcasm, passive-aggressive behaviour or even outbursts of rage. When a nice person leaks resentment it's usually met with surprise or with more anger, which reinforces their belief that anger should never be expressed. A vicious circle is created in which the nice person pleases others, becomes resentful, represses and then leaks their anger and then represses their feelings some more. As a result, I believe they'll often get caught up in addictive behaviours which are meant to compensate for their mounting frustration. I have found that nice people will often turn to starchy, fatty or sugary "comfort foods" to help them to stuff down their anger and soothe their hurt feelings. They'll sometimes abuse alcohol or turn to tranquillizers to anaesthetize their pain. Some will go on spending sprees, trying to buy themselves happiness. The nice person is overly-invested in the emotional pay-off they're hoping to achieve by pleasing and taking care of others. They're also unwilling to face how much hurt or anger they're carrying. They're resistant to changing their behaviour, despite the consequences of their compensatory addictions. |
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