₦airaland Forum

oko iyawo en le o

na u wan change d room for am

ee oo

aw tnk God

Three Questions
A man calls his lawyer and asks: How much would you charge me to answer three questions?

LAWYER: Four Hundred Dollars

MAN: That's a bit steep don't you think?

LAWYER: I suppose, What's you third question?



When Snails Attack
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day. A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises.

Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office. "What happened to you? the officer asks.

"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.

"Can you describe what they looked like?"

"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."



Henpecked
Ohilebo was henpecked. He was seeing a psychiatrist about the problem. The doctor told him, "You don't have to let your wife bully you! Go home and show her you're the boss!"

Ohi got home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on, you're taking orders from ME! When I get home from now on, I want my supper ON the table.

"I want you go right NOW and lay out my clothes. I'm going out with the boys.

"And YOU'RE going to stay home where you belong. Another thing, you know who's going to tie my tie?"

ohi's wife replied calmly, "The undertaker?"

e o iyen ma ga ju

i ceeeeeeeeee

forgot to add dis, let him choose his choice


Too Many Choices
Question: What would you like to have , Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?

Answer: Tea, please.

Question: Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?

Answer: Ceylon tea

Question: How would you like it? Black or White?

Answer: White

Question: Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?

Answer: With milk.

Question: Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk?

Answer: With cow milk please.

Question: Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?

Answer: Um, I’ll take it black.

Question: Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?

Answer: With sugar.

Question: Beet sugar or cane sugar ?

Answer: Cane sugar.

Question: White , brown or yellow sugar?

Answer: Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead.

Question: Mineral water or still water?

Answer: Mineral water

Question: Flavored or non-flavored?

Answer: I'd rather die of thirst.

here's more for protocol's boss


Talking Dog
A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars."

The neighbor said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking-dog stuff? There ain't no such animal."

Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times."

"Hey!" said the neighbor. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?"

"Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies.


No Tapping
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped Centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!“

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Its okay, thats not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”


Rude Parrot
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.

David tried to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude.

Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming then suddenly there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions and ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."

David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude, and was just about to ask what had made such a drastic change, when the parrot continued,

"Now, if I may ask, what did the chicken do?"

DEAR ABBY: I was standing with a friend when another friend came over to us and said loudly, "You two are really short!" The friend I was standing with walked off offended, while I just stood there looking at the ignorant person and not knowing what to say. Let me explain, this isn't the first time the ignoramus has said this to me. What would you do in this situation? -- SPEECHLESS

DEAR SPEECHLESS: Frankly, I'd probably say, "Life is short, and so is this conversation. Goodbye!" Then I'd rejoin the friend I had been standing with. I certainly wouldn't prolong the conversation.

oya jamisi joh paddy mi

which type of vegetable be dat

protocol:

NICE JOKES DEAR. MY MATES IN THE OFFICE ARE SERIOUSLLY LAUGHING. AM TEMTED TO INVITE MY BOSS TO READ THEM, HE HAS NOT BEEN HAPPY SINCE MORNING. I KNOW THEY WILL MAKE HIM HAPPY. KEEP IT UP

hw far

seconded

rest

tired

okay

hey

thanks

Hospital Fun
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.

“I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.”

Peter said, “But I could be dead by then!”

Receptionist replied, “No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment. “


Birthday Message
A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says, "Put 'You're not getting older,' at the top and 'You're getting better' at the bottom."

The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You're not getting older at the top, You're getting better at the bottom."


Cheap Parrot
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.”

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, “That’s really not so bad.”

When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.”

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman’s husband ‘Keith’ came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

“Hi, Keith!”

five

four

aiit, contact clem for d replacement of ur lose teeth

three

two

one

shut wat?

clouds

heavens

;d :d ;d :d ;d :d

not by me

wo mon gbadun e joh