₦airaland Forum

ejibaba:
Funny enough, there are men praying for their wife and their marriage.

indeed
those are sensible men.

Emaprince:
It might also be that she dated married men when she was single. Why is it hard for you women to think it from this angle?

I wonder why all of you are acting like OP might be a total saint. Just because the hubby is not here to give his own side of the story.

Millions of Nigerian girls are out there dating married men and causing problem in other women's marriages...so its expected when they get married and single girls date their hubbies too.

I have learnt to not pity women who gets cheated on due to personal experiences.

your third paragraph could be true tho

but then...
not all women

row2ray:
I refrain from certain comments. While what he did is disrespectful and wrong, why do all of you (females) cry foul when you are in the hot seat. I've seen so many men bear toxic marriages to save face, or save thier children. Men are also victims of abuse. The other day I heard a woman complaining that her husband had developed a slight pot belly from his former six pack when they were dating. I had to point out that his schedule had changed and so had his focus. He now thinks about every one but himself and his body and Mind suffers for it. Women worry about being out of shape after pregnancy. Men take it and smile. Infidelity I today's marriages run rampant. When women are at the recieving end its all hurt and other b.s when men are, the women are feminists, independent etc... You all need to get your mind right

this is another TRUTH

men equally suffer in their marriages o

but you know men deal with things differently

Emaprince:
Same thing to goes to women

exactly

ojkalito:
Most of our women have been programmed to think marriage is the highest achievement for them hence they ignore the red flags during courtship and even when married all in the name of saving their marriage, little wonder they end up in situations like this and if not managed properly could lead to Iraq and Iran war. Can you imagine the advice the girl I quoted gave

I have been reading shocking comments

ejibaba:
Temporary separation...she should move out Yes for now...But keep her kneels on the ground for him...There battles in every man's life, so advising a person to run away from his battles are not right. She should stay away, get busy and focus on other things but should see this as her prayer point....Simple...

This approach of everything divorce is not and will never be a solution...You people seem to forget the children suffers for this divorce. Separation comes first and in event, there is no repentance, then divorce can be considered.

the father of the child should have thought about that too...
why does it always have to be the women struggling fighting and praying and miserable trying to save marriage ?


It baffles me that women who are even the ones who get the short end of the stick largely support this Fvckery

robinsoncrosoe:
Yes u may be right too.

But I want u to understand that women cause 70% of their problems most of the time

They always go for flashy things and forget all that glitters are not gold

Let me give u an example

When I was in medical school, some of my class gals had guys that was dying to marry them when they finished school.but they didn't want those regular guys.they wanted people overseas.it was like a competition. Like they all wanted their husbands to be Americana.if u understand me.they started leaving the guys they were with and started marrying people from America and Europe they barely knew

Tomorrow,same people will come and tell us their husbands cheated and was not remorseful

I get your point

I was once a uni student too...

Besides the biggest enemy to a lot of women today is HYPERGAMY

it was useful back in the day

but in the 21st century

it is a HANDICAP....

just saying

genq:
I'm glad you mentioned our mothers - who truly were virtous and hard working women.
Can the same be said for your generation? A generation of baby mamas, nymphos, sluuts and lesbians.

if you are talking of today's women

then I'll tell you like I said before

That it depends on the ones you pick

I know so many young hard working ladies back in Nigeria

running catering, hair dressing and other crafts that brings cash

but a lot of young men I see in Nigeria would rather follow what you guys call "slay queen"

when you follow slay queen and then get slayed, you begin to cry...

Back in uni, there were virtuous ladies who were hard working and all, but we were looking for slay queen

The agaro hunters amongst us nailed those ladies and as we speak they are married with kids living happily

The society is corrupt and rotten

Open your eyes and look properly
you will see a virtuous lady and industrial one...

if your argument is that these days, there are MORE ladies who don't have much to offer, i would have agreed

but generalizing as ALL WOMEN is foolery

LilMissFavvy:
I don't know your background. In the background I come from, women bring money to the table. Women bear children. Women care for the kids. Most women care for their homes, while the busy ones pay a househelp. Most women contribute money to build houses with their hubby. Why do men keep talking about bride price? BULLLSSHIT Some bride prices are so meager and cheap, some low key weddings are so wretched, yet a man will still brag that he spent money. Some women contribute to foot wedding bills, yet at the end it is a woman that has to LOSE HER FATHERS NAME to bear the name of a strange man.

I see yoir point BUT I think there are two things that are a bit somehow in your post

1) Changing your surname is a social construct that you don't have to adhere to.....
How this Norman French culture permeated into mainstream global culture still baffles me...

many many cultures DO not mandate you to change surname
core Islamic culture, and Latin culture (Hispanic) are two amongst many
you choose to change your name, and the society has conditioned people to believe that is the norm


2) Bride price SIGNIFIES something
it's not about the amount, it's the SIGNIFICANCE of that act

Bride pricr originally connotes ownership (back in the day)
And it's not about the amount paid
no matter the amt paid, once value was paid, the "product" becomes your own

That is why I pay no bride price

And none of my girls will be paid brideprice

It's a culture that should be THROWN AWAY if truly you do not want men who believe strongly in what bride price connotes to see you as possessions.

Think about it...

CHoccolaTE:
Just imagine the senseless question this thread is asking.

In Nigeria, just go into any typical market and 80% of the traders are female. Is it offices? Or handwork like catering or beauty treatments in every corner that women also run?
My co worker in the office is also a part time baker and chef along with her white collar job.
Many Nigerian women run two consecutive jobs as well as handle 80% of house and child care.
I know people like op are mostly indoorsy type that hardly interact with the real world outside and think the rubbish they read on the internet is the same as real life.

Immediately I saw MGTOW I knew op clearly is very indoorsy has no idea how majority of Nigerian households run. Just coming here to propagate a movement american men started. As if america and Africa are the same.

MGTOW and Modern day feminists (emphasis on MODERN) are 21st century jokers...

two side to the same coin of madness
so I don't take either of them serious

bukatyne:
Women are blessed with building bonds and social cushion that men are not so old age is not as lonely.

@Bold: You need better comprehension skills

this your point is RELATIVELY subjective tho

Whether a man or WOMAN will be lonely at old age largely depend on the person And how the person he/she is ot social skills.....

but I still see your point


@OP

what do women bring to the table?

Depend on the TYPE of woman you married

If you get hooked to a lazy and unproductive one
sorry nwanne

but if you marry a level and productive woman, That type of women turn the houses we build into a HOME you willl want to hurry to at the end of each day

But then the choice is yours to PICK that woman
there are many out there, just that some men are not looking the right direction


#Just Saying

robinsoncrosoe:
My first time commenting on relationship issues .I don't really do it cos we don't get to hear the other side of the story.this story is from one source.

But if this story is true, then I blame most women.as u asked her if she didn't notice during their courtship days...most of them won't because they didn't have time to examine the man coming to marry them
They just marry the man with money who can take care of them.then when he starts misbehaving, they come here to say all men are same and blap crap
When u marry a friend that understands u ,u will hardly see things like this.

For the fact he cheated and is not remorseful shows u how worthless u are to him

you have raised another valid point

but that MAY not be the case wirt the OP

Mercy1212:
I suggest you stay calm at the moment Ma, if you aren't working or doing business get yourselves busy, that will help in keeping your state of mind focused on something, while you trust God your husband will acknowledge his mistakes and come back to you.
Above all build a great self esteem by looking good,it has a way of making him realize you also get attention from other people and Men hate to be competitive.

oh man *facepalm*

And you wonder why women are treated the way they are in Nigeria

FASASI1:
Some people are crazy any small thing prayer any big thing prayer and this are the people that will pray and won't work but they will always expect positive result. Let me tell you something why do you think USA, Dubai etc is better than Nigeria?? It's because they pray and work towards the prayer unlike Nigeria who will praythen sit back and expect miracles fucking country

Cool down brother

no need to vex

chris51:
I am advising you as a grand mother. I have been married for almost 50 years.

Please in the name of Almighty God, DO NOT pack out of the house.
Ignore your husband and his girlfriend.
Concentrate on taking good care of yourself and the family.
It's a hard thing to do but I assure you, this is the best way to handle the situation.
Reduce the financial contribution you make in the house.
Opportunity will come for you to punish your husband psychologically.
Before you know it, he will see another girl and dump this one.
My dear girl, just make yourself beautiful and demand more money from your husband.
God will grant you patience to deal with the situation.
Your weapon is that you own the man and your home.
Make yourself financially independent.
Don't allow anyone talk you into leaving.

Don't take this the wrong way madam....

but it is advice like this, and your generation of women and how they conditioned the societal expectation of men and women that is to blame for all these foolishness of men that we see today

Whether she should leave ot stay is up to her, but as a man, i I know for sure that it is the leeway women have given MEN that is to blame for all these foolishness

This mentality has no place in 2019

If you women have stood up and set better standards men in Nigeria would respect their wives more (at least even if he is playing away match, he will respect his wife and keep it far away from her, and MAKE sure that the side piece knows her place and never disrespect the wife)

But because of advice like this, and what women have allowed, the INCENTIVE for men to misbehave in this manner has made a lot of them to.....
.

when a man knows he is at risk of losing his precious family /knows that grave consequences will follow with his
cheating /disrespect, he will


1) Do the right thing and respect himself and his wife and zip up


or

2) Play his away games FAR away from his wife, and keep it away from her and at least pretend to respect her

There is NO way I'm raising my precious daughters to have this kind of conditioning and mindset.

enemachris:
So pathetic. This can only hapen in a country where women no longer marry men they love but marry men who are ready for mariage.

this is another factor as well

Jentle244:
Same thing I would still tell my sister, would still support her in prayer.

Divorce is never a way out. I believe she did see the warning signs but went ahead.



You see in all this it is the child that will suffer it. You can't compared a child that is single parented to one whose dad and mom is there. Trust me there is a huge difference

I hope you would say the same think (divorce is never a way out) when your wife, or your brother wife cheats on you/brother brazenly

Needtolove:
then let her, who no go no know.

wow

babygirlfl:
This is not a problem with women only. This is a problem with society. We practice master slave relationship in almost every sector. Boss to staff, government to the people being governed, pastor to members, husband to wife, madam to house girl, lecturer to student. civil servant to civilians and the list goes on. There is constant abuse of position and leadership in our society. We as a society need to change the way we think.

this is an accurate explanation

but still, it's worse among female

Hadampson:
Abi nah. Na one thing i appreciate Nigeria be that... We no dey play with home training for this country and na that way i go train my pikin even if my wife na oyibo... I no go accept make she spoil my pikin for me

That is NOT home training but foolishness

it is what NiggerArea called home training that has ruined youths to the extent that they cannot challenge /question /deal ruthlessly with those in authority that has ruined their country..

Assuming most Nigerians were trained as western (American) folks
the likes of Buhari, Atiku, Tinubu, OkoroAwusa, those useless Randy lecturers in our tertiary institutions, the wicked bosses in the corporate space and the list goes on will ALL be in trouble
imagine a lecturer deliberately failing ALL students in a typical class with Americans

what will follow would astonish the lecturer
or a boss tell you to your face that he will NOT pay you your entitlements
That boss will be out of business because the bad press; boycott and further consequence that follows will be too much for him

Nigerians better DITCH that mentality ASAP

what is home training really is to teach your child to be RESPECTFUL to all and HAVE MANNERS and conduct themselves properly outside and at home

DasAll

Originalsly:
I would like to know what is meant by home training?....is it basically do as you're told.... no questions asked... keep your thoughts to yourself/contrary views to yourself? If yes...or something like that... then the best home trained people in the world are North Koreans. When we begin to question authority is when we will see those in authority doing the right thing and the country progressing.

exactly

I absolutely agree

APOPTOSIS:
If this LADY'S QUESTION na EXAMINATION, more than 90 percent of the people that commented would have failed woefully.

She clearly said she doesn't need any ADVICE, meanwhile 95% failed that part...

many of us still dropped the advice because we know she is talking out of anger

when body cool down

sensibilities will return

opribo:
First of all, let me apologise on his behalf. All I have to say is that some women will look sexy just to get married once married they careless about their looks.

My own is that women must continuously look good and attractive so their spouses won't cheat. Btw, marriage is for matured minds and not for everybody. That man should have known never to date a neighbor for national peace.

This is what I often tell women around me tho

this is me flipping the script

When you get married to a man, you have signed up a responsibility to take care of his needs, he did same too

And one of the top 5 needs of a man is SEX

And when YOU do not cater to such need, or you don't see it as a priority (which btw a good number of women don t, hence that repulsive phrase "is sex food? " ) a man has needs and he is at greater risk of getting it elsewhere
taking care of yourself to attract him to you in the way you can (Does not have to be Kim Kardashian perfection tho) to cater to his need is one of the duties of a wife

It's like how women who don't get their emotional need catered to by theyr husband shift to their kids to cover that need (especially sons, and when such sons are about getting married, wahala sets in {troublemaker MIL } )

But men do not have such advantage, we cannot be nacking our offspring

I just think men and women in long term relationships (marriage id a form of long term relationship btw) should do all that can go cater to the needs of their spouse

And on a side note @opribo
I read of a woman who said she "outsourced" her responsibility to third party (Oyibo people and bizarre life )

since according to her she cannot fill in the gap, her husband is free to be one of these sex tourists who go to Thailand to attend to his needs

As long as its that far away
I was likr

but if that works for them, why not?

Born2Breed:
Most men cheats, its in their nature but they can be easily tamed.

Women who quit their marriages because of the dog mentality of most men,are not ready to stay married. What gives her the impression that her single motherhood or next marriage will fare better.

Women must have the "we die here" mentality. Men are extremely jealous even if they pretend they aren't. There are things the OP (who doesn't needs advice) can do that will tame that man and take his cheating habit not only very far away but very discreet about it.

It is the nature of HUMANS to crave multiple partners

Just like other barbaric things that are in our nature but we CURB because we are higher animals

Laws are put in place to curb the nature and instincts of man just so you know

And it is social conditioning that has made it seem that it is okay to "cheat" / have multiple partners for a man, while it is frowned against for a woman.....

such conditioning have given MEN today and in recent past
the INCENTIVE to behave in such manner

I don't want to go too deep into sociology /anthropology tho
but those who understand do know that the instinct to act like animals are in us, as humans, and what makes us humans is the ability to TAME such nature and be disciplined /responsible


That said....

A good number of men do...

A good number Don't and will never do

This may be disconcerting to you, but that is the truth

A man who is given NO incentive to cheat will not
same as women

In cultures that do not shame women for their sexuality, or does not condition women the way women were conditioned in nigeria for instance,
even in marriage many still play away matches and they are sexually liberal


The point of this long story is that because the society (especially women) have created that conditioning for men / given them the incentive to cheat/behave in such manner, that is why they are doing so brazenly

Frankiss44:
Very silly putting all the blame on the innocent woman and not even a swipe at the goat that calls himself a husband... One thing is to cheat, another thing is to justify it and even insult the woman you married because of a slut that is probably sharing the pussy to every dick and Harry...


The man is goat and the woman needs some form of separation from him, even if divorce isn't the immediate solution.

That is one part the foolish man may not realize

That pussy he is fvcking is EVERY ONES pussy

Frankiss44:
Even joblessness men mess up with wives that are bread winners, not just independent...


There is more to cheating that meets the ordinary eyes.. And it is getting worse these days because sex is so cheap right now

more like people are no longer disciplined

Gone are the days when it was a thing of pride to be chaste AS A MAN or WOMAN


Gone are the days when women will rather not sleep around

or men respect themselves and see a woman.who wants to lure him to bed as that dangerous woman the book of proverbs painted her to be...

Now everyone is looking for thrills and their lack of discipline is destroying them and families...

these days married women and men are messing themselves up...

mustwork:
I am a man but this pained me to my marrow. You don't deserve that after your baby.. pause and think please don't take any rash decision.

it pained me too

Bbbwings:
Which kin thrash be this

I'm surprised

LordofNaija:
Woman went all out looking for evidence, she got what she was looking out for . If I catch my wife cheating, she's gone, in na she catch me too shae is gone na waoh

just imagine someone mindset

ojkalito:
Did you know life is short? Would you rather spend it with one who body shame you, abuse you emotionally and mentally or live independently and be free of the aforementioned?

you know the funny thing

most of the people suggesting she prays and stay put and all that are WOMEN while many of us calling out the foolishness of the man are MEN LIKE US

That should tell you something
the way a lot of women have been conditioned (by their mothers and other women in the society) is very unfortunate

the day women in general ditch such conditioning
Men in general will have no choice than to respect them at least

It's terrible

trapQ:
What if her husband is the devil you've been hearing about?

There is room for forgiveness and even more room when that person is remorseful and apologize.

your second paragraph is precisely the point I'm making

Born2Breed:
Now you have let out the steam,hope you are now okay.

Since you don't need ADVICE and want to quit the marriage, what are you waiting for?

When you are done,please show us the divorce paper and goodluck in your single motherhood or next marriage.

Me,I will only warn you, cos you didn't say you don't want warning...The day you quit the marriage, your neighbour will waka in jejely and take over.

And the neighbour taking over, what does that have to do with her well being IF she decides to leave the foolish man

The cheating is not even what is sickening
It's his brazen foolishness and the fact that MANY Women think it is O.K. to be treated like $hit in that way.

If he had "pretended" to be remorse or at least NOT disrespecting the wife after finding out, that would have been a different case....

But that brazen act of disrespect should not be tolerated by any woman at all.

And the neighbour taking over will even be at her detriment because like it's said in Yoruba
the cane dem use flog first wife is still available for service

one day he will get tired of her

And move to the next thing that freaks him