₦airaland Forum

PLEASE READ THIS:
This is a TRUE LIFE story of a young Ex-Unilag girl who passed away last
month.
Her name is Lola. She was
hit by a car at Oyingbo on her way
to work at Apapa. She was
working with MTN. She had a boy
friend named Emeka, a banker
who was recently transferred to
Abuja. Both of them were true
lovers. She spent half of the day
and most nights talking with
Emeka on her phone. Lola's family
knew about their relationship.
Emeka was veryclose to Lola's
family in spite of the tribal
differences. (justimagine their
love).
Before she passed away at LUTH,
she told her friends "If I pass
away, please bury me with my cell
phone" she also said the same
thing toher parents.
After her death at LUTH, the
attendants couldn't carry herbody
to the mortuary. A lot ofthem tried to do so but still couldn't. They went and called some priests in church who had the gift of
communicating with d dead. He
sprinkled some salt and water on
the bodyand started speaking to
himself slowly. After afew
minutes, they said "this girl ?§
missing sometin".
Then her friends told them about
her intention to be buried her
with her phone. They asked them
to bring a coffin, and then they
opened it and placed her phone
inside the casket. After that they
tried to carry the body. It could
now be moved and they carriedit
away easily.
Everyone was shocked. A day later
which was Lola's birthday, Emeka
came to theirhouse with gifts but
was so shocked to receive d
news. He couldn't believe because
he still spoke with Lola d previous
day, he then tried calling her
phone again in their presence
and behold! It rang and Lola
picked it and they were chatting.
They called d priest to come and
intervene nd when he came and
prayed for 5 hours, it was
revealed dat MTN is EVERYWHERE
go
Chill, don't hate me yet, cos I'm
also loking for the person who
sent me dis crap.
Una like gist sha

This is sooooo funny: HaHaHaHa
Girlfriend : (Low Voice) Sweety, Last night I
had a dream about you.
:
Akpors : (excited) Oooh, Tell me Somtin Honey
:
Girlfriend : I dreamt We were traveling in a
bus, Suddenly the bus lost control & fell in
the river. Everyone swam to save their life, but
you were still swimming and searching
for someone.
:
Akpors : (with luv) : Oh, Definately, i was
searching for You..Right?"
:
Girlfriend : (Frown) NO, You were shouting,
Driver! Driver!!,
Please, Give me My Change before You Die..

A Chinese man called a Prostitute house &
asked for the services of their most talented &
energetic girl.
The girl finally got to his home & they started
having sex.
Once he was done, he jumped off the bed,
ran to the window, took a deep breath, went
under the bed & came out the other side &
started having sex with the girl again.. After
he had finished the 2ndtime, he again
jumped off the bed, ran to the window, went
under the bed & came out the other side &
started again..This he did 8 more times! The
girl was impressed by his Stamina.
After they finished the 10th time, she decided
to try it herself.
So, she jumped off the bed, ran to the
window, took a deep breath, went under the
bed & saw 9 more Chinese men....

AKPORS AND THE EGG SELLER
Akpors: How much are ur eggs?
Egg seller: BIG ones go for N30, SMALL ones
N25 and CRACKED ones N5.
Akpors hands her N30 and says,
"Crack me 6 BIG ones"

A wife was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband's key in the
door.
"Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk
he won't even notice you'rein bed with me."
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed, a
few minutes later, through a drunken haze,
he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the
bed. He turned to his wife :
"Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There
should only be four. What's going on ?"
"Nonsense," said the wife,"You're so drunk
you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again.
You can see better from over there."
The husband climbed out of bed and counted.
"One, two, three, four. Damn, you're right!!!!!

I suqqest you find a clinic that will help amputate the balls in 2days or better still, you can wait for the balls to fall of on their own in d next 3months

Akpos again!!!
Akpos came home crying from school. His
Father went back with him to find out why
his teacher beat him.
Papa Akpos: Teacher why you beat my Pikin?
Teacher: Ask your son what he did?
Papa Akpos: Akpos wetin u do?
Akpos: I asked her why is Bra singular when
it covers 2 items and Panties plural when it
covers just 1 item?
Papa Akpos: Osalobuwa! Teasher don teash
my pikin nonsense! LIKE My fanpage@ www.facebook.com/guvnasmookey

May God deliver us from all these Facebook grammars:
"To hair is human to forgive is design"
"I hate guys wit low selves of steam".
"You are a blessing to your generator".
"I am a soccer for guys wit six park".
"My bb charger is no longer walking".
"Anybody who supports this killings is a
carnival"
Be magnified oh Lord, you are highly
exhausted ♫♪
Be thou exhausted, exhausted ♫♪
You are handsome in this place mighty God
♫♪
Crucified laid behind a stove" ♫♪
Upsome God, mighty God ♫♪

abeg follow my fanpage@ www.facebook.com/guvnasmookey

Obioma & Akpos dey scatter fight outside
examination hall, classmates gather. Wetin
happen na? Akpos : Dis idiot copy me 4
exam! Obioma: Copy wetin? I no write
anything, na blank sheet i submit! Akpos :
Una don see am? Na blank sheet I submit
too! The examiner go think say we copy
from each other!.

Dame Patience went out for drink with
some of the top women….
Waiter brings their bill:
Dame Patience N10,400
Ngozi Okonjo. N10,250
Dora Akunyili. N10,450
Turai Yar’adua. N10,200
Total. N41,300
She says: I will pay for everyone else, but
Total must pay
for herself because I didn’t invite her, afterall
she owns
petrol stations all over Nigeria!

On a sunday ,a gang went into a church and
started closing windows and doors.
Dey told the congregation that they were
goin to kill everyone but in Alphabetical orda.
they went 2 the Rev.
What is your name?
Rev;zoseph Zmith
lucky you
pianist;My name is Zemmanuel Zambali but
one of the ushers ova dere is Akpors samuel
"you lyin bastard",Akpors screamed at the
top of his voice"Oga my friends call me
Zzzakpors Zzzamule"
(who wan die?)
;DOn a sunday ,a gang went into a church and
started closing windows and doors.
Dey told the congregation that they were
goin to kill everyone but in Alphabetical orda.
they went 2 the Rev.
What is your name?
Rev;zoseph Zmith
lucky you
pianist;My name is Zemmanuel Zambali but
one of the ushers ova dere is Akpors samuel
"you lyin bastard",Akpors screamed at the
top of his voice"Oga my friends call me
Zzzakpors Zzzamule"
(who wan die?)

www.facebook.com/guvnasmookey

I LOVE MY COUNTRY JOR
Na only for Nigeria you fit win
Aeroplane by loading #200 MTN
Recharge Card.
D Na only for Nigeria you go see
fish
inside"MEATPIE" =D Na only for Nigeria
we dey count money after we withdraw am
from ATM because we no even trust ATM
machines.Na only for Nigeria PHCN dey sey: Win a brand new GENERATOR if
you pay
your light bill (wat a piti)=D Na
only fo Naija people dey horn for
traffic light make e quick change frum Red to Green. Na only for Nigeria
Pharmacy dey sell Coke, Recharge Card, Chin chin, Puff
puff, Ogogoro and beer.=D Wetin
NO ONLY NAIJA GET DREADLOCKED PRESIDO
you u no see for Naija, you no fit see am anywhere
in d world...

Two mad men, Akpos and
Bantem,
planed to run away from the
mental hospital, they agreed that
they will go to the gate; beat up
the
watchman then open the gate
and
run away..... When they reached
the
gate , the watchman wasn't there
and the gate was wide open....
They
said "Shiitt our plan has failed, lets
go back we shall try again
tomorrow."



****its your boy mehn, LIKE MY FANPAGE ON FACEBOOK @ GUVNA SMOOKEY

An American zoologist
asked 2 Igbo men to catch lions 4 him at price of $20,000 per lion.
The Igbo men went into d
forest 2 catch lions, after a
fruitless search they fell asleep
4rm exhaustion.
A short while later one of them
heard d roar of a lion
and
woke up, he saw 150 lions
surrounding them, instead of
him to find an escape route, he
woke his friend up and
shouted; eh,
EMEKA WAKE UP.....WE DON
HAMMER!!!

na joblessness de make una gossip waka... Tatafo dem. Mtchw *strolling out*

na for 9ja mosquito de gym. Na for 9ja persin de cary BASIN go atm.

Two BokoHaram members were Fitting a
Bomb in a Car, den 1 of dem asked, "What will we do If d
Bomb Explode While Fitting it?"
the 2nd said, "Dont worry, av
got another One In the House.." lol

neva knew u were a GAYactivist

unanogetworku

just because every Dick n Harry hav access to d net, they misuse that opportunity to post rubbish about govnmnt not knowin a thing about what its like to rule over 150 million pipo who hav difrnt ideas n beliefs. One man's meat is anoda man's poison

mtchw... Nansense... Com try dis one for umukoro obot community comprehensive mixed qrammar school, weda u qo eit ritdon 4 one week

gUNNers 4 eva... #teamKilEmAll

[quote author=uprigt_d]Make una nor worry, we don play dis match for winsh last night... We win d match 11 nil... Quote me after d match.[/quote]i talk am before o, hehehe... Waiter abeg giv evrybody 1botle of alcohol

Australia 31 - 0 American Samoa
Coffs Harbour, Australia; April 11,
2001
Qualifier for 2002 World Cup
(Record in a FIFA world cup
qualifying match, also an
international record.)
Bearing in mind with no
disrespect, that these players are
mostly just average Joe's pulled
from their regular jobs to
represent American Samoa.
I also read once before though
that there was a match in Europe
somewhere that produced a
37-2 (or similar) win. Perhaps
someone will have that info in an
answer for you.

naija dey rep as bIG sIsta 2 Gambia... We de fight dem fight, we de console dem... She Oyinbo say dem strong, dem de chop bottle?

Make una nor worry, we don play dis match for winsh last night... We win d match 11 nil... Quote me afteq the match.

odizzy: if it is real, is either he is a criminal. Someone cnt do dat 4 dis God4saken country

na real o, i see am wit ma naked eye, korokoro