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Jokes Etc / Sad Touching Story by uprigtd: 7:09am On Dec 11, 2012 |
PLEASE READ THIS: This is a TRUE LIFE story of a young Ex-Unilag girl who passed away last month. Her name is Lola. She was hit by a car at Oyingbo on her way to work at Apapa. She was working with MTN. She had a boy friend named Emeka, a banker who was recently transferred to Abuja. Both of them were true lovers. She spent half of the day and most nights talking with Emeka on her phone. Lola's family knew about their relationship. Emeka was veryclose to Lola's family in spite of the tribal differences. (justimagine their love). Before she passed away at LUTH, she told her friends "If I pass away, please bury me with my cell phone" she also said the same thing toher parents. After her death at LUTH, the attendants couldn't carry herbody to the mortuary. A lot ofthem tried to do so but still couldn't. They went and called some priests in church who had the gift of communicating with d dead. He sprinkled some salt and water on the bodyand started speaking to himself slowly. After afew minutes, they said "this girl ?§ missing sometin". Then her friends told them about her intention to be buried her with her phone. They asked them to bring a coffin, and then they opened it and placed her phone inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It could now be moved and they carriedit away easily. Everyone was shocked. A day later which was Lola's birthday, Emeka came to theirhouse with gifts but was so shocked to receive d news. He couldn't believe because he still spoke with Lola d previous day, he then tried calling her phone again in their presence and behold! It rang and Lola picked it and they were chatting. They called d priest to come and intervene nd when he came and prayed for 5 hours, it was revealed dat MTN is EVERYWHERE go Chill, don't hate me yet, cos I'm also loking for the person who sent me dis crap. Una like gist sha 1 Like |
Jokes Etc / Re: I Think Am Funny!!!! by uprigtd: 6:21am On Dec 10, 2012 |
This is sooooo funny: HaHaHaHa Girlfriend : (Low Voice) Sweety, Last night I had a dream about you. : Akpors : (excited) Oooh, Tell me Somtin Honey : Girlfriend : I dreamt We were traveling in a bus, Suddenly the bus lost control & fell in the river. Everyone swam to save their life, but you were still swimming and searching for someone. : Akpors : (with luv) : Oh, Definately, i was searching for You..Right?" : Girlfriend : (Frown) NO, You were shouting, Driver! Driver!!, Please, Give me My Change before You Die.. 5 Likes |
Jokes Etc / Re: I Think Am Funny!!!! by uprigtd: 9:23am On Dec 09, 2012 |
A Chinese man called a Prostitute house & asked for the services of their most talented & energetic girl. The girl finally got to his home & they started having sex. Once he was done, he jumped off the bed, ran to the window, took a deep breath, went under the bed & came out the other side & started having sex with the girl again.. After he had finished the 2ndtime, he again jumped off the bed, ran to the window, went under the bed & came out the other side & started again..This he did 8 more times! The girl was impressed by his Stamina. After they finished the 10th time, she decided to try it herself. So, she jumped off the bed, ran to the window, took a deep breath, went under the bed & saw 9 more Chinese men.... 1 Like |
Jokes Etc / Re: I Think Am Funny!!!! by uprigtd: 9:18am On Dec 09, 2012 |
AKPORS AND THE EGG SELLER Akpors: How much are ur eggs? Egg seller: BIG ones go for N30, SMALL ones N25 and CRACKED ones N5. Akpors hands her N30 and says, "Crack me 6 BIG ones" 4 Likes |
Jokes Etc / Re: I Think Am Funny!!!! by uprigtd: 9:14am On Dec 09, 2012 |
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you'rein bed with me." Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed, a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife : "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on ?" "Nonsense," said the wife,"You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there." The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. Damn, you're right!!!!! 3 Likes |
Health / Re: Itching Balls For Months Now by uprigtd: 4:59am On Dec 08, 2012 |
I suqqest you find a clinic that will help amputate the balls in 2days or better still, you can wait for the balls to fall of on their own in d next 3months |
Jokes Etc / Re: I Think Am Funny!!!! by uprigtd: 3:54am On Dec 08, 2012 |
Akpos again!!! Akpos came home crying from school. His Father went back with him to find out why his teacher beat him. Papa Akpos: Teacher why you beat my Pikin? Teacher: Ask your son what he did? Papa Akpos: Akpos wetin u do? Akpos: I asked her why is Bra singular when it covers 2 items and Panties plural when it covers just 1 item? Papa Akpos: Osalobuwa! Teasher don teash my pikin nonsense! LIKE My fanpage@ www.facebook.com/guvnasmookey 1 Like |
Jokes Etc / Re: I Think Am Funny!!!! by uprigtd: 3:29am On Dec 08, 2012 |
May God deliver us from all these Facebook grammars: "To hair is human to forgive is design" "I hate guys wit low selves of steam". "You are a blessing to your generator". "I am a soccer for guys wit six park". "My bb charger is no longer walking". "Anybody who supports this killings is a carnival" Be magnified oh Lord, you are highly exhausted ♫♪ Be thou exhausted, exhausted ♫♪ You are handsome in this place mighty God ♫♪ Crucified laid behind a stove" ♫♪ Upsome God, mighty God ♫♪ abeg follow my fanpage@ www.facebook.com/guvnasmookey 2 Likes |
Jokes Etc / Re: I Think Am Funny!!!! by uprigtd: 3:13am On Dec 08, 2012 |
Obioma & Akpos dey scatter fight outside examination hall, classmates gather. Wetin happen na? Akpos : Dis idiot copy me 4 exam! Obioma: Copy wetin? I no write anything, na blank sheet i submit! Akpos : Una don see am? Na blank sheet I submit too! The examiner go think say we copy from each other!. 1 Like |
Jokes Etc / Re: I Think Am Funny!!!! by uprigtd: 2:49am On Dec 08, 2012 |
Dame Patience went out for drink with some of the top women…. Waiter brings their bill: Dame Patience N10,400 Ngozi Okonjo. N10,250 Dora Akunyili. N10,450 Turai Yar’adua. N10,200 Total. N41,300 She says: I will pay for everyone else, but Total must pay for herself because I didn’t invite her, afterall she owns petrol stations all over Nigeria! 2 Likes |
Jokes Etc / I Think Am Funny!!!! by uprigtd: 2:29am On Dec 08, 2012 |
On a sunday ,a gang went into a church and started closing windows and doors. Dey told the congregation that they were goin to kill everyone but in Alphabetical orda. they went 2 the Rev. What is your name? Rev;zoseph Zmith lucky you pianist;My name is Zemmanuel Zambali but one of the ushers ova dere is Akpors samuel "you lyin bastard",Akpors screamed at the top of his voice"Oga my friends call me Zzzakpors Zzzamule" (who wan die?) ;DOn a sunday ,a gang went into a church and started closing windows and doors. Dey told the congregation that they were goin to kill everyone but in Alphabetical orda. they went 2 the Rev. What is your name? Rev;zoseph Zmith lucky you pianist;My name is Zemmanuel Zambali but one of the ushers ova dere is Akpors samuel "you lyin bastard",Akpors screamed at the top of his voice"Oga my friends call me Zzzakpors Zzzamule" (who wan die?) www.facebook.com/guvnasmookey
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Politics / Re: Have You Ever Been Ashamed Of Being A Nigerian? by uprigtd: 4:00pm On Oct 24, 2012 |
I LOVE MY COUNTRY JOR Na only for Nigeria you fit win Aeroplane by loading #200 MTN Recharge Card. D Na only for Nigeria you go see fish inside"MEATPIE" =D Na only for Nigeria we dey count money after we withdraw am from ATM because we no even trust ATM machines.Na only for Nigeria PHCN dey sey: Win a brand new GENERATOR if you pay your light bill (wat a piti)=D Na only fo Naija people dey horn for traffic light make e quick change frum Red to Green. Na only for Nigeria Pharmacy dey sell Coke, Recharge Card, Chin chin, Puff puff, Ogogoro and beer.=D Wetin NO ONLY NAIJA GET DREADLOCKED PRESIDO you u no see for Naija, you no fit see am anywhere in d world...
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Jokes Etc / Re: JOKES SECTION CONTEST: Who Is Funny?? by uprigtd: 1:53pm On Oct 09, 2012 |
Two mad men, Akpos and Bantem, planed to run away from the mental hospital, they agreed that they will go to the gate; beat up the watchman then open the gate and run away..... When they reached the gate , the watchman wasn't there and the gate was wide open.... They said "Shiitt our plan has failed, lets go back we shall try again tomorrow." ****its your boy mehn, LIKE MY FANPAGE ON FACEBOOK @ GUVNA SMOOKEY 5 Likes |
Jokes Etc / Re: JOKES SECTION CONTEST: Who Is Funny?? by uprigtd: 9:49am On Oct 09, 2012 |
An American zoologist asked 2 Igbo men to catch lions 4 him at price of $20,000 per lion. The Igbo men went into d forest 2 catch lions, after a fruitless search they fell asleep 4rm exhaustion. A short while later one of them heard d roar of a lion and woke up, he saw 150 lions surrounding them, instead of him to find an escape route, he woke his friend up and shouted; eh, EMEKA WAKE UP.....WE DON HAMMER!!! 5 Likes |
Celebrities / Re: Empress Njamah Now Light-Complexioned: Is She Bleaching? by uprigtd: 1:21pm On Oct 04, 2012 |
na joblessness de make una gossip waka... Tatafo dem. Mtchw *strolling out* |
Jokes Etc / Re: Na 4 naija now by uprigtd: 7:16am On Oct 01, 2012 |
na for 9ja mosquito de gym. Na for 9ja persin de cary BASIN go atm. |
Jokes Etc / Re: Can You Do This 4 Naija? by uprigtd: 7:13am On Oct 01, 2012 |
Two BokoHaram members were Fitting a Bomb in a Car, den 1 of dem asked, "What will we do If d Bomb Explode While Fitting it?" the 2nd said, "Dont worry, av got another One In the House.." lol |
Jokes Etc / Re: The Most Successful Of All by uprigtd: 5:22pm On Sep 28, 2012 |
neva knew u were a GAYactivist |
Jokes Etc / Re: See The Meaning Of Your Name In Japanese Language. by uprigtd: 8:49pm On Sep 27, 2012 |
unanogetworku |
Politics / Re: Jonathan: Fear Of The Unknown Forces Nigerian Leaders To Stay In Office by uprigtd: 12:19pm On Sep 27, 2012 |
just because every Dick n Harry hav access to d net, they misuse that opportunity to post rubbish about govnmnt not knowin a thing about what its like to rule over 150 million pipo who hav difrnt ideas n beliefs. One man's meat is anoda man's poison |
Jokes Etc / Re: English Class by uprigtd: 12:02pm On Sep 27, 2012 |
mtchw... Nansense... Com try dis one for umukoro obot community comprehensive mixed qrammar school, weda u qo eit ritdon 4 one week |
European Football (EPL, UEFA, La Liga) / Re: CapitalOne Cup: Arsenal Vs Coventry City (6 - 1) On 26th Sept 2012 by uprigtd: 9:51am On Sep 27, 2012 |
gUNNers 4 eva... #teamKilEmAll |
Sports / Re: Azerbaijan Vs Nigeria (0 - 11): U-17 Women's World Cup On Tuesday Sept-25-2012 by uprigtd: 3:09pm On Sep 25, 2012 |
uprigt_d: Make una nor worry, we don play dis match for winsh last night... We win d match 11 nil... Quote me after d match. i talk am before o, hehehe... Waiter abeg giv evrybody 1botle of alcohol |
Sports / Re: Azerbaijan Vs Nigeria (0 - 11): U-17 Women's World Cup On Tuesday Sept-25-2012 by uprigtd: 2:26pm On Sep 25, 2012 |
Australia 31 - 0 American Samoa Coffs Harbour, Australia; April 11, 2001 Qualifier for 2002 World Cup (Record in a FIFA world cup qualifying match, also an international record.) Bearing in mind with no disrespect, that these players are mostly just average Joe's pulled from their regular jobs to represent American Samoa. I also read once before though that there was a match in Europe somewhere that produced a 37-2 (or similar) win. Perhaps someone will have that info in an answer for you. |
Sports / Re: Azerbaijan Vs Nigeria (0 - 11): U-17 Women's World Cup On Tuesday Sept-25-2012 by uprigtd: 2:13pm On Sep 25, 2012 |
naija dey rep as bIG sIsta 2 Gambia... We de fight dem fight, we de console dem... She Oyinbo say dem strong, dem de chop bottle? |
Sports / Re: Azerbaijan Vs Nigeria (0 - 11): U-17 Women's World Cup On Tuesday Sept-25-2012 by uprigtd: 9:16am On Sep 25, 2012 |
Make una nor worry, we don play dis match for winsh last night... We win d match 11 nil... Quote me afteq the match. 9 Likes |
Jokes Etc / Re: Can You Do This 4 Naija? by uprigtd: 8:20am On Sep 24, 2012 |
odizzy: if it is real, is either he is a criminal. Someone cnt do dat 4 dis God4saken countryna real o, i see am wit ma naked eye, korokoro |
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