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Sorry, I got distracted playing God of War but who's listening? Who cares?

The Bourne Ultimatum.

The last installment (so far, cuz I heard there'll be a fourth film) of the trilogy and what I think I like best. Since we're digressing from the theme Mr. Ludlum invented, we might as well run with it. This is the installment where medicine becomes poison. Where a renegade white blood cell starts to attack the immunity system. This is what happens when you invest too much in an agent and then try to liquidate him. Bourne doesn't liquidate easy. Paul Greengrass got it right this time with his unrelenting action sequences. The setting of Morocco was by the most intriguing of the trilogy. And the fight scene therein, the best also. The idea of activating deadly assassins/agents from all over the world with such ease and fluidity was actually far-fetched and truly plausible at the same time. The scene where was accusing the big boss man of lying that he was in his office when he wasn't and he would know cuz he (Bourne) was in his office right now. Ooooh, I always like one up authority's. I rate this film 90% cuz I'm tired and sleepy,

And before I forget, Mossad is truly the elite spy house. Their strength is in their obscurity, autonomy and determination.

The Bourne Supremacy.

This is my least favorite of the three. Perhaps Greengrass was a little raw trying to adapt the beast Doug had created to human reaction. The whole revenge mission left me a little hollow. I was thinking, with enough motivation Paul Allen will wear a cape and jump from the Empire state building. I didn't like the choice of India. Bourne is like fish in water when he's in Europe. Not with some nan-bread eating bollywood fans. The bad guy in this film provided the much needed personal edge to Bourne's drive and resourcefulness and reserve. It was two knights with the world as their dueling ground. Bourne won. I rate this 75%

Max. I didn't notice you come in. I was hoping to yab Bond before you know what's up. Now it's too late. But your post seems to me like you're shooting yourself in the foot na.

The Bourne Identity.

Don't you just love that title? Lucky for me, I didn't hear of this film till after it got released. I was saved a lot of longing. I'd never heard of director, Doug Liman. Hitherto, Matt Damon seemed the last human being on earth I'd have doing Bourne. Well, I'm glad that Doug didn't disappoint and I now think Matt Damon should be the first and only human being to do Bourne. This installment was nothing short of breathtaking. Franka Potente doesn't in any way come close to the cultured Canadian Marie of the book but she was something else in a very good and surprising and french way. Doug set a precedent that makes hard for the succeeding director, Paul Greengrass to fail. Doug's stuff threw open a vista of possibilities. So much so that you found it hard to choose which way to go. The characters were rich. The tension between them, so thick, you could cut it with a knife. The conflict of interests both within and without the Company so subtle and deadly you could taste it in the air. This is the only film in which I loved Clive Owen. I merely like him (or hate him) in other stuff. The part that made me release a silent and satisfied wow was the cop chase scene. Exquisite is the word. The fight scene with the suicidal break-and-entry baddie was a glimpse of what was to come. Quite simply, the Bond fight scenes are beautiful rip-offs of my Bourne doing his business. Long story short, I rate the Bourne Identity 90%.

Where to start? Ok, a few ground rules. There're three books of the same name with the trilogy that a certain Robert Ludlum (my one time favorite author) wrote. The first one was my one time favorite book. The second one was so so and the last one was a not so plausible ending to the first book. In other words I loved the first book tremendously but didn't get blown away by either of the other two. Perhaps Mr. Ludlum didn't initially plan a trilogy. That said, people love and hate the Bourne trilogy for exactly the same things. The park scene that JeSoul mentioned spoilt the film for some. (I replayed that scene at least ten times, in slow mo. My younger bro said he saw when they were making that part and it wasn't nearly as elegant. I'll stay away from any such behind the scenes awe breakers). Sauron obviously hates that the guy evades almighty interpol so easily. Interpol is nothing but international police. Not much an independent body as they're a coalition of police from around the world. Correct me if I'm mistaken.

If one reads the book, one will find the Bourne on the big screen almost a sissy in comparison with the one in print. This is the fallout point for some audiences like Semid4lyfe. In a tiny way, this is true for me too. Also, there's the giant crater due to the absence of one Ilich Ramirez Sanchez otherwise known as Carlos, the jackal. That was a major major break away from the book and I daresay, Carlos is just as colossal a force and a presence as Bourne himself.

The Bourne trilogy had different directors with different aspects of the Bourne persona that they wanted to exploit. To emphasize. This might ordinarily mean a breath of fresh air with each installment. It could also spell disaster. It's no secret that the installments have tiny continuity hitches. Ever so subtle that I commend the second and third directors. Opinion will always differ but I think while the directors did a good job, someone like Ridley Scott would have been great to do all three films. Or at least a huge fan of the book.

If you've been paying attention, you'll find I've been outlining my small problems with the trilogy. Normal review next, lol,

Hehe. I don't like writing long stuff and then get interrupted with that 'you may wish to review your post thingie'. That's why I haven't posted. That and cuz I wanted you to go first JeSoul. With your review, I now know you're my sister from another mother. Since JK is your bro too, I guess we are family, lol. I can only reiterate and expand upon most of what you said cuz it seems we both have the same favorite scenes. Sauron, since you like the first one, you're forgiven for not loving the other (especially since it's cuz you love the first one so much). But only just. Reviews coming up.

I don't see it happening. Probably some wildfire rumour. Until I hear something official, I won't even consider it. Ridiculous especially from the marketing point of view. I still think Mummy 3 would have done slightly better if Rachel Weisz had been in it (though a lot more would be needed to save that movie)

Ok. Move it along. I don't feel like going first though. Let my fellow Bourne lover start.

Well, I apologise to the priest but he just happened to be the flash point. I'd have said the same thing if I heard somebody bleat about Adichie. I love good writing. But profiting from its sensation deeply troubles me. It happens everywhere, really. I just can't stand people reading such sad stuff and go 'awww that's so sad' and then go on living their lives without at least digesting the food for thought when they know this happens for real. I remember Okonjo Iweala's kid wrote something similar about the wars in Sierra Leone for his thesis and he got a publishing deal for it. Never mind that the boy went to an ivy league school and probably can't speak pidgin english. It's almost like they're dying to hear our story as we tell it and we're dying to tell it. Though in his case, one cannot rule out the influence of his mum's position in the World bank. I'm skeptical about the history of the Jesuits as perhaps I'm skeptical of the history of everything but this priest is actually doing something. He just happened to write about his stuff. I think it's unfair to say his primarily motive was profit. I apologise to him again. I vaguely remember watching tv a long time ago and there was this guy talking about his book and his childhood etc. He was a priest too living somewhere in east Africa. I think they're the same person. Is this priest living in Kenya or at least outside Nigeria? That would seal the match I guess. You know you creeped me out when you mentioned Umberto Eco's name. I musta told you before. I almost read The Man Died if not for the lousy way the copy I got my hands on was printed. I skipped through it. It's more like a book chronicling his life in the hands of the tyranical military. Complete with dates and locations. It mildly reminded me of Schindler's Ark (or List). I'll surely look for it again. I know you think highly of it. There's also The Famished Road by Ben Okri. When I got that one too, I had to return it before starting. And I didn't know that he'd win the Booker and set a Guiness record whilst. I don't think I'll bother with Chinamanda's books anymore. I dislike too much hype. Then there're the classics that everybody has read. Writing and technology don't mix. I think writers will continue to get poorer and poorer as they lose the ability to use their imagination a little more as the world grows older. Writing can only be exciting and informative now. Precious little awes anymore. I babble too much nowadays.

Gee, Mama gee. Sorry nobody here really cares much for nollywood. And no, that's not unpatriotic.

@Gamine. I hope I don't suffocate.

Stupid multiple posts. I've run out of forced things to say. What's up, docs? Lol

There was some thread where we used to do books before, abi? Yes, Max. I read Steinbeck but it's been a while. I read Grapes of Wrath and something Eden, I forget. Those two. Faulkner wrote Faust abi? His name (and Homer's) appeal to me. I've not read Faust but I hope to. James Joyce made me conclude the Irish people write/wrote best. I've also come to the conclusion that they sing best.

I hate the book already. I hate the whole different vantage points thingie. It's becoming/become a cliche. I hate even more that African writers feel they must write about the sorrow we go through like they have an inkling beyond the frightening little that the media reports. Then people like Oprah who have elected themselves the conscience of America gobble up such books to appear like they'd hold your hand while you die. I'm sorry for the small outburst but there's a lot of genocide, oppression, occupation etc going on beyond a tidy little book (or 5 books). I hope I'm not judging the book or its writer too quickly but it's nothing against him or his book in particular. He just happens to be my scapegoat. What set me off was what Max said about him becoming rich. I think he might sell that much in the U.S. alone. Sorry people.

I'm so tired of surfing with my phone. I'm like the Lord of the Spam now. Gamine! That's as critical as it gets. Is that what we owe the pleasure of your return to nairaland?

All memories I have of the Staircase film is of a book. I'm sure I'm mistaken. Gamine, don't judge a book by its first few chapters. I (and all the books I've ditched halfway) wish I could take that advice. That said, me and Oprah don't think much alike and I'm sure I'll hate almost all the books she loves (except for those of Steinbeck). All this Emmy talk tells me one thing and one thing only. I need to go kiss and make up with the tube.

You mean iice abi? You're being naughty. Maybe you mean regular eyes. Frankly I just wanna see the new effects in the film. I like the idea of that corrosive green goo. What kind of great acting can one expect from a cast of a washed up hyperactive Dr. Who and that Wayan creature that we all love to hate? Na, I'll stick with the effects. Yes, you're sneaking in posts.

Force of nature. Finest actress alive. Couldn't be better said. What's with the sneaky posts eh?

If you had a little more patience you'd realise that I'm lamenting it's not winning best picture. Must I write like I'm in kindergarten for you to pay attention?

And another tumbleweed tumbles by.

Did anybody say Bourne?

Oh, I don't know Spike. Maybe their having the same first names has something to do with it. What's up with you na. Na only cameos we dey get from you o.

I forgot to say that Jamie was great in Ray. Halle was ok in Monster's ball. But I respect consistency as even a blind man given enough chances will shoot a falcon flying at full speed between the eyes.

Last time I checked, my Behind was firm and rounded. It's a matter of who's looking. Who's paying attention. You women have too much control. Vesc doesn't venture out of this here thread. And vesc is very adventurous. Something gives.

Max. People like Halle and Jamie Foxx and films like The Shawshank Redemption are the reasons why I don't give Oscars absolute reckoning. In a bad year where all the released are just so-so, Oscars will still be awarded nonetheless. In a great year where most of the released films are awesome, some films and performances that belittle the winners of the bad year might not even get nominated. Maybe there should be awards for awesome films and one for the best. Maybe the Academy should reserve the right to withhold their naked golden man if no category attains excellence. I'm haunting you o. It's 5pm. Seven hours on the giant hour glass. iice and all, I no mind if una kill some boredom in the same fashion.

More like four. Yeah it's a POV thing. Really exquisite. In the most brutal B&W too.

Ah. I dunno if I wanna tell you of Rashomon. Do you know of Akiro Kurosawa? Have you seen Seven Samurai? Or at least the very recent The Last Samurai? I really don't wanna start for I'm sleepy and must go too. Trust the Academy to slap a life time achievement award on Gary's tombstone or on him when he's terminally ill at 90. Thank God, to me Oscars are just bonuses. You just need all the really good film makers to be busy with something and all the others to come up with crap and you to get a good muse to win an oscar. Tall order but not tall enough

Ah. I dunno if I wanna tell you of Rashomon. Do you know of Akiro Kurosawa? Have you seen Seven Samurai? Or at least the very recent The Last Samurai? I really don't wanna start for I'm sleepy and must go too. Trust the Academy to slap a life time achievement award on Gary's tombstone or on him when he's terminally ill at 90. Thank God, to me Oscars are just bonuses. You just need all the really good film makers to be busy with something and all the others to come up with crap and you to get a good muse to win an oscar. Tall order but not tall enough

Danke JeSoul. I have a couple of other things I'm passionate about. One cannot help but talk enthusingly about such stuff. I'm sure there are topics about which you can go on and on without breaking a sweat. And what more testimony do you want na. Karma obviously likes the film and is eager to talk about it. If it wasn't good, she'd have said so na. Abi you wan make she discuss the whole plot. One man's synopsis is another man's spoiler. O.

@Max. The actors I like, I like because they were consistent and that's it basically. They don't necessarily carry a movie all the way to my top 40 on their own. Some of my top 40 don't have actors from my list sef. I think. I just remembered The Indian in the Cupboard. I wonder which of the top 40 it can body check out of line. I'm gonna haunt you for your list, shey you know?

I dunno if you mean bastard as identification or insult seeing as they're The Inglorious Basterds. It reminds me of a funny parody of a war film that also had Bastards in its title. Do you know it?

Thanks iice. I see you've worked your magic. Max. I'm off the hook finally, lol.

@Spike. JeSoul lost someone.

Thanks iice. I see you've worked your magic. Max. I'm off the hook finally, lol.

@Spike. JeSoul lost someone.

Dang Max. I've never ever seen you post this early or even close. Yes, the phenomenon is the one you thought. I was one of those movies I'd have coveted for Spielberg. I rarely fail my promises you know. I spent the better part of last night, no, this morning doing the whys. I even had to chase away poor Gamine to concentrate. Some mechanisms have conspired to forever consign my sweat to 'my last posts'. So faithfully check my last posts to read it. So you've seen majority of the films on my list be that. What do you think? iice and spiky, please do your moderator magic and undo whatever makes my post unpostable. I've never seen anything in 3D but I'm beginning to think it might be distracting.

How're you JeSoul?

Now to the hard part. (Max, you know you're gonna do this too)


Steven Spielberg: Sometimes I just wish this guy will just retire or something. Most of the most memorable films I've seen were made by him, and Kubrick. He's quite simply my favorite Jew. I'm not anti-semitic but there aren't many of these guys around ya know. After all he shoved delicious Schindler's List down our throats. Also, he's the main reason why I started to appreciate the input of directors in movies. Hitherto, when I was a kid, I thought the actors deserved ALL the credit as they chose to portray things at their own discretion. E. T. made me wonder how kids could get so witty with Uranus. Enter Stevie and I forever more fell in love. Easy JeSoul. His films resonate with the youth, I daresay and makes fans of them so that when you get older you still have a giant soft spot for his stuff. He knows how to awe his audience (those who are patient enough) and this is something I find lacking in many films. The awe-factor. I could go on and on about this guy. A repertoire is in order in case y'all have forgotten: Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Schindler's List, E. T., Minority Report, Catch Me If You Can, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, All other Indie Jones movies, Jurassic Park, Munich, A.I. and Saving Private Ryan. I haven't seen some other of his films but dude, c'mon, what more can you ask for? Ermm, disregard that he made 1941 and Hook. Hehe (nervous laugh)

Martin Scorsese: This is the small dude that makes me believe "if he can do it, I can". Dumb Vesc. This is also the dude that makes life difficult for my guy Spielberg. Lucky that I love his bespectacled behind. Eeeeeasy JeSoul. This fella makes it veeeery easy for you to love him. His stuff is easy, straight to the point, no mumbo jumbo. What you see is what you get. If I ever have the chance to interview QT, I'll ask him if he secretly wants to be the new Scorsese. Scorsese brings to the screen the unspoken code of honour of the street guy. The Honorable criminal thing to do. It's ok to steal, just don't hurt women while doing so. Never ever shoot a man in the back. If you wanna be a wiseguy, you better learn to keep your mouth shut. Oh man, I wish Marlon Brando and Edward G. Robinson were both born 40 years later for Scorsese to turn into something. My favorite films of his: The Aviator, The Departed, Gangs of New York, Goodfellas, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull and Casino. I'm still hunting some older films down.

Peter Jackson: This guy quite literally forced his way up there with one massive statement. He leaves you little room to squirm. Disregarding him is disregarding common sense. He's the selection by adoration. A voux populi affair. Frankly not much in the way of previous cinematic achievements but all it took him was his one shot and he did not miss his chance to blow, his opportunity of a lifetime (Lyrics by Eminem). Now I've already assigned him grand master. He's to prove he's not a fluke. And who can fluke a trilogy of that immensity, that allure, that oomph! Only older people now who the hell Tolkien was before Peter came forth. People attempt to read the books and give up. Hehe, Vesc is one. I just can't do it. I wish i did before the movie. The guy made King Kong (a dream project he says) and is up to make a second part of Tin Tin. I hope you don't fail to see his involvement with District 9?

Quentin Tarantino: The coolest thing about this guy is that I just have the feeling he has this masterpiece locked away in his mind and he's planning on getting an oscar post-humously. He's the guy who thinks like me (if Scorsese can do it, why not me?) only he's way more successful and formiddable. I still wear better glasses than him though. His movies for me are very similar to Scorsese's in terms of the underlying codes of conduct among criminals. But why I'm so crazy about him (JeSoul, you need to take a pill and sit down) is because he spreads his scenarios around different climates. For such a meek looking fella, he has an uncanny understanding of the violent nature of man and probably an uncannier ability to tell of this nature. You watch his movies and you feel like you're part of the story. No character is predictable or less unique or significant. Someone just has to fill the shoes of lead actor. His movies: Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, vols. I and II, Inglorious Basterds, Jackie Brown and Reservoir Dogs.

Jeez, this is hard work!

Clint Eastwood: If I were Clint, the favorite part of my house will be wherever he puts his awards. This guy is probably the only Jack of all trades, master of all. What a guy! And to think he's making strides when his mates are tending sheep in the country. The guy no gree retire. Im just dey chop all the choppables. Many people at the Oscars wear fake smiles when he wins something. They'll be like "darn geezer won't just die". I think he reads minds so he upped and went and made Gran Torino. Haha! Take that kids, Gramps ain't going nowhere yet. Who gets nominated for best director and best actor in the same film? Eastwood and Warren Beatty. Who does this twice? Eastwood! The guy's got the midas touch. Finito. Ok. enough and onto real analysis. His stuff is gritty. His stuff is bold. His stuff is no nonsense you-mess-up-and-am-a-hit-you-in-the-face. Who wants to mess with Blondie? No one. Who wants to mess with him in Million Dollar Baby or Gran Torino or in the  Dirty Harry installments? No one, that's who. It's not all about big lugers and hollow point bullets. Million Dollar Baby and Mystic River and easy examples. This guy is so awesome that I can't even do a sensible review of his staggering work.  I should have started with him. I'm losing steam. I've already mentioned some of his films. Others are: Unforgiven, Letters from Iwo Jima, I think Flags of our fathers too.

Stanley Kubrick: A master of the epic. He's the one that comes close to Spielberg when it comes to awing me. Such films as 2001: A Space Odyssey makes you wonder what it would have felt like to have this when it came out. I presume A Clockwork Orange still has the same effect anytime. I like this guy also cuz he's not overly lauded or maybe his time has passed. He looks like the great wizard that he is too. His other notable films: Spartacus, Lolita, Dr. Strange Love, The Shining and Eyes Wide Shut. Unfortunately people don't readily think Kubrick when they remember The Shining.

Christopher Nolan: If I had to put in a director of our age of computers and special effects, it would have to be this guy. I like him cuz he makes you forget the effects when he uses them. He makes you pay attention. He makes his characters unforgettable. There's usually no good or bad guy is his movies. Just people with different philosophies. He had his break with Batman Begins and he transformed that unworkable gothic thing that even Tim Burton struggled with and could only barely cope with if not for black humour. He made Batman worth it and way ahead of the Superman nonsense. TDK is a film I'll be proud to tell my kids was made in my generation. A complete article. It had everything but the kitchen sink. Batman wasn't even the character that made the film for me. It was the Joker and the two-face guy. See dialogue! I have the script of this film, O' Brother, Where Art Thou and V for Vendetta. That's something. Other films are: The Prestige and Memento.

Ang Lee: If you're in a film academy and Sense and Sensibility happens to be under review and you were told that this film was made by a Taiwanese dreamer, what would be your reaction? I thought so. Me too. So what does my guy do afterwards? He goes on to make Brokeback Mountain. He's telling a story about people who if he ventures into their pub would probably give him a black eye at the very least. Ang Lee is the American Dream come true and it's not like he isn't worth his mettle. He earned it, as Max will undoubtedly point out. He has a way of telling his stories that makes you feel you're watching people acting out their normal lives and really aren't acting at all. He gets the best out of his characters and you wonder if this were live footage. He appreciates subtlety which I'm very big on. All in all, he's a masterful storyteller. A bit too adventurous to be taking on Hulk but I guess the oriental has bills to pay.

Frank Capra: What's oldies without his mention? I cannot explain the feeling when you watch the films he makes. You forget about such grim things like death, disease and famine. You get lost in a world where everything else is alright. All that worries us are the little things. I'm a fan of the bygone era. I'm a fan of Capra. Spikyn must be somewhere feeling happy for no reason. He's even more enthusiastic about Capra than I am. It's A Wonderful Life, Mr Deeds Goes To Washington, and a lot more are his achievements. Three Oscars in four years! No be beans! Even in those days.

Francis Ford Coppola : Even though Marlon Brando is dead, I am happy you're alive dude. This guy doesn't do much apparently but I'm sure everyone will wanna say a big thank you to him for bringing us The Godfather trilogy and Apocalypse Now and I personally wanna thank him for Bram Stoker's Dracula and everybody will wanna say a big No, thanks for his being related to Nicholas Cage who despite changing his name still had it easy in Hollywood if you ask me. The guy makes you feel old and wise and important when you watch his films. It was all I could do to refrain from getting a pipe and scotch while watching The Godfather.

James Cameron: I'm kinda surprised this guy is not labelled a recluse or something. I don't know how he does it. He just manages to steer clear of attention. Abi na me no dey get the buzz? Anyways, Terminator is probably the first attempt at showcasing artificial life in the form of cyborgs. There was no respite for the characters in the film and it's the first I can remember of the whole time travel thingie being central to a storyline. It's not far from The matrix or the 4400 series. Great achievement, right? Then came Titanic. I thought, ok, highest budget for a film, Titanic, highest budget before Titanic, Terminator. Both Cameron. If Eastwood has got the midas touch, this guy can sweet talk Shylock out of his pound of flesh. He doesn't go around shooting and hitting and missing but we'll see what he'll make of Avatar.

The Coen Brothers: I gotta tell you, if they had made only either one of There will be blood/No Country for Old men or O' Brother Where Art Thou, they won't be on this list. But I just can't figure out how they can have such width. I'm flabbergasted. More directors have a comfort zone or a comfort theme. Me, I'm confused with these guys. Most don't like There Will Be Blood but I think I'm proud that I could finish it. It was indeed boring. But in a nice comfortable way. I'd see it again. And they're guys you know will deliver more goods.


Jeez, my head hurts. Max. If you get away with not doing something similar to this, then you owe me three. I did this for you o. And cuz I'm jobless. yab yourself before they yab you.

Before I go, I just wanted to add, Max, that I didn't even mention George Lucas, Alfred Hitchcock and Charlie Chaplin. Though that Lucas guy too dey produce. But there you go.

All else, I didn't cross check this so pardon the many mistakes that are bound to be in it. If you ever read it, that is. Ok, I'll go plug my butt and sleep through winter.