₦airaland Forum

naija and their craze

Dem say boko haram don poison beans and i buy half
bag for house. From di one wey i cook, i giv my dog
‘bingo’ make e first test am, 45mins lata bingo stil
dey waka, I dey jolly den i eat my own. Afta i eat
finish, my gateman run come tel me say bingo don
die, hey! I run enta house and drink full gallon of palm oil for my belle. I dey tink my life come outside, my
gateman com dey tell me say di driver wey kill bingo
wan come beg me. If na u, wetin u go do di gateman?
Like


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Akpors was addicted to
masturbating
One day he was driving
his lorry along the road,
all of a sudden he was
in the mood to masturbate, he couldn't
help it
he den packed his lorry
up the hill and jump
down and hide beside
his lorry then he started
started masturbating.
he
was enjoying it and was
doing it with his eyes
close. suddenly a police man
saw him from a
distance
and shouted and asked,
Police man........hey mr
man what are u doing there ?
Akpors replied with a
his eyes closed..... am
trying
to check the oil in my
lorry Police man replied..... oh
pls if u finished checking
the oil please check the
brake too
Akpor ask.... why ?
Police man replied...... Cos your lorry has rolled
down to the next
street.


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well na you e go still affect. Either way she said it out of frustration

oh my tv don spoil. who get tv to rent

TEACHER: If i give you 2 cats and another 2 cats then add
2 cats again.. how many will you have?
AKPORS: Seven sir
TEACHER: Noooo Akpors, listen carefully. If i give you
2cats and another 2 cats then add 2 cats again.. how
many cats will you have? AKPORS: Seven
TEACHER: You dumb kid! ok if i give you 2 apples and
another 2 apples then add 2 apples again.. how many
will you have?
AKPORS: Six
TEACHER: Very good! Now if i give you 2 cats and another 2 cats then add 2 cats again..how many will
you have?
AKPORS: Seven
TEACHER: [angrily] why will it be Seven?
AKPORS: [angrily] because i have one already at home.
ONE WORD FOR AKPORS



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A woman was at home when she heard
someone knock at the door. She went and
opened the door and saw a man standing
there.
He asked the lady, "Do you have a vagina?"
She slammed the door in disgust.
The next morning she heard a knock at the
door and it was the same man and he asked
the same question of the woman,"Do you
have a vagina?"
She slammed the door again.
Later that night when her husband got home
she told him what has happened for the last
two days. The husband told the wife in a
loving and concerned voice "Honey, I am
taking tomorrow off to be home just in case
this guy shows up again."
The next morning they heard a knock and
they both ran for the door.
The husband said to the wife in a whispered
voice, "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the
door and listen and if it is the same guy I
want you to answer yes to the question
because I want to see where the bastard is
going with it."
She nods yes to her husband and opened the
door. Sure enough the same fellow was
standing there and asked the same question;
"Do you have a vagina?"
"Yes, actually I have" she said.
The man replied. "Good! Would you mind
telling your husband to leave my wife's alone
and start using yours."
O_o


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pant robber

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.... It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight
begins


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5 friends living in 1 apartment. Their names were mad, brain, fool,
somebody & nobody. 'somebody' killed 'nobody' at the time brain
was in the bathroom, 'mad' called the police.... 'mad' said: is this the
police station? Police said: 'yes whats the matter?" mad said:
"somebody killed nobody" police said: "are u mad?" mad said: "yes i
am mad" police said: "do u have a brain?" mad said: "brain is in the
bathroom." police said: "u fool" mad said: "no sir" ... Fool is reading
this rite n0w...



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Nigeria which way.

Musa goes into a library to ask for a book on suicide. He met with Akpors the Librarian.

MUSA: Please do you have a book on suicide?

AKPORS: Wetin you wan read that kind book for?

MUSA: I wan commit suicide!

Akpors stares at him for a while and says, “Abeg comot for here! Who go come return the book!?”


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Ok

A rich man looked through his window and saw a man picking something from his dustbin,he said thank God i am not poor.
The poor man looked and saw a naked man misbehaving on the street, he said thank God i am not mad.
The mad man looked and saw an Ambulance carrying a corpse to the mortuary, he said thank God i am not dead.
In any situation give thanks to God. •If you are grateful just type"Thank you God" only if you mean it



2. Musa goes into a library to ask for a book on suicide. He met with Akpors the Librarian.

MUSA: Please do you have a book on suicide?

AKPORS: Wetin you wan read that kind book for?

MUSA: I wan commit suicide!

Akpors stares at him for a while and says, “Abeg comot for here! Who go come return the book!?”


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What it would have been if aki&pawpaw had six pack

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Read this joke btw akpors and his pastor. My pastor added me on facebook and i innocently accepted. 2 Mins later his mssg came in:.
Pastor: how are you?
Akpors: am fine my daddy.
Pastor: may the building of heavenly favour collapse on your head
Akpors: (no reply)
Pastor: may the thunder of Blessing strike you and your family.
Akpors: (no reply)
Pastor: are you there?
Akpors: yes my daddy
Pastor: you should be saying amen to claim the Blesings.
Akpors: ok, May over speeding trailer of blessings jam/crush you and your family like a moving train, faster than the speed of light in Jesus name.
pastor: thunder fire you

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Read this joke btw akpors and his pastor. My pastor added me on facebook and i innocently accepted. 2 Mins later his mssg came in:. Pastor: how are you? Akpors: am fine my daddy. Pastor: may the building of heavenly favour collapse on your head Akpors: (no reply) Pastor: may the thunder of Blessing strike you and your family. Akpors: (no reply) Pastor: are you there? Akpors: yes my daddy Pastor: you should be saying amen to claim the Blesings. Akpors: ok, May over speeding trailer of blessings jam/crush you and your family like a moving train, faster than the speed of light in Jesus name. pastor: thunder fire you



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Ambitious governors surreptitiously move to displace their senators.

A battle of political supremacy rages between the two prominent sons of the Eastern Senatorial District of Niger State. Babangida Aliyu, the state governor, who will complete his constitutionally approved second-term in office, and Dahiru Kuta, the senator representing the district in the Senate, are battling each other over who would occupy the seat in the upper legislative chamber from May 2015.

Although Mr. Aliyu, who is Chairman of the Northern State Governors Forum, NSGF, has not publicly proclaimed his desire to occupy the seat, it is believed he will spend his immediate political future in the upper house. Mr. Aliyu’s intention to contest the senatorial election is allegedly because his presidential ambition is clashing with that of President Goodluck Jonathan, who is also yet to formally announce his plan to re-contest.

The apparent realisation by Mr. Aliyu that it would be almost impossible to secure the PDP presidential ticket has reportedly led him to eye the senatorial seat of the district.

Mr. Kuta, who is spending his sixth year in the Senate, has cried out over the governor’s alleged intimidation and vowed never to yield the seat to Mr. Aliyu, who also belongs to the PDP as him.

In a fit of anger, the senator told journalists recently that no political machinations by Mr. Aliyu would frustrate him from seeking the mandate of his people to return to the upper house for the third time come 2015.

“In spite of the political machinations to stop me, nothing will deter me from contesting for re-election in 2015,” Mr. Awaisu vowed.

“I cannot be intimidated by anybody after being in politics for 32 years. There is nothing that I have not seen. I have been in politics for long and for that, I cannot be intimidated by anybody not only in Niger but in this country.”

Mr. Kuta, who chairs the Senate Committee on Federal Character, confirmed the frosty relationship between him and the chief servant, and stressed, “My people back my move to seek re-election for a third term. I will seek re-election under the PDP, even though Gov Babangida Aliyu has shown interest in the seat.”

According to him, since he went to the Senate, he has achieved a lot for his constituents, especially in providing jobs for about 125 of them, and construction of schools, and health facilities.

But Mr. Aliyu’s spokesperson, Danladi Ndayebo, in a phone interview with PREMIUM TIMES denied that the governor was intimidating Mr. Kuta.

“How is he intimidating him (senator)? My governor is busy trying to deliver on the promises he made to the people. He has not said he is running for the senatorial seat,” he said.

Like Niger, Like Benue

Like the Niger Governor, the man at the helms of affairs in Benue State, Gabriel Suswam, is quietly plotting to root out his senator, Barnabas Gemade, from the upper chamber.

Although he has not formally thrown his hat in the ring, Mr. Suswam is, by all indications, planning to go to the Senate, after his second term as governor ends in May 2015, to represent Benue North East otherwise called Zone A.

The ambition has reportedly pitted him against Mr. Gemade, a former National Chairman of the ruling Peoples Democratic Party, PDP, and former Works Minister.

Trouble began for Mr. Gemade early this year when some of his constituents led by his in-law and former member of the Benue State House of Assembly on the platform of PDP, Atoza Ihindan, and some party elders, gathered at the Akume Atongo Stadium in Katsina-Ala to celebrate Mr. Suswam’s Supreme Court’s victory over allegation of certificate forgery.

At the close of the event, the elders endorsed the governor to take the legislative seat from Mr. Gemade, who is currently in his second year in the Senate.

Describing Mr. Gemade as self-serving egocentric, the party elders stressed the need to have a generational shift in favour of the governor. They also expressed satisfaction with the performance of the governor and added that his wealth of experience would better be put to use in the Senate from 2015.

Although, Mr. Suswam reportedly asked the elders to carry out proper consultations in their choices of candidates, he however promised to look into their demand at the appropriate time.

Mr. Gemade immediately reacted angrily. At a news conference in Abuja, the senator declared that his second term was not negotiable. He gave two reasons for this: first, the former PDP boss said the governor was being distracted by the elders; and secondly, the seat would not be vacant.

Rather than calming the frayed nerves, Mr. Gemade’s remarks infuriated the PDP elders who perceived him as being arrogant and therefore intensified the plot to oust him for Mr. Suswam. Indeed, they reportedly went ahead to set up a campaign team and office as well as coordinators and patrons in each of the seven local government areas in the district for the governor.

While reacting to Mr. Suswam’s perceived ambition, Cletus Akwaya, his media aide told PREMIUM TIMES that ”His Excellency has not said he is contesting the Senatorial election. Some elders are asking him to contest because they feel he will too young to retire from politics after leaving office as governor. The governor is still studying their request and will make his decision known at the appropriate time. For now he has not told anybody he is contesting.”

Prior to the PDP elders’ actions, however, Mr. Suswam, who is generally called ‘Civilian General,’ boasted at a political rally in the Tarka Local Government Area of the State, that whenever he sets his eyes on anything, he would work hard to get it. Not a few believed that it was an indirect reference to the impending political battle between him and Mr. Gemade, who he allegedly backed for the senatorial seat in 2011 against one Mathias Byuan, who was initially favoured to secure the PDP ticket in 2011.

When the Benue governor eventually announces his decision to contest, he would bank on his cordial relationship with President Goodluck Jonathan and the PDP headquarters to defeat the party’s former national chairman.

Akwa Ibom’s scenario

The situation is more dramatic and frightening in Akwa Ibom State where the governor, Godswill Akpabio, is also on the last lap of his rule. The apostle of “Uncommon Development” has publicly declared his intention to contest for a senatorial seat, which would pit him against the incumbent, Aloysius Etok, currently spending his second term in the upper legislative chamber.

In April, Mr. Etok raised the alarm that the governor was planning to assassinate him over his (Etok) ambition to re-contest the senatorial election in 2015. He alleged that the governor paid somebody to kill him.

To buttress his claim, the senator, who recalled the abduction of his wife and mother-in-law, alleged that he received series of text messages from “Akpabio killer squad” threatening to assassinate him, if he insists on contesting the Senatorial election come 2015.

“I have on this phone some text messages that if I don’t retract the statement that I will contest election, after seven days, I will see what they will do. The governor has also instructed different groups that if I don’t retract the statement within seven days, I will either be dead to stop me or alive to retract the statement,” Mr. Etok claimed.

It, however took the intervention of the security agencies which probed the allegation of planned assassination for the dust to settle.

Interestingly, it was Mr. Akpabio who manipulated Mr. Etok’s victory in 2007 against the winner of the PDP primaries for the seat.

But the Akwa Ibom State governor, who chairs the PDP Governors Forum, is not the only one eyeing Mr. Etok’s seat.

A former member of the House of Representatives representing Ikot-Ekpene/Obot Akara/Essien Udim federal Constituency, Patty Etete, had indicated interest for the seat and even vowed to defeat Mr. Akpabio in the PDP primaries should the governor go ahead with his plan to join the senatorial contest.

In February, Mr. Etete had recounted that he had the greatest support for the seat in 2011, but he was denied the ticket. He did not explain who denied him the ticket, anyway.

However, not a few believe that if the governor goes ahead, his victory in the primaries is a foregone conclusion. The political calculations in the district appear to favour him. First, as the Chairman of the PDP Governors Forum, it is unlikely that the party will deny him the ticket and settle for his opponents. Secondly, with enormous resources at his disposal and as an incumbent governor, Mr. Akpabio could bulldoze his way to secure the ticket.

Also, a former Commissioner for Housing and Urban Renewal in the state, Emmanuel Enoidem, who also showed interest in the seat in 2007, has reportedly yielded his political structure to the governor and has been using it to campaign for him.

Even so, the road may not still be easy for the loquacious governor. Indigenes of Etim Ekpo, Ika, Ukanafun, Abak and Oruk Anam, generally referred in political circles as Abak Five, are reportedly insisting it is their turn to produce a senator for the district. Mr. Akpabio would have to surmount their challenge to secure the PDP ticket in 2015.

Other governors too

Apart from Messrs Aliyu, Suswam, and Akpabio, who have directly or indirectly shown interest in displacing serving senators for seats in the Senate, there are at least 16 other governors in their second and last terms in office, who could choose to vie for senatorial seats.

They are Jonah Jang (Plateau), Chibuike Amaechi (Rivers), Aliyu Wamakko (Sokoto), Danbaba Suntai (Taraba), Theodore Orji (Abia), Murtala Nyako (Adamawa), Isa Yuguda (Bauchi), Liyel Imoke (Cross River), Emmanuel Uduaghan (Delta), Sullivan Chime (Enugu) and Sule Lamido (Jigawa).

Others are Musa Kwankwaso (Kano), Ibrahim Shema (Katsina), Babatunde Fashola (Lagos) and Saidu Dakingari (Kebbi).

Should the governors show interest in vying for senatorial seats, those currently representing their senatorial districts in the upper house will face similar challenges as Messrs Etok, Kuta and Gemade

source:http://bloggernaija.com/politcs/nigerian-governors-battle-incumbent-senators-over-2015-polls/

just see the engrish you just said just now.

fowl hunter

silently following topic. Op carry go

pure water seller

pant fetcher

African Magic. We are watching in 3D

These man na king he don become so oh

[quote author=Mr.T Anonymous]Which language is this[/quote]engrish

sh11t smoker

I would like to audition but My mom tolded me I shouldnt did the audition. Well any day she gavnt me the permission I might apply.

fake pastors everywhere

Valdeci Sobrino Picanto, a Brazilian Evangelical
Pastor, has been arrested after deceiving the
faithful using the name of the “Holy Spirit”, by
using these foolish lies.

This criminal pastor claimed that the Holy Spirit
would secrete from his penis in the form of
“sacred milk”.

This pastor said that his penis was blessed and
that “the Lord had consecrated him with divine milk of the Holy Spirit” and, of course, he had to
release it in order to “evangelize”.

According to one of his victims…

“He has convinced us that only God could come
into our lives through our mouth and that’s why
he would do what he did”. Often, after worship,
pastor Valdeci would take us to the where the funds were kept at the back of the Church and asked us to have MouthAction with him until the Holy Spirit would come through ejaculation.”
Oh well!

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weed seller