ikeno:
This is definitely one and more good things to come your way this 2024, congratulations and may God bless you and your new family. I pray God opens door so i can tie the knot too this year😃

Amen thanks so much. God will answer your prayer in Jesus name

madridguy:
Congratulations sister. I hope this your new husband will accept your children.

Thanks so much

Zonefree:
You got married to same husband that does not want to accept your son or with the widower that was asking for your hand in marriage?

I am married to the widower

Richnero:
Congratulations to you

Thanks so much

Hello my lovely famz long time, I hope you are all doing well. I got some great news for you I just wanted to let you know that I have gotten married on the 6th of january 2024 my traditional and court wedding done and dusted. You have been a great support for me over the years that's why I couldn't keep this great news from you. Thank you once again to you all for all the support and love you have showing me and my children. God bless you all.

Beremx:
that's why it's not good to deny your kids from seeing their father. At least you will be relieved of many things. I hope he'll be sending you money for their upkeep and if possible for your personal use

Lol no dear , my personal use is not his responsibility , the most important thing is the children upkeep and I hope as he has started to take care of them now he will continue to do so.

sisisioge:


Thank God for small mercies! Anything he does for his children is their right. May God continue to provide for him to do more. Awon repenting deadbeat.

Amen thank you dear hopefully he will continue to take care of them while they are still in my care because I will not give custody to his sister.

Klass99:


Nice update Vyvy. He didn't buy a phone for his daughter? Or is she too young to own one? Is this the same sister in law who saw you and was starring in shock and awe or a different one?

Did you join the kids to visit her? If yes, was she warm and friendly towards all of you or did she act like the visit was a chore she needed to endure and get over with as quickly as possible? Was the interaction between you and her any good?

I am curious to know how someone who has ignored you people for so long, reacted to seeing you guys again. Her distance and involvement now is a glimpse of what some widows go through when a patriach dies.

Thanks dear, my first daughter is 9 almost 10 she is too young to have a phone even my son i think he is still young to own a smartphone but the father bought him one for them to easily communicate with him and his people. No she is not the same person that i bumped that one is my ex husband ( father of my youngest 2 daughters) elder sister.. The one I am talking about now is the younger sister to my eldest two children father the one he asked me to give custody of the children in order for him to start taking care of them which I refused. Last time when their father called he said the sister want to see the children and I've agreed but I couldn't go with them because of work , my help went to dropped and she picked them up, the kids said their aunty was nice to them she offered them drinks and nice foods and she ask them to keep visiting her more often which is fine but the only thing I will never accept is giving her custody of my children.

Good evening fams hope you are well , I just want to keep you updated about my children and their father abroad. He requested for the children school addresses he sent his sister to clear the bills shich she did and the children visited her today and she gave son a smartphone brought by his father and son is so happy. I am so happy for them and their father has done so well and I can't keep the goods news from you fams. That was all I had to say😊

Klass99:


On point👍. I am sending you good wishes.
Three more children in obodo? Smh and lol.

Thank you dear yeah he has 3 more abroad 2 boys 1 girl his hands are full, no wonder he has forgotten these 2 in Nigeria lol

Klass99:


Eyah.....lol. How old is she? Was it a video call? Do you honestly think something good will come out of this from you ex's end? I dey follow updates with a bit of anxiety for you and yours, my anxiety is about their father crushing their hopes again.

Yes it was a video call my son said their father had showed them their 3 siblings abroad. She will be 10 years in october and she is the quiet type she hardly talk to people she is not familiar with , she wasn't excited like her brother. Honestly speaking even myself I don't know how good their relationship will go I am just hoping for the best. i think even if the worse comes i will be spared by son because he is old enough to know the type of father he has so he will not blame me in the future .

Foodqueen:


You are funny...🤓

God gat you.

Lol my dear God is great I am happy that he has proven her wrong

Klass99:


Did he even ask about his daughter? I have been silently following your updates and the part about running into your former sister-in-law made me smile. You just proved that the best revenge is to do well and succeed in this life.

He asked for her but she was shy she refused to speak , it was only my son who was doing the talking. Lol My dear trust me I am not exaggerating but if you have seen the way this woman has humiliated and wishing all the bad things in the world to happens to me just because i refused to abandon my son the same way she had abandoned her own daughter in the village just because she wanted to answer mrs from the age of 3 years till now she is 19 years the girl is suffering in the village like an orphan when she has a mother but I thank God for proving her wrong all her insults were in vain.

sisisioge:


Good, let's see how the new found friendship pans out. It is well.

Amen hopefully they relationship will be greater

Ulunne777:
I feel for the young man.

He had finally called yesterday my son is so happy to speak with him and he promised to call him again on weekend

sisisioge:


Oh dear! He surely knew they wouldnt be with you when he called on that Wednesday. Poor babies. Just so the lil guy leaves no stone unturned, biko advise him to drop the maid's no in one of his messgaes since you do not mind the direct call, hopefully oga will be able to reach them next time

Thanks dear yeah he probably knew is holidays and the children wouldn't be with him but he called because he want to prove to son that he called but it was my fault that I wasn't at home with them. Son messaged him that same day with my help number telling him they are on holidays , i go to work if he want to call them he can reach them using my help number. We are still waiting for him to call

Octopusssy:

Hey Viv, how far? Uncle still dey church?

Hi dear he had actually called on wednesday I was in my shop alone the kids were at home with my help. I told him I was not at home but I can give him my help number to call her so that he can speaks with the kids, he said no he asked me to call him back when I will be home. Once I got home I told son his father called he was very excited and he couldn't wait to speak with him, unfortunately we had called him numerous times he didn't picked up , son messaged him pleading with him to answer the call he has seen the message but he hasn't bothered to call or texting him back. Son was very disappointed he was close to crying and I had console him telling him people in abroad have a busy life than us in africa, told him he could be busy with work convincing him that he will call again when his less busy son. We are still waiting for him to call again

Graxie:
So the shameless "christian" woman who adviced you to abandon your son, came here to judge and advice you again? Wonders shall never end. Idiot judged your 11yrs as thief and she is here to form virtous. Uchu. The animal was expecting you to be a beggar and it didn't happen, now she is projecting her evil on your future inlaws, tueh. She will be the winch MIL. Stop engaging demons, learn to delete or report.

Vivian you are doing well, may God reward you. Love you!!!

Amen thank you dear I love you too we may have not known each other in real life but you guys have been supporting me since day 1 and I am very grateful to have you guys as my family. I don't even care about haters they are pained because i am not suffering the way they wanted me to suffer my success is paining them. On saturday it was my first time in 3 years bumping into my ex husband elder sister i was looking so good my whole outfits was okirika less than 3k and my children were well dressed too ,she couldn't stop staring at me because I was looking so good that she was wondering why I am not looking like a trash that she wanted me to be. I thank God for being faithful to me and my children and for shaming my enemies.

So sorry dear

I rather win the 5m

Klass99:


You did the right thing Vyvyan, frequent calls in quick succession may come off as desperate or give the impression that his mother has sent him to try and get money. I am smiling at uncle's shenanigans, he must still be in church till now.

Someone once told me that you can pretty much tell where people place you in their lives, by the way they treat your phone calls (voice or video)

Your son will learn the hard way but don't try to shield him unnecessarily from the hurt and pain, it is a very normal part of life and living, it is useful for growth and maturity.

What do you know of your ex's life in Italy? Is he remarried with a new family? How many years has it been now since he abandoned all of you?

Thank you he is a big boy now , I want him to learn the hard way so tommorow he will not blame me for his father's mistakes and my hands are open to support him. He left in 2013 when I was pregnant with our second child, my son said he will ask him if he have a wife or children over there but since they haven't spoken yet I don't know if he is married or have children there.

Hello fams just want to keep you updated , son messaged his father on Saturday he had attached a picture of him and his sister , he didn't get any response , so on sunday son called again through facebook video call he picked up and told him he is on his way to church he will call back later. He hasn't call back yet and son wants to call him back again today but I've told him to not call he should be patient he will call him when he's less busy. Son is desperately waiting to hear back from him and Hopefully he will call back anytime soon

bukatyne:


Now you have established I am not 'bitter against you', I am judging you.

Unfortunately, emotional blackmail doesn't work on me

Your first post has all the details to make me deduce that you would make a bad MIL if you do not change your mindset quickly.

If you are blackmailing your son that he is ungrateful because he wants to contact his dad at 15 (out of which your brother raised him for some years), what would you tell him at 25yrs or 30yrs when he brings a woman he loves home?

Now you confessed with your hands that you are overprotective; If I state that in a subsequent post on this thread, you would accuse me of judging /hating you.

FYI, overprotectiveness is also a trait of a woman who would grow to become a bad MIL 🤣

Not all bad MILs necessarily mistreat their DILs; some cannot maintain healthy boundaries and drag the man with his wife.

Your children are your responsibility (and their fathers); yes. However, always have it at the back of your mind that you are an alagbato* hence they would grow and fly out of the nest. Hence, you need to cultivate a life outside of them so you don't feel bitter and empty when they leave. You would miss them, yes however be proud that they are now doing well representing you in the world.

*Alagbato is like a custodian; God owns the children while we the parents are like their custodians/guardians on earth.

You are bitter and judgemental you have accused me for something which I don't wish to be in the nearest future.Yes I know that I am a very overprotective mother nobody has told me that before but I know I am which sometime can not be healthy but with time I will adjust. also calling my son a ungrateful human being was out of anger I had expected him to keep quiet after telling him no but he kept on begging and begging that's why I called him that ,which i regretted later , I owe him an apology which I will do tommorow when I will give him the permission to speak to his dad, the word came out of anger and it will never be repeated. For your information I have a life outside of my children , I am in a new relationship with a widower and I am enjoying life to the fullest , I hope you are now happy to hear that I have a life outside of my children and you will not accuse me of anything else.

bukatyne:


Why I am always bitter towards you? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I wanted you to choose your husband over your son. Luckily, I sure my posts are still on your thread.

If I remember correctly, I was giving you an advise that ensured you wouldn't be in the position you are in now: a single mom of four kids from different fathers. You had successfully brought the son home & your husband was carrying face: it was a situation where a little ego massage would have gotten you all you wanted.

Moving on Madam, remove your victimhood cap, take a deep breath and ask:

What is my interest in being 'always bitter towards you'?

It is not about 'you': it is about preventing your son & his future family especially wife from being tormented by you because you have started blackmailing him with 'ungratefulness' because he naturally wants to connect with his father.

I have said it here severally that mothers like you make terrible MILs. This section is littered with several wives rightfully complaining about MILs who do not to loose their sons from their grip because they feel entitled to his existence.

I appreciate your compliment at the end: Being an hypocrite doesn't suit me; if I want to drop a post on your case, I would not give an advise to soothe your itchy ears. I would say the truth from where I stand because I firmly believe I am accountable for all advise I give here as a Christian.

Let me give you a hint: if you don't want to become a bitter MIL in future, start building a life now. Have a life outside your kids; get hobbies that makes you happy; drag your baby daddies to be responsible for them also. So that when they fly the nest, you would be at peace.

Good luck to you & children.

You are judging me for being a caring and overprotective mother and you have concluded that I will be a bad mother in law , God forbid I will never mistreat another woman daughter for my daughters to pay the price in their marriages never , if you see a woman who has female children hating on their son wife she is a brainless woman and she has no idea what goes around comes around and her female children will pay the price of her wickedness. My elder brother was my late mother favourite child she train him till univeristy and she didn't train my sister and I to university because she had the mindset that only male children can go to the university not female children and my brother is doing well and she has never for once became a nuisance in his house until she died and I will do the same as her my future daughter in law will be so happy to have me as her mother in law . My prayers is for my children to find good wife/ husbands who will be a blessing to our family so that we can leave in peace and harmony and not the ones who will come to destroy. Stop judging me based on my parenting what I am doing for my children is totally normal, as a parent my children are my responsibility until they can independently provide for themselves.

bukatyne:


@bold:

Ungrateful for what?

Isn't he his father?

Ma'am please let your son have supervised contact with his father. He is growing into a young man and needs his father's guidance. While you might be a fantastic mother, you are not a father and the boy needs his father or a father figure.

If he decides to get married tomorrow, he needs to know how to lead a home and he wouldn't learn it from you.

I hope you do not grow into MILs who do not let their sons and family rest because you brought him up alone.

Again, whatever his father gives him is his birthright. Even if he solicits for funds, he was entitled 15 years ago or the amount of years he has been absent.

I wish your son good luck on engaging with his father.

It wasn't neccessary for you to say all these harsh words to me. I know why you are always bitter with me , because of what happened 3 years ago when i choose my son over my marriage you were one of those people who were against me choosing my son , you wanted me to abandon him on the street so I can still be answering mrs and I don't know why are you showing so much concern about him 😒🙄 as if you were not the one that asked me to abandon him 🤔 stop being a hyprocrite it doesn't suit you .

Klass99:


At the bolded, that's true christianity and applaudable.

But please be wary of his advice too, my suspicious mind assumes he may not want the best for your son......what if the father decides to japa the son to a good life? E go pain or pepper your brother because it is something he probably can't afford to do for his own kids

Feel free to ignore me sha, I have an active and wild imagination that tends to get away from me sometimes. What's going on with you and the widower now? You don't have to answer, it is just me curiously wondering

True I didn't trust his advices that's why my mind was not at peace and I had to rushed here to seek advice from you guys i take you people as my real family your advices are helping me for the past 3 years that's why anytime i have a problem i always come here even tough sometimes i feel like you people may be tired of listening to my problems all the time but please don't because I trust you people more than my own blood siblings. Lol no worry i have no problem answering your question we are dating i told him i want to take things easy not in a rush for marriage he accepted , 2 days ago i spoke to his son that lives abroad even tough i told the father to not inform his children yet but still he called him and passed the phone to me , i was very nervous i didn't know if he will accept me as a stepmother but he was okay we spoke like we have met before he sounded cool and respectful and i am happy the son has accepted me and i haven't spoke to his daughter yet hopefully she will not have any problem with me lol

pocohantas:
Allow him. You people don’t know that most kids would have a glorified image of the absent parent. So rather than allow them bask in that mystery, allow the child see for themselves the value (or lack of it) of the other parent. He is almost an adult.

Thank you

Klass99:
Vyvyan, please allow the boy contact his father. His father can think or assume whatever he likes, that's none of your business.

Let the boy satisfy his curiosity to hear what the father has to say, why are you even listening to the brother who your son suffered with, while living with him? Or is it a different brother who advised you?

Well done for laying out the truth to your son as well......I know it is the truth because truth is consistent and your stories/updates have been consistent on this platform. All of you will be alright las las.

Thank you i will allow him to talk to him, my brother is the same one you mentioned lol. i refused to pay evil with evil God will reward them

Ulunne777:
Let him contact him.He wants closure.

Truth is whatever made him abandon them years ago will still surface after because pregnancy can't be hidden so is evil

If you don't ,with time,with or without your permission he'll make that contact.

Thank you, I am so proud of him for asking my permission first and I will definitely allow him to contact him

MrBrownJay1:
you have to open your mind and understand whats going on...

- just because your children dont go to live with his sister etc, doesnt mean he cannot have contact with the children. what are you afraid of?
- your child needs answers that you cant give him right now, only his father can.
- just because a child has contact with his father, doesnt mean he will now forget what you have done for him all along, or just abandon you.
- at 15yrs old, that child is ready to make his own decisions, dont try to control how he should think/reason (its too late anyway). just make sure you have instill in him the best value etc
- do not use your child as a pawn against his father
- even if the father is the worst human being on planet earth, he is still their father and a child will always be somehow connected to him.
- its obvious this child lacks a father figure in his life, and here is the one person that has been missing from his life all along....OF COURSE he needs to talk to him for his own sanity. thats completely normal

Thank you

Foodqueen:


No matter how much you try to stop it, it's gonna happen. Only time will tell.

Don't blame him.

The ❤️ always wants more.

There is a guy on here too looking for his dad, all the way from Ghana.

They will always need that closure.

Thanks for the advice , i have seen the guy post i truly sorry for him , no matter what happened between his dad and mum the mum should tell him the truth about him because he has every right to know his dad . I hope find him soon

Hello fams sorry to bother you again i need your advice please , my son is nearly 15 last year when their father came from italy he contacted me via facebook requesting for my number. I rushed here to asked for advice and you have advised me to give him my number which I did, he called to tell me that he want to 100% support his children with the condition that I have to give them to his sister to take care of them which I refused. I didn't hide anything from my son I have explained everything to him because I don't want someday for his father to corrupt him with fake stories that I was the one who didn't allow him to see them, my son was very disappointed why would his father want them to live with the aunty who hasn't bothered to check on them for 9 years, he said my decision was right because I love them and I don't want them to go and suffer like he did when he was with my brother and his family. It is over a year now haven't heard anything from their father and on sunday my son asked for my permission if he can contact his dad on facebook, my son has a facebook account which is controlled by me , he doesn't have a smartphone so he use my phone to access his account. He said he is a big boy and he want to chat his dad to ask him why he refused to take care of them while they are still in my care , i told him he should not bother himself God will help us but the boy was begging me to please allow him to contact his father , I even shouted at him out of anger i called him ungrateful human being, he cried and apologised to me but I came to realize that he is now a big boy he only want answers from his father and to form a relationship with him only if the father will also see it the same way. I asked my brother for his opinion he said i shouldn't allow him to contact him the father may think that i am the one who sent the boy to beg him to do his duty as a father and he added nobody beg a parent to provide for their children. So far I have taken the advice my brother has given me but my mind is not in peace i keep thinking about it ,i feel like i am not being fair to my son and I should allow him to contact his father, I am taking care of all my 4 children alone as a single mother and i will never stop any of them to have a relationship with their fathers as long as things are taken to the right channel. please help me with your advices should i allow him to contact him or i should let the matter slide ?