She will return safely by God's grace

Fixed:
It is really difficult to judge from hearing just one side of this story.

From what I have read from Vivian (OP), I can only conclude that the husband is unreasonable in thinking and irresponsible in character. I am sorry to say. Apart from even agreeing before getting married to having the children stayed together, it is totally wicked to have your wife begged you for 3 years for anything within your capacity whatsoever. Showing love and appropriate measure of discipline to the boy is all that is required to turn a new leaf. So if the boy was his biological son and he started stealing right under his roof would he have sent him away? Also, why would he sacrifice the comfort and safety of his 2 year old girl to get back at the wife? Only a heartless man does that.

I also sense a lot of arrogance in Vivian's post. There were indications that the man could not tolerate some of these. The 70% part of the story was really not necessary after all you never claimed your husband was lazy. This statement alone could be the reason he constantly makes you feel you should be grateful he married you anytime your action shows you contribute more financially. He simply retaliates. Check this please. The table can turn in his favour tomorrow. This was once my case many years ago but no longer so. My wife handled it so well that nobody knew. If he is not putting in his best, it is better you have a frank talk with him and he will sit up. Do not deride or belittle your husband It is even very inappropriate on the social media.

You did well by bringing your child home. Sometimes, tough decisions are required in certain life situations. You only did what a mother should do. However, you allowed the golden opportunity for settlement with your husband to pass you by immediately you brought the child home. You shouldn't have acted like he can go to hell because you pick the bills. It would have been the golden moment to placate him. No one, man or woman enjoys a bruised ego! We all react to it in different ways just that your husband chose the 'psycho path'. Where both parties in a marriage seek to be the winner in an argument or issues, ego will be bruised. You both have ego issues and you both should admit that.

Also it is totally senseless to make statements such as 'preferring your children over your marriage'. I honestly will feel very sad to hear that from my wife particularly when the children (biological or not) were not there when we started the journey. They will all leave us and go their way and we will still be together. Call me a jealous husband I don't care. So on hearing that, I will only assume that you never married me for love. To put succinctly, I will feel 'used'. I see that as part of the issue the man has with your character. Though I could be wrong, but my interpretation of the situation is that you married him to give a fatherly protection to your children and he has failed to do that. It doesn't really appear like you found love in this man. Forget the 70℅ provision, it will only make the man 'feel used' the more. The love basis is not there. Hence the ease with which he feels like a hero marrying you as a single mother. You made him feel so.

If there is still love, then this marriage has not broken beyond reconciliation the way this thread has painted it. I am also surprised that the solution majority of the ladies on the forum are offering you is to divorce the man. They never asked you why you gave marriage a second trial. They never asked you why you wanted the first two children to have a fatherly care. They do not realise that raising four children by a single mother takes more than having a corner shop. Check out some of MKO's children if it is all about money. Some of the people advising you here are not even married. Needless to say they don't know what it takes to raise four children from two living fathers. None of us will remember this thread 10 or 15 years down the line talk less of asking after you. Sadly not even me. Some even insinuated that your husband could be a pedophile for accepting the girl and denying the boy. But let posterity judge us if this issue is worth escalating to a divorce. As someone said, at the end, we will all log off and move on to the next active thread on front page. Not too long from now, we would have forgotten we gave wrong advice that will negatively define the lives of these children. It is a faceless forum. You will be doing your children great injustice and it will take them time to understand why you had two failed marriages. It is not a good memory for all four to live with. It is not normal. Don't listen to them. They were not there when you married him. Ask how the last person they advised is doing they don't even know. With a 12 year old boy, you are more experienced in marital issues than many of them. Someone here said divorce is like war, all parties sustain lifetime injuries from it. Some injuries manage to heal but leave scars behind. Some injuries are guilts, regrets, unforgiveness, wasted resources and inability to move on.

Whatever his offences are can be talked over. The differences can be resolved amicably if you both choose to understand each other. This marriage can be salvaged. If only you both can subdue your egos a little bit. I wish you could get someone your husband respects to talk sense into him. It is not uncommon for marriages to have challenges and issues. It is both parties' responsibilities to resolve them before they degenerate into crisis. I cannot comprehend why a sensible man will abandon his family. To where and achieve what? So what medal has he now collected? Snatched a toddler away to retaliate and did not even consider the fact that the wife is even pregnant with a second child for him!

It also appears to me that you are not in good terms with your in laws. That is why your sister in law could easily accept the custody of your daughter. Where possible, seek to draw your in laws closer to you. You also don't seem to have your own relatives around you, the more reason why your husband should be your best friend. A lot of men have soft spots, my wife discovered mine long ago and she has used it to her advantage. I really wish I could meet this man to hear his side of the story and also talk some sense into him. He should return back home, swallow his pride and reunite with his family. In case you are here as your loving wife claims, go back and sort things out please. Do not delay 1 minute.

Finally, madam, with your condition the night time is for resting not for swearing and cursing your husband. My father taught me that prayer shapes family and I have found it to be true, well at least for me. I stay focused with my family in prayer. We all share in our challenges and partake of our successes together. We do not trust in our own ability. The Bible says every house is built by some man but he that buildeth all things is God.

You are not bound to take all my advice. Madam pick those that appear reasonable to you, they will still be useful. At the end, ensure you take decisions that will give you peace of mind. But know that every peaceful marriage is worked out through the deliberate efforts of the two parties concerned.

PS: I will not be able to respond to any
post where I am quoted except Vivian's. I am solely responsible for my post and it represents my personal opinion. All typos are regretted please.

Thank you sir

Thank you Jesus

loveymom:
Please to the OP's Husband,

Oga if you are reading this thread, I plead with you to go back home with your daughter and mend your broken family. A true leader does not run away from conflicts but find ways to fix it.

Your wife might have taken the wrong approach to bring her son home, but please overlook it and correct her so that your family can move forward.

For the sake of your little girl whose mother is alive and your unborn child whom I believe you will want to be involved in his or her life, go back home.

God has blessed you and will continue blessing you, don't use your own hand to tear it apart. Two wrongs can't make things right. Be the bigger person and direct your family to the right path.

May God bless you as you make wise decision on this matter.


To you Vyvyanvyvy,
Madam please stop updating the thread, dont give some people the privilege to insult and ridicule you and your husband.

Instead of praying that God should punish your husband, you can ask God to Soften his heart so that he can come home with your daughter.

Please don't stress your mind and body much because of your pregnancy. Pray for safe delivery, your kids need you alive. So stay strong.

You can reach out to your husband on phone and ask him to come back home. You both should drop your ego and pride for the sake of your kids.

I wish you safe delivery

Please remove your children's picture here, it makes no sense exposing them to the world.

Thank you so much for the advice , I really appreciate it. God bless you

bukatyne:


Madam,

Save your breathe and sleep well.

Nada will happen to him.

You said all over this thread that your children are more important than the marriage and he can go to hell. Same husband decided his daughter is more important that the marriage so why are you crying now?

The same way you are a single mother to the two kids with you, he has decided to be a single father to his daughter. Besides, he left the pregnancy for you abi?

Funny how you now termed what you always wanted as a 'bad thing.'

Shebi you have your son to yourself to mother as you like; you should be VERY happy.

Yes I am very happy to have my son , I feel good that I did not abandon him just for a man who never love me , he just come to my life for the world to see him as a hero for marrying me a single mother of 2. I have no gained anything in this marriage , it’s better for me to be a single mother than to reject my blood and flesh. I know it will not be easy but God will help me to raise my children all alone , I thank God I have my shop something that fetched me money , my children will never starved of anger , they will go to school as usual and nothing will change. For now all I want is for him to bring my child back to me because he cannot take care of her , at the moment my child is with his sister so what’s the point of taking her away from me then to abandon her with his sister ? The same sister that cannot even love her own blood and flesh so is she gonna love my child too? If he wanted to take care of his daughter on his own why can’t he rent a place and take care of her ? He did it because he taught by doing so , I will send my son on the street so I can beg him to come back home , never , all I’m begging him to do is to bring back my child , she is the one that I need , I don’t need him , he can go ahead and remarry , it will not shake me . You and others can rain insults on me but let me tell you one thing , all your insult doesn’t bother me , I’m not regretting loosing my marriage because I did what any true mother in my position would have do in my shoe. Like said my son will always be first no matter what. Let me attached the picture of the 3 people that gives me happiness my children my life.

A lot of bad things has happened in the past week, my husband and I are no longer together. He has left the house with my 2 years old daughter so I have decided not to take matters into my own hands, have reported him to God to judge and deal with him. I have been praying naked at midnight crying on his name whenever he is he will not have peace nothing shall be well with him until he brings my daughter back. I know he is here and he will be reading. Mark my words

crackkhaus:

Good one.

But what did your husband say/do after he saw you had brought your son to the house?

Your story is not complete without this information.

He didn’t do anything to him when we got home he was in the parlour watching tv and my son greeted him he stares at him and didn’t respond back. When my son was playing with both his sisters he tried to keep our 2 years old daughter away from him he took her to the bedroom and locked the door I decided not to say anything because I knew he wouldn’t keep away from him for long because he won’t take her to work with him and after like an hour my baby was crying to go in the parlour because she wanted to be with me and her siblings so he let her in and locked himself in the room. I decided to ignore his childish behaviour and slept in the same room with my children. Nothing bad has happened really

Pearl05:




Who won't be happy to unite with his mom and sisters?

Your young champion needs plenty reassurance of your love by word of mouth. I say this because you don't know the kind bad words your SIL might have said to him of why his dad and mom abandoned him.

So you need to recreate and build up his mind.

Thank you my sister this is what I will do for him while he is waiting to start schooling, I will be spending more times with him to build up his mind so he could be happy again

Coolabbie:
God bless you.

Protect him, Mama.

Spoil him with hugs and kisses.

Thank you for doing the right thing.

Thank you I will protect him and his sisters nothing will separate me from my children

peacefulhome:


My sister ignore any questions else forth. Some people are just here to frustrate your life with unnecessary questions back and forth. Same people telling you to take your son to your husband relative, will be same set of people to blame you if any thing goes wrong with your son while living with his dad relative.
Please take good care of your self , you don't need any form of stress in your present condition. Peace.

Thank you my sister

crackkhaus:

Don't forget to tell us what happens when you get home, that's the one that concerns me.

Please leave nothing out, this your fairy-tale has to have a sweet ending.

We are already at home and nothing has happened. My son is happy to be home and he is happily playing with his sisters

travelland:
Put yourself in his Shoes, will you like him to bring his two kids into your house, was that the original plan, you're not being truthful

If I’m not being truthful and since u were there when i met him and u we’re there when we had discussed about the children why don’t you Bring all the evidences so everybody could see them?

yemi1504:


Why don't you leave your husband's house for some time till his brain resets and pay full attention to your children as you brought them into this world, if he does not come back, get a divorce as he never loved you in the first place, God will provide you with a better husband in time. My 2 cents.

Thanks he is the one that should leave because I just renewed the rent for six months this January no way I will leave the house for him.

Graxie:
Awesome, you will not be put to shame in Jesus name. God will give you the strength to raise sound kids. In a society full of hatred, the Lord will lead you. Congratulations for being there for your kids. I am happy for you.

Amen thanks my sister

juman:
@Vyvyanvyvy
You are strong woman.
Mostly the nigerian mothers own their children fully.
Happy he is now with his mama and going to live a happy life.

Thank you

Thank you everybody for the support , good , bad advices and critics. Like I said the other day I will pick him today am already at my brother place my son stuffs are all packed and we will be leaving soon. I’m very excited happy to have my son back today he will sleep peaceful in his mother house without worrying about what to eat because with me he will have his happy life back

Cherrygold7029:
Bring the boy to me

Thank you . Have already sort out the problem, he will be home with me tomorrow

Mandelus:

Dear, the real father have a family even if he is based in Italy. The man will always come for his children now or later so will the children.

I read everything oga

So because his biological dad has family and I should abandon him with them so they could maltreat him worse than my sister in law. If his family did care about my children they should have come looking for them none of them has bothered and why should I be bothering myself looking for them? I know his family house but am not going and none of my children will go and stay with any of them. At this moment all My son needs is me his mother he doesn’t need anyone else

DedeNkem:


If your own siblings rejected having him (their nephew) around, you can't expect your husband to agree to let him in.

If your son is a good kid, everyone would like to have him around. Talk to your son to let know his behaviour is the problem. If he promises to change then kneel down and beg your husband to give your son a chance to prove himself. Good luck!

When I’m alive my children are not my siblings responsibilities do you know why ? Because when my husband ask for my hand in marriage he knew I had 2 children i was staying alone with my children we never had any agreements that the children should be staying with relatives as adults we had discussed and agreed that children will be with us after the wedding. If at that time he told me that he only wanted me and not my kids then I wouldn't accepted his proposition I would have prefer to stay single and taking care of my children. Even my brother and my late mother asked him several times if he is ready to accept my kids as his own even my brother told him I don’t want tommorow to come to hear that those children are witches and wizard if you are not sure that you will loves them it’s better to quit now and he said I love them they are my children I will never mistreat them incase of any problem I will always come to you for advice that’s what my husband told my people and my late mother had a heart to heart conversation with him more than 3 times his words I will take care of them they are my children and after the hard times we faced after wedding the day we went to hand over my son to my brother he was there with me pleading for him to allow the boy to stay as soon as we moved to a bigger house we will come for him ? So why did he made all those fake promises when he wasn’t ready to love my children ?

Midas01:
Good one, I like this. That boy should live with you and should be shown love, otherwise will resent you in future and that cannot be reversed.

Thanks he will be home tomorrow I’m so excited and can’t wait to have him back

Husband and I had a heated arguments only because he had seen a conversation I had earlier with my sister she was telling me not to neglect my son because of him and she is in support of me to go and pick him up this Sunday and I told her not to worry my son will come and stay in the house the same way as his siblings so he got angry that I went against him and still want to bring him over he was saying a lot of bad things about my son which made me raged and I told him my son is important than him If he doesn’t want him he is free to leave me I will manage okay with my children have said a lot of harsh things because he made me angry so he took his car key and left the house since 11 something pm and is still not yet back and I regret the harsh things that have said to him but he also deserved it for talking bad about my son a innocent 11 years old and I decided not to check on him or apologise. I’m tired of everything I don’t want to die of bp why can’t we just live in peace with all the children instead of him causing problems for me without thinking about my condition

Use dd force incerticite.

[quote author=Purifiedsoul post=87419139]
Be rest assured that bringing that child to your husband house will bring you no good. [/quot
At the moment I don’t even care if he want to leave he is free and like I said earlier my son is more important than my marriage. My children will always be there for me and I will choose my son forever

veykey:
I'll advise you to leave the man if he doesn't change his mind. Those are your kids and they need your love. Provided you're financially stable to take care of them, please do so they don't grow up hating you.

Thank you

merahki:



Why Sunday? What if he steals something this night outside of your brother’s house and is caught and really hurt? Lawd
Why not today?
That boy has seen hell
You never should have sent him away for one second. He should live with you even in a hell hole. He didn’t ask to be born and for all this
You failed him and are waiting for Sunday?
The constant hammering on Sunday is one of the reasons why I think this post is a scam.
I am on your side by the way if this post isn’t a scam.

It took me almost 3 weeks because I was trying to compromise with my husband but he made up his mind that he doesn’t want to see him here so I also made up my mind to go and bring him this Sunday. Sunday it’s the best day because I don’t go to work and my brother and his family will also be at home and I want to thank and appreciate both of them for everything they did for him and leave with my son in peace

ebyjoyken:
God will see you through.

Amen

Mstick:
Madam don't listen to the children on this thread that feels the "ego" of a man should be put before the need of a child.

My advice is, go and bring your son home and DON'T send him to boarding school, be a mother to that boy and mould him.

The people insulting you and giving you such silly advice and supporting your husband will still blame you when that boy turns out worst.

He's not a criminal all he needs right now is your care.

Thanks my dear he will be coming home this Sunday I will not send him anywhere he will live with me the only time he will leave the house is when I decide to quit the marriage and leave with all my children but as long I’m still in the house he will be with me

Pusyiter:
You are not being fair to your husband
Respect his opinion if you have tried to make him see reasons
The fact that you contribute more to the family need does not mean he is not the man/husband
All i can say is, remain in your matrimonial home and do the needful.

I cannot remain in my matrimonial home and seeing my son suffering like an orphan . I cannot put my husband over my son because he can abandoned me anytime soon but my son will always be there for me. I’m ready to quit and focus on my children alone

Blyzz:
well you're right, all boils down to love. If the man love the woman so tenderly, he'll do his best to care for the kids. But if the reverse be the case, I'd also tell you from experience, I've seen men who took their kids to their mother or siblings, because the wife at home maltreat the man's child and takes care of her own children. I've seen men who had kids outside end up marrying a woman with a kids also.

From my view, I can tell you the man is going through phycological stress. Thinking of what to do. Having a daughter at home, then another unborn child on its way. So adding another two children in the house, I think he's worried of that. Mind you, most men would accept the woman at first base on the eye of attraction. Then after having sex with her, bearing children for him. It not likely to renew old promises, I hope you get me.

Why does he have to worry when he doesn’t buy anything for them ? Even the child we have together I’m the one paying her school fee even for him to give me money for scan it’s a problem. It’s not like he doesn’t have any but he is a very stingy man

Deepthoughts:
Please how do you make all that money?,n why can't you take the children bact to their biological father?,how are you sure that your present husband wouldn't maltreat the boy?,these are some of the reasons why it's very important to think deeply n to consider different scenarios before acting in every situation less we move from frying pan to fire.

I have a grocery shop my late mother funded for me . He can’t maltreat him whyle I’m still there he can correct and punish him if he does wrong but never I will allow him to maltreat him.

TabletMan:
You created this thread not to seek advice but to validate your actions because I knew you have already made plans for your son before opening this thread.
Some of these people advising you to divorce your husband are product of broken and warring homes.
That your son needs a fatherly figure in his life and just from your many comments I can only deduce that you're not capable of being both the man and woman in his life.
Go on with your plan but please don't quarrel or trouble your husband because he doesn't support it rather convince him with valid reasons why your son needs to be with you. He may not like the idea of your son living with you people but with time, he will get use to the boy. Make peace with your man because I can see taking 70% of the bills is raising up your pride and ego. You're healthy and alive and non of your relatives is capable of taking care of your only son what if something happens tomorrow? who is going to take care of your 3/4 children? .
I believe your husband is acting due to bad advise and influence of people, family members or friends that's why he is rejecting your son but accepted your daughter like his own, even after promising of taking care of both of them in the past.
Be wise in your dealings because you have made the first mistake, don't let pride and ego be your second mistake .
Make your husband to love your son and you will never regret it.

Yes you are right before I brought my problem here have already made up my mind to bring my son to the house this Sunday but I didn’t want to act fast so I decided to come here and seek opinions / advices from others too because is very important. My children are not my relative responsibility while I’m still alive it’s my duty to care and protect them myself nobody can take care of them better than me and if I die ( God forbid) I know my sister will never abandon my children the same way I will do for her kids if she is not around.

Mycommand:
If he is legally in the country where he resides in, tell him to file his son's immigration papers! That he is not in Nigeria is not a good excuse.

I don’t have his phone number