eyinjuege:


Don't lose guard o.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
He's shown you he's capable of seizing the children, as per he's done it before.
He will definitely do it again, as this time around he will possibly japa with them.
Get the law involved, as earlier mentioned. Let the law set the tems and conditions as per visitation.
Forget the money he's sending 30 in 3 years for 2 children is an insult. Don't be deceived about him sending money every 2 weeks. He just wants you to lose guard and shock you later.
Even his brother coming to your shop is a spy to see if the kids hang around the shop. If possible, don't allow the kids stay in the shop with you, before he kidnaps them

Thanks I take them to my shop after school because my son doesn't finish school till 5pm and I don't like leaving them at home alone but what you just said is true though. I have to stop taking them to my shop , I will look for a house help to be staying with them in the house.

Stevenbright:


You did the right thing as per him having access to the children!

But for rejecting the money, you cheated yourself. You and your children have right to what ever resources he made available for them wether he has access to them right now or not.

I have rejected the money because he called me greedy he said that I am only interested in his money but I don't want him to have access to his children.

Mindlog:
Get a family lawyer involved as he also needs to get his own lawyer, the court should be involved to legally establish visitations and its frequency, what each party would contribute to the welfare of the children.......every arrangement and agreement needs to be documented and signed by both parties.

You need to have a clear idea where he presently lives and work.

Thanks for the suggestion this is what I really want everything to be documented and signed by both of us

Latty88:
Do not fall for his games. Tell him to go through legal means with both families as witness before you agree to his terms.

I no too trust his moves

Same here I don't trust him too, I have a feeling that he want to take them away from me for his wife to turn them into maids.. if his intentions were good he will not refuse to go to court or human rights.

advanceDNA:


Did he hurt the children..??
If no...u cant prevent him from seeing his children....human right will grant him permission and the law doesnt award more than 10-20k per child for a month....so 60k per month is not a bad deal if u have not bitten more than u can chew in the name of giving ur children the best.m...u add to the 60k.......with time u will pay for school fees separately, buy them toys, clothes.....

All this agidi is not neccessary.... whats the point of using pride and anger to weather the challenges alone when small help is dropping on ur lap....if u want to be the mother that did it all by herself...thats fine...

Dont let it shock u when they start asking for their father..

I am not after his money my children are surviving fine without his money , if he want to have a great relationship with his daughters I have no problem with that but he should go through the right channel.

Jashub:
He's entitled to know his children and if you continue holding them back from him they will get to know in future and despise you for it. Moreover, engaging in a legal battle with him will not only put stress on the mental state of the children but it will also affect your your happiness and the chances of ever letting go of the past

He should go through the right channel for our girls safety.

Mrlola:
For the sake of the children in the middle of this drama, let them have access to their father. It seems he is back to his senses afterall.

I haven't denied him access to his children I want him to have a great relationship with them but he should go through the right channel to avoid story that touch.

Hello guys sorry to bother you again, I have a question to ask you if you can help me with answers , my ex husband sent his brother to my shop to give me 30k for our 2 children upkeep the children he hasn't bothered to cater for 3 years since our separation. The brother has also asked me for my number because my ex has something important to tell me. I told him to call him with his phone so I can talk to him which he did and my ex asked to see the children that he will be sending his brother to pick them up every 2 weeks on satursay to spend time with him and he will be bringing them back in the evening he also added he will be giving me 30k every 2 weeks saturday. He remmaried he has a son. I told him that I don't trust him with the children because of what happened when we separated he seize our daughter and I had to report him to the human rights to get her back and I don't want to go through it again. He said we should put the past behind all he wants is to have a great relationship with his children , I told him I can't release the children to him he should go to human rights or court he cut the call and I gave back the 30k to his brother to give it back to him. He left he hasn't returned back and I want to know if I was wrong for asking him to go court or human rights for visitation because I am scared he will seize them again . please advise me

I went out with my children my first daughter was 5 then she asked me to buy her children electric car it was 150k. I've told her I don't have money and I promised to buy it for her next time, she said no I should buy it now now and she started crying refusing to leave the shop. I had to dragged her out of the shop, she started screaming leave me I don't know you, you are not my mum please help me ooo, I was sweating and I didn't know what I should do, I honestly felt like crying.Thank God a lot of people have known me in that area and the knew I was her biological mother if not they would have thought that I have kidnapped her and it wouldn't have been funny.

It's normal she will see it when she stop breastfeeding

Klass99:


Stop repeating yourself and stop answering questions you have already answered or provided clarity on.

Ok sorry

kodix:
Pls don't rush into marrying him moreover you already have 4 children, I wonder why you still want...,beside nothing like loneliness, bcs many married people are very lonely except the same company their children also keep them is all they get.Marriage is very tasking esp for women Else u want it,so think well before u act.

Thanks. I am not in a rush he is the one who has been pressuring me to accept his proposal because he is lonely

Jesslove:
It's not easy dear but it depends on the man and his children. Try and spend some time with them and watch their behavior towards you and your children. While you're with them be close to their dad like husband and wife and watch their face, call them when in the kitchen to assist you, send them within,discuss with them and hear from them then from their you will know your stand if you can cope or not.

He lives alone, his children are adults the girl is married and the boy lives abroad

simplepee:
This woman and her baggage threads…

Another marriage should be the least of your problem madam, will you die without a man ffs? Why are you complicating your kid’s life by moving them from one man’s house to another?? Naso preek dey hungry you?

Allow these children grow first, I beg you. You can remarry later but let the kids have a sane life void of drama/mess. Arhg!

Thanks

aimalohi:
He can't just walk up to u for marriage. Go into courtship with him to also see if his children will accept u and to truly know his if u can cope with his kind of person. As for marriage wait first oo if not a second mistake will tarnish ur image completely

Thanks

alizma:

Where is his first wife? Secondly, if your heart doesn't go with his idea, never do it to Please him or anyone.

Thanks. She is dead

ogeodi:
Pls if you can take care of your kids alone pls do so. With the gist flying around about molestation abeg dey ur dey till maybe when they're grown enough to stand or defend themselves. Am also divorced with two kids since 2013 raising them alone so I understand how you feel.

Thanks

putmanj146:



Follow your mind, so you know the choice is yours

Thanks

jessylaurel:


Ma sorry to say a 15 going to 16 year old is not a minor. Even if the eldest is 10years you can still tell him/her and watch their body language. Instead of introducing different men to them as their father and later separating. It affects the self esteem of these kids.

Ok thanks. I have never introduced multiple men to my kids , the one and only father they knew was my ex husband and I have no dated another man for 3 years.

Obiorahpcfg:
Don't ever try it! You will regret it mark my words. Just stay on ur own and be God fearing. You will see how things will turn around for good for u

Thanks

jessylaurel:


Please a year is not enough to know anyone. Keep watch.

Thanks

jessylaurel:


He's looking for someone to take care of his kids.
By the way how old are his children?
How long have you known him?
Does he have a GOOD STEADY income? Because he might have seen how industrious you're and wants to stick to your money.

I have known him for a year, his children are adults the girl is married with kids , and the boy lives abroad. Yes he is financially buoyant

Geovanni412:


How many daughters do you have?

Investigate the man - we don't want to hear stories that touch

I hope you understand what I mean

I have 3 daughters

XYZo:


This part isn't clear . Is he not the owner of the kids ? Or was that your second marriage ?

I had 2 kids before my ex husband

basty:
Please pray over it.

Thanks

Bahamas95:
Aunty you're a very lucky woman, most men would run when they hear you have four children but this man doesn't care. That's true love, give him a chance.

He has passed the test of not just falling in love with you but also with your children....That's the most important thing.

Thanks

Aringon:

Madam go.on your knees and ask your Heavenly father for the way out. Humans instinct and advice might not be enough. Thank you

Thanks

ekitimanalways:

Your children may be minors but they have emotions. Letting your children know about your plans in a loving manner can help ease their acceptance of this next step. When done successfully, you can assist them in processing their emotions about the new marriage and the changes it may mean for their home life.

Thanks

ceeceeuwa:

Then double it! Don't relent sis.

Thanks

shortgun:
You said, you and your husband are separated... does this mean you are divorced or not?
I'll advise you to get married to this man if you have divorced your husband legally and traditionally.

A time will come when your kids will be too busy with their own lives and won't have the time to always be around you, you will feel lonely and become depressed.

Thanks. Yes we did traditional and church wedding, the bride price has been returned back

Klass99:


No criticism or judgment from me. In fact I applaud you for choosing a helpless child over a grown ass man and marriage.

You are even nice sef, I would have left his own 2 kids for him and walked away, after all I didn't go to his house with those kids, they were created with him under his roof.

As women we give up far too much of our lives for these two things (marriage and children) only to realize na we dey carry the suffer head pass. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thanks so much. I was pregnant with our last baby and when i bought my son to the house against his wishes he left with our daughter she was 2 then, I couldn't leave her with him . I had to involve human right to get her back because he is a irresponsible man leaving our daughter with him would have been the worst mistake ever, when we were together he couldn't even pay our daughter school fees it is not like he didn't have the money he had but he refused to pay it in full, we had to share 50/50 imagine if I left her with him he would have neglected her. I am happy to have all of them with me , the journey is not easy but we are managing fine by God's grace

ekitimanalways:


Have you sought your children's opinion(s) before asking Nairalanders for advice?

They're minors their decision doesn't matter. It is only me that can decide on the right thing to do but I am confused and I don't know what to do, that's why I came to deek for advice because I know we have wise men and women in this forums who will be able to offer me some great advices that will help me to make the right decision.