₦airaland Forum

ceeceeuwa:
Please let him see the elders in your family. They should make him understand that your children are to be accepted by him just as you are ready to accept his. Please, double your hustle so you won't be at his mercy when it comes to the financial responsibility of your children. But if you genuinely feel you are good without any man,then listen to your instinct.

Thanks. Not looking forward for him to carry all their responsibilities. I am hard working , I have a shop , I recently rented a 2 bedroom apartment and all my children are attending a private school without any help from their fathers or him.

Klass99:
I don't understand, you already had these 4 kids before your ex-husband? If I recall correctly you had just one kid before your ex i.e. the boy who is now 15 years old, is that correct?

There's something widows, widowers and divorced people need to understand when it comes to their children. Don't expect your partners to love them unconditionally or in the same vein you do, if your partner likes you and likes your kids well enough, to want to align themselves with you and your children, please accept and embrace that.

The best thing a partner or subsequent spouse can be to your kids is a friend and a mentor, to help guide, instruct and teach them, the way older friends and good mentors do for us in life or at work. Don't be looking for or insisting on fatherly or motherly love, dem no follow you fck the fck wey born those children, so they can't feel the same way you do. It should be enough if they like you and your kids.

I had 2 children before my ex husband , my daughter was staying with us and my son was staying with my elder brother. I agreed with you same as me I don't expect him to love them unconditionally but i just want them to feel loved , safe around him and be comfortable in the house even if he will not foot all the bills I am hard working I will take care of the rest . When i was with my ex husband I footed 70% of the bills but still he didn't want my son to stay with us , he was not even the one that was paying their school fees and all i wanted is for my son to stay with us so he can feel loved , safe and comfortable around him he refused which I don't know why he choose to hate my boy for no valid reason. that's why I had to choose my son over him.

sisisioge:
Dicey....it is well. If you are of the new age where divorce is viewed as simply a break of contract, then go ahead to marry him. Just ensure you dont have any more kids with him for a while so you dont keep having kids with different fathers. If he turns out to be bad market, you tear the contract. Simple. With that in mind, you have more to gain than loose.

Yorubas will say if you decide to close your eyes to avoid seeing bad people, goood people may also pass you by without you realizing it. Good luck.

Thanks . We don't want more kids.

Weirdcamila:
You didn’t include if you had sex with him

No sex

silibaba:
remain as you dey. your kids are already matured to start blessing you. except say t.o .t. o dey scratch you already

Thanks

sisisioge:
It is well....why not date him for a while to understand his kind of person? You've been there with marriage, you of all people should know not to jump into another. Besides, you're a full package that requires input from all participants, what do your kids think of him and his of you? Good luck.

Thanks. I have known him for a year he is a great man and would love to be a part of his life my children adore him but when I remember how my ex husband was also a saint in the begining, he promised me heaven on earth, he even swore in front of my late mother and elder brother that he love me and my kids like his own , only for him to change his mind after the wedding , that's why I am scared that the same thing may happen again. I haven't met or spoken to his children ,they are adult the daughter is already married with kids and the son lives abroad.

Klass99:
Don't let the past ruin your chances for a good thing. There's a chance for;

1. A fresh start with an older man (I like older men sha, most tend to be mature and well grounded) what you fear may not happen. Dwell in this thought instead.

2. Your children to have a male friend and mentor (hopefully a great one too) as well as new friends in their step siblings.

3. Sweet companionship between you and him. Children will grow and leave the nest one day or even sooner like when they are in boarding school. Your life shouldn't be all about your children, you are worthy of good things and you deserve good things too.

4. A nicely blended family, your kids may all get along well and you may get on well with him too. That's not to say there won't be challenges but nothing so bad or terrible that you both can't handle as mature/responsible adults.

Take a chance and see where it all leads to, you might be pleasantly surprised. Don't let negative thoughts or past hurts rule you. You guys can work out a living arrangement where you live close to each other (as a married couple) but in your separate cribs with your kids, spending as much time as you can together......that may reduce feelings of overwhelm and slowly blend both families.

Thanks for the helpful advice

slan87:
I will advise you to focus more on your children @ the moment, truly been a single parent can be very boring @ times. But since you said you don't want to go into marriage stress for now.

Then, I think the best for you is just to stand on your NO. It always start with sweet talks @ the beginning, don't be a victim twice

Thanks

ValCon888:
Firstly, a single mother of four is a steep hill to climb for any man. You're lucky someone is ready and willing to accept you and your four kids into his home.

Not to cohabit, but to make an honest woman out of you by asking for your hand in marriage.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. If you don't want to then don't. For me, I'd advise you to for the security and companionship.

One thing's certain; offers like this only happen once in a lifetime.

I hope 20 years from now you won't look back at this moment and be gnashing your teeth.

You are right thanks

gaby:
Always follow your instincts and you'd hardly go wrong and whatever the results, you'd take it in good fate knowing you listened and acted according to the dictates of your inner man.

Thanks

Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

Dbrawllm0098:
Me I can never allow my son to suffer like dat while am still alive,instead I will leave dat marriage carry my children,hustle to take care of them,who marriage help
Mcheeee

I didn't allow him to suffer , I choose him over my husband because my son will always come first at all the time.

lolaluv1:
What a woman!

You are a joy to read. Very polite yet very firm.
May you live very long to eat the fruit of your labour/sacrifices...

Amen in Jesus mighty name

Thank you everyone for your advice. Just to update you . I sent him my number yesterday and he called few hours later we had discussed about the meeting and children arrangement and I couldn't believe my ears when he said he want to support his children 100% but he want them to start staying with his sister in the house he built where his sister is staying with her family because inhave other children and he don't want me to neglect his children needs because of my other children, he want his sister to train them so I can focus on my other children . He ask to meet today and he want me to give the children to his sister this Sunday he will do everything for them. I didn't want to be rude and I told him I will think about it and will give the answer today when we meet. Which will never happen I will not give them away , the same sister that haven't bother to look for them for 9 years and why would I give her my children for. I have blocked him already it is not worth me wasting my time with them.

fineboynl:
Lol. Seeing him might bring past memories. Except if he doesn't want again which I'm sure he wouldn't.

But still let him pay you something. And fix the kids school fees, feeding and other obligations. But he need to pay you for all that you have done Even if not once but gradually.

If you don't want to see him you can send the kids to go see him.



If after 9 years then does kids are not children again

Thanks

Richy4:
That's just what u need all the time... Do not let anyone hold the key to your happiness...
Cheers_

Amen thanks

NoToPile:
I remember your other thread ma'am about your elder boy, I still salute your tenacity.

Now to this since he now wants to see the kids, you have nothing to lose by seeing him, hear what he has to say, let him know what taking care of his kids alone has cost you.

Just do it for the kids and moving forward you should get him to commit to an allowance for the children,very important.

He should be responsible for his kids.

Thank you

Ulunne777:
Go and see him.Your children needs their father.It maybe demeaning to you but look past yourself.

You are a strong momma and I applaud how you've kept them this far.

Thank you

Justice belongs to God,soon the truth will be unravelled.

Richy4:

Ok we are human... My selfish self would have said don't go... But for the sake of the kids,.. just go and see him...
But as u go there, please dress your best... Do not act like u were the only one that Buhari is ruling... Look your very best that will suggest to him that u can do it without him in the picture...

Lols you made me laugh this early morning , thanks for the advice

Acidosis:
The appropriate thing is to discuss this with your current man (if any). I won't encourage you to meet an ex without his knowledge and approval, whether with the kids or not. If you have a new relationship, then it's no longer about you or the kids, it's about him also.

Thanks for the advice. I am single

Mood11:
The best I can suggest is that you should meet with him and get to hear his story. A whole lot would have happened to him in 9 years.

Thank you for the advice. I know the story because he called me after a year in abroad , he told me doesn't have any money to bring us with him and I should move on because he had move on too.

Hey guys I need your advice please

In brief I am a mother of 4 children and my two oldest children father have been abroad for almost 9 years he has abandoned the children,  he hasn't sent a kobo for their upkeep for all these years nor a phone call to know about their health. He returned back this January and he messaged me few weeks ago on Facebook ( I have been using my Facebook since 2008 with my real names) he requested for my number because he want us to meet with him to discussed about the children. I ignored the message because I think if my children had survived 9 years without him and they will survive more years to come without him. He messaged me three more times the last one was yesterday he said he is going back to Italy next week Tuesday  if I miss this opportunity to meet up with him . he will never bother me again and my children will hate me for keeping them away from him.

Please am I wrong for not wanting him to see the children This is a serious matter if you have nothing good to say  please skip my post

Simple and beautiful

eyinjuege:
Congratulations on the birth of your new baby
Hope you're coping well with the children.
May God give your the strenght and all the help you need to raise them all to be successful and exemplary human beings.
Glad to know you're all doing fine

Amen, thanks so much

Jennyfha:
Your story has really touched my heart, I want to pay for your son's school fees for the whole year, please contact me to this email jennyfhajen@yahoo.com with proof of his school fees

Thanks so much ma, God bless you and grant you all your heart desires

LadySarah:
Wow, 8 mths already?congratultions.

Thank you so much

veave:
I'm happy for you. Please protect your children. The world is very wicked now and everyone is selfish, be selfish with your self and your children. Their happiness should come first. May God keep providing for you. When your boy is 12, allow him learn a trade during his holidays so that he can learn to be independent on time. Also don't forget to teach him good morals. May God see you through.

He will be 13 in August. Amen thanks

Ardar:
GOOD.



I hope you've gotten your daughter back or at least seen her?

Yes all my 4 children are staying with me

bukatyne:
Did you and your husband come back together?

And your baby you were pregnant with then.

We are not together anymore. I gave birth to a baby girl, she is 8 months old

Sharonstone7719:
Hi op.. Any update

Everything is fine by God's grace

my baby was vomiting and had a running tummy no temperature, we went to the doctor and it has since stopped after some injections but she is  not eating she  just wants breast milk and water please help she is  only 8 months old