₦airaland Forum

Anonymous
Anonymous
Answered Jul 9
Going anonymous because I am married now, and I don’t want him to know how much it still hurts.

I am an Indian woman. When I turned 25, my parents started looking for guys for me. We registered in matrimony websites, and my relatives spread the word around. I spoke to several guys for a year, and none worked.

In 2014, my parents found out a guy for me. They guy was working for a multinational company in Australia. (He was sent on a 6 month project from Banglore to Australia). I spoke to him over the phone a few times, and he seemed like a good guy. He was soft spoken and very polite. He told me that his project would end in a few weeks, and that we can meet when he comes to India. We met in Chennai, India a few weeks later. Our parents were also present, but we also spoke privately for around an hour. He seemed like a nice person. We told our parents that they can proceed with this alliance. We got engaged in a few weeks (February 2016). The next day after our engagement, he took me out for lunch. He asked me if I prefer Indian or Indo-Chinese. I told him I love Indo-Chinese food, but he took me to an Indian place. It was buffet lunch, and as soon as we went inside the restaurant, he paid only for himself and he went inside. I am not saying that only guys should pay, but he did not even turn to see what I am doing. I paid for myself and went inside. While we were eating, he suddenly said “Shit, I am so sorry. I totally forgot that you are there with me, I am so used to eating alone, that is why I forgot to pay for you”. I thought its an honest mistake and brushed it off. While having lunch, he asked me if I would like to stay in India after marriage, or if I would like to move to Australia. I told him that I would prefer to stay in India, but if we have to move for a few months for his projects, I would understand. He said okay. He asked me about my future plans, and I told him that I would like to pursue my masters. He said he would totally support that idea. He went back Banglore the next day.

This happened in February 2016. For the next 2 months, I had absolutely no contact with him. I tried contacting him through whatsapp, text, and phonecalls, but I never got any reply. He used to read my whatsapp messages, and be online for long periods of time, but he never replied to any of my messages. I did not want to worry my parents, so I did not tell them anything. 2 months later, in April, he sent me a message “I am going to Australia next week for a 6 month project”. I called him as soon as I got this message, but he did not answer my call. His parents let me know when he reached Australia. I waited for 2 weeks for him to message me his Australia number, but he did not. Finally after 2 weeks, his mom messaged me his number.

In this time, his parents came to visit me several times. Every time they came, they gave me very expensive gifts like gold jewelry, ‘pattu sarees’, etc. Once, his mother asked me about him, and I told her that he has not been in contact with me after our engagement. I asked her if theres something wrong. She told me that he is very busy with work, may be thats why. She also gave me lame reasons like his phone is not working for 2 weeks and then his sim is not working. I asked her if he cannot spend some money and get a new phone/duplicate sim to talk to me for 10 minutes at least once a week. She told me that her son is an idiot, and that she would tell him to talk to me everyday. I was very happy when I heard this. I thought things would change.

Sadly, nothing changed. I still got the cold treatment. Our parents decided to fix the marriage in November, as he would be back from Australia by then. My parents got everything for the marriage. My clothes, jewelry, even booked a marriage hall, and printed the invitations. I was getting restless day by day, and I cried for hours thinking whats going on.

Finally, I could not take this anymore, and I confided everything to my uncle. He told me not to worry, and that he would talk to my parents, and the guys parents. The next day, the guys father called me and told me that I am a girl, and I should entice his son to talking to me. He said I need to learn to flirt with him and impress him. I got shocked to hear this from a father! I asked him why his son agreed to get engaged to me if he was not impressed. He was not sure what to say, and he disconnected the call. I told this to my uncle and he got very angry. He called the guys parents and shouted at them.

I am not sure what happened, but the same night, he called me. He started shouting at me as soon as he called. He asked me what I want. I told him that we would get married in a few months, and I want to get to know him. I said it is not fair that he has not stayed in touch with me after engagement. When I told this, he lost his shit and told me “what do you want to know about me? Ask me right now, and I will tell you everything you need to know. My parents have been informing you about my whereabouts, and I dont know what else you want”. I told him that I am getting married to him and not his parents. I told him to shut up and gave him a piece of my mind.

He heard everything I had to say, and then he said he is busy with work, so he cannot spend time with me. I asked me if 10 minutes everyday, or at least a whatsapp message everyday is that difficult. He told me it is. I told him “okay, thanks for letting me know” and disconnected the call. This call happened a few weeks before he was supposed to come back to India.

I cried the whole night without my parents or anyone else in this world knowing. The next morning, I somehow got the strength to tell everything to my parents. They were really shocked, but they understood. They told me that they would support whatever I decided. I told them that I want to call of this wedding. They were absolutely broken, but they supported me. They told me that calling off a wedding is much better than getting married to someone like this and wasting my life.

My parents met his parents the following week and told them about our decision. They were shocked, and then they told my parents that I kept pestering him saying that he has to talk to me at least once a week, and that he does not like to be tied down like that. My parents said so its better to call it off. They did not agree to this, but my parents stood firmly. We returned all their gifts back to them. While leaving, they told my parents “we have a lot of money, your daughter would be really happy here”.. My parents told them that they would never get me married for “money” and left..

I got really hurt after this experience, and I used to cry every night. It took a lot of time to get over this. Facing the social stigma was also difficult.

Somehow, I got over this with the help of my family and friends. I am now happily married to another man who treats me like a queen
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Have you rejected someone? Why?
Anonymous
Anonymous
Answered 17h ago
Yes, I have. (3 Years back)

I met a guy on matrimonial platform. The first day when I met him, I didn't like him much, the reasons were him being so fidgety with not very impressive communication skills.

We met, had coffee and he dropped me to my place.

He liked me but I was not sure so I chose not to talk to him again.

I got busy in my life and kept meeting other matches.

After 4 months when I had already given up on the online shaadi portals, suddenly I got a message from this guy.

I was already upset that day, alone, and dejected, I was in a need to talk to someone.

The message wrote 'Hey, wassup.’

I replied 'Nothing'

The message beeped 'You didn't respond anything after that meet'

I replied 'Umm..yeah, I was not sure and got busy with my stuff.

Another text popped up 'Never mind, I really liked you, wanna catch up someday?'

I replied 'Yes, when?' I am free tonight.

He texted 'Okay, let's meet in next 30 minutes'

I typed 'I'll be ready'

And we met. He was the same, but we talked a little more this time. He listened to me. He appreciated my looks. Boosted my confidence by saying nice things to me.

I was no more upset, he made me feel better.

We bade Goodbyes with a pre-scheduled hangout plan.

We met again and kept meeting.

As he already liked me, he kept getting attracted to me but the feelings from my side had not taken a step ahead.

I liked his company because he liked mine.

After we met for atleast 10 more times, I thought, why not him? (Just because he has bad english/can't speak intellectual stuff/and a little fidgety?)

I should choose to marry him (Because he is good to me, likes me a lot, earns well, from my community, honest and has the potential to keep me happy)

I decided to marry him. I told him I will make my mother (single parent) meet him very soon.

He jumped with joy. I could guage the happiness through his eyes.

I kissed him a day before my mother was going to see him. He confessed he fell in love with me since the day we met.

I still was not sure because my idea of a husband was not him, but my peers and family made me believe there is nothing like 'Perfect'. You should look for 'Compatible' more than 'perfect'

I was 26 then, I have had dated better boys before. Things couldn't succumb to marriage because of many reasons (one being me not sure about marrying or maybe I had patience issues and me being way too childish)

I thought this was the time, I shouldn't think much and go ahead as I myself am not perfect and have many flaws.

My mother met him.

I still exactly remember two things that she said that day after meeting him,

‘Wasn't his shirt too shiny? Looks like he was too keen to look good in front of your mother’ she chuckled.

'He is good, but you will always dominate him with a sense of superiority in terms of looks and intellect'.

I was taken aback. 'I was marrying him because I thought you would be happy that I got married to someone in our community, if you don't like him much, why am I doing this?' I said to my mother.

She didn't respond. That was the day and I did not respond to any of his calls/messages.

I did not know how to say No to him, because I had kissed him and told him I liked him.

How could I change my mind then? The thing that he did not know was I was looking at my family's comfort in marrying him. Kissing him was part of an experiment to see if we atleast had some physical compatibility for future, if nothing.

He kept calling and I kept avoiding. I was feeling so bad but I couldn't help it.

He finally texted that he wanted to meet me for the last time and he won't bother me again.

We met, he made me hear a lot of things saying how much he liked me and how heartbroken he was because of my behaviour.

I listened to whatever he said patiently. All I could say was 'I am sorry'

And he never texted me again.

I am still single, I sometimes feel guilty that I hurt him but I don't regret not marrying him.

Thanks for reading and putting up this question.

I feel light.

Ian Kedem

Ian Kedem, former Chief Agronomist

Answered May 22

I'm an Israeli that lived in Nigeria for 5 years working on an agricultural project in Plateau State.

Nigeria is no better or no worse than any other country in the world. Every country has it's advantages and dis-advantages.

The leadership is the biggest Nigerian problem with rife corruption and lack of basic humanity.

The Nigerian people are suffering from a lack of leadership and too much religious dogma.

One of the main problems with Nigerians is that they are too tolerant of their politicians. No strikes or protest marches for justice. They have come to terms with the fact that they have to bribe a government official, customs officer, police officer, immigration officer just to progress in life.
42.8k Views · View Upvoters ·

faaz24:
It could be any of these ;
Corporate begging diplomacy
Diplomatic corporate begging or
Corporate diplomatic begging.

She could still work for atiku though

Am sure that is her game plan .. We all know them for speaking from both sides of their mouth.

faaz24:
I can only laugh, at least for now...



But madam what about Bureau de change?
He's got dollars you know

.. She is looking for atiku ' x change.. Does this qualify as diplomacy or corporate begging!?

Very saddening.. Bihari to kwotinue.

apaceno001:
220 odd for today ,Winning is my right, 100% grantee call now or whatsapp to confirm .

... Come let me guarantee your fail with two hot slaps ..indeed the greedy like yourself will fail to read ur terms and conditions... grantee ur yansh

Z

Just when the founding fathers were about to catch a nap, bam! You cold called them again... At least you could have allowed them this nap til the next guber or whatever. Buh no, not uncle go-slow. And with them in BTW the beyond state and a possible second daura called heart attack ,they be like WTF*#k "houuu old are we posthumously?" You old dumbf*#k!!"

Y

X

Gossiplover:
OP, STOP CARRYING FAKE NEWS. Where is your proof that he is underage. Do you have his birth certificate with you or a solid proof. Do u expect us to believe this because of the word of an aggrieved supporter. I hope this fake news doesn't make FP. Show us proof that he is underage.

Even the unsure Facebook poster is assuming his age because of his young looks..

It's not a crime to have small body or look young, that might be his case.

There are many officers who don't look their age. you should know that

What about the pidgin he can't speak? Should we laminate the proof for you?

I thought MMM died a natural and total death?! What's all these nau...if these are not stretch marks of MMM, I don't know what are.

#kenyaVsnigeria... Truth be told.. some Nigerians have actually died from this.

dingbang:
whats all this nonsense, does linda ikeji think nigerians are stupid people? there is one fact about her that remains, she got pregnant out of wedlock and thats final. No need using celebrity to hide her shame

What shame are you talking about? A bundle of joy is growing in her that is most important than your moral sermon. In fact, it's her celebrity status that is exposing her to these judgements. Is there a time she hasn't been judged? Mean while, there are millions of women with kids outside of wedlock only without her money ; they live in your streets.

FYI, I ain't saying she's morally upright, or that she doesn't judged people. I am saying to not treat people just because u were treated that way.

Anyway your name says it all.. thought you were a girl.. well if you are yet to be married... I am sure nature just recorded you want a woman who would choose pride over her husband. Otherwise ur wife would definitely change to shame[b][/b]FUL. Congrats

ChiefAzubuike:
That woman is very shameless. How can you do conductor for a man who will still locate the nearest beer palor or brothel after the days work?

Madam you just hustled in vain.

anyway your name says it all.. thought you were a girl.. well if you are yet to be married... I am sure nature just recorded you want a woman who would choose pride over her husband. Otherwise ur wife would definitely change to shame[b][/b]FUL. Congrats

And we are not nairalanders..

Pisure of a jug or uefa cup comes to mind unprovoked just with a glance of the dude in the left. ...am I alone on this... ?







Or maybe I need to work on myself
.

"Sexy legs"? ! Unless most girls have got legs that aren't"sexy" then you are deemed uncrazy to report this trash news.

What ,till today still baffles me is the [b][/b]immunity covers these wolves (who ll have put our trust) while in service. Excuse me! I ll never understand that part. Maybe it was translated to English and the English language not able convey the actual meaning.

Yeah I know what he meant. But really !! Is it part of school curriculum. You don't blame a parent in that. Coding , being his thing may not necessarily be the young boy tea cup. Assuming it was ,it would be an out of box thought of the mother to guide him in that direction in that coding is relatively a new niche that is low on awareness. You see that many academicians tutored the chap to achieve this feat. While am in full support of going for your interest✓passion along side studies, blaming his parent was just out of line for a 15yr old academic hunger.

It's a new specie of birds, isn't it?

gimmehear:
Popular and fast rising Nigeria Artist whose name is David Adeleke was found in the NYSC station.

The artist who graduated in the year 2015, from Babcock university has finally decided to serve his father land after three years of graduation.

The interesting thing is the video which the artist posted showing himself enjoying in a comfortable seat, and a question from is fans is “is he actually serving or wasting time.

http://gimmehear.com/davido-starts-spotted-wearing-nysc-uniform/

Temi Badmus

My son let me goan look for ur size... Bunch of Hippocrates with massive low self-esteem , always at the ready to show their domineering side in the face of the Nigerians youth and acting all humble when an ' Aura' appears. Oboy sorry corper schnapp us. Poverty na bastard jor

Auladimeji:
Some parent are mad,a child is not up to the age of going to a university yet you allowed him to write the exam,why can't they let him channels that energy of studying for university to coding

. Moderator can you guys be as effectively functional unlike the so called school Senate and demonstrate to them how and when bar should be carried out. I present to you an over aged with evasive brain blindness in Nairaland institution. Over to you. Ps note. This set is hard to find...pls you are urged to do the needful.