xavieree:
the story is from quora....u didnt tell us something personal

No I didn't. Nonetheless, It is someone's personal story that anyone can and should learn from.

It's unfortunate that there are so many immature minds on Nairaland that any topic raised finds away to attract this set of people. Leaving people seeking solutions worse off. You would be surprised the type of comments, a topic like 'how do I stop watching porn?' would attract. And even Nairaland admins bring to front page, all sorts. To them, as far as it's trending ; it's front page worthy. If they are not to be socially responsible and disciplinary , it will just be better that the platform is restricted to political discourse. Anyway I don't see that happening. It's all about traffic, conversions and 'how much am I making'. But I do think there should be a 'dislike' icon... to indicate we have sensible and right thinking Nigerians within any topical issue.

Anonymous

Updated Aug 2

The Hell I was forced to live in for nearly two years.

This is a long story, but I feel it has secrets that I must tell.

For the first half of my teenaged years, my life was privileged and I was ignorantly blissful. From the ages 13–16, all was well and lovely.

I was beautiful. Enviable smooth skin, long blonde hair, hazel eyes. I was tall and tanned and slender and my parents were wealthy and I had everything I thought I could want.

I went on dates when I turned 15 every Friday night. I'd go bowling with my friends. We'd go ice skating and shopping and we'd laugh in the streets and everyone would look at us. We wore pretty clothes and had perfect makeup, and we all were identical in our looks. I thought this was what I had to offer. Beauty. The ability to make others jealous.

This all changed when I turned 16.

My step-father was having an affair. He left myself, my brother, and my uneducated, ignorant mother quickly and effortlessly. He never looked back.

My mother was forced to move us two hours away from our private school. My step-father stopped paying for it, so my brother and I had to go to a public school. My friends stopped talking to me.

We lived in a low budget area. My mother found work as a maid, but it wasn't enough.

One day, I came home from school, and 80% of my clothing was gone. My old makeup was missing too.

I asked my mother where it was. She told me she sold it to one of her clients, and she left her makeup bag at a bus stop, so she took mine.

My mother only cared about how she looked. As did I. She taught me to. She didn't care about anything else, other than her looks.

My face began to break out horribly. I got acne everywhere.

I went to school in cheap shorts and t-shirts everyday, with a shitty book bag. Boys didn't look at me anymore. I was horrified. Everything changed. It felt like I was living in a different world. My hair got dry and brittle, from all the days I straightened and curled it. I had no products to fix it.

I got scarily skinny. My curves were gone.

Who was I without my beauty, I wondered. I didn't know.

Now, I'm sure I know what you're thinking: the vapid rich girl who turned into the ugly poor one got what she deserved. And you're right. I was proud and arrogant and spoiled. I did get what I deserved.

But this is only the beginning of the story. I told you it was a long one.

By the time I was 17, I accepted my pimples, and my crap hair, and the loss of my beauty. I learned that I actually had a personality.

As I began to gain back a slight bit of confidence, my mother lost all of hers.

She stopped working. She said it made her look bad to work as a maid for rich people, in houses that used to look like our own.

We got evicted, and became homeless.

My biological father lived in Scotland. He couldn't help us, and at the time, I doubted that he'd want to.

My brother got a job as a dishwasher in a restaurant. He's the one that truly suffered it all. He was a good person. Popular at our old school for all the right reasons. He was kind and intelligent, talented. Handsome. While my mother and I were both terrible people, he was an amazing one.

He barely made anything working. We slept under freeway underpasses. A far cry from where we used to live.

Men bothered me constantly.

Some wanted sex, others yelled at me, calling me pizza face and telling me to buy a mask.

I was assaulted on a number of occasions.

I cried everyday. I felt so sorry for myself. So embarrassed. I had Polaroids of my old boyfriends and I, of my old "friends" and I. I was stunning, and still, that's all I could think about - my loss of beauty.

I forgot about my personality for a while.

We still went to school. Everyone knew we were homeless. It was a moderately small town.

The owner of the restaurant my brother worked at allowed us to stay in his backhouse that was infested with roaches, among other things.

There was only cold water, and no electricity.

I learned to steal food.

This was in a smallish town in Georgia. Stealing didn't go unnoticed, and I got caught, though the police took pity on me and gave me a warning, referring me to a shelter.

My mother was a shell of who she once was. She would talk to herself and hallucinate. She would hit me and scream. When my brother tried to stop her, she would threaten him and say he was abusing her. She'd curse at us and tell us terrible things. This went on for months.

One day, she disappeared. The owner of the restaurant told us that some old man picked her up in a shitty car and drove off down the road.

My brother and I thought she would come back.

She never did.

Years later, we found arrest records of her online. She'd been arrested for heroin possession in Las Vegas, among other things.

I was 18. My brother was 16, when she left.

I graduated high school. I didn't attend the ceremony, I just picked up my diploma from the office and left.

I got a job at the grocery store near the house. The manager felt sorry for me.

I decided to try to get in touch with my father. I hadn't seen or spoken to him since I was 10, but I knew I needed to get out of Georgia.

My brother took a high school equivalency exam and passed.

I found him, and got in touch with him. I told him our story. He was horrified and told me he wished I would've called him sooner. He instantly bought my brother and I plane tickets to Edinburgh. The owner of the restaurant, out of the kindness of his heart, helped us get passports within a week. It was expensive, but he did it for us.

We took nothing with us. There was nothing worth taking.

When we touched down in Edinburgh, I felt hope, for the first time in two years. I no longer looked in mirrors, or admired myself. My vanity was gone.

My father met us at the airport.

When he saw us, his jaw dropped. The main reason, he told us, he hadn't kept in touch was because of my mother. It made sense, but he clearly felt terribly for leaving us with her and our step-dad.

We looked homeless. He stuck out like sore thumbs as we journeyed into Edinburgh.

People gawked at us. We knew we looked terrible, but we didn't care. I didn't care.

My father bought us new clothes. I chose cheap shorts and jeans and t-shirts and hoodies.

I was humbled.

He offered to buy me makeup and jewelry and pretty things.

I accepted his gifts, but never asked him to buy me anything like that.

My acne went away.

I maintained my hair well. I gained weight, losing my skeletal frame.

My father enrolled us both in university in Edinburgh.

I was anti-social. I'd forgotten how to be charming and sweet, I suppose because it was all fake back before everything had happened.

A boy came up to me and asked me what my name was. I couldn't even maintain eye contact with him, but he kept trying to talk to me. I couldn't to figure out why.

A few days after he initially approached me, I looked at myself in a mirror in one of the bathrooms at my university. For the first time in what seemed like forever.

I was….beautiful.

But in a different way.

Outwardly, I was beautiful.

But I could sense my strength when I met my own eyes in that mirror. I could see my humbleness, my courage, my power. I had depth. I had inner beauty. I saw what that was for the very first time. I saw who I was, and who I could be. I saw myself, fleshed out and raw and real, for the first time in my life.

I wasn't beautiful before at all. I was cruel and vapid and selfish and undeserving of my privelaged life of luxury and artificiality.

Now, I knew how lucky I was. I was in school. I had a home. I had my father who loved me, and my brother.

I walked out of the bathroom with tears in my eyes. And when that boy tried talking to me again, I looked him right in his eye and never looked away from anyone again.

I graduated university. Ten and a half years later, I'm 32 and I'm married to a wonderful Englishman whose eyes I never looked away from again.

And though he knows I had a "difficult" past, I've never shared this with him. I never have shared with him my step-dad abandoning us, our homelessness, the assaults I endured, the abuse, the pain, the anger, the sadness.

It still haunts me to this day.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like if my step-dad never left.

I would still be that ignorantly blissful beautiful girl with no substance.

I wouldn't know true struggle.

I wouldn't know true pain.

In a way, I'm almost glad this happened to me. It has made me appreciate life and what it has to offer. It has made me strong and humble.

I know I need to share this with my husband.

I suppose I'm afraid.

Not to tell him, because I know he'll be understanding.

I'm afraid to say it aloud.

I've never voiced it before.

I'm afraid that I'll look in the mirror and see that broken, pimply sad girl once I talk about her. It makes her real. I see her in shop windows sometimes, in rear view mirrors, and she scares me. I'm always afraid she'll return one day.

But she also reminds me of who I was, and who I've become.

Who I'm more afraid of is that beautiful girl, though. She scares me the most, and she's the most difficult to face.

I'm going to try to real this entire story aloud.

Maybe it'll help me tell him.

I don't know.

But what I do know is that this secret is my best kept and my worst kept one.

Best, because I never tell anyone.

Worst, because I never tell anyone.

A double edged sword.

Live goes on.

So it goes. You have to roll with the punches to appreciate the time-outs. You have to live in darkness to appreciate the light.

And how I do appreciate that light.

Edit:

Wow. I am truly stunned at the outpouring of love and support from everyone, I almost regret going anonymous! Thank you to you all, you've truly made me more confident in my story, and you've made me feel better about telling my husband the whole truth.

A few people have been asking about my brother, and the restaurant owner who helped us get to Scotland.

Shortly after my brother graduated college, he got hooked on cocaine. He spent so much time harboring the sadness of our past…he turned to cocaine to get him through the pain. It was especially heart wrenching because of how good a person my brother is. He suffered from severe anxiety and PTSD from what happened to us. He suffered more than I ever did. I watched him go through this and it made me feel even worse about the entire situation.

Even though we were in a better place, he still couldn't sleep or rest. He'd stay awake for hours and hours and hours. He couldn't make peace with the past. He relived it every single day.

Finally, my father and I took him to a mental health center after he accidentally fell asleep and woke up screaming. We didn't know about the severity of his drug use until after he was checked in to the center; we thought he only used marijuana.

He got better, and clean. He's strong. Today, he still has terrible anxiety, however he's learned to manage his PTSD, and he no longer uses drugs. He's been with his girlfriend for three years now, and she really helps him pull through.

He's better, but still broken. I think I was lucky to not be entirely scarred by the past. It's there, but I can manage it. He can't, and it's saddening to watch him wallow away right in front of me. He has panic attacks from going to the grocery store. He can't sit still. He's a far cry from the confident, popular guy he once was, but he's still an amazing person who overcomes so much everyday.

Him and his girlfriend are living in Ireland now, in town called Killarney. The reason I'm telling you the name is so you can look it up for yourself. It's truly a magical, beautiful place, and the only place I've ever seen him happy since all those years ago, before everything happened. He's content.

As for the owner, he died a few years ago. I found his daughter on Facebook and made contact with her in hopes of connecting with him again to tell him where Kent and I ended up. She informed me that she now runs the restaurant, and her father passed due to a heart attack. It was extremely saddening when we found this out; we never really got the opportunity to thank him, but he's an angel, nonetheless.

Anyway, I hope this provides some closure for everyone wondering where the others in this story are now.

Thank you again for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it so much.

Emilia
221.1k Views · View Upvoters ·

dingbang:
You date someone for their personality not just where they come from. If you think we date you ladies for your monies then you are [i][/i] GREATLY MISTAKEN, intact if you need cash, come let me spoil you silly with money.

WTF r you spewing? You trying to attempt to try repair our international image or the local one??!! Or are you reading or lifting from a textbook? Isn't our Constitution written in a book. Isn't the Bible a book? Are you loving all your neighbors. Don't you know how common is it that a mechanical engineer always use the services of a mechanic for both simple and complicated things in Nigeria? Was he ever opportune to be part of a research team? Or need I mention that you don't have to know how to analyze Simple DC or AC circuits to conduct deliverance session on Power Sector to cater for190 million of Nigerians!!!!! All you have to do is get your law degree ,grow along that career path and jump into any management course and jump out and that my lost friend is a requisite to hold 'sensitive' positions in Nigeria even though people like you are in the thousands but why call it sensitive in the first place.
Even the most sensitive of all no longer requires a Certificate..., Show ur Nepa bill and you are good. However though , the system is very faithful in little things... Federal ,state and private placement; you must not be more than 28 year by Dec 1, you must possess 10 to 15 working experience, no flat toe...et cetera.

RUBBISH

Does the title 'Prof. Dash Dash, Department of Electrical Electronic Engineering' still mean anything?...
Politrics I hail thee...


95% of dating is not about personality, at least anywhere in the world that reeks of third degree poverty and hunger. ( GREATLY MISTAKEN?? abaaa!)


Mind you I am not a mind reader to tell what the boy is after... If the young lag has got friends , it's only a matter of time before they reprogram him stereotypically.

What's something that sucks about being a man?



Anonymous
Anonymous
Answered Oct 16 · Upvoted by Farhan Usmani, former Trainee at HCL Technologies (2017-2018)
I'll pen down this incident that happened in 2011 when I was a manager.

I was 30, working in a big accounting/audit firm as a manager. I had recently been promoted and was one of 2 females who were a manager or above. In that firm, managers interview the candidates for internship. I was scheduled to interview a boy for a 3 year internship.

The interview went really well. He answered all my questions with ease and perfection. I was happy because I wanted an intern in my team. I mentally made a note to request the HR to allocate this boy to my team. After he left, I glanced at his form where his date of birth was mentioned which clearly told me that he had turned 18 barely a month ago. I raised my concern with the HR, but he was still hired based on his interview performance. (The reason I raised a concern was because he was an undergraduate and was pursuing his graduation, so he would take leaves for his exams every year)

When he joined, I became his reporting manager. But unfortunately, after the induction process was completed, I was on a client location. In my absence, my senior allocated him to one of my listed clients in South India. The client location was in a remote village where we had to stay in okayish guest houses.

Everything was going well. This young boy turned out to be a wonderful prodigy. He would do tasks that third year interns couldn't do. He would handle a lot by himself. He was every manager's delight.

Six months later I had to submit the year end review. I was adamant on giving him a perfect 5 score but the HR weren't in agreement. After back and forth I managed to get a 4 for him and that month's exceptional performance award.

He was also very silent, full of innocence. He didn't consume alcohol, was a vegetarian, didn't smoke, wouldn't gossip, wouldn't take any personal calls during work, would carry college books on outstation assignments, would have a glass of milk daily like a small baby, would speak only when necessary, was brutally honest (once I reached office really late, so when he was leaving I asked him to stay, he said he came on time unlike me). For me, he was like a son. I had kind of adopted him. He was child like naughty sometimes. (Once on an outstation assignment we returned late after celebrating a team member's birthday, he scared everyone by switching off the lights and making ghostly noises. Once he drew a beard on my office ID card. Once he hid the key to my room because I cooked for my team and it was horrible)

Fast forward to next year. It was a big assignment. Annual year end. During such assignments we hire help from our KPO for small tasks. For this assignment (it was 2 months long) I got this fresh graduate girl. They both were on the same location and this girl got attracted to him. (He is exceptionally good looking, once a client suggested him to try movies as a career. This girl was no less. She turned a lot of heads wherever she went)

He didn't use facebook or twitter. I don't know about whatsapp because I started using whatsapp in 2013. When I reached the location for reviewing the work I sensed something between them. She would always be with him, trying to ask him questions about work. I felt her getting really over friendly at times. I didn't like it and requested her not to be unprofessional at client place.

I left soon, she didn't do anything after I warned her.

But as soon as the entire team was back in our office I got an email. It was sent to the HR. I was copied too. It was that girl accusing my intern of inappropriate behavior.

I called my assistant manager (he was present there throughout the assignment). We had a long discussion and we were quite sure that the girl was accusing him for a false charge.

The story was that she asked him out. He never said yes. She kept on trying. He told her she was wasting her time. After constant trying and getting shot down, she couldn't handle rejection and decided to file a complaint. HR was quick to respond because the company took such matters very seriously. The girl was adamant on getting him fired and to spoil his career. HR was helpless. There wasn't enough evidence to save him. (That time I wished if it would have happened on Facebook, atleast there would have been some evidence)

On my and other team members’ requests the HR decided to let him leave without any adverse remarks on his work certificate. I lost a wonderful prodigy because of one false allegation.

What's the worst a woman can do to a man?

She can destroy him, his career, his future, his life, his dreams, and lay waste to his talents.

A young guy, only 19. Nobody believed him.

PS. I don't know what happened to him after that. Whenever I tried his number I got the switched off message.

I do receive a birthday wish from him every year via SMS. I reply and try to know what has he been up to. His reply is always the same,- please don't worry about me. I'm happy and living a wonderful life.

EDIT

I am anonymous to protect the privacy of the boy. This incident was kept very discreet.
The reason why HR acted that way is because a couple of months before this incident, a girl from our office was raped by a driver. It was in news. The bosses did not want further bad publicity. They decided to wrap it up as quickly as possible. They used the boy as a scapegoat.
I resigned in protest. I've been working in the industry since 6+ years.
As to what happened to that girl? Well since we hired her from our KPO she was scheduled to go back. I gave her the worst review I had ever given to anyone. I heard that she was unable to go for an international rotation because of my bad review.
136.2k Views · View Upvoters · 13.2k

Never waste time in chasing people.
Never beg anyone to stay in your life.
Never procrastinate.
Never judge people in the first look. You never know what is their story.
Never seek attention.
Never belittle people who own lower positions than you.
Never be narrow-minded. This limits your growth.
Never announce your goals. People will know themselves.
Never be ashamed of yourself.
Never imitate someone.
Never be a people pleaser.
Never lose calm on petty things.
Never share all your secrets.
Never trust anyone blindly.
Never stop reading and learning.
Never bring negative thoughts about yourself just because you didn't succeed last time. You will this time.
Never waste your time in impressing others.
Never get impressed by good looks, wealth and luxuries.
Never talk bad to your parents.
Never respect anyone just because they are elder than you. Respect because if the reasons that they deserve to be respected.

Anonymous
Anonymous
Updated Dec 24, 2017



Men. Men scare me The kind of men I met in my time as a young prostitute.
I met decent men who would pay & do as much discussed. I met cheap men who would haggle beforehand, and after. Scared men who wanted to lose virginities. Scary men who would get off by hitting & cursing me. Men who were not attracted to their wives. Men who just wanted someone to comfort them. Men with weird fantasies. None of them scared me.
What scared me were the other kind of urges. Men who wanted me to pretend that I was their daughter, niece, or just a random underage girl. It made me sick to the stomach but I did all those things. Because I thought if it weren't for a barely adult prostitute like me, they would do these things to actual children. And the kind of things they did and said to me during those role plays, I can't imagine even an adult woman being able to handle that.
I have met men who wanted me to act like they were raping me. I did that too all the while being scared of the woman they actually had in mind. They didn't just want to 'bone' their classmate/coworker/friend/relative. They actually wanted to sexual harass her in the sickest way. Sometimes even their own wives. I had a regular who was engaged. He would pretend I was his fiancée & do the sickest things. He told me he can't wait to get access to his fiancé after the wedding. Once he stopped seeing me, I can't help wondering what sorry state that poor girl was pushed into by her unknowing parents. Another man gloated about something heinous he had done to his pregnant daughter in law, and how she would never speak up against it because of 'good' family values.
And these men weren't exceptions, and obvious criminals and creeps. It was literally every second guy. And they were harmless looking men with decent jobs and families. 'nice' guys who women and other men would respect and trust. My experience has shown me the reality of sexual predators. Paedophiles and rapists aren't uncommon and isolated from the society. They are parents, relatives, friends and employers. My blood boils everytime a victim comes forward & someone says 'Was she decently dressed?' / 'Did she turn him on?'. I get chills down my spine everytime I see a child acting wary of a person or place. I feel scared for my friends everytime they turn someone's advances down, or even accept them. I wonder how rampant sexual assault would be if it weren't for the law.
I have learnt paedophilia and rape aren't about sex. It's about ego ,power and control over the victim.
------------------
EDIT : Thank you for the love and blessings, good people. I'm in a much better place in life now. To those worried about sampling bias, I'm sorry if my first attempt wasn't clear enough. I'm not saying that 'every second man' in your area's population is like that. I'm saying men like that not the rare & obvious specimens. They could be your childhood friend or your uncle, and you would hardly know. Two of the men I remember to have visited me for paedophilic urges bumped into me much later in life. One was a reputed dentist and another a librarian in a school. And no, not all men who visited me knew they were in the wrong. Some just hadn't found the chance yet, some the guts, and some were just scared of the consequences. Men who fantasized abusing women, most of them had already done things. And it isn't about a harmless fleating thought or consensual roleplay like the BDSM community. They had urges regular & strong enough to act them out with a dummy(me). Considering the men who visited the women in my area were the only men ever to have such thoughts, it was still a number big enough to scare.
I don't know about you, but if someone has 'mere' strong fantasies to sexually violate a child/woman they know till they die of the pain, I wouldn't ever trust them alone.
Just.. Listen to kids when they want to avoid a person or place. Listen to your gut when a trustworthy & charming man/woman starts wanting to be alone with your child or you. Never ignore micro expressions and lingering glances. Be careful for red flags before you allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone.. But.. What can we do when even some parents have incestuous paedophilic urges.. Just.. God bless humanity.
648.8k Views · Upvoters 35.9k

Anonymous
Answered Apr 15 · Upvoted by Tatiana Estévez, works at Quora


This is the first time I am sharing this with anyone. Going anonymous because I have many friends in quora and I dont want share these details about me with them.

My father had an extramarital affair with my mother and he was already married and had 4 children, three boys and a girl from that marriage. Because of his infidelity, in came lil old me, a babyboy. Nobody wanted to accept me. My mother wanted to abort me because I will ‘ruin’ her health and body but due to medical complications she wasn’t able to do that. My father did not want anything to ruin his marriage. But it was my destiny and I came into existence.

So what do you do in a country like Pakistan where societies pressure is too much and to save face, my father married my mother

My father was a very rich guy and was an only child of his parents and he did not have any relatives and my mother was from a small family who ran away from her home to become a model in Karachi, Pakistan.

During my birth, my mother passed away due to heavy blood loss and some other medical complications. So, my father took me to his own home where he lived with his first wife and their children. He asked her to care for as she would for her own children and because of my father’s power and authority she couldn’t say anything and had to obey his wishes.

I think life was good and I like to think it was good. When I was six years old, my father passed away because of heart attack. It was the most depressing day of my life. But then what happend with me, I would not wish it upon anyone.

One month after my father passed away, I was watching cartoons with my siblings as suddenly my mom (I did not know that she wasn’t my real mom) came into the room and slapped the shit out of me. I started crying and asked her what did I do?

I can't forget her words when she said that “I will make your life so ugly that you will regret the day you came out of that LovePeddler. I am not your mom and if you ever call me mom again I will kill you. You are the son of a LovePeddler and I will make your life so miserable that you will want to die”. I could not understand what was happening to me. Why my world suddenly changed from happyland to this hell.

She then looked at my siblings and told them complete story of my biological mother. They were all in their teens. She said to them that I was not their blood and they will treat me as they will treat their enemy otherwise they will also face punishment.

After that day my life went from bad to worse. I was not allowed to sit on dining table to eat with them. I was not allowed to continue my studies and she gave the reason to my school teacher that I was being homeschooled. I was not allowed a bed to sleep on. I remember when ot was summer, it was so hot and I wasn’t able to sleep because the living room was also too hot with AC or even a fan as I was not allowed to waste electricity. So Tiptoeing, I went to my siblings room where it felt like paradise with the AC. I put my blanket down on the floor and slept their but Paradise became hell. I was awakened by a hard kick in my head. My big brother who I used to adore and idolize and whom I trusted to protect me suddenly became my enemy. He then grabbed me by my hairs and pulled me up and then threw me away like a garbage back in to the living room amd said to me “How dare you come into our room you bastard. Now this is your place and If I ever see you again come in here I will beat you so much that you will not be able to recognize your face.”

That night I did not sleep. I cried and cried until I had no tears left and asked God why it happend to me? What did I do wrong?

In the same routinely abuse, three years passed. Now I was nine years old and a big boy. As I became older so did the intensity of physical abuse and emotional abuse.

My middle brother loved watching boxing. We had cable television in our home and his friends use to come over to watch TV. One day he asked me to come and watch boxing with them and I was baffled by this because If I was ever caught watching TV that meant I will be beaten by a thin pipe as it happend too many times to keep count. So I hesitated but went in there to watch boxing with them. After ten minutes, my brother asked me If I would like to play with his friends. I said okay because they were laughing with me or at me. They taught me proper boxing stance and taught me how to throw a punch. Here I was learning to box with kids twice my weight and atleast 7 years older than me. So the game started and my brother asked me to throw a punch at him and try my best to hit him and I did but I missed him and then he punched me so hard in my stomach that I went to ground with excruciating pain. Then he mocked me and said you are like a girl, crying on small things and he along with his friends started laughing. Angrily I got up to beat him up but was unsuccessful in my attempt and then he beat the shit out of me including kicks. I was bleeding from my nose and mouth. Our maid took me to hospital and said that I had fight with my friends at school. The maid also did not do anything and kept to herself only.

I don’t want to tell you the story for each year but I will tell you some example:

My brother used to wake me up by burning my toe with lighter. Now my toe has dead skin and its dark brown in color .

I was not allowed to study, read a book or watch TV or go outside our house other than to buy household items.

On summer, between 2 am to 6 am I use to sleep outside the room of my siblings because I was able to get burst of cold air from beneath the door which felt like heaven.

Only good time was when they all used to go outside the country for vacation. I was able to enjoy myself a little.

When I was 13 years old, I decided that it was enough and I ran from the house. I lived on the streets for one month and I had some money that I stole from my stepmom purse. Then came an elderly man and an angel for me who asked me about my home and I told him that I don’t have any. He took me to his home and I met with their family. He was a professor in a university in Karachi. He told me that If I feel comfortable I can live with them If I promise to study and improve my life. He also had two more girls just like me who he picked up from street and raised them as his own.

Present:

Now I am 25 years old, I am educated. I have a university degree. I have a job. Because of my baba (elderly man). I still have burnt toe. I still have cigarettes burns on my back. I still remember the sounds of countless slaps. I still remember my broken fingers.I still remember that hunger and empty stomach. But I still remember. I still remember everything.

1.1m Views · View Upvoters ·

Body.

Anonymous
Anonymous
Answered Jul 9
Going anonymous because I am married now, and I don’t want him to know how much it still hurts.

I am an Indian woman. When I turned 25, my parents started looking for guys for me. We registered in matrimony websites, and my relatives spread the word around. I spoke to several guys for a year, and none worked.

In 2014, my parents found out a guy for me. They guy was working for a multinational company in Australia. (He was sent on a 6 month project from Banglore to Australia). I spoke to him over the phone a few times, and he seemed like a good guy. He was soft spoken and very polite. He told me that his project would end in a few weeks, and that we can meet when he comes to India. We met in Chennai, India a few weeks later. Our parents were also present, but we also spoke privately for around an hour. He seemed like a nice person. We told our parents that they can proceed with this alliance. We got engaged in a few weeks (February 2016). The next day after our engagement, he took me out for lunch. He asked me if I prefer Indian or Indo-Chinese. I told him I love Indo-Chinese food, but he took me to an Indian place. It was buffet lunch, and as soon as we went inside the restaurant, he paid only for himself and he went inside. I am not saying that only guys should pay, but he did not even turn to see what I am doing. I paid for myself and went inside. While we were eating, he suddenly said “Shit, I am so sorry. I totally forgot that you are there with me, I am so used to eating alone, that is why I forgot to pay for you”. I thought its an honest mistake and brushed it off. While having lunch, he asked me if I would like to stay in India after marriage, or if I would like to move to Australia. I told him that I would prefer to stay in India, but if we have to move for a few months for his projects, I would understand. He said okay. He asked me about my future plans, and I told him that I would like to pursue my masters. He said he would totally support that idea. He went back Banglore the next day.

This happened in February 2016. For the next 2 months, I had absolutely no contact with him. I tried contacting him through whatsapp, text, and phonecalls, but I never got any reply. He used to read my whatsapp messages, and be online for long periods of time, but he never replied to any of my messages. I did not want to worry my parents, so I did not tell them anything. 2 months later, in April, he sent me a message “I am going to Australia next week for a 6 month project”. I called him as soon as I got this message, but he did not answer my call. His parents let me know when he reached Australia. I waited for 2 weeks for him to message me his Australia number, but he did not. Finally after 2 weeks, his mom messaged me his number.

In this time, his parents came to visit me several times. Every time they came, they gave me very expensive gifts like gold jewelry, ‘pattu sarees’, etc. Once, his mother asked me about him, and I told her that he has not been in contact with me after our engagement. I asked her if theres something wrong. She told me that he is very busy with work, may be thats why. She also gave me lame reasons like his phone is not working for 2 weeks and then his sim is not working. I asked her if he cannot spend some money and get a new phone/duplicate sim to talk to me for 10 minutes at least once a week. She told me that her son is an idiot, and that she would tell him to talk to me everyday. I was very happy when I heard this. I thought things would change.

Sadly, nothing changed. I still got the cold treatment. Our parents decided to fix the marriage in November, as he would be back from Australia by then. My parents got everything for the marriage. My clothes, jewelry, even booked a marriage hall, and printed the invitations. I was getting restless day by day, and I cried for hours thinking whats going on.

Finally, I could not take this anymore, and I confided everything to my uncle. He told me not to worry, and that he would talk to my parents, and the guys parents. The next day, the guys father called me and told me that I am a girl, and I should entice his son to talking to me. He said I need to learn to flirt with him and impress him. I got shocked to hear this from a father! I asked him why his son agreed to get engaged to me if he was not impressed. He was not sure what to say, and he disconnected the call. I told this to my uncle and he got very angry. He called the guys parents and shouted at them.

I am not sure what happened, but the same night, he called me. He started shouting at me as soon as he called. He asked me what I want. I told him that we would get married in a few months, and I want to get to know him. I said it is not fair that he has not stayed in touch with me after engagement. When I told this, he lost his shit and told me “what do you want to know about me? Ask me right now, and I will tell you everything you need to know. My parents have been informing you about my whereabouts, and I dont know what else you want”. I told him that I am getting married to him and not his parents. I told him to shut up and gave him a piece of my mind.

He heard everything I had to say, and then he said he is busy with work, so he cannot spend time with me. I asked me if 10 minutes everyday, or at least a whatsapp message everyday is that difficult. He told me it is. I told him “okay, thanks for letting me know” and disconnected the call. This call happened a few weeks before he was supposed to come back to India.

I cried the whole night without my parents or anyone else in this world knowing. The next morning, I somehow got the strength to tell everything to my parents. They were really shocked, but they understood. They told me that they would support whatever I decided. I told them that I want to call of this wedding. They were absolutely broken, but they supported me. They told me that calling off a wedding is much better than getting married to someone like this and wasting my life.

My parents met his parents the following week and told them about our decision. They were shocked, and then they told my parents that I kept pestering him saying that he has to talk to me at least once a week, and that he does not like to be tied down like that. My parents said so its better to call it off. They did not agree to this, but my parents stood firmly. We returned all their gifts back to them. While leaving, they told my parents “we have a lot of money, your daughter would be really happy here”.. My parents told them that they would never get me married for “money” and left..

I got really hurt after this experience, and I used to cry every night. It took a lot of time to get over this. Facing the social stigma was also difficult.

Somehow, I got over this with the help of my family and friends. I am now happily married to another man who treats me like a queen
406.6k Views · View Upvoters ·

Have you rejected someone? Why?
Anonymous
Anonymous
Answered 17h ago
Yes, I have. (3 Years back)

I met a guy on matrimonial platform. The first day when I met him, I didn't like him much, the reasons were him being so fidgety with not very impressive communication skills.

We met, had coffee and he dropped me to my place.

He liked me but I was not sure so I chose not to talk to him again.

I got busy in my life and kept meeting other matches.

After 4 months when I had already given up on the online shaadi portals, suddenly I got a message from this guy.

I was already upset that day, alone, and dejected, I was in a need to talk to someone.

The message wrote 'Hey, wassup.’

I replied 'Nothing'

The message beeped 'You didn't respond anything after that meet'

I replied 'Umm..yeah, I was not sure and got busy with my stuff.

Another text popped up 'Never mind, I really liked you, wanna catch up someday?'

I replied 'Yes, when?' I am free tonight.

He texted 'Okay, let's meet in next 30 minutes'

I typed 'I'll be ready'

And we met. He was the same, but we talked a little more this time. He listened to me. He appreciated my looks. Boosted my confidence by saying nice things to me.

I was no more upset, he made me feel better.

We bade Goodbyes with a pre-scheduled hangout plan.

We met again and kept meeting.

As he already liked me, he kept getting attracted to me but the feelings from my side had not taken a step ahead.

I liked his company because he liked mine.

After we met for atleast 10 more times, I thought, why not him? (Just because he has bad english/can't speak intellectual stuff/and a little fidgety?)

I should choose to marry him (Because he is good to me, likes me a lot, earns well, from my community, honest and has the potential to keep me happy)

I decided to marry him. I told him I will make my mother (single parent) meet him very soon.

He jumped with joy. I could guage the happiness through his eyes.

I kissed him a day before my mother was going to see him. He confessed he fell in love with me since the day we met.

I still was not sure because my idea of a husband was not him, but my peers and family made me believe there is nothing like 'Perfect'. You should look for 'Compatible' more than 'perfect'

I was 26 then, I have had dated better boys before. Things couldn't succumb to marriage because of many reasons (one being me not sure about marrying or maybe I had patience issues and me being way too childish)

I thought this was the time, I shouldn't think much and go ahead as I myself am not perfect and have many flaws.

My mother met him.

I still exactly remember two things that she said that day after meeting him,

‘Wasn't his shirt too shiny? Looks like he was too keen to look good in front of your mother’ she chuckled.

'He is good, but you will always dominate him with a sense of superiority in terms of looks and intellect'.

I was taken aback. 'I was marrying him because I thought you would be happy that I got married to someone in our community, if you don't like him much, why am I doing this?' I said to my mother.

She didn't respond. That was the day and I did not respond to any of his calls/messages.

I did not know how to say No to him, because I had kissed him and told him I liked him.

How could I change my mind then? The thing that he did not know was I was looking at my family's comfort in marrying him. Kissing him was part of an experiment to see if we atleast had some physical compatibility for future, if nothing.

He kept calling and I kept avoiding. I was feeling so bad but I couldn't help it.

He finally texted that he wanted to meet me for the last time and he won't bother me again.

We met, he made me hear a lot of things saying how much he liked me and how heartbroken he was because of my behaviour.

I listened to whatever he said patiently. All I could say was 'I am sorry'

And he never texted me again.

I am still single, I sometimes feel guilty that I hurt him but I don't regret not marrying him.

Thanks for reading and putting up this question.

I feel light.

Ian Kedem

Ian Kedem, former Chief Agronomist

Answered May 22

I'm an Israeli that lived in Nigeria for 5 years working on an agricultural project in Plateau State.

Nigeria is no better or no worse than any other country in the world. Every country has it's advantages and dis-advantages.

The leadership is the biggest Nigerian problem with rife corruption and lack of basic humanity.

The Nigerian people are suffering from a lack of leadership and too much religious dogma.

One of the main problems with Nigerians is that they are too tolerant of their politicians. No strikes or protest marches for justice. They have come to terms with the fact that they have to bribe a government official, customs officer, police officer, immigration officer just to progress in life.
42.8k Views · View Upvoters ·

faaz24:

It could be any of these ;
Corporate begging diplomacy
Diplomatic corporate begging or
Corporate diplomatic begging.

She could still work for atiku though

Am sure that is her game plan .. We all know them for speaking from both sides of their mouth.

faaz24:
I can only laugh, at least for now...



But madam what about Bureau de change?
He's got dollars you know

.. She is looking for atiku ' x change.. Does this qualify as diplomacy or corporate begging!?

Very saddening.. Bihari to kwotinue.

apaceno001:
220 odd for today ,Winning is my right, 100% grantee call now or whatsapp to confirm .

... Come let me guarantee your fail with two hot slaps ..indeed the greedy like yourself will fail to read ur terms and conditions... grantee ur yansh

Z

Just when the founding fathers were about to catch a nap, bam! You cold called them again... At least you could have allowed them this nap til the next guber or whatever. Buh no, not uncle go-slow. And with them in BTW the beyond state and a possible second daura called heart attack ,they be like WTF*#k "houuu old are we posthumously?" You old dumbf*#k!!"

Y

X

Gossiplover:
OP, STOP CARRYING FAKE NEWS. Where is your proof that he is underage. Do you have his birth certificate with you or a solid proof. Do u expect us to believe this because of the word of an aggrieved supporter. I hope this fake news doesn't make FP. Show us proof that he is underage.

Even the unsure Facebook poster is assuming his age because of his young looks..

It's not a crime to have small body or look young, that might be his case.

There are many officers who don't look their age. you should know that

What about the pidgin he can't speak? Should we laminate the proof for you?

I thought MMM died a natural and total death?! What's all these nau...if these are not stretch marks of MMM, I don't know what are.

#kenyaVsnigeria... Truth be told.. some Nigerians have actually died from this.

dingbang:
whats all this nonsense, does linda ikeji think nigerians are stupid people? there is one fact about her that remains, she got pregnant out of wedlock and thats final. No need using celebrity to hide her shame

What shame are you talking about? A bundle of joy is growing in her that is most important than your moral sermon. In fact, it's her celebrity status that is exposing her to these judgements. Is there a time she hasn't been judged? Mean while, there are millions of women with kids outside of wedlock only without her money ; they live in your streets.

FYI, I ain't saying she's morally upright, or that she doesn't judged people. I am saying to not treat people just because u were treated that way.

Anyway your name says it all.. thought you were a girl.. well if you are yet to be married... I am sure nature just recorded you want a woman who would choose pride over her husband. Otherwise ur wife would definitely change to shame[b][/b]FUL. Congrats

ChiefAzubuike:
That woman is very shameless. How can you do conductor for a man who will still locate the nearest beer palor or brothel after the days work?

Madam you just hustled in vain.

anyway your name says it all.. thought you were a girl.. well if you are yet to be married... I am sure nature just recorded you want a woman who would choose pride over her husband. Otherwise ur wife would definitely change to shame[b][/b]FUL. Congrats