Not all stories like massages have a happy ending....My friends circle is so small, it's now a dot. Had this friend that was a serial complainer and ultra sensitive like toothpaste. Whenever I pressed him (not literally, perv), he'll get all wound up and stop talking to me. I reached out to him and apologised a couple of times but after the last one, blanked the n*** He sent me a message almost 1 year after but ignored his sensitive ass

Duh, by the time you scratch the panel off the drug, the seller will claim you have defaced his property and will have to buy it.

Apparently, M.I was made Ambassador for energy because Lagos State wants it's citizens to know that power will be in short supply this year

It's not surprising that most of the people on this thread that love PDA are females.....

@OP, I can teach you a few tricks that will make your GF never forget your birthday ever again.

Simple, change your ATM pin from her birthday to YOUR birthday and give her your ATM card to go shopping.

Other tips include;

change the passwords on your phones to your birthday.
buy HER an expensive present on your birthday every year.
tattoo your birthday on your chest

ogugua88:

[size=13pt]Nominations ended on the 24th at midnight (12:00am). It's currently 3:25pm.[/size]

My bad, thanks

ogugua88: [size=13pt]Hello folks!

As many of you know, there is already an older Nairaland's Cutest Baby Contest thread ongoing in the Family Section. However, due to recent postings of Nairalanders' babies in a thread in the Celebrity section as well as the continuous participation in Mrs..Chima's 2011 thread, Tgirl4real and I would like to start an official contest for cute babies/children of our Nairalanders!

Like with every contest, there are rules to be followed:

1. Photos MUST be of relatives of Nairaland members. All photos must be original.
2. Nairaland Forum Rules and Regulations must be abided. (i.e. no abusing/insulting Nairaland members and/or their children).
3. Have fun!

Is your baby cuddly? Goofy? Happy? CUTE?! Then, let's see! Which Nairalander has the cutest baby??

This is the official nominations thread! Nominations will begin 22 April 2013 and end midnight, 24 April 2013. Another thread for the main contest will be started once nominations end.

Let the show begin![/size]

How come nominations have ended? Your post above says otherwise.....are you in PDP?

Face palm (they should be a smiley for this)

@OP, this has to be one of the dumbest posts in the history of Nairaland. The time it took to write this garbage could have been better spent watching two house flies f**king and any Man who has read your post and belives it has become dumber because of you. So yes, you have made some sort of impact.
Are you refering to an animal? Why on earth do you need to maintain and control a Woman? To use your own crude language.

First of all, your post is all about manipulation and nothing else. This is about being mean, cruel and devoius in a despicable attempt to assert yourself over an insecure and niave girl who does not know any better. From your post, I can tell you have an inferiority complex and is intimidated by a Woman who makes more money or is more successful than you are. Hence, your advice that such cannot be controlled. What a load of rubbish.

A real Women makes her own money, has her own career, is able to think for herself and yet is willing to share her life and all she possess with a Man she falls in love with not because he has more money than her but because that Man loves and respects her. Love is not conditional and manipulative. If you want to have a healthly and meaniful relationship with a Woman, then learn to respect her. Respect is reciprocal (even 9ice knows this).

The process of getting to know a real Woman will enrich your life and you will love her more for it. It is a life long journey not a quick fix solution. Love is the key to any healthy relationship.

If your purpose is to bleep some skank, then offer her something she wants in return and do your thing. Not bore us with some half ass garbage you picked from the gutter.

I can see the Girls on this thread circling like sharks with the scent of blood in the water, ready to pounce on any poor Man that dares enter thier turf. Truth be told, most Men (not me I assure you) do not regard women as equals because women tend to take decisions based on emotions rather than logical reasoning. History shows us that yes, while Women have made significant achievements in many fields but (and its a big ol but) their reasoning & actions are mainly driven by mood swings, period cramps, insecurities, grudges, e.t.c. The list is endless. Most successful Women are Women who behave like thier Male counterparts not the other way around. I am yet to hear a Man praised for "acting like a Woman".

For example, Women are instinctively natural pretenders. What you see is not what it really is. From make up, to hair, to nails, to eyelashes, high heels, contact lenses, push up bras, butt padded underwear and today Botox injections, face lifts, nose jobs, vampire facials, fake tiddays, e.t.c. Women live a constant lie every single day. I'm not being judgemental here cos I love me a dope chick prancing around the crib in tight shorts and a pair of Christian Louboutin's heels. It's just that Women are wired that way. Mother's pass on these values instinctively to thier daughters who take to it like a duck to water. So how on earth can a Man take you seriously with all that drama you surround your self with? Women carry emotional luggage around like thier lives depended on it. Women never let go of ish. They remind you of stuff you did to them decades ago and how insensitive you still are. I mean like WTF? Yes, Men agree it would be a Sh**y world (full of sore hands) if they didn't have Women to amuse and pleasure them from time to time but the modern woman needs to re-wire her brain and break this programmed way of behaving before some Men (not me oooo) start to take them seriously. As long as Women continue to objectify themselves, they will always be regarded by Men as simply tools of thier amusement and pleasure. The proverbial ball is in your court, ladies.

Let the insults begin......By the way, the Bible does not do much to your cause for the spiritual sisters out there but it does teach Men to love and respect Women to which I whole heartedly agree.

solomonkane:
@OP: This has got to the biggest piece of gutter trash I have ever had the misfortune of reading (and I served in a public secondary school); a tale of fury, told by an idiot, signifying nothing (apologies to Shakespeare). Wrong spellings, horrible sentence formation, nonsensical opinions e.t.c. If your write up is indicative of your thought processes and command of the English language, I cringe in horror trying to imagine what you would have said if you had been in the man's shoes. Please get yourself copies of Brighter Grammar and learn how to articulate your thoughts properly.

I couldn't agree more with Solomonkane. When I saw the topic, I was under the impression that I would be reading a well thought out write up laced with strong arguments and presented in an engaging manner. What the OP, acidtalks or whatever it calls itself, did was come up with one of the worst piece of cow manure that i have also had the misfortune of reading. However, the remarks that followed reminded me of why I love NLers so much because nobody is taking this clown seriously.

Botox ain't surgery

For me, This only proves the recently deceased cow was Muslim

If you really like this girl, then why choose to "withdraw"? whatever that means. Do you expect her to jump into your arms just because you asked her out? Some girls need a bit more wooing. Start by not putting any pressure on her to go out with you. Tell her you just want to be friends and take it one day at a time. Be yourself and get to know her better. Maybe she believes going out with a guy in her area will only lead to people trash talking her or that the age difference between you guys means you will take advantage of her. The point is all this perceptions can change if she gets to know you better and falls for you. Just be natural and as witty as you possibly can. Don't take life and yourself too serious and make sure she has a good time when she's with you. Make fun of her perceptions. Just make her feel safe and secure whenever she is with you. I've never had a girl fall in love with me just like like that. It took time and patience but believe me, it was worth it. Step up to the plate and be a bold Man not a mouse. Girls don't fall for quitters, they fall for guys with lots of self confidence. Don't give up, Go for it and lets know how it pans out ok? All the best home boy

Dear Future Wife,

Please be like Maya2pretty and i will be the happiest guy on God's green earth

For me, I will buy her an Iphone. Store my number on the friggin phone, add my picture, customize my ring tone so the next time i call the woman and she asks who's this? the rest is unprintable.....

For me, the pet is more faithful in a relationship. Why else do couples fight over who gets the pet when they break up?

Why would you marry someone you like in the first place? Gosh, imagine living together 24/7 with your friend? Having to talk to someone whose company you enjoy? spending the rest of your life with someone you care about? Urgh, the thought makes me want to throw up. Abeg, marry your enemy. at least it can't be any worse right?

Ok, let me get this straight. You have known this guy for 3 months, he has an ex who he is still seeing and when you ask him to reveal his intentions towards you, he is evasive but emotional. plus you say he's husband material (which you deduced after only 3 months)?

Are you acting like a desperado? No, not at all (heaven perish the thought). You just need to move on. You need to realize that you deserve better in a relationship and to be happy. If he does not make you happy, which is fairly obvious to me, then the sensible thing to do is move on with your life. Life is way too short to piss it away on a guy who treats you like a door mat.

Keep your head up and don't settle for less. You are a beautiful unique person and you will always meet people that will appreciate you for who you are as long as you have a positive outlook to life.

I give up! Dude, you are doing my head in

Ok, so you were in a relationship with this girl and she was in love you. You disappear for 3 good years and do not bother to even send her a text message or to call her. Now you want to know how you can make her fall in love with you again abi?
I don't mean to judge you but it's obvious you don't care about this girl. For heaven's sake, put yourself in her heels and imagine if someone did that to you, how would you feel? Personally, I think you should leave the poor girl alone in peace but if you have convinced yourself that you really love her then don't put any pressure on her. Just be a good friend to her and maybe with time, she might take you back but you don't deserve her that's for certain

Dude, think for a minute, ok? What if she used to be a guy and is hanging with her old crew? seriously, it don't mean ish. Besides, she's not your gf, so what's your own? From all what you been saying about her not replying to 1st text, which is B.S, it sounds like she's not even into you. Maybe she likes geeky looking dudes, they usually end up running billion $$$ companies in silicon valley while buffs like you work for them. There's no point second guessing her Romeo. Just do your thing

Mr knowitall.:
you got your answer chalay....if she told you she wants to be your good friend, then just be her good friend....if her and the boyfriend ever breaks up, maybe youll have a chance....but dont be immature about it and ignore her...Just chill and be her friend dude......meanwhile, date other women or whatever you are into....besides, you sound like an assss hole for trying to date another mans girl....relax dude

They don't call him Knowitall for nothing. 100% on point

Seriously, i thought this was a joke but i feel you need to move on because if you have been chasing this girl for 3 years and haven't gotten her, you are never going to get her. You hold all the aces but you don't know it yet. Focus on your career and make money. Take time to look and smell good. You don't have to have a million dollars to get girls but look like you have it anyway. Forget all the B.S you hear, Ladies are attracted to a man with self confidence not necessarily money. there are so many pretty and intelligent ladies out there and the beauty of being a man is that we are attracted to almost all of them so you can take your pick. There are not only plenty of fish in the ocean, there are crabs, lobster, oysters, prawns, e.t.c take your pick bro.

Please marry Tyche or Digital so we can all have a happy ending to this story, come for your wedding in S.A, eat rice and party till the sun comes up.

Dear Rinora,

My advice is you should start stalking him. Better still, get cheaters (free P.I) to do it for you. Don't sit on your bum all day wondering what he's up to, follow him and find out for yourself.

P.S You may need an attitude adjuster like a baseball bat when you finally catch up with him

Agony Aunt

You could start by learning to speak English. For the life of me, I cannot make out a word you said.

Pretty disgusting write up (i can't bring myself to call this a poem)

Why would you want to abstain from sex in the first place?

Dude, you need to have a proper business plan to cover all your bases. For starters, direct marketing without market segmentation means you get lost in all the chatter out there. Also, there's the holier than thou critics that will be commenting on your thread, discouraging potential customers. you are dealing in a Niche market and to make a name and $$$ for yourself, you need to be more sensible driving this. You makes us pimps look bad, homeboy.