₦airaland Forum

justwise:
Pls can u explain that to me? How do u know that the person u met in the church or school is telling u the whole truth?

You don't know they are telling you the truth, but at least you can verify some of the information. When someone is hundreds of miles away thats impossible to do. You almost have to have blind faith and for a woman to have blind faith in a man she hasn't met is not a good idea. Your right though I have met a big con artist in real life, I just moved on from one, everything about him was a lie including his whole career.

german007:
Whooo,

He has a child wiv a next chic?.

WHOOOP i didnt know that aspect of it.

Now for real , U need to reevaluate the whole thing.

Yep at first I thought it was ok until I realised they were still sleeping together and every time we had a problem he turns back there. So now am not sure I want to save it anymore. He really has a lot of proving himself to do to convince me he really loves me. Hence why I am moving on now, if he didn't get back to me in a week I am not that important in his life so its time to move on.

y me:
hit the search market baby, he is not worth it

Your right every time there is a problem between us he turns back to his ex. She seems to be his doormat.

She should pick the one she really loves. I am sure there is one that she gets along better with. I really don't advocate dating more than one person at a time and this is one reason why. It gets totally messy, which is one reason why I don't do it.

I am not sure internet dating works.   I prefer to meet people in real life first.  On the net people can lie about the reality of their situations and hide it more.  Its a bigger risk.

The Sly:
What you want me to say?
They are not easy to spot because they can be what they want to be,
If they know you love the bad guys, It doesnt take them anything to act like one
And if they know you love the church going ''extremely nice'' guys too, They can be whatever just to ''get there''
I for example, To worship is not the only reason why i go to church, U know what i mean.
Only God can protect you from 'em.  . . . .
Be closer to God. . . .Use common sense and roll with the right sets of people, With that, you should be fine.

I think your right only God can protect us. How can you get to know the real man though and see beneath the mask of pretence. Be less readable perhaps. If he can read you, he can be what you want, if you close yourself to him he can't penetrate and determine what you are into. Do you think that works?

Its difficult really, yep I treat guys at church the same as guys outside it. Cause I don't trust the fact they are in church makes them any better. I have had married pastors hitting on me before so I am not impressed or convinced just cause a man goes to church anymore.

[quote author=TOPE2000! link=topic=324085.msg4564999#msg4564999 date=1253228526]basement? see insult.
not in your mansion?[/quote]

pc guru:
The behaviour's suspicious but not guilty till proven guilty.Next case.

I agree.

@Poster

Its hard to say if she was, if it was a friend from out of town and a customer of hers its possible if the person is a special customer, one that spends a lot she may just make a trip to the hotel. If she had a bag full of clothes its likely she was taking them there for someone. If you really thought something was wrong you should have just waited for her in the hotel lobby lol or snooped a bit what room she came out of and seen who was staying in that room. I would start to be a bit careful and start to look a bit more closely, but you don't have proper evidence yet to conclude she is cheating.

[quote author=wale.star link=topic=318845.msg4533872#msg4533872 date=1252815636]I don't understand what you mean by nice guy but as for me. I have dated 3 girls in my life, I am still spending 3 yrs with the 3rd, I am nice because I care about my girl,give her everything she want ,make her feel like a queen, dance for her and sit her down watching be dancing, she knew I love alanta dance and second, I get upset if she didn't listen to my words, I club, take acholic and Bleep club girls. she told me I'm nice and desperate at the same time because she knew I used to Bleep around before but  though she thought I have stop but no, she fear me no be small but she says I am a very nice guy because I don't even spend on her alone,I extend it to my friends also while i don't care if I get broke but to be honest. I enjoy caring like I enjoy shayo too[/quote]You need to stop drinking and sleeping around. Then maybe you will qualify as a nice guy. Till then your on probation.

The Sly:
Hear Hear!!! Its not stamped on their foreheads.
I will appeal to you if you see me. . . . .
I am not saying i am lazy, cheating or whatever u wrote above, Just one of the ''un-serious'' type.
The thing is, You will never see it coming so stop deceiving yourself.

Thats true we can all be conned, even the most intelligent among us as we have inherent weakness as a human being of wanting to be loved and love someone.

So tell us how do we see it coming, how can we tell so we can protect ourselves a bit from the wolves in sheeps clothing

We are all ears.

VGA:
complete sense. nice guys here i am.lol

if you"re not nice bug off!

I love nice guys too.  I have never been the type thats attracted to useless, lazy, cheating, lying men lmao.  I dunno why they just don't appeal to me.  

I love when I am in a relationship that someone has expectations of me and me of them.  Its a joy to cook dinner for my man (when I got one) and its a joy to throw his clothes in the washing machine at the same time as mine if he got some clothes in my house.  I have never met a man that just came round to eat dinner or have his clothes washed though.  Most men don't expect these things if you are not living together or engaged and appreciate when you do them.  It's not because we have to its because we want to.  I really like pampering my man and I love being pampered to sometimes.

Princek12:
You need a housegirl aka omo odo.

LMAO dats funny.

@ poster If she is sick she is sick, she is the one you love right.  Why is there an issue here Am confused.

pc guru:
@poster you are so immature.Cuz of sickness you thinking of breaking up.A poor girl is in the hospital you behind a f@cking computer posting shit bout leaving.Before i answer you how old are you?You think relationship come easy sorry boy grow some balls.And pray for her health kiddo.

See you do believe in love and its principles, you definitely understand what it is and isn't. You just haven't met the one with purity in her heart yet that sees it the same way you do and who you can trust, who can hold your heart in her hands and she will be gentle with it. Don't worry with time she will come along and you will be really happy together. It will happen when you least expect it so don't be so cynical and when she knocks remember to leave the door unlocked.

Its never right and I refuse to do it.

No you should marry who is right for you, its you that has to wake up to them every morning.

The fact you are waiting for your brother to agree is telling him you are not ready to make that choice and are not happy with that choice.  If you were you would marry your guy and ignore your immediate elder brother. 

When you join with a man you leave your family to create a new family, if you can't fight for your new family to exist then it's not really love and you shouldn't be marrying the guy.

tundejayz:
which of this numbers are not correct ?

1. ACTING SWEET TO GET A MAN, THEN CHANGING

I am having the opposite problem, I stay quite constant, the last guy I saw totally changed to the opposite of what he was when we started speaking.   I have this problem in most relationships I have had. 

2. NOT GIVING ENOUGH SPACE  - "She watches my movment every sec because she thinks that every minute I'm not

with her I'm fooling around."

I definitely give  a man enough space sometimes we are all busy right, but I expect him to touch base with me at least once in his day to show me he thought about me and spend time with me at least a couple of times a week at the beginning. 

If I don't trust him I won't date him, occasionally I might do a late night call or early morning but its not often as I may sometimes want to sweet talk in bed, however I do not have time or energy to follow his every move nor the desire.

3. WANTING TOO MANY THINGS

I never ask a man for anything if he sees I need something and buys it I will appreciate it but hes going to have to look cause I won't point it out to him or bother him about it.  I work and always have even when I was in school I have learnt to rely on myself cause I don't want to owe anything to anyone.

4. NOT SAYING WHAT SHE MEANS

I say exactly what I mean and sometimes people don't like that 

5. THE THREE B'S OF SEX .bad, boring, battle sex (Using sex as a weapon because your man did something you did not

like , resolvin it nko after sex,

Never use sex as a weapon cause sex is a very spiritual thing for me and the bond between two people making love is to me very special and too precious to be used that way.  Also I like to satsify my partner sexually, so I don't do the bad, boring or battle stuff.

6. CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT OTHER MEN

I am a one man woman its really hard for me to even think about other men never mind talk about them. 

7. BEING A DRAMA QUEEN (always nagging about something)

I don't do drama if you don't respect me and you continue to refuse to,  I leave.  No need for drama your a grown up as I wouldn't date a child you are responsible for your actions.  You are fully aware if you are not loving me or respecting me as you should.  Your mother raised you, I can help you develop your potential as an individual but this would only be through your cooperation and your participation, through logical discussion.  I hate scenes, shouting, anger and violence.  I choose to live my life peacefully I can't be in a relationship with anyone that doesn't.

8. BEING HARD AND COLD - "I  work as a security man at atan cemetery,yaba (night shift)  I don't have to be at home with my wife because the house is always as quiet as the cemetery ." - baba bimbo

Am a very affectionate supportive partner, but I go cold if you cheat or treat me bad by neglecting me when I am being caring and warm towards you and I will definitely leave a man that plays around.  I really don't have time for that i hate sexually weak men.

9. CHEATING  - Some women will maintain that when a woman is cheating it's always the fault of a man.

Not all men cheat but a lot do.  I don't ever cheat if I am in a relationship with a man I am always very faithful and my ex used to swear his life on my fidelity.

10. ENGAGING IN A POWER STRUGGLE - I can't stand it when a woman always wants to prove to me that she's smart, tough, and independent -Dr Phil.

There is nothing to compete about really, I hate when men think they are in a competition with me as I am not into it.  Men who do that have to remember the only person you are in competition with is yourself to be the best person you can be, partner you can be.  When you compete with me and start trying to play me I laugh as the only person you are playing is yourself, the only person you are lying to is yourself and the only person who has to live with the ugliness you have become is yourself.

mystics:
I have not taken tym to read thru the various post but i dont think i expect all that from a girlfriend. If she is  a wife, different ball game. My girlfriend should not cook, clean wash, and bla bla bla for me. I wont allow. Also if a girl is dating me because she thinks she is female so she needs to have a guy who can pick her bills then i would be disappointed. I know what been responsibility is. Problem is most women think they were born to have their needs met by a man, their father, then their boyfriends and then their husbands. with this thinking, it sure reduces the productivity. Afterall what men can do, women can also do abi!

Thats not really how I look at things.  I don't expect a man to pay my bills but I do expect him to treat me with respect.  Thats a huge thing for me.  I don't mind cooking and cleaning for someone when they respect you, however I agree that a man shouldn't expect it. Rather it should be offered.

Ujujoan:
@ Yumi

If you really love him, I think you should call him. Dont just let it end like that. Call him and find out what's on his mind. You are right if a guy loves you, letting go is almost impossible. But just becaus he didnt call doesnt mean he dosent love you either.

Guy get confussed about what they want and sometimes, if you really love him, he needs you to put him back on track.

So my advise to you, dont just let it go like thatm if not for him, for yourself. You need to talk to him again to get full closure. The time you guys took apart is okay. At lease now you can think more clearly. But talk to him, at least one last time!!

Well I tried to reach out and he just continued to be silly, I think he has gone back to his ex already that he had a child with. At one point when we were together I actually thought he slept with her. I couldn't prove it though. I think the best thing is I move on at least I can say I did my best gave it a fair try and it hasn't worked out.

Now I have seen that it wasn't anything I did wrong that the result was the same whatever I did. I feel better now I have closure!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It shouldn't have closed up both parties need to continue to put effort to make it work out.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]We differ alot. Whilst i do think life is too short, i'm not particularly concerned with how long i have with the people i have around me. A week is too short for me. If he insisted, it would not end well. But then again i'm the type when a guy sends me sms 5 times a day, i consider it bombardment [/color]

[color=#9900ff]I am wired differently [/color]

We do I prefer fewer more intense relationships in my life. I find it boring speaking to lots of different people briefly I prefer to have more intensity with the few people I am closer to. So if a guy doesn't get back to me in a week then I am not that important to him and its time to reevaluate my priorities.

Yep the difference is when it happens in the Western world its called child abuse and the man is publicly condemmed. In Nigeria there needs to be a clear message sent out that child abuse, lying and cheating on your wife and even fraud or not funny or things that are ok or tongue in cheek. I have seen lots of kids beaten so bad its abuse, especially house girls and house boys who have to live with relatives and are at their mercy. Its sickening and if it was in Western world I am not saying it doesn't happen but when it does there is a public outcry and it is condemmed.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]It depends i suppose on the people involved. A week is too short for me lol. Even if he tried, i would only ignore him . [/color]

I won't ignore him as I hate to have conflict between those I care about and myself.  I think life is too short, when I was younger I almost died and it taught me to keep perspective on such things as you never know how long you have with the people around you. I think a week is sufficient for him to reflect and if he hasn't bothered to then its really not that important to him, so there is no point waiting any longer.

There is a difference between a slapping for what you did wrong and being abused, tortured and killed. The child was almost like a victim of a civil war. Thats mad child abuse. Thats awful I hope that man is ready for what is going to happen to him now, his life will be hell and thats what he deserves. What goes around comes around noone gets away with anything. I am sure there is a special place in hell for people like that.

tkb417:
so did he call you?

He didn't and he hasn't made any effort at all. So am going to just be single for a while now and focus on me. Its better that way. Am not going to care about relationships or men anymore. Thanks for wishing well though its a shame he wasn't as a good a person as you hoped him to be.

Have never done any of the things in your list.