₦airaland Forum

I wouldn't go as far as to say all Nigerian men are not romantic, maybe most Nigerian men are not romantic. I think its cause most Nigerian men have a mentality of trying to cheat woman and so prioritise that instead of building the relationship and spoiling/being romantic with their wives. It will take a long time to change this. To be honest though when I was in college I went out with a really romantic Igbo guy. Shame was I couldn't settle then as I had family commitments. Really was a shame cause he was really romantic. I think if a man loves you though he won't care about showing off to friends or the stupid stuff, he will be romantic its just that so many Nigerian men are too busy loving themselves and showing off to their friends, they don't focus on the right things.

I would give it back to him, he paid for it. Why would I want to keep it? If he gives it to another girl that would be a bit funny tho cause he is meant to buy her a new one.

izeek:
the part of meeting people on here, and face to face, is a very dicey one.
i can assure you that some peopl are very good actors, that even using a lie detector can not decipher if they are honest with you or not.
so u meet here, or in person, you can hardly tell the person you dealing with.
moreso, i have come to realise that where you meet people somtimes hardly count, but rather the circumstances at which you meet them.

Dont you think most often though if you meet in real life you can do a bit more observations about a person and see more about their real dealings. Like if you meet in real life you will get to find out where they live, where they work there will be more accountability and if there is a lack of transparency its easy to see its not masked by distance.

when you start ignoring a woman and playing games like that you destroy the relationship. Women usually only nag cause they feel frustrated and because the man is ignoring a problem. Deal with the problem and sort it out and you stop the nagging. Things improve ignoring is a destructive thing and really disrespectful. If a man ignores you, you mean nothing to him.

TheSeeker:
A man with honor can mean different things. Bill Clinton was claimed to have slept with Monica Lewinsky. People talked him down still, he's one of the most honorable president in United States' history. He's still accorded so much respect not because he was a US president but because he's a honorable man. He could be vain and unscrupulously tricky sometimes but that's what politics is all about. All I'm just saying is honor means different things in different contexts.

Bill Clinton got MouthAction from Monica Lewinsky and boy does he regret it now.  It ruined his whole career and it shamed him and noone respects him anymore.  When people see him now its awkward they are never sure to smile and say hi or shun him.  He should never have done what he did it cost him everything and I bet he regrets it every minute of his waking day.  I think thats when people learn when they get caught.  It can mean different things but cheating, lying and conning are all part of the same parcel.  They are all dishonorable and they all ruin peoples lives and careers.

I disagree with you on this one. Money means, not everything but so many things. There are three things men seek: Money, Power and Women. Believe me when you have these three things you're on top of the world. Even if you're a dictator and you have people, you'll be worshiped like a god. Losing everything might help a few people discover latent talents but not all the time and that's absolutely if they make the most of the moment they have found themselves in.

Do you see people with money and power most are not happy and are striving always for more and more. Even the friends they make are not real friends, they all want something from them. Why would you want people to worship you thats why Patrice Lumumba didn't want to be a president of Congo he knew he didn't have the grace to live that life.  Not everyone has you have to know your limits and what will break you as a person.  Whats the point of having all the woman, all the power, all the wealth and it wrecks everything about you and you become evil.  You lose everything you valued about yourself for things which do not matter.  Once you have a wife why do you need more women, to satisfy your ego. Its all vanity and means nothing.

Some people will love you when you have all and when you're down but that doesn't rule out that even in your most destitute situation you won't have fake relationships. There are people who will just be there to make mockery of you -- a perfect and recent instance is Michael Jackson. He had fallen but he still had detractors who posed as his friends, and these people eventually killed him or so it seemed.

True but the more you have the more of these kinds of people you will attract.  When you con to get more you are inviting more of that into your life and these people don't really care about the real you.


If a relationship isn't worth a lot of stress and effort, then where's the significance? If a relationship is an easy and free flowing I'd be suspicious. Nothing good comes easy and that has to be understood. There are times you have to face tests - true tests - that will have your belief and resolution shaken to their deepest foundational blueprint. Call costs, trip costs and a lot more challenges are prices you have to pay for a distant relationship, only if you think it's worth it.

[quote][/quote]thats true but how do you the other person is genuine to make such an effort for if you don't know them to begin with.  Therein lies the difficulty really.  I agree most good things don't come easy thats true.  Sometimes its hard to know if someones running games though as you can't check on them easily as you are nowhere near them.  When you meet in real life at least you know where he lives you know where he lives you can visit each other and so on and so on.

Missy B:
If Your concept of  'a good standard of living' equals mine,
then I don't understand why it's opposing ' honest living'.

Can't he obtain a good standard of living through an honest means?

Its a question of what is more important. Of course he can have a good lifestyle through honesty some people get rich through honesty, but it means him putting his energies into the right things in the right way.  Not being greedy and being who he really is.  Working really hard or whatever.  Some men through pressure or whatever get greedy and do all kinds of stealing to provide a lush lifestyle.  The thread was just to ask what partners prefer a partner that steals or makes an honest living.  If it means for example you have to be broke sometimes would you prefer a man that will steal or for your house to be a bit broke sometimes.  Its applies at every level of wealth or lack of it really.

TheSeeker:
Going into hiding and refuge is so easy to say and do you know how many people have lost their families to political wars? Obama is a good guy and you can only make reference to US politics because there's not much assassination anymore like there used to be. Before United States is what it is today, do you know how many US president candidates were assassinated?

Just so you know I am a Steve Biko , I write what I like, die for the cause and for whats right type of woman so lives being threatened and people dying for the right thing won't really sway me. A man without honor is like a man without a penis. Impotency in its highest degree.

Look at what politics is like in Italy, Russia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Kenya, South Africa, Nigeria and you can only see talk is cheap when it comes to be an outcast in politics. The chance of making it as an outcast and outspoken politician is 1 of 20 chances, and you don't want to venture into that unless you're ready to lose all you got.

Money means absolutely nothing in life, most people with lots of money are miserable and can barely live with the person they have become. Losing everything helps people to find themselves sometimes cause they get so lost in the pressures of life and from other people in their lives. It also shows them who really loves them and wipes out all the fake relationships and dependencies they have going on.

Last time I checked, relationship is what you want it to be. Believe me, if you have a boyfriend living under your nose and you see him every time, but somehow you don't believe in that relationship, I tell you most profoundly that it'll crash before you know it. It doesn't matter if there's physical proximity or not unless you want to make it an issue; but I'm not saying it doesn't matter because there are times when you really need to be with that person but your purposefulness will drive you towards expecting a lot more and be hopeful of a better future with that person.

Studying tone of the voice and facial expressions can be deceitful. Have you had to deal with some very pretentious people? I seriously doubt that, because if you have then you'll know there's not much that can be attached to that demeanor. I still tell you that if someone doesn't want you to know him in reality, you still will never know him. You only go by what you're told. If you've had to deal with some very bad players and heart-breakers you will know what I'm talking about.

True but in real life your intuition has a better chance of working but I can still tell when people are lying from a distance too with time anyway. I agree with part of what you are saying though some people are very deceitful even in real life.

How many relationships have succeeded because of physical closeness? How many have crashed because of same? How many relationships have crashed based on misconstruing the other partner? Relationships take a lot more to work out than these things you've mentioned. Relationship needs trust, patience (long or close distance), understanding, communication, prayer and goals to work and I never seen where physical closeness was that significantly mandatory that without it a relationship will not work. Like I said, it's a matter of choice. You don't believe it doesn't mean it doesn't work for others. By the way, do you understand why a lot of people troop online to look for partners and these dating networks even charge a fee? That right there is where the answer lies. Long distant relationship not working out is a pure African mentality, which doesn't want to go along the rest of the world to expand her horizon of development.

I think it can work but its rare, it takes a lot more effort and time meeting face to face as there are time differences, call costs, trip costs and so on to overcome so there are many more challenges. Well who knows where any of us will meet our life partners perhaps its a possibility but I wouldn't pin my hopes on it happening that way.

izeek:
@yumi,
well like u have said, we all have made wrong choices in the course of our choosing a life partner, ( i myself have made worse ones sometimes) and am not to judge people for that fact.
aside from what i said, i think you perception about issues showed here so far, has shown maturity, responsibility and a good dose of proper upringing.

the part of meeting people on here, and face to face, is a very dicey one.
i can assure you that some peopl are very good actors, that even using a lie detector can not decipher if they are honest with you or not.
so u meet here, or in person, you can hardly tell the person you dealing with.
moreso, i have come to realise that where you meet people somtimes hardly count, but rather the circumstances at which you meet them.

its okay to say your are a perfectionist, but dont you think it could be a little overbearing for other individuals? i mean wanting things  done in a particular manner, or at a particular  time or style, might not fit into other peoples lifestyle ,dont mean they are not good materials for a relationship!

like i said you sound very nice and one who knows what she wants and how to get it,
but maybe your standards are a little high and might be unrealistic for some people.


lastly i will tell you that nairaland  is a community of different people,.
here you will meet the  good, the bad and the ugly, just like the real worklld out there.
its a faceless community where alot of people hide behind their screen. and even though you might want to believe they are mostly bad,
we still have some very incredible ones here.

take your time to warm around, am sure u wud realise what am saying.
aside from this, i think i owe you and apology for judging you too fast.
welcome on the forum, and we all are your friends.

thank you for your compliments.  I can see your point about meeting people, some people really can lie your right.   Even though I am a perfectionist I am also very understanding of other people's lives and lifestyles.  I am only a perfectionist with myself I am much easier on other people especially if I think they have a difficult situation to deal with.   However I won't accept  real rudeness and disrespect for example if one day a man is calling you ten times then he doesnt call you for the next week and doesnt pick your calls, that will worry any woman so its important that men are consistent, it also looks like blatant neglect which is nothing to do with lifestyle.

Wow a man that can apologise I am really impressed.  

Thanks

TheSeeker:
An outcast politician doesn't live long and I'm not sure you want that.What's the difference in meeting a woman on a forum and meeting her in a church? Can you highlight the differences?

Depends on what you believe in, I would leave everything and we would go into hiding and refuge together if the need be. Obama is a good guy and he is a politician if noone takes a stand nothing changes coz everyone thinks there is no point nothing will change.

Meeting someone on a forum, its a bit of a reach if you meet in church you have physical proximity to the person you can see facial expressions the tone of the voice. You know more about them and their real life. Internet meetings can be tricky, forums and messengers give you the illusion that you know someone deeply whom you have never even met. People can be very different in reality than they are online and you have to see the real dimensions of the person. Its better you date someone you have spoken to or met once in real life than spent months speaking to by text, im or internet forums. As you know the reality of the person more.

It will drive him nuts cause other women will bore him with their doormat behaviour. Be fair though don't be overly confrontational.

Be yourself and don't be a doormat. No man really loves a woman he can walk all over. If he wanted something to step on he would buy a doormat. Men want a woman that supports them but will challenge them to grow and become a better person. Thats whats really the best thing if a man wants a doormat or you to be something you are not then he doesn't really love you so no point being with him anyway.

izeek:
well i must say that this is well drafted, but i will tell you why i took to nticing you on here.

Thanks anyway for saying it is well drafted I am a bit of a perfectionist. Do you really think you could settle with a woman you met on a forum? Wow thats deep, I would need convincing of that one.

Brains without honesty and good morals is a disaster you end up with a person with no moral boundaries and limits who is intelligent and can con a nation. So to is a sense of humour useless if the person is dishonest. Do you think if someone gets robbed tickling them whilst you do it will make it any better for them. Hence a sense of humour without good morals is just as useless.

Honesty, compassion, faithfulness, good morals, intelligence, hard working, attentive to his family and lover, attractive in my eyes, grown up past the stage of hanging out in bars drinking with friends all the time.

TheSeeker:
Making a honest living depends on where you work and who you work with. For instance, if I'm a state governor, all those baseless allowances set out by the constitution, are they honest incomes?

You're a senator - a member of a senatorial committee - and money was offered your chairman to speed up an approval, you want to tell me you'll not partake of the largesse? You definitely have to, if you don't, they'll think you're going go be seen as an outcast and you know how it goes in the political scene.

The truth is, in every profession there are many corrupt people, a lot of them. If you try to be honorable without being careful about it, you're a goner; and for you to be careful and avoid their notice (which is not possible) you've got to be father Abraham.

It all depends on where you work and what position you occupy.

I would rather my man is not one of the corrupt ones though and I would rather he was an outkast. It shows strength of character and someone you can trust and build a solid future with.

izeek:
well i must say that this is well drafted, but i will tell you why i took to nticing you on here.
1. from one of your recent post, you went about using the word ex(s) that you got engaged in, which got me thinking either you easily get entangled in relationships that dont lead you to the alter, or
better still you have been attracting the wrong type. which also speaks volume of the kinda person you are trying to paint you to be.
2. u have also recently stated here that your most recent ex, was a con artist, and i wonder why you still want to stick with him whne you know that he is that way.
3. from this same post, u claim that your friends are so eager to see you married of to their brothers, and sincerely, that sayss u must have something we can associate as wife material, but my worry is how come u still are not married?
in this present world where guys are claiming its diff to find decent wives, and yet u have eluded them all.
4. you can easily pass for the desperate to settle down type, hence your always making the wrong decisions as to the kindas people you get hooked to.
5. how do u have spares  for your relationships, like u ssaid above, "as I have a few other guys that like me, .
dont u think it has also been a problem to geting properly settld in your relationship, knowing there is always a spare to backupwith.
and last babe, i was just teasing when i said u was hubby huntin here, although i see nothing wrong from meeting ome1 here and finally getting settled.

OK i have things I need to work on but I did not claim to be perfect - one i tend to trust easily and be very disappointed.  This is because I tend to see the best in people, being an optimist this is not always realistic.  So I have made a few poor choices in my life and God shows me things at times and I ignore them like most women do and trust the man.  With the conman I guess I hoped he would change as the truth kind of came out recently and I hoped that it would change him and he would see the error of his ways, unfortunately it seems he is not as intelligent as I thought he was after all.


I am definitely too trusting, I actually believe people when they tell me something as I want them to be a good person and sometimes they are not. I never rush to engage anyone in fact I am the one who stalls on the big commitments.  As I only want to marry once so I want everyone to be sure especially me its what we all want.

I never have spares and I never have a back up plan, I just know where I can go if I want to be married within a few months. People I have known for years with offers that won't change over time unless they marry aside from this they will always have an offer to me on the table.  The fact I choose not to go there or communciate with those people when I am with someone and even avoid it when I am single now.  Means that I don't lead people on when I have no intention of being with someone.

I am definitely not rushing to settle down if I was I would have accepted one of quite a few offers I have had already.  The fact that I am not prepared to accept nonesense shows you I am not desparate to settle down at all.  The fact I won't tolerate a con man shows you I am not desparate too or I would accept whatever he was doing and be quiet about it.

Its merely a matter of a mismatch,  I haven't been attracted to any of my friends relatives physically thats all.  I prefer to show people who I am so if they are too different they stay away.  Much simpler. 

I also had other things I had to do family commitments and I am free to make those choices which I wasnt before due to personal reasons.   Hence why I haven't married already or had time to find someone I really love already.   Personally I prefer to meet people face to face an internet forum would not be my preferred choice of meeting venues for a life partner.

jidobaba:
in the world of today, Real honest living= not-good living. unless your born rich/xtremely lucky
No, i repeat, no girl of today wants an honest man. Its in their genes

well some of us do like me for example. I do. If a man is honest you will respect him so much. When woman say its ok for you to con and lie to make a living or a better standard of living they are telling you they don't really love you. Why would you want to spend your life with a woman that doesn't love you?

izeek:
i asked somewhere " who is this yumi". u just keep bring up the same qstn inside.
its either u are really good, or painting a good picture to lure a prospective hubby here.
time will tell sha!

@ your post, only very materialistics girl wud want a rich life over a responsible income earner.

I actually don't want to lure anyone men here for anything. I am having a break after having been involved recently with someone who wasn't really good to me. After what happened I really don't think I want to rush into anything with anyone else. Part of my heart still lies with him, but he really needs to change his ways cause he is a bit of a con artist and I find that hard to deal with as I want him to be a good person. You always want the person you love to be a good person right not a con artist. He also has a bit of work to do on repairing what happened between us as he hurt me a bit. However I won't wait forever and if he doesnt fix up soon he will lose me and he might not get another chance as I have a few other guys that like me, that I don't speak to at the moment cause of him. However if he cant fix up soon I will have to move on. I don't ask for much and I am so understanding when my man has problems or whatever but I do expect respect, truth and communication.

Why would I try to get a guy of an internet forum for dating? I usually get to know a man first before dating them and I usually date people I know through friends of friends. In fact I have a female friend who is always trying to find me one of her male relatives to marry as she has been my close friend for ten years and she says she just wants me in her family. Everywhere I go her other friends try to hook me up too with their uncles, cousins etc, they know me inside out and they always say they want me for a wife to their brothers. Its just unfortunate I havent met one I am attracted to yet. I am a bit fussy though so I think thats why.

Don't worry about me though God sees everything and God will look after me. In him I trust

It says what is more important indicating that you can make an honest living and good standard of living but where there is a conflict, which should be more important.

thanks.  I just wouldnt want to see my lover carted off to prison for fraud, or beaten up for conning people off or anything or them lying to people.  I would be heartbroken and money doesn't matter to me. Then there is the aspect of wanting to respect him as a man, I would so want to respect him and if hes lying and conning everyone its hard to do that.  Also as a woman you would have to consider if they can lie to lots of other people and con them what makes you think they can't do that to you.

Definitely

For me its more important my man is making an honest living than that we live a really rich lifestyle and life.  What is more imporant is honesty something you are willing to compromise for a few more of life's comforts.  Or would you lose respect for your man if you found out he was a con artist?

If you want to get to know her you open up to her be honest and as she begins to trust you she will do the same in return. If shes a professional career woman you can do other things, send a nice dress down for her. Not an expensive one just a nice one or perfume or something. Not something expensive but thoughtful if she likes music find the artist she likes and send her a cd or something. Things that show you listen and pay attention to her detail and are really interested in knowing her.