₦airaland Forum

Not at the moment!

I found out things very disappointing things. It can be hard to accept that somone you love is not what you thought they were and everything about them is a lie.

I am so glad Janet has spoken now, opened up and told the truth about how she feels and everything.  She is such a strong woman, she's amazing!!!

I don't know if I would intentionally marry a celebrity. If I met someone I liked and we got along then later I found out they were a celebrity that might be different. However I wouldn't go out there with that in mind. Most often they are really arrogant and don't treat people really well.

I would try opening yourself up and telling the truth.  A lot of guys in Nigeria lie to women so that will be a good start and give you the heads up.  If you can be faithful too that will give you more points cause faithful men are hard to find.  Don't buy her expensive gifts but if she is doing something at university buy her a book she might need  thoughtful gifts like that mean much more than D & G handbags or money packages.  That shows you are thinking of her.  Also maybe i would try to communicate daily women love that shows ur consistent, ur serious and that ur thinking about them.  Even if its just for a couple of minutes before sleeping.  Most of all show her you don't have another woman in your life and you are ready to make her a priority no woman wants to be an option.

no

Maybe you can give him another chance, see if he wants to try again

True but its better to stay together and try to make each other happy than to keep breaking up and thinking you might lose each other right. If you really got that special connection and love each other to that level. Cause you know you are going to end up together, so fighting it is like fighting yourself its better to find a way to live with each other, try to make each other happy and not hurt each other, so its better you just treat each other well, give each other what the other needs and wants (will be reasonable cause you both love each other) and make the most of it more logical.

pc guru:
Guess what they re-fall in love all over again.Sorry for this long story just wanted to share that sometimes memories of ex are part of things one should learn to appreciate.how would you feel if he didn't remember you at all.the fact you are no longer together doesn't mean you're enemies.

Thanks!  Thats deep am going to watch that movie.  Yeah I guess its possible falling in love with your ex again if you still love them.  Thats why sometimes you leave the door open , so the bird can fly back in  ,

I think its more interesting to see a person with your eyes open and see if you really love them still for all that they really are.  When you act blind you deny the truth and so you are not really in love with the real person.  Then loving them with all that really then that is not a blind love but an honest and truthful love.  Its unconditional as blind love is based on you pretending someone isnt what they really are hence there is a condition that you will remain blind to who they really are.  Does that mean one day you will stop pretending or are you going to swear to be blind forever.  Lol,

The likelihood is she has something to hide, she is either cheating emotionally or physically. Unless you have a birthday coming up and she is planning a big surprise party for you. If she is like this all the time I would worry there is definitely something wrong. Sorry if thats the case its awful to find out someone you love is sleeping with or having an affair with someone else.

I would never run away from a nice man. A nice man would always be honest, always communicate with you, all the time even when there are problems and just to see how your days been. Be faithful, soft, loving, caring and giving. Wow I would stay with him forever if I loved and fancied him.

whitelexi:
Thats applicable when it is the guy that offended her. . . Some girls nag without being offended, u try to live with it and then u lose focus and snap! What do u do then? you cant just walk away cos she's probably following u around the house with her nagging. . . Either u leave your house and go and sleep in a hotel or u find a way to shut her up.

Hmmm most women usually nag cause guys have offended them.  I really can't relate to any woman that just nag without a good reason.  I don't think I know any women like that.  It might just be the kind of women you are picking to go out with.  Maybe they are not happy with you and feel they have settled for less than they deserve then they would nag and pick at everything you do as you are not what they want and they are putting up with you. I have never been in that kind of relationship where I nagged anyone and I abhor nagging in fact a man is more likely to nag me than me nag him.  Its just not in my personality or character.  You can't force someone to be a good person or to behave better they either will grow and become a better person or they won't, you either live with it or you move on.  Simple as that no need to nag its illogical.

Apologise for what you did wrong, try not to do it again and spoil her for a while so she feels you are really sincere with your apology. Most of all change the bad things that you are doing to upset her. Communicating is a good idea just being silent for too long will make it seem like you don't really care.

Thats really not bad, try to look at the positive side of things, that means there is less pressure on you to provide and you can help each other more.   Don't worry about it obviously she doesn't mind or she wouldnt have engaged you.  I hardly remember a guy I have ever been out with that earns more money than I do.  So its not something I think about or care about anymore.   As long as he can provide for himself and has goals in life works hard and is honest that is more important.  She probably appreciates that in you.

Its because a lot of woman are caught up in negative attraction cycles,  its physcological.  Sometimes it because they have slept with the guy and developed feelings of attachment for him and they are hoping he will change.  Its also a bit of a competition, trying to win him over and he will change.  Eventually you realise men don't change for women they only change when they have to and its usually not due to a woman but something else in their life external events.  They then endure a heap of abuse till the change takes place hoping the man will change.  Often he doesn't thats why women have to be aware that negative behaviour traits shouldnt be attractive to them and if they are they need to look inside to understand work on that and deal with it or they will continue to be attracted to losers.  

Its mainly due to low self esteem not understanding themselves or not examining what they are attracted to.  As women mature they usually deal with these destructive attractions once a bad one has ruined their life a couple of times.  Then they usually find someone nicer and settle down with them.  Its really a maturity thing women in their late 20's and thirties have usually gone beyond that phase of life where they are attracted to such negative people.

Once a man hits me or cheats on me my attraction to him turns off instantly.  Its a natural thing now and thats how it should be.  If I love someone that doesn't make it right for the person to abuse me.  It is never right or acceptable for a man to abuse a woman.

Wait till you are in your thirties you will be really popular when they are picking who they are going to marry. Coz noone wants a life of hell and headaches.

I think if you really love someone you never really get over them. Thats why I usually give the relationship a six month period of time to fix back up if someone ends it and I really love the person. As that way you make sure you have no regrets, if you really love someone you are not in a hurry to move on anyway. I would normally give it a few months if it was someone I really cared for and wanted to be with. If you move onto someone else they will never measure up to that person you really loved so there is no point really cause your heart won't be in it.

Its good to have closure too make sure you both really want to break up. If you didn't speak for two years are there still loose ends. Do you still love each other? I wouldnt let the person use you though as if they didnt make an effort to stay in touch or fix things two years ago they may not really love you anyway. Some times you never get over someone and every time you see them or you see reminders it hurts and you feel pain. Its like the day it ended a small part of your heart died. Thats when you really fell in love and there is no cure to that but with time it gets a little bit less painful and a little bit easier,

There are many benefits as someone mentioned the most important part for me is that spiritual connection, sharing your life with one partner and connection on an emotional, spiritual and physical level, through the core of your being.  That bond that fidelity and love brings is precious.  I have never wanted to have more than one partner in my life and love the idea of growing old with that man I fell in love with years and years ago. Unfortunately often we are not lucky enough to meet good people and hence you end up having more than one partner in your life.  Personally if I met someone good who I really loved and who loved me. I would marry them and be there for the rest of my life.  I have never cheated either so I only ever have one partner at one time.  I don't believe in cheating, I believe its a negative behaviour pattern which manifests due to poor self control and discipline.  If someone cheats on you its better to move on especially if they are a persistent cheater, if they cheat once in the marriage and relationship maybe you can forgive them but ultimately if they cheat they are devaluing your life as HIV is around and condoms break and are not always safely used so they are putting your life at risk as well as breaking your heart and spirit.  Having one partner is a great concept its the safest, healthiest, least stressful, most logical option in life.

I would tell him how I feel also.  A lot of men don't communicate their feelings directly to the person they love.  Its important to do so as life is short and we only get one chance to live it.  Often we get distracted by money, ambition, pride, egos and so on and forget to tell the people we love and who love us how we really feel.  Just do it lol cause you never know if there will be a tommorrow with that person people can pass away overnight and you don't end up having another day with them.

Love is sometimes doing something for someone which is for their own good.  Even though they might not like it.  Cause in the long run it will make them a better person.  Sometimes that means you have to let their bad habits stand bare and be exposed for what they really are so they can learn and grow, being over protective is not equal love it teaches people to be irresponsible relying on you to protect them and clean up their mess. But you stand by them through the hardship and love them still.  Not everyone is at the same place as a human being some people are lost in their own hype, vanity, egos and sins. Love is not rescuing someone from their sins, or pretending that evil is good and it is not being blind that is how dictators are created.

Whilst I love the dream that love can overcome anything we have to be realistic. You have to try and see each other very couple of months for it to really work out. Longer than that and it becomes a bit unrealistic as we are all human and prone to weakness. I would say that on occasion you may go for longer like four months however that should be a one off situation. Otherwise let each other go and don't bother as you are only going to be lied to and cheated on especially if he is not a good guy. I also think if you want to really do it you should plan to be together physically as soon as possible. Within a couple of years you should tie the knot and move in together otherwise you end up in a abnormal situation and it becomes the norm when it shouldn't.

You have to be really committed and really love the person. If its difficult to visit if finances are too tight to visit often, it may be in your interests to get a part time job on weekends maybe and help pay towards a ticket and trip so that you use your time constructively and in a way that builds your relationship even when you are separated.

The reality is most men and women are not strong enough to handle this situation in the long term. Unless maybe they live with their parents or are restricted in some way shape or form that helps stabilise them and they perhaps have a good support system and companionship from family members or something that all know about you. A lot of people cheat then pretend they love their partners and that everything is normal. Instead of cheating they should be planning to spend more time together planning ways of spoiling their lover etc. putting the energy into the right places. Anyway I hope it works out and you have a good guy, if he is good it can work out.

Thats a really great post and thoughtful advice for others. For me I see unemployment as part of life it can happen to any of us, I supported my ex-fiancee when things were hard for him and he lost his job, as he had a child from a previous relationship so he had responsibilities which I helped him to meet. I also maintained the household whilst he was out of work alone. I think the best thing is when a man treats their wives and girlfriends as their best friends, respecting them, being faithful and loving them as part of their own flesh. Like a real family. Then any woman alive would be very supportive if you lose your job and stand by you 100%.

If they are having frequent calls every day, there is something more to it than friendship sorry to tell you. It may just be emotional cheating to begin with but one day it will manifest into something else and the physical will kick in especially if there is an attraction. Your partner should be your best friend and the person you have the most contact with. If a woman or man is protecting their relationship they wouldn't allow another man or woman that much access to them or to be a threat to the relationship. There is definitely something not right or else why wouldn't she come for counselling.

Simple pretend you don't have anything and are not doing that well really for a while and don't do lavish things. See if she is ready to pay half the costs and stuff for expensive things and if she is working herself or expecting you to keep her, go to cheaper venues or do cheaper things. Complain about money and make out like you have big responsibilities that are heavy so you can't finance her. See what she wants to spend time with u and do things with you or hang out at expensive places that will tell you her focus. Does she expect you to finance her if so she might just want those things. If she is not interested in your money or your fame hold onto her cause most women when your doing good only want you for that. Dig a bit about her exes were they wealthy or well to do if so then its a lifestyle not a lover she is trying to maintain. If her exes were broke guys with not much going for them then she is most likely a sincere woman. Imagine is this the woman that would stick by you if you had an accident and became disabled if she is you will be able to feel the love and know she will. A lot of woman will like to be with you if you are doing well but only one you meet in your life will be capable of standing by you through such situations and really truly loves your heart.

How do we know the true character of a man? Give him your heart and see what he does with it lol. If he nurtures and cherishes it marry him, if he abuses it then you know if you gave him ur future he would waste and destroy it so run while you still can.

Love is respect, truth and care.  If its your partner that is also manifest through sexual intimacy so there should be a chemistry also. 
Love is not power games and control or where one has the upper hand, its about equality and appreciating everything about the other person, taking time to know what they like, doing things you like together.  Building in fairness and equal measure it lasts forever and the connection between the two soul mates cant be felt without even speaking.  Someone who can see when you are lying and who can call you out on it.  Not someone who is blinded by fear to see the truth of who you really are, someone you can confront about issues, resolve problems with and get on with afterwards.  Someone you can communicate with and understand and who understands you.  Love is standing naked in front of your partner and letting them see you for who you really are and loving each other still.

please also remember this motto 'love is patient, love is kind, love is tolerant, but love is not stupid!!!!!' it will help you discern when someone is using you and taking you for granted.

Dear

It sounds like you are a lot more mature than he is. You sound more ready for a serious relationship than he does. So you the best thing is you move on. Tell him you care about him but you are not getting what you need from the relationship. Don't waste your time as another man will give you what you are looking for and make himself ready for you. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone you can't make them grow up or love you more. Once you have given him some chances and spoken to him a few times he has had an opportunity to change and obviously doesn't want to or doesn't love you enough to respect and look after you.

When people die they write on their coffin what a great husband and father they were they don't write what a great friend or drinker or person to hang out with. Cause that is not important stuff. You can lose your job, your house, all your money but you can't lose the love of a good woman or man and its truly irreplacable. If he hasn't realised that he might not be very intelligent and/or mature. Guys should really stop all that clubbing guy friend phase at about 25 and start having serious relationships. Unfortunately most men don't realise that till they in their 30's and 40's when they start to look odd hanging out in bars/restaraunts and toasting strange women still who play them out coz they are old men that should be home with their wives.

I know it will be hard but its better you let him know and move on. If he really loves you he will let you know, won't let you go or will come and put it all right. Don't stay friends either he doesnt deserve your friendship and he can't have the companionship and not give you the relationship you need. A clean break will be better for you, otherwise he will just use you and waste your time.